POV Asmodeus.
"Well, fuck me sideways..." the thought flashed through my mind.
I had just gotten back from that fucking archangel, had just finally been reunited with my Fizzarolli, and he was immediately stolen! Some bastard dared to kidnap him the very next fucking day! And that bastard had the audacity to demand that I sign some fucking, enslaving documents! It's a good thing Stolas helped out then, and I didn't sell my just-freed ass… Although, for Fizzarolli… Yes, for his life, I was ready to give anything. My long-awaited, newly acquired power, which I still had to hide, or even my own life.
It's worth saying that I'm very different from my brothers and sisters. During the fall of Eden, the Darkness penetrated the animals inhabiting that place: the fox, the monitor lizard, the spider, the eel, the sheep, the lion… Though, I might be wrong about Leviathan. She's made of two parts, isn't she? But I'm made of three. A rooster, a bull, and a ram… And it's not just that my personality is a fusion of three completely different creatures; that doesn't really matter much, since we were just ordinary animals before. Our minds could perceive and remember a very limited amount of information, and there was no talk of any personality or character back then. The problem was that the very basis of my personality was made up of extremely… timid creatures. They weren't predators, just animals that humans now slaughter en masse for meat, for their helplessness and weakness.
The first emotion I felt when I first became self-aware was fear. The nascent minds of three extremely timid animals merged within me, and even before becoming a full-fledged personality, before fully combining, I experienced a primal, all-consuming fear, which became the very first concept I was able to awaken. They call me the weakest among all the Deadly Sins. Even Belphegor is considered stronger by many, but that wasn't entirely true. I had a lot of Darkness in me from the very beginning, but a very large part of it simply turned into that very fear. Yes, I was the first of all the Sins to awaken my concept, and I did it hundreds of years before Satan, who was only the third. The problem was that I was simply afraid to use my concept, because it's no secret that awakened concepts that are used too often begin to strongly influence the user. And I, constantly feeling fear and being afraid of my surroundings, didn't even want to imagine what would happen if my own concept of Fear started to affect my mind. Look at Satan, he's still trying to solve his problems with Wrath, and Samael's Pride led us all to that rebellion, with millions of irreversible losses, when entire species of lesser demons were completely wiped out…
Oh, I've suffered so much because of all this shit. Even fucking lesser demons dare to threaten me now. And it's all because of my weakness for Fizzarolli. I met him no more than seven years ago, and I was immediately taken with this crippled but so strong imp, who was so different from all the other, faceless spawns of Satan. Weak, but so open, so kind, with his own goal and stubbornly striving for it… He reminded me of myself, in the past. When I was afraid of everything but kept going. When there was no such thing as "sins," when Adam hadn't even defined them yet. And then the seven strongest of all the demons decided to choose these very sins as their concepts, because the more terrible and powerful the sin, the stronger its bearer, right? I fought my way to the top, surpassed many other demons, and became one of the seventy-two strongest demons of the Goetia, and then I was able to unlock my second concept—Lust, thus taking the place of one of the Deadly Sins.
Yes, this little clown-imp reminded me a lot of myself in my youth. And, getting to know him better, I realized that I just didn't want to lose him. I didn't want to lose someone who understood me so well. Someone who motivated me every day to become better and made my eternal fear retreat… Thank Lucifer, he's alive… though not because of me, but because that guy, Blitzo, saved him.
I didn't want to come to this trial at all. I had just dealt with all the problems that had piled up during my forced absence. Although, without Paimon's help (I would have never thought that proud, pompous feathered asshole would do that, and why would he even watch over my territory without taking it?), it all would have become an even bigger problem, if not a real catastrophe.
The trial began with us discussing my recent absence and sudden power-up for a full hour and a half, for fuck's sake (and I had somehow forgotten that I needed to keep hiding my true strength). So in the end, I was "congratulated" on my "not-so-lame, fourth place." That bastard Mammon, may all the infernal bastards in this entire universe fuck him in the ass!
And after a long discussion of my humble person, they moved on to the only case for which this trial was actually needed. And when the accused was brought into the hall… Oh, fuck, to say I was shocked would be an understatement. Fucking Blitzo! My… dear imp's friend! And the very imp who saved him! I even felt indebted to him. And that crystal I gave Blitzo meant nothing at all. It was a trifle to me, but… fuck! And what am I supposed to do with all this now? No, there were some other assholes there too, his employees. But I didn't give a shit about them; I didn't even remember their names, let alone their faces. Imps are imps, what the fuck is the difference? And there was some mutt there too. Ahem, a hellhound, rather. Beelzebub doesn't like it when her creations are called that disrespectfully, and I didn't want to upset Queen Bee. Especially now that we were on the same side.
To be honest, I used to like it better when everything here depended only on raw power. Now, every vote was roughly equal to the others. Even we, the Deadly Sins, weren't much higher than the simple demons from the list of seventy-two, which, of course, hurt my pride a little, but this order had been maintained for millennia, and today it led to the fact that the fucking imp, whose death I didn't want to allow, was about to lose his head. And I could only watch with pain and helplessness at the numerous messages from Fizz, who was watching this whole shitshow live. Bitch!
Stolas's appearance was a complete surprise to me. He was a rather weak-willed guy, and yes, I was on good terms with him too, perhaps because I saw my past self in him. It seems I had some kind of fetish for that, or something. And then Stolas just… started confessing that he had been some kind of puppeteer all along, and that he had come up with some plan of his own to… I have no fucking idea for what? He said he had some "sinister plan." So, probably, for something… sinister? Oh, whatever. His confession alone was enough for a couple of decades of exile. In that case, he would be temporarily stripped of all his powers, title, and skills, forced to live the life of a simple, lesser demon. A punishment—one of the harshest, especially for the Goetia, not counting, of course, the death penalty.
Then Blitzo and his whole crew are led away, and Stolas… puts his head on the chopping block? Why the fuck? He doesn't think they're actually going to kill him, does he? And just as Satan was sharing his uncomprehending look with all of us, an incredibly strong, almost suffocating pressure descended upon the entire hall. And in the very center of the hall, some unknown demon appeared, who, a moment later, changed his form to… Adam… I'm sure I was the only one who noticed that moment. My fear has trained me to be too observant. But that didn't answer the main question: what the fucking hell is the fucking Adam even doing here?! And why the fuck was he taking the form of some demon before?!
POV Adam
"Adam?" It finally dawned on Satan. It seems changing my appearance and shaving off my wonderful, brutal beard wasn't my best idea; the image had already been long established. Oh well, fuck it, I had to change it anyway. I can't play the role of a playboy rock star my whole life, can I? "What the fucking hell are you doing here?!" The demon immediately erupted with concentrated Darkness, and, a moment later, he managed to get to his feet, albeit with difficulty.
Yeah, this isn't some dumbed-down beast you're trying to rope in (sorry for the comparison, Asmodeus). If there they were just trying to crush me with raw power, a rational opponent could at least think about how to get rid of such unpleasant surprises from my side. I'll have to find out later how exactly Satan managed to do that. He was good in terms of power, of course, but he wasn't even a Seraphim, and I had long since surpassed the Seraphim, and quite significantly at that.
"Well, a certain famous duck-lover invited me over. However, Satan, what the actual fuck are they doing here?" I point to the three robed figures, on whom I had been maintaining my "Purity" and pressure this whole time. And quite successfully, at that. From this, one could conclude: either Satan wasn't even trying to free them, or he was trying, but without much enthusiasm… or, he simply didn't have the strength for it. That also needed to be considered.
"My police? And why the fucking hell shouldn't they be here?!" The Sin of Wrath was even a little taken aback by my question. "Wait… Lucifer? Who the fuck are you bullshitting?! For that…" here his gaze accidentally fell on one of the still-working cameras. "…Stop the fucking broadcast!" At the infernal judge's command, all the cameras immediately vanished, apparently teleporting to some other, safer place. "…So what were you saying? Lucifer invited YOU? And you seriously think I'm going to believe that bullshit?!" The already tall demon began to grow even larger under the surge of his anger.
"Oh, Satan, I think that in such a difficult situation, you should approach its solution with a cold, clear head…" some… imp? interfered in our conversation. He looked like one, but his little wings and strange horns were a bit unsettling. In short, SATAN WAS NOW BEING CALMED by some, fucking, LESSER DEMON.
It's clear to anyone what I expected: now one dragon would just smear him on the floor, and then we'd have a brawl, at the end of which, as usual, Lucifer would show up and be completely shocked by what I had managed to stir up here. What to do with the captured agents of Eve was also unclear. Torture them? Well, okay, but I'd have to take them to Heaven for that, and to be honest, I wasn't too keen on bringing all sorts of ridiculously suspicious, shady individuals to my home anymore. Not after I saw what exactly it could lead to, in one of the trips from that apple.
"Ugh…" To my surprise, Satan actually exhaled, sat back down on his throne, and tried to calm down… Okay, this not-quite-imp didn't reek of Eve's Darkness, so it wasn't hypnosis. And the other gentlemen gathered here didn't react to it at all… o-kaaay… "Adam, Head of the Angelic Legions. What are you doing here, in Hell? It seems your presence here is only permitted during exterminations. And only in the Pride Ring. And to be more precise, only in Pentagram City itself."
"Fuck, why are we even listening to him?!" the only fat demon, who was in charge of Greed, not Gluttony, immediately interjected—Mammon. And why the hell did the sin of Gluttony—Beelzebub—look like a perfectly fuckable furry-fox-lady (and even better in her human form), while the fucking Mammon looked like some fat, disgusting bastard from one of those Japanese cartoons? (I'm not a furry, I'm not a furry, I'm not a furry…) "Fucking angels should stay up there, on their little clouds, and not get involved in our, fucking, business!"
"Mammon, shut your fucking mouth!" Asmodeus immediately interjected into their conversation, puffing out his blue flame. Ha, he's got guts. I could have crushed that little spider myself (and Mammon, before the fall of Eden, was indeed a spider, and his true form looked exactly like a huge, fat spider). Which, in principle, Asmodeus already knew firsthand. Oh, and my manic face a minute ago… Well, what can I say? I've been looking for these fucking agents of Eve for who knows how long! I lost my cool, it happens, right?
"Silence!" Satan stopped any further arguments. "I still haven't heard the reason for your presence here, Adam." Here the dragon narrowed his eyes and angrily puffed smoke from his nose. Pfft, who does he think he's scaring with that?
"I already told you why, and I have no restrictions on my movement in Hell." I roll my eyes. No, it's clear that he doesn't believe in the invitation from Lucifer, but what the hell? "Are you even aware of WHO exactly performs the police functions here?" I change the subject and with a flick of my finger, one of the creatures pinned to the floor immediately flies into the air. His dark cloak slipped off, and before us stood… a cherub… a horse-cherub…
"Am I the only one who has no idea what's going on right now?" The voice sounded vaguely familiar, and it came from behind me, next to the two remaining robed figures. I turn and see Stolas, all in chains, who has placed his head on… that thing they usually chop heads on. I don't remember what it's called. What a fucked-up evening. And why the hell is he even standing here? Were they going to kill him here? These, bitches of Eve? What the…
"Adam, explain yourself!" Satan jumped up from his throne again. Well, yeah, these cherubs are calmly using the Darkness and performing the functions of some kind of special forces here. And at the same time, they are inhabitants of Heaven. At least, that's what everyone in this hall thought right now…
Fuck, where is that damn Fallen Seraphim when you need him?!