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The sound of police sirens grew closer in the distance. Following standard operating procedure, Ron splashed a bucket of red paint on the warehouse door, left an IRS tax notice in a clean, conspicuous location, and then walked away.
But he didn't leave immediately, instead hiding in a nearby shadow.
Fifteen minutes later, Agent Jack finally arrived at the scene. Looking at the gang members' bodies, scattered and destroyed in various ways, he found a secluded corner and pulled out his phone.
"Martinez, your warehouse has been hit by the IRS, and this guy is seriously bad news. I suggest you pay your taxes ASAP, then maybe he'll back off."
"What? Kill him? Are you out of your mind? He's one of the IRS's top agents! He just single-handedly wiped out everyone guarding your warehouse!
Yeah, no survivors, and he even splashed red paint on the warehouse door. I have no idea what that means, but knowing this guy's methods, if you haven't paid your taxes yet, he'll definitely show up at your house next time with heavy artillery.
I don't care about anything else, but we can't lose a penny of the Bureau's cut! If we do, you know what happens—I promise we'll have a SWAT team at your door the next morning..."
That should do it.
Ron pressed the stop button on the recorder in his hand. The device was connected to surveillance equipment Ron had planted in several locations when he left, one of which happened to be near Agent Jack's position.
Just as Ron had suspected, the Toretto case was more complex than it appeared. Behind Toretto was the Latino gang, and behind the Latino gang was the FBI.
No wonder the FBI had no trouble tracking down Toretto in the movies. They were simply short of evidence, so they sent a naive undercover agent to gather proof, hoping to find a way to capture both Toretto and the gang members without compromising their Latino connections. Then both sides could work together to find another scapegoat.
In other words, not only Toretto, but even that naive O'Connor had been played.
As for why the FBI brass orchestrated this, it was obviously about generating some off-the-books funding. Who pocketed that money was another question entirely.
Satisfied, Ron put away his recording equipment, walked out of the alley, and casually hailed a taxi home.
...
Two o'clock in the morning.
In the apartment, Leonard was startled awake by strange noises. He suddenly sat up in bed. "Sheldon?"
Leonard called out tentatively, but got no response. Could they be getting robbed?
Leonard grabbed a Star Wars lightsaber, activated it for courage, and padded into the living room in his socks.
"Sheldon?" Leonard called softly again, but still no one appeared. Sheldon wasn't in his bedroom either.
Suddenly, the front door opened, along with the door to Penny's apartment across the hall. Leonard could make out a busy figure inside.
It was Sheldon.
Why was he in Penny's apartment so late at night?
"Sheldon!" Leonard hissed, but Sheldon quickly shushed him.
"Penny's sleeping, keep it down!"
"Are you insane?" Leonard said, setting his lightsaber aside in disbelief. "You can't break into a woman's apartment in the middle of the night and... clean it!"
Leonard stumbled over his words mid-sentence.
As he'd said, Sheldon was organizing Penny's room. When they'd helped her move furniture earlier that day, the chaos in Penny's apartment had made Sheldon extremely uncomfortable.
So he decided to tidy up while Penny slept.
"I have no choice. I can't sleep knowing that right across from our apartment, directly opposite my bedroom, there's a room that looks like this!"
Sheldon said helplessly as he repositioned several throw pillows.
Leonard felt his common-sense-challenged roommate was hopeless.
"Do you realize that if Penny wakes up right now, we wouldn't have a reasonable explanation for being here?"
"I just gave you a reasonable explanation."
"No! You gave an explanation, and a jury would determine if it's reasonable!"
He spoke with agitation, his voice rising slightly. Penny's snoring suddenly got louder, and they both froze. Fortunately, Penny just rolled over and went back to sleep.
Sheldon seized the teaching moment: "You need to use your lower register. Evolution has made women very sensitive to high-pitched sounds while sleeping.
That's why they wake up when babies cry. If you don't want to wake her, use your lower register."
Leonard was speechless. "This is ridiculous!"
He accidentally raised his voice a bit, and Penny snorted again.
"No," Sheldon cleared his throat and switched to a deep voice. "This is ridiculous."
Leonard looked back. Sure enough, Penny didn't react. But this obviously wasn't the time for useless trivia.
"Fine, you're right. We need to get out of here before she wakes up."
"I'm not leaving until this place is clean," Sheldon said firmly. Leonard knew this weirdo would stick to his word, so he slumped against the wall helplessly, covering his face.
How did I end up with such a freak for a roommate!
"Instead of standing there sulking, why don't you help clean? We'll finish faster," Sheldon complained. Leonard had no choice but to help tidy Penny's apartment.
But the two men seemed to have forgotten there was another tenant in the building besides Penny. As they worked, something cold and metallic suddenly pressed against the backs of their heads.
"I'm guessing you're stealing to fund your journey to hell, right, dear Mr. Burglars?"
It was a gun! Their hearts immediately seized up. If they hadn't recognized Ron's voice, they would have screamed in terror, but thankfully they held it together.
"Ron, it's us, Leonard and Sheldon!" Leonard whispered, earning another disapproving snort from Penny. "Put the gun down!"
Dear God, what if it went off accidentally? This was Leonard's first time having a gun pointed at his head. If he hadn't been in the habit of using the bathroom before bed, his pants would be soaked right now.
"Ron! This isn't funny!" Sheldon's pants were already damp. "Put that damn gun away, or I'm calling Mom!"
With a brother as intimidating as Ron, Sheldon had only one recourse: parental intervention. At least Ron cared what their parents thought.
"Guns?" Ron grinned triumphantly. "Are you referring to these two high-intensity flashlights in my hands?"
He removed the metal objects from behind their heads and showed them.
Where were the guns? They were clearly two tactical flashlights. Both men sighed with relief.
"However, as a law enforcement officer, I can't condone your late-night breaking and entering. You'd better give me a reasonable explanation." Ron stared at them intently.
"I said Penny's room was a mess, so we came to help clean it in the middle of the night. Do you believe that?"
Leonard braced himself for Ron's skepticism. To his surprise, Ron nodded in understanding.
"Sure, why not? With my eccentric brother, anything's possible. I'm used to it by now."
Leonard, momentarily forgetting they were brothers, was speechless. His worries had been for nothing.
Ron casually tossed his jacket on the sofa, loosened his tie comfortably, and chugged a bottle of ice water from the fridge.
Sheldon glared at Ron disapprovingly but said nothing. He silently hung the jacket Ron had just thrown on the sofa onto a proper hanger.
"I just got back from work, so I won't hang around. When you two finish cleaning, remember to leave and lock the door behind you.
Good night, love you too, my quirky brother and his friend who help clean houses after everyone falls asleep."
With that, Ron returned to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed fully clothed.
Through the open door, Leonard noticed that Ron's room was remarkably organized, everything in its proper place—a stark contrast to the mess in the living room and Penny's apartment.
The next morning, Sheldon emerged from his bedroom refreshed and humming. Leonard, looking exhausted, was hunched over the breakfast bar with coffee in hand.
Sheldon greeted him cheerfully: "I have to say I slept wonderfully. It wasn't long, but the quality was superb."
Leonard replied: "I'm not surprised. Apparently the cure for insomnia is sneaking into the neighbor's apartment to clean in the middle of the night."
Even Sheldon, with his low emotional intelligence, could detect the deep resentment in Leonard's words.
"Is that sarcasm?"
Leonard asked: "What do you think?"
"Okay, but I think it's an excellent way to improve Penny and my brother's quality of life."
Leonard rolled his eyes, once again regretting why he'd decided to room with such a weirdo.
"Maybe we should sneak back tonight and clean her carpet too."
Sheldon paused: "Would that be excessive?"
"Of course!" Leonard gulped his coffee. "Good Lord, do I need to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I speak?"
"You have a sarcasm sign?" Sheldon asked with genuine curiosity, and Leonard finally collapsed on the couch, unable to take any more.
In the apartment next door.
"Knock knock knock!"
Ron, still half-asleep, was awakened by loud knocking. Ron opened the door to find an irritated Penny standing outside.
"Ron! What's wrong with your roommates?" Penny gestured toward her now-immaculate living room.
Ron, looking smug, grabbed the coffee maker from the counter and began brewing himself a cup.
"Wasn't me."
"Well, who else could it be? The only people with keys to this place are you and me, and..."
At this point, Penny finally remembered she'd given her spare key to Leonard.
Ron smirked and pointed to a note on the table. He was too far away to read it clearly, but the handwriting looked distinctly like Sheldon's.
(End of Chapter)
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