Alone
"Are you almost done?" Emilia asked impatiently. "I want to get back to studying."
Puck looked at her with a stern expression, saying, "Don't rush me, Lia. You have lovely hair, and it needs to look good."
"It's only hair," she grumbled.
He sighed. "Just let your father have this moment, all right?"
She smiled at the familiar banter. She didn't understand what was so important about her appearance, but there were worse things than receiving the undivided attention and gentle ministrations of a great spirit.
A few minutes later, her hair was in a perfect braid. "There! Now, for the top."
She sighed dramatically. "I almost regret putting this in our contract."
He scoffed. "Oh, please; the future ruler of Lugunica can't look like a slob. You'll thank me later."
She rolled her eyes but went along with it.
Soon after, there was a knock on the door. "Hey, Emilia-tan, you decent?"
A smile lit up her face and she called back, "I'm sorry, but I don't know what that means."
"It means 'do you have clothes on?'" Subaru said as he opened the door, causing Puck to glare at him.
"Lia didn't say she was decent, but you came in anyway?" he asked scathingly.
Subaru smirked. "To be fair, if she wasn't decent, she wouldn't respond so calmly."
"You don't know Lia," Puck pointed out. "She grew up in the forest. She has no shame."
A smile threatened to tear his face in two. "In other words, I'm the luckiest guy alive!"
Puck bared his teeth. "You're treading dangerous territory, Subaru…"
"That's enough, both of you," scolded Emilia. A chorus of "sorry, sorry" followed her, but she ignored it. "How did you even know where I was? I never showed you my room."
Subaru grinned and blushed, hugging himself tightly. "My dear EMT is constantly on my mind, so I always know where to find you."
"Um, that's creepy. What's the real answer?"
"That's, uh…"
She raised an eyebrow, amused. "You're okay with admitting to stalking me, but not to saying something like 'Ram told me.'"
He cocked his head to the side. "Huh? I haven't even talked to Ram today. Or Rem, come to think of it."
"Then how?" she asked, genuinely confused.
"It's simple," answered Subaru with a smug smile. "Emilia-tan's soul presents itself to me as the light at the end of a tunnel. All I must do is follow it."
Puck rolled his eyes. "That's not a real thing." He jabbed an adorable paw in Subaru's direction. "You're a stalker, Subaru!"
Subaru waved Puck off with a mumbled "whatever" and flopped down on a nearby couch.
"Now, now, Subaru," Puck chided. "That's not knightly behavior, now is it?"
"To be fair," Subaru defended, "I'm not her knight yet. But I assure you, when I am, I'll be amazing."
"Oh, yeah? Prove it."
"Relax, Puck," said Emilia. "Subaru has already shown that he'll defend me with his life if need be. However…" She gave a sly smile, and Subaru gulped. "…I wonder if my knight-to-be knows anything about chivalry. How would you present yourself at, say, the Royal Selection?"
Subaru visibly cringed and mumbled something about a "simp."
"Huh?"
"Don't worry about it," he said dismissively. "So, what do you want? An introduction as your knight, general conversation, or swearing my fealty to you before others?"
She furrowed her brow. "There's a difference in mannerisms?"
He gave a light "tsk" in mock disappointment. "Oh, Emilia-tan, you have a lot to learn about what it means to have a knight."
He knelt before her, his head bowed. Her eyes widened. "What are you—"
"To the sun, to the stars, to the world, to my pride, to my mother, and to my father, I swear to protect the silver half-elf, Emilia. My name is Subaru Natsuki, and I offer you my life, my loyalty, my sword, and my heart."
She blushed as her stomach felt strange. "W-well, uh…"
"I am your knight, my beloved Emilia. I will serve you until the day I die." He looked up with a cheeky grin. "How's that?"
She turned away, a strange warmth filling her. "Th-that was acceptable," she muttered, unable to look at him. "You'll, uh, be a good knight."
He saw her blush and his smile grew even wider. "Emilia-tan, you are officially the most adorable person I've ever met." Then, to Puck, he cheekily asked, "Say, can I marry your daughter?"
Emilia rolled her eyes at the terrible joke as Puck chased Subaru out of the room. Honestly, it's not like anyone would marry a half-elf like her.
"Sir Subaru, are you all right?" Rem asked in concern.
"Eh? What's up with this 'sir' stuff? It's just Subaru."
"My apologies, Si- I mean, Subaru. Are you all right?"
"I'm totally fine, why?"
Rem eyed the knight-to-be warily. While she certainly admired him and his dedication to eliminating the Witch's Cult, she couldn't help but see him as a bit…silly. To be fair, it was hard to take someone seriously when they constantly posed and flirted with their Lady. And, well…
"It's snowing, localized entirely around your head."
"An inevitable result of defending my lady's honor," he bragged with his fist to his chest.
"I see." She didn't. "Would you like me to remove it?"
"I mean, if you can, then that would be nice. Just don't tell Puck; he's a bit mad at me right now."
She closed her eyes. "I don't want to know." A flick of her fingers and the cloud dissipated.
"Thanks, Rem-Rem!" he exclaimed with a grin. "You're the best."
"That is not the case," she said politely, "but I appreciate the sentiment. Now, if you'll excuse me."
Reaching out, he asked, "Wait, where are you going?"
"Sister and I must prepare lunch," she answered over her shoulder.
"I'll come help," he stubbornly insisted.
She frowned and reminded him, "Sir Subaru, you are a knight, and I am a maid. We both have our duties, and cooking is not one of yours."
"So? That doesn't prevent me from helping," he pointed out. "I can peel vegetables like a pro! And like I said, cut it out with that 'Sir' nonsense. It's just Subaru."
Rem was about to deny him again until she saw the look in his eyes. He honestly, genuinely wanted to help. Even though he was many ranks above her, and she had no right to treat him as an equal, he stood there and demanded a place at her side.
It wasn't to lower himself to her level but to bring her up to his.
For the first time in almost a decade, Rem smiled at someone who wasn't her sister. "Of course, Subaru. We shall start right away."
He posed and made a joke, but she ignored it and led him to the kitchen. Maybe it would be nice to have a friend.
And…maybe she could trust him, despite his scent.
An hour and a half later, Subaru walked out of the kitchen, completely wiped. It was official: Ram's a sadist. Subaru wasn't even obligated to help them out, but she treated him like he was less than a servant. Rem slightly reigned her sister in, but Subaru was still exhausted when he left.
"She's probably getting all her kicks in before I'm knighted," he grouched. "Next time, I'm only helping Rem."
It was clear who his favorite demon was.
As he approached the Knight's Quarters—he no longer called it 'his room,' as that wasn't knightly enough—he felt a gentle tug on his sleeve. He looked down to find a tiny girl, her hand clenching his sleeve and her face stubbornly pointing down.
"It appears your gate isn't working," Beatrice muttered reluctantly, "so your mana is building up, in fact. Betty will drain it for you, I suppose."
'Don't say it don't say it don't say it—'
"You're adorable." Fuck.
Beatrice wrenched her arm away from his and cried out, "Fine, I suppose! I just didn't want Bubby to be sad when you explode in a few days, in fact!"
"N-no, please, I'm sorry! Don't let me explode!"
Her arms were crossed, and she refused to look at him, but she wasn't walking away or blasting him. That was always a good sign.
"I mean, not exactly sorry, because you're absolutely adorable—"
"Quiet, I suppose!" She thrust out her arm, and Subaru felt the distinct sensation of his mana being extracted from his broken gate. It was rougher than usual…
"Ow! Could you be a bit gentler?!"
…much rougher, but that was to be expected.
"It is done, I suppose," she stated. "You won't explode, in fact."
Subaru rubbed his sore chest. "That's always a good thing in my book."
"You are an idiot, in fact." She sniffed and placed her hand over her heart, her perpetual frown deepening. "Your mana…Traces of it feels like mother's."
He shifted uncomfortably as he admitted, "Probably because that crazy lady gave me tea made out of her body fluids."
Beatrice narrowed her eyes. "That makes no sense, I suppose," she grouched. "Now, Betty asked you last night, and Betty will ask you again. How do you know my mother, I wonder?"
He tilted his head in confusion. "Didn't we go over this? I met her."
"That answers nothing, in fact!" she shot back. "Mother is dead!"
He scoffed. "Do you honestly believe that a Witch obsessed with immortality would leave this world so easily?"
Beatrice had no response.
"We had a little tea party. Multiple, actually." Subaru fidgeted, a bit embarrassed as he confessed, "The second time, I, uh, thought she was cute. Like, mega cute. I mean, have you seen her in a schoolgirl outfit? I mean, wow, that girl is—"
"Stay focused, I supposed!"
He rubbed his neck, face flushed. "Right, right. Sorry, it's just weird looking back on it. Anyway, she brought me to her dream world because she wanted to form a contract with me. Basically, I'd achieve all my goals, and she'd always be there to guide me. I mean, who wouldn't take that offer? Luckily, the truth came out—she was manipulating me. Sure, my end goal would be reached, but I'd be a shell of my former self. It would be like dying ten thousand times." He shivered. "I'm only glad that Sa—that the other people there convinced me not to do it.
"Echidna's greed is uncontrollable. It's in her nature to desire knowledge above all else. She can't care about other people if it means she'll learn something. She'll take, and she'll take, and she'll take until there's nothing left.
"That's what she did to you, Beatrice. She forced you into a position with no way out just to see how you'd react. She left you and sucked the life out of you. She could have used her Book of Wisdom to get the answers she was looking for, but that wasn't as 'fun' for her. Don't you see, Beatrice? You're trapped, and you need to escape."
He reached out his hand and she eyed it wearily. Earnestly, he told her, "Form a contract with me, Beako. Let me be 'Your Person.' Let me be your Number One."
Beatrice shoved his hand away and took a step back. "I-I won't!" she shouted. "You're lying, I suppose! Everything, everything you said is a lie! Mother would never leave me behind, and she'd never want me to form a contract with you, in fact!"
"Then why are you reading an empty Gospel?" asked Subaru, but it wasn't a question. She shook her head vehemently and covered her ears, but he refused to back down. "Why do you face the door, waiting every moment for 'That Person'? Why did Echidna give Roswaal information about her revival, but left you to your fate?"
"B-because she—"
"Maybe she did love you. I wouldn't know because I haven't seen it!" He was getting worked up thinking of the loneliness she had been through. "All I know is that four hundred years is far too long to wait for someone who doesn't exist. If she was giving you a sign, or your Gospel had actual words in it, then that'd be fine; help her forever for all I care. However, she isn't doing that. She's using you as sick entertainment. You are nothing but an object to Echidna."
She took a shuddering breath and clenched her fists. "Leave," she said shakily.
"Please, Beako. I care about you and I can't stand to see you like this." He held out his hand, imploring her to take it. "Choose me. We can form our own contract, and—"
"I said leave, I suppose!" She thrust out her arm, face twisted in fury. A blast of magic hit Subaru dead-on and he crashed through the window, landing in the hedges below.
He rubbed his head and winced. "Déjà vu…Fuck, that hurt. Probably sprained a rib. Next, I'll find out that I'm…" A murky brown filled his vision. "…covered in fertilizer. Wonderful. The only thing that would make this worse would be—"
"Good afternoon, Subaaaru!"
"—Roswaal."
The lord of the manor, dressed in a fine suit and holding a briefcase, smirked at Subaru. "Oho, it's liiike you don't want to see me!"
"What do you mean? I love seeing your pervy clown makeup, Ros!" Subaru flicked his fingers at Roswaal, trying to hit him with some stray fertilizer.
Roswaal placed a hand over his chest and gasped. "I'm wouuunded! And here I thought we were getting along smashingly."
Subaru's eye twitched. "Well, you haven't ordered my death yet, so that's good enough."
"Hmm." Roswaal eyed Subaru carefully before walking away. "By the waaay, I highly recommend cleaning yourself up. You reek."
"Yeah," Subaru muttered. "Will do."
Once Roswaal was out of sight, Subaru let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. His nails left indents in his palms as tremors shook his body.
Roswaal made him sick. Subaru couldn't look at that asshole without feeling pissed off.
He couldn't even think of Roswaal without constantly reminding himself of his solemn vow: to never treat life as casually as Roswaal did. He would never throw away his own life and trust it to his next self, or whatever the fuck the clown's twisted mindset was. He would never kill innocent people to achieve his goals. It absolutely sickened him.
…That was a lie.
What sickened him was how similar they were.
Beatrice couldn't read today.
She had been reading for four hundred years straight. Her skill was unparalleled, and her focus was unwavering. "So, why can't I read today, I wonder?"
"Probably because your Gospel is blank." She could hear it now: that irritating boy trying to desecrate her mother's honor. "Kinda hard to read what's not there, you know?"
She looked up to find an annoying pest. "Wait, what—how did you get in here, I wonder?" she asked incredulously. "Betty used her Door Crossing to connect the Forbidden Archive to the Sanctuary—purely to avoid you, I might add—and you just waltz in here, in fact!"
Subaru tilted his head. "The Sanctuary? What the hell are you talking about? I was taking a midnight trip to the bathroom. You sure you weren't thinking about me taking a dump or something?"
She clenched her fists. "You…you insufferable—"
"So, you thought any more about that contract?"
"Out! Now!" Beatrice unleashed her magic and threw out the intruder with all the force she could muster, the door slamming shut behind him. Finally, it was quiet. Peaceful.
No one around to bother her.
No one around to keep her company.
She was alone.
She picked up her Gospel with trembling fingers as she held it close to her heart, desperately clinging to the last vestiges of her mother's mana.
"That idiotic, insolent, nasty-eyed brat," she muttered angrily. "He does nothing but annoy Betty, I suppose."
He came in, uninvited, and wouldn't shut up. He had the audacity to try and form a contract with her.
He persistently told her that she was worth something and that he'd take care of her and her library.
He told her that her mother didn't love her and was just using her.
He spent time with her and didn't back down despite the abuse she piled onto him. He said more to her in two days than her mother had in four hundred years.
She hated him with her entire being. She cared about him enough to leave her library to make sure he was okay.
She pounded her head with her fists and screamed as loud as she could. Whether it was anger, confusion, a tantrum, or a cry for help, she didn't know. She just needed to drown out these thoughts. She wanted to be left alone to wait for "That Person." She desperately needed companionship and for someone to free her from this hell. She cried for help…
…but nobody came.
For the first time since Ryuzu Meyers abandoned her, Beatrice wept.
When Subaru came to, he found himself in a familiar, brightly lit forest. Beatrice wasn't lying; he really was at the Sanctuary. Not a single door was in sight, though a nearby tree had a suspiciously large hole in its trunk. He reached in and found a bunch of maggots. Go figure.
He must have really pissed her off if she used Door Crossing without a door. Maybe he should have gone a little easier on the "your mother doesn't love you" speeches. He could imagine the reproachful look that Satella would have given him. Honestly, he wouldn't even blame her. Subaru may have his issues with Echidna, but that didn't give him the right to lose his temper and talk shit about her in front of her daughter.
He scratched roughly at his arm. He was an inconsiderate dick to Beatrice's feelings, and now he had to face the consequences.
Basically, Subaru's plan of "make a contract with Beako and go all Super Saiyan Subaru on Elsa's psycho ass" was a complete and utter failure. Now, if he wanted to beat Elsa, he'd need to utilize some…underhanded tactics.
Sunlight streamed through the trees as he schemed—wasn't it nighttime a moment ago? How long was he out for? He clutched his head and groaned. "Stupid demon lolis and their magic…Why can't I blast people with my mind? All I got is a broken gate, a weird hand thing, and…well, okay, I have Cor Leonis. That's pretty sweet."
Sure, it wasn't anything like flying, elemental magic, or anything involving Reinhard, but it was useful. If a pathetic person like Subaru could be useful, then perhaps there was hope for this world.
He wandered aimlessly through the forest. The bramble and sticks scraped his bare feet and tore his nightclothes, but that was fine. He needed to find a way back to the mansion, and fast. It was a half-day's trip, and Elsa would be there in a day and a half. If Elsa's target weren't there, who knew how she'd react?
Subaru's thoughts drifted to Emilia, as they so often did. The poor thing would be worried sick. She'd probably view his absence as her fault, too; Subaru spent time with her, and now he's missing. Boom, logic. He'd have to get home before she went into a downward spiral of self-pity. Sure, it was nice to have a cute girl worry about him, but he didn't exactly like to fuel her anxiety.
He needed to find some transportation. The Sanctuary was Roswaal's territory, so a little "I'm a knight serving under Lord Roswaal" should get him a carriage, right?
Well, no. That would normally work, but Roswaal was a bastard and everyone here hated him.
Then there was Garfiel, but it wasn't his Garfiel. It wasn't the same guy who called him 'captain' and taught him chivalry, but an angry fourteen-year-old with mommy issues.
So, yeah. Probably best to avoid people.
…But what about clones?
"You look lost, young one. Come with me and I'll make you some tea."
Subaru grinned at the tiny, pink-haired girl that appeared in front of him. "Thanks, old lady. Lead the way."
In a dingy hut deep within the forest, two kindred souls shared some tea. Both had deceptive ages; Subaru was at least a few months older than he appeared, and Ryuzu was…well, four-hundred-years-old.
Okay, maybe they weren't that similar.
"There are too many loli-grandmas in this fantasy world," Subaru muttered into his tea.
Theta put down her cup to gaze at him curiously. "Did you say something, Young Su?"
He waved her off. "Ah, it's nothing. Thanks for the tea."
"Of course," she said with a nod. "Anything for the Apostle of Greed."
"What did you—ow, fuck!" He jolted and spilled boiling water all over his arm. "Do you—ah, shit, that hurts—have a salve for burns?"
Ryuzu shook her head, so Subaru swore again. Why did tea have to be so damn hot, anyway?
A soft glow filled his vision and the pain in his arm ceased. He shot a surprised look at Ryuzu, who was gently cradling his once-injured arm in her small hands.
"I didn't know you can do magic," he murmured.
It was a bit hard to tell with her jacket over her mouth, but Subaru thought she looked smug. "When you are around Lady Echidna for a long time, you pick up a few tricks."
"Lucky you," he grumbled. "I spent a lot of time with Roswaal and got a broken gate."
"That is not surprising," she mused, ignoring his sarcasm. "Young Ros's ancestor broke his gate when he was young, too."
Subaru raised an eyebrow. "You know about…Oh, I see. You're Theta."
"Thay…tah?" Ryuzu intoned as if tasting the unfamiliar word. "What does that mean, Young Su?"
"It's my way of keeping track of you main clones," he explained. "Alpha, Beta, Sigma, and Theta. You're the one who took the First Trial."
Theta sat back and sipped her tea. "You know much, Young Su. That is to be expected from the Apostle of Greed."
There it was again. "Yeah, what's up with that?" he asked, a bit annoyed at having yet another connection to that madwoman. "I'm not exactly one of Echidna's biggest supporters. She and I have quite a bit of history, and neither of us are good at letting go of grudges."
"I do not know of your shared past, Young Su, but the moment you arrived in the Sanctuary, the title of Apostle of Greed was bestowed upon you by Lady Echidna."
A grin lit up his face. "Huh. Neat. Are you saying I can, like, order you guys around?"
"If that is what you wish, then yes." She eyed him warily. "Please remember that I have the body of a twelve-year-old."
Subaru flushed, horrified. "N-no! Nothing like that, ew, no! I'm not that kind of Lolimancer. I was just going to say that you can't tell anyone except the clones about this meeting or what we talked about. Besides, my heart already belongs to two…three girls? No, it's two. Would be three but she's not the same. Then, is it one? One and a half? Wait, that's not—that's not the situation at all! Ugh, stupid reincarnation shenanigans. I just had to fall in love with two beautiful women who look fucking identical." He glared at his tea like it was solely responsible for his heart's inability to decide. "Now I'm unloading my girl problems onto a random loli. Just how scummy can I get?"
Theta's eyes danced with mirth. "Your heart is troubled, Young Su. Please, tell me more. Entertainment is in short supply in the Sanctuary."
"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled. "Laugh it up, grandma. Look, I need a way back home. Can you get me some transportation?"
"It depends. Where are you going?"
"Roswaal's mansion," he answered. "I need to be there in a day and a half, max."
"I can do that for you. Make your way to the barrier at the end of the trail. I will meet you there with a ground dragon."
Subaru bowed his head. "Thank you, Theta, for your generosity."
"Of course, Young Su." She smiled mischievously. "However, I must request that you return someday. It gets dreadfully lonely here, and your chaos is amusing."
"Gee, thanks."
They parted ways at the bottom of the hill. Subaru waited for an hour at the designated meeting spot, but Theta did not appear.
"Come on, Theta," he mumbled. "I need to get back home."
It wasn't just Elsa he was worried about. Emilia was going to slay him. Well, maybe not. She was more of a "kill it with kindness" kind of girl. Still, he didn't want to make her worry. He was about to be her knight, and he left the day after that was decided. That must be great for her fragile self-esteem.
Basically, he was prepared to grovel. Then, he'd beg for her help in defeating Elsa. What was he even going to say?
"Hey, remember my mental breakdown in the slums? Had the same thing just now. Elsa's coming, and she's gonna kill me. Mind helping me not die? I was going to get Beatrice's help, but I fucked up and now she hates me."
…That's exactly what he was going to say. He'll look like a total buffoon.
Speaking of buffoons, he had declared war on the Witch's Cult with no plan whatsoever. Sure, he could fumble some plans together to deal with Guese and Regulus—most of which involved Reinhard—but he had no idea where they were hiding. Hell, he had no idea where any of them were. Louis Arneb was in Subaru's Watchtower, so Lye Batenkaitos and Roy Alphard might be there as well as soon as Sand Time was deactivated, but Subaru couldn't cross the desert without Meili.
A couple of cultists might show up after Emilia was revealed as a Royal Selection candidate, but that wasn't enough. Even if he found all the Archbishops, there were still a nigh-omnipotent monster that he had no idea how to kill.
'I could ask Echidna for advice,' he thought before immediately shooting it down. He'd seen what happened to those who were indebted to the Witch of Greed.
Looks like he'd be doing things on his own.
"Fuck my life," he grumbled to himself. He tapped his foot impatiently and checked an imaginary watch. "Come on, come on…the clock is ticking, Theta."
A small figure appeared out of the trees. "Patience is a virtue, Young Su."
He rolled his eyes, saying, "Yeah, but not when an assassin is after you."
Theta raised her eyebrows ever-so-slightly. "An assassin?" she echoed. "Your life really is chaotic. Please tell me more."
Subaru mock glared at her. "You have a twisted sense of humor."
She gave a wry grin. "Spend four hundred years guarding a tomb and see how mundane your humor becomes."
"I'll be sure to do that," he said drily. "You got my ride?"
Theta nodded and let out a sharp whistle. Out of the forest came a brown ground dragon with a beige underbelly.
Subaru's eyes widened. "No way," he whispered in awe. "Patrasche? How?"
"She appeared a few days ago," said Theta as she patted the ground dragon's side. "She is quite the feisty one, so she would not let anyone near her. However, when I went to get your transportation, she ran right up to me."
Theta gave him a sideways glance. "She does not bear Young Ros's crest, yet you seem to know her."
"You could say that." He wrapped his arms around the dragon's neck. "I missed you, Patrasche. Things weren't the same without you."
He pulled back and looked at her fondly. "How are you here, anyway? I thought you'd be with Crusch."
Wait a moment, weren't Patrasche's eyes orange? Why were they—
Subaru's breath hitched. "Ella? Is that…Did you do this?"
Patrasche's head bowed, and her amethyst eyes faded to the orange he was familiar with.
Theta gently tugged on his sleeve. Softly, she asked, "Young Su, are you all right?"
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," he muttered distantly. "Why?"
Tactfully, she pointed out, "You're crying."
He wiped his eyes. "Heh…Guess I am. It's just…have you ever realized that someone you love is watching over you, even after they're gone?"
Theta nodded. "I came to that same realization this morning." The two shared a grin before he grimaced. Echidna would watch out for Theta, but not Beatrice.
'Yet another reason why I hate you.
He shook his head to clear his thoughts and hopped onto Patrasche's back, giving her neck a loving pat. "Thanks for everything, Theta. I'll be seeing you soon. Keep an eye on Garfiel, all right?"
Theta looked somewhere between puzzled and amused. "I will not bother asking how you know him."
"That's a pretty good philosophy for dealing with me." With a laugh, he clapped his heels into Patrasche's side and rode towards the barrier. The path in front of him briefly glowed blue, accepting Subaru's right to pass.
"Ride like the wind, Patrasche." He grinned, his heart filled with hope. "We have a psycho to fight."