Time: Mid-September
Location: In Front of a Bookshelf at a Certain Bookstore in Konoha
Jiraiya, crouched on the floor, picked up a gravure magazine from the shelf, hoping to slightly soothe his wounded heart.
But to his surprise...
This wasn't the latest issue—it was the previous one he had already read!
How could any self-respecting pervert tolerate this? He immediately started complaining.
"Hey! Owner! Where's the new issue? Sold out already?"
Of course, Jiraiya's frustration had its reasons.
That damn Orochimaru had repaid his kindness with betrayal, demanding that Jiraiya act as his wife's bodyguard until their child was born!
If he refused, Orochimaru threatened to sever ties and even swore to kill him at all costs!
And he meant every word.
Knowing Orochimaru wasn't joking—and feeling a tiny bit guilty—Jiraiya ultimately relented.
For three whole months now, he had been stuck in the village, secretly serving as Lady Hinowa's bodyguard!
And he couldn't slack off either—if Orochimaru caught him slacking, he'd come after him with murderous intent!
For three months, Jiraiya had no freedom whatsoever.
As a result, his crucial "research" had been on hold, leaving him with only these magazines for comfort.
But... the latest issue was sold out?
Who could endure this?
"Apologies, Lord Jiraiya. The kid over there has the last copy."
"Huh?"
Following the owner's pointing finger, Jiraiya turned to see a familiar-looking silver-haired perm standing beside him—holding the latest gravure special in his hands!
At the same time, Gintoki sensed something and blinked his dead-fish eyes, glancing down at the white-haired old man crouched beside him, staring intently at the magazine in his hands.
...
"Kid, you're way too young for this stuff! It's bad for your physical and mental health! Ever heard of the Three Shinobi Prohibitions? Anyway, the pure love section over there is more your speed! Start with that and work your way up slowly!"
At the checkout counter, Jiraiya gritted his teeth as he wrestled with Gintoki over the last remaining gravure magazine.
But to his surprise, he couldn't overpower the kid—his strength was insane!
"Don't kid yourself. Gin-san graduated from the pure love genre the moment he popped outta the womb! Only middle school virgins still go for that kinda stuff! Shouldn't an old-timer like you be taking it easy with something less intense? Actually... even the pure love stuff might be too much for you. Maybe the children's picture books over there would suit you better..."
Gintoki refused to let go either, clutching the one and only photobook as he argued strongly!
"Stop talking nonsense! I, Jiraiya-sama, have long grown accustomed to all the sights this world has to offer. Something like this is just an after-meal snack to me!"
"Oh really? How impressive. But you're still far behind Gin-san! To Gin-san, this is just like those optional rice crackers you munch on while watching TV—something you'd take one bite of before tossing in the trash!"
"Hah? You'd even take a bite? What a greenhorn."
Jiraiya chuckled lightly before pretending to be nonchalant as he rambled on.
"To me, this is like a street stall snack you'd occasionally crave after feasting on delicacies all the time. Oh, wait—no, not 'crave.' More like... just passing by! Just happened to pass by, just happened to see it, and just happened to be bored!"
"Oh ho? Gin-san's about the same. Said I took a bite earlier, but I spat it right into the trash. Then rinsed my mouth three times with mouthwash."
Watching the two argue over such a trivial matter, the shopkeeper, who had been silent for a while, finally spoke up.
"Uh, if neither of you really care about it, could you please put the book down? You're holding up other customers who actually want to buy it."
Hearing this, Jiraiya and Gintoki both paused—but their right hands still clung tightly to opposite ends of the same book.
'This brat/old man isn't ordinary!'
After exchanging a glance, both reached the same conclusion.
Jiraiya was the first to change tactics, stroking his chin with his left hand as he feigned distress.
"What a headache~ My junior, before he died, told me he really wanted this month's issue. Just to be clear, I personally have zero interest in it! It's just his dying wish! Don't you think, as his senior, I should at least fulfill his last request and bring this magazine to his grave?"
"That's true..." Gintoki nodded, stroking his chin, before abruptly shifting gears.
"But dead people can't see it even if you bring it to their grave, right? Wouldn't it be better to leave it for the living? Listen, my old man said he wanted to see it. He's bedridden, on his last breath, might not even make it through tonight. Don't you think, as his son, I should grant his final wish? Of course, I personally have zero interest in rice crackers! Absolutely none!"
Realizing his opponent was tough, Jiraiya smacked his forehead the next second.
"Ah, wait, I think I misremembered. Actually, it was another junior's wish—and he's about to die too!"
"What? Yours is about to die too? Wouldn't showing him something like this be too stimulating? Here, why don't you read him a children's picture book instead?"
Jiraiya, now handed a children's picture book by Gintoki, finally snapped.
"Enough! It's all fake! There's no dead junior or dying junior, you idiot!"
"You're the idiot! Who has a dying old man? You stupid, moronic geezer!"
Gintoki instantly fired back, yanking hard on his end of the magazine without any intention of letting go!
"Pay up!" x2
In the midst of their standoff, neither willing to back down, the two of them slapped some coins onto the counter without even looking!
"Hey! You should know when to quit! At your age, buying this kind of stuff just makes you look like a dirty old man! Aren't you ashamed? Aren't you afraid of getting exposed by the tabloids? Or having your seventy-year-old mom find it and die of embarrassment?"
"Who has a seventy-year-old mom?! And that's my line! If a hormonal brat like you gets caught with this by his mom, he'd be too ashamed to show his face at home for at least three months! Let go already—I'm doing this for your own good!"
"Um…"
At this point, the shopkeeper, having finished counting the coins, finally looked up and spoke expressionlessly to the two still arguing.
"Sorry, but neither of you paid enough."
"Huh?" x2
They both stopped and turned to stare at the shopkeeper.
"But if you pool your money together, it's just enough," the shopkeeper added.
"Eh?" x2
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Ah fuck this bring me such a nostalgia hahaha, im sorry i cant upload this much faster since i also read it while also correcting many things to capture the essense of gintama comedy.