"Disgusting to see you that way…" he muttered to himself, "when someone else stands in front of you and you look so comfortable. I hate it."
His manager tossed him a towel.
"What's wrong with you? Didn't it go well, or what?"
Yu-Seok covered his face with the fabric and sighed.
"I'm tired… but I can't stop. Not today."
It was as if his body wanted to punish itself, to silence what his mind couldn't. Because damn it, she was still there inside him, lodged like a thorn that refused to be pulled out.
I saw you in the lobby. You had just come out of the audition room, talking with the producer. You didn't notice, but I did.
It wasn't love.
That no longer convinces me.
It was something else. More urgent. More raw.
It was the need for at least a part of you to belong to me.
A glance. A strand of your hair. A memory, even if stolen.
Something I could press into my chest to pretend you were there.
And the worst part is, I didn't realize it at first.
I thought I admired you.
I thought you were some kind of escape.
But deep down… I only wanted to possess you.
The day you were so close that we almost breathed the same air, I felt something crack in my ribs.
You didn't notice—or at least that's what I want to believe—but I could smell your shampoo.
That stupid detail. That exact scent I can't wash off, not even with hot water.
You were talking to someone.
I stayed still.
Still like an animal in the brush, not daring to move for fear of scaring off the prey.
That primitive is how I felt.
That sick.
When, for a second, our hands brushed while exchanging the badge, your skin was warm.
Mine was trembling.
I pretended it was nothing, but that simple touch became an endless replay in my mind.
I felt it again in dreams.
In the bathroom.
On the rides to work.
It was like a drug I never asked for, but one I can't quit now.
And yes… I became obsessed.
I watched you without moving, memorizing your gestures, imagining what you'd feel if you knew.
If you knew that I can no longer tell the difference between love and hunger. Between tenderness and delirium.
It was easier when I thought this was something beautiful.
A silent love. Harmless.
But not anymore.
Now I know I broke inside.
That something was distorted.
And when I wrote that message:
"Try adding me too."
It wasn't to get closer.
It was to see if you were real.
Or if you were just the ghost I had created myself.
And in some way, to make you understand that there was someone behind it all.
It wasn't supposed to be love.
I don't dare call it that anymore.
It was something else. Darker. Rawer. Mine.
A need that crawled under my skin like an animal I never learned to tame.
An urgency I never asked for, never sought, but that sank into my bones.
And I chose you.
It wasn't magical.
It was violent.
Brutal.
Not because of you. Because of me.
And when I finally accepted my reflection and saw myself differently…
I saw myself sick.
I saw myself desperate.
With my heart choking in my throat.
My skin on fire.
My soul on the verge of bursting.
Do-hwan watched him in silence for a few seconds and then, with a faint attempt at a smile, said:
"Then keep training. If you do well, I'll take you out to eat something nice afterwards."
Yu-Seok slowly lowered the towel from his face. Sweat ran down his forehead, but his expression didn't change:
his eyes were still filled with anger,
his brow furrowed,
as if nothing could calm him.
"Don't be so hard on yourself," Do-hwan added, trying to lighten the mood. "You always stand out, even when it seems like you're not even trying."
Yu-Seok's jaw tightened.
He glanced at him sideways, with a sharpness that made Do-hwan's smile falter.
"Stop being so kind to me." His voice came out low, harsh. "It's useless."
Do-hwan blinked, taken aback, but Yu-Seok continued, with a strange gleam in his eyes, almost feverish:
"Do you know what happens when you're hungry?
Truly hungry.
The kind of hunger nothing can satisfy."
"At first you think a single bite will be enough…
but when nothing fills that void, you end up wanting to tear everything apart.
Until there's nothing left. Until you feel full."
The silence in the practice room grew heavy.
Only broken by the hum of the air conditioner…
and the pounding of his own heart.
Suddenly, Yu-Seok felt that his own reflection in the mirror was staring back at him differently…
as if something inside him had changed forever.
Something dark. Something he could no longer control.