Although she felt uneasy after accepting the invitation, for some reason, that night she felt relieved.
Her husband and the children returned to their room after dinner, relaxing.
It was a familiar scene, but compared to the day before, she felt somehow lighter.
The source of her depression hadn't disappeared.
Still, knowing that it would be over if she just held on a little longer, somehow she felt relieved.
But what should she say to her family? She had no choice but to
say she was going to dinner with friends. It was hard to ask, since she mostly met up with friends for lunch.
But...
"Hey, can I go out for drinks this Friday?" she
decided to ask her husband.
He looked puzzled and replied,
"Huh? A company party or something? That's unusual."
She couldn't bring herself to go out drinking with just one man.
She finally let go and said,
"My friends from school are back home now,
so we're all going to get together." Her husband replied kindly, "Yeah, just don't drink too much." She
didn't feel particularly guilty.
But it seemed silly to lie to her family about something so insignificant.
Guilt might slowly begin to creep up on me,
but for now I just wanted to feel better.
Deep down, I knew this wasn't a solution to the problem, just an escape.
Friday, after work, I went home, prepared dinner, parked my car, and headed to the downtown area from the nearby bus stop.
My husband hadn't returned home yet, but my kids were.
I was going out drinking with a man.
This was starting to feel heavy, even now.
Guilt made me feel extremely depressed. It was
n't exactly positive, but it was for work. I'd just accepted it...
Surely he wouldn't invite me out later that night...
Regret was brewing, even now.
Not knowing the man well, I wondered if I was doing something dangerous.
But we were just going out for drinks.
That's all.
That's all I told myself.
But what exactly should I talk about?
If I said something strange and upset him, it would all be for nothing.
I'd just make up some trivial conversation and get away with it.
I arrived at the station where we were supposed to meet 10 minutes early.
Sakai hadn't arrived yet.
It'd be hard to find each other with so many people.
Just as I was thinking this, I felt a tap on my shoulder.
There, standing there, was Sakai, still in his suit after work.
The two of us went into a nearby bar.
I thought he'd take me to a bar, but it turned out to be a stylish izakaya.
Maybe he's not used to treating women.
Thinking this, I sat down inside.
We continued drinking for just under an hour.
Noriko had only had one sake cup, but Sakai had four beers.
We only talked about our work, hardly anything personal.
All we talked about was our families, and each other's companies.
As we got drunker, I started to get bored of Sakai's constant talk about work. He
wasn't as scary as I'd thought, and I began to feel relieved, thinking maybe this was normal.
Should I go home now?
I'd entered the bar at 8 o'clock, and it was already 9:30.
Thinking this, I thought it was about time to head home.
"Let's drink here again next week,"
I heard Sakai say, sounding drunk and in a good mood.
It wasn't hard to predict, but perhaps it was a mistake to have even come out for a drink once.
Sakai said to Noriko, who looked troubled.
"If you can't even entertain me, I might as well call off the deal." Things
started to get darker before her eyes. She felt more than angry; she felt a kind of despair.
Noriko looked like she was on the verge of tears.
A few dozen seconds passed, and she began to feel increasingly irritated.
But if she lost her temper now, it would cause trouble for the company. She
didn't have any particular attachment to the company.
But everyone around her was so considerate of her.
So she decided to solve this problem herself.
That's what she thought, but perhaps it was impossible.
She felt a keen sense of her own powerlessness, and of her own as a woman, and was filled with frustration.
Filled with frustration and irritation, she couldn't refuse. Or rather, she didn't have the courage to say no.
She didn't have the energy to even say a word.