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"Ron, you want to come have some fun with us?" Howard invited Ron with a lecherous grin on his face.
"Fun?" Ron was confused. Didn't you just ask me to introduce you to some girls? How did we go from that to "having fun" in the span of five minutes?
Howard nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that's right. We're going to meet some ladies."
As he said this, Ron watched Howard's scrawny frame somehow seem to tower over the other three scientists like a colossus. There was no getting around it—among nerds, anyone with game was basically a god.
Even the tech billionaires in Silicon Valley weren't immune. Look how many Silicon Valley moguls got caught up in the Epstein scandal. Even Bill Gates, who always played the wholesome mentor, couldn't stay clean.
"Pass, I'm good. I have to interview some potential agents later. Maybe I'll finally find someone worth hiring today. Have fun, guys!" Ron closed his laptop and prepared to leave.
Hector, Dom's former right-hand man, was now Ron's unofficial HR director. He recommended all kinds of bizarre candidates for interviews every day, but so far, none had impressed Ron.
This had been making Ron increasingly frustrated lately. Hector's crew of street racers had been feeding him intel about a new synthetic drug hitting the streets, practically mocking his inability to build a competent team.
He needed skilled operatives—whether they specialized in surveillance, were exceptional in combat, or like Andy, had expertise in finance and forensic accounting. He'd take anyone with real talent.
But look at the people showing up for interviews. Besides various wannabe tough guys, there were comic book addicts who, after binge-reading superhero stories, had decided that being a federal agent might be "cool" and wanted to give it a shot.
"Mr. Peterson, thanks for coming in to interview for this position. What are your special qualifications?"
"Well..." Sitting across from Ron was a man whose complexion had turned pasty from too many hours in his mother's basement. He stammered when Ron questioned him, but somehow found the courage to respond.
"I've read every Marvel and DC comic ever published, and my dream is to join an elite team like the Avengers. Is your organization a badass secret agency like S.H.I.E.L.D.?"
Ron buried his face in his hands. Another comic book geek who thought real life was like the movies.
"I think you should head over to the comic book store, then go home. Your mom probably has a hot pocket waiting for you."
The nerd shuffled out dejectedly, and Ron exhaled in relief. He checked his watch and realized he'd already put in four hours of work today. Since he planned to unwind after hours, he called Leonard.
He was curious about how Howard's "fun" was going.
"Ron?" Leonard's voice came through the phone, accompanied by loud Latin music.
"Leonard, how's it going over there? Sounds like quite the party. Where did Howard take you guys? Mind if I swing by later?" Ron asked with genuine curiosity.
Despite having two gorgeous, busty companions taking turns keeping him company, Ron wouldn't mind expanding his social circle. He wasn't a player—he just wanted to make the same mistakes any red-blooded American male would make.
"Party?" Leonard sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "You really should have come to witness this disaster. Howard brought us to a dance studio to learn the tango."
"Tango lessons? Why haven't I thought of that pickup strategy before? Howard's a genius. The women there must have incredible bodies, right?"
Ron said admiringly.
"Maybe they had incredible bodies—back during the Carter administration." Leonard's tone was filled with indescribable despair.
Ron was puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"Ron, this is a dance studio at a senior community center. None of the women here are under sixty!"
Leonard loudly berated Howard's questionable taste. He shuddered at the thought of being cornered by some grandmother older than his own mother.
Howard's voice crackled over the phone: "Leonard, Mrs. Henderson has been eyeing you all night. She seems very interested. Want to make a move? Trust me, I've got experience with this demographic... Who are you talking to? Ron?
Hey there, Ron!"
Ron quickly said, "Good luck with that!" and hung up immediately.
This Howard character... he really was something else. Ron sat at his desk, stunned, reaching that conclusion. He was about to head over to see his sweetheart Max for some quality time when a thunderous explosion outside his window made him freeze. He rushed to the window.
"BOOM!"
In the sky above, two commercial airliners had collided for unknown reasons, erupting into massive fireballs before plummeting earthward from the force of the impact.
The scene was absolutely catastrophic! Burning debris rained down like a meteor shower, and the collision had occurred directly above Ron's office building.
"Holy shit!" Ron quickly kicked his chair aside and dove under his desk.
"CRASH..." A series of impacts hammered the roof above Ron's office. He looked up to see a massive section of fuselage sliding past his window. Debris from the cabin burst through the glass and flew straight at him like guided missiles.
"Son of a bitch!" Ron unleashed a string of profanity as he grabbed the chair he'd just kicked away, holding it up like a shield and creating a makeshift bunker with his desk.
"WHAM!" Something heavy slammed into the chair with tremendous force!
Fortunately, it didn't break through. Another thunderous crash echoed through the building, and then everything finally fell silent. Ron, having survived the ordeal, cautiously peeked out from behind his improvised shield.
The object that had nearly taken his head off was a pink teddy bear, now half-charred and smoking?!
"I almost got killed by a stuffed animal?" Ron picked up the bear, hardly believing what he was seeing.
With his agent's instincts kicking in, Ron immediately realized this was a major incident and quickly called Jack, who had just collaborated with him on the Andy situation.
"Jack! Did you see those fireballs in the sky? What the hell is going on? Is this another 9/11?!"
"Goddammit, I don't know anything!" Jack's frustrated voice came through the receiver. "Who knows what those terrorists are planning, or what idiotic statement our moron-in-chief made this time to piss them off! I'm completely in the dark here!"
With that, Jack angrily hung up.
(End of Chapter)
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