The next morning, I saw a note pinned in the chat by Dad:
"Today you will have an audition. The trainer will decide whether to accept you. It is important that you give your best. You cannot deliver mediocre results. Many expect too much from you. You represent more than just your name."
I stayed still.
"Many expect too much from you..."
And him? Did he expect nothing?
What do you want, Dad? What do you expect from me?
My father didn't encourage.
He only demanded.
I changed in silence.
Then I noticed the outfits Mrs. Kwan had started hanging in my closet ever since Mom passed away.
Elegant. Sobering.
They weren't mine.
They were someone else's decisions.
When did I start being just that?
The future image of the company.
It wasn't me who had to shine…
It was either doing it my way or giving up my essence to please others.
Dad was an imposing figure in the entertainment industry.
Always surrounded by the same famous figures, yet so strange to me like… Zie, that idol who filled stadiums and had sung on my eighth birthday.
But none of that belonged to me.
Was I really trying, or did I already have everything in my favor?
My entire career had been planned… or was there still time to choose?
Had anyone noticed who I really am?
---
The audition room was like a battlefield.
Surrounded by boys and girls with tense smiles and sharp words, I felt invisible.
Jeongmin, the trainer, was a legend.
And also a barrier.
Everyone wanted her.
Everyone feared not being enough.
I entered as a stranger.
A daughter disguised as a trainee.
And then, I saw him.
Jong-suk.
Dressed in simple elegance. Serious. Observant.
His gaze met mine. Just for a second.
Enough.
He was talking with Jeongmin and Dad.
But my eyes tried to hide.
Why was he there?
Why did he seem so comfortable among them?
My heart was beating off rhythm.
Who was Jong-suk really?
The murmurs around me grew louder.
And then, immediately, Dad made the announcement:
"This project will be led by our new producer.
We believe it's an opportunity to promote our new talents, thanks to the interesting proposals he has been working on abroad.
His name is Jong-suk.
Treat him with respect and give your best effort."
He patted him on the back, and everyone bowed.
New producer?
Was he really that important?
From the very first encounter, I noticed his refined appearance, mature for his age…
Maybe only a few years older than me, but with a distinct aura.
He had good taste, ease in speaking, and joked naturally.
Yet, there, in that room, his serious profile seemed ethereal.
And that seriousness made me even more uneasy.
The other girls couldn't stop staring at him, quietly pointing out each of his virtues:
"So tall… so handsome… the elegance in his posture…"
I found him hypnotic too, but I didn't want to be obvious.
Everything seemed so unreal… yet not so strange.
After all, Mrs. Kwan and Dad had been lifelong friends.
If he was a producer, why wouldn't Dad hire him?
After that, I held myself back.
I disguised my nervousness and tried to join the brief, tense conversations of the others.
While some were still answering questions or filling out forms.
And then… they called us one by one.
When it was my turn, Jeongmin looked at my number and said:
"Switch with the guy in the cap."
"Why?" I asked, unable to help myself.
"Let's keep expectations low for the end," she replied with a cold smile.
Dad added:
"I think that's a good idea."
He didn't defend me.
He didn't even try.
I felt myself collapsing inside.
The guy in the cap approached.
Covered by a mask, oversized glasses, and a cap hiding almost everything.
But what he did caught me off guard.
Carefully, he brushed my hair aside…
and placed the badge he had on me.
A soft gesture.
Intimate.
Immediately, I looked at Jong-suk.
Why?
Maybe instinct, maybe because it unsettled me to feel that he was watching too.
I'm not naive.
Those little blushes weren't just happening to me.
And Jong-suk didn't seem to take his eyes off me.
It was strange.
I had never really noticed other boys, and yet, with him… it was different.
As if that earlier conversation meant more than just a coincidence.
Did I think he was cute then?
I felt warmth rising in my chest.
And at that very moment, he stopped looking at me.
But his fingers gripped the pen as if he might break it.
After that, I couldn't concentrate.
I only felt that constant pressure: Jeongmin's judgment, Dad's indifference…
And the discomfort of knowing that Jong-suk was watching me.
Would he think I enjoyed that attention?
That I liked to provoke?
I sat down annoyed, and that boy kept watching me.
I didn't want to give it importance.
When his audition began, I kept chatting with some trainees, convinced it wasn't worth paying attention.
But then… he forced us to notice.
The air changed.
His presence filled the room, and by the time he finished, some even applauded, with a genuine emotion that couldn't be faked.
It seemed he had truly touched something in them.
I only watched him from behind, with light curiosity, not thinking too much.
When my turn finally came, I avoided his gaze the entire time.
Jong-suk's gaze.
I took a deep breath.
I was ready.
My routine was set from start to finish, like a real performance.
I felt every step was mine, that the music had been born for me.
When my number was called, I stepped to the center, hands slightly trembling but with a firm smile.
They, my judges at that moment, looked like stone, barely lifting their eyes from their papers.
Pure ice.
"Okay, whenever you're ready," said Jeongmin, emotionless.
I swallowed hard.
And then it began.
The first move came out perfect, the second too.
From there, I didn't think: it flowed.
Every turn, every gesture… it wasn't just a routine, it was my way of shouting who I was.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught the boys I had been talking to earlier.
They couldn't clap or speak, but they encouraged me with gestures: a thumbs up, a knowing smile, a quick nod.
That gave me more strength than any word could.
The room remained silent.
Dad, Jeongmin, and Jong-suk cold as statues.
But I didn't see them anymore.
I felt light, almost electric.
As if, in that moment, everyone had to admit that I was shining.
When the last note ended, I froze, breathing heavily.
Silence.
Only my heart pounding could be heard.
When it ended, Jeongmin remained expressionless.
Dad didn't flinch.
And Jong-suk…
Only then did he try to find my eyes.
But I didn't allow it.
Jeongmin made a gesture to announce a break.
Since I had already finished, I didn't really need to stay there.
I ran out to get some water.
At the end of the hallway, Jong-suk caught up to me.
I stopped in my tracks.
He raised a hand and… touched my hair.
The same section the guy in the cap had brushed.
As if… he wanted to erase any other mark.
As if he were saying without words: "Only me."
I don't know why I didn't move.
I just stood there, waiting for him to do something.
But he didn't.
Really, with just a chat and a few exchanged smiles, were we already this close?
He seemed in a hurry, and I… I didn't know how to hide it well.
"I didn't know you'd be here, but it's nice, I guess, to see a new face around."
I took a sip of water, trying to hide my nervousness…
but I choked.
He held me, concerned.
I wiped my mouth with my hand and straightened up slowly.
"I know it's a bit sudden for me to show up like this, but…"
Oh no!
Me, impulsive and reckless as always, interrupted him before he could finish:
"What? You like me?"
And I laughed.
But he didn't.
Instead, he blushed… and nodded.
I froze.
The hallway felt narrow, as if the claustrophobia of the moment was crushing me.
Silence thickened.
"I have to do something else, so…"
"Don't go yet," he said.
He placed a small box on the table.
"What is it?" I asked.
"A symbol," he replied.
And he left.
I didn't open it until I was alone.
Inside were crimson-colored candies.
The same ones from my childhood.
I stood still.
A pang in my chest.
Who remembered me more than I remembered myself?
That stranger?
Really?
That night, I locked myself in my room.
In front of Mom's portrait.
"Today was strange," I whispered. "I don't know if I want to feel what I'm feeling."
But what am I feeling?
It's different from when I liked that boy at the café.
This… this feels weird.
Besides, we just met.
Was I really his "love at first sight"?
The detail with the candies…
I don't know, it seems so simple, but it wasn't for me.
Although… what if he just likes flattering silly girls like me?
What if he did it to look good to Dad or Mrs. Kwan?
No, no, no…
but he said he liked me.
Or did I misunderstand?
My head is about to explode.
My hands play with the water bottle on their own, squeezing and releasing it, as if that could calm the pounding in my chest.
I feel my face burning, yet I bite my lips to hide a smile that escapes.
Am I really okay?
But still… he's so cute.
And the other day, besides being cute, he was so funny.
My stomach flips, like I'm on an invisible rollercoaster,
and I can only stand there, breathless, asking myself:
"What's happening to me?"
I looked at my reflection.
"What if I fall… for someone I'm not supposed to love?"
I hugged the box, as if it were a charm.
I turned on my phone.
Without thinking, I checked the messages.
A new contact.
Alias: Seok.
Profile picture: an orange cat.
Message:
"Try adding me too."
I froze.
I hadn't given my number to Jong-suk…
And yet, it had already leaked to someone else…