I sat in a nice comfortable chair in a quiet corner of my library whose window looked out across the city of Waggenrook towards the misty mountains in the distance. The sun was setting, so it was quite pretty to watch the clouds glide over the peaks while drenched in shades of peach, blue, and grey.
Sipping at a gin and tonic which had been perfectly mixed by my lich butler, Grimsby, I gave all my worries a good hearty shake and let them fall out onto the dusty floor of my brain so I could see if I could make a picture out of them.
So far, I wasn't having much luck.
"What do you think?" I asked the cursed man who I knew was somewhere in the room.
"I would guess, sir, that we're dealing with a master of the necromantic arts. Possibly a Grand Master," Grimsby said, bowing as he stepped out from the shadows.
"Yes," I agreed. "That array is very fiddly. He definitely knows his stuff."
"Or her, sir."
"Don't be ridiculous." I gave him a sour look. "These arrays were deliberately made to open a necromantic gateway within the private apartments of three very young ladies. Attractive young ladies. Only someone with the foul and disgusting mind of a mook would consider using a lady's room for such a purpose. No, Grimsby. No lady, not even one with the smelly hobby of necromancy, would consider such an invasion. No, this is a man. Not to be confused with a gentleman."
"As you say, sir."
"Do you disapprove?"
"It's not that I would argue against your assessment, sir," he said. "But wished to simply point out the capabilities of women within the necromantic orders have greatly improved in recent years. Especially since the Necromancy Inclusion Act for Occult Practitioners was passed two years ago."
"I never said a woman couldn't make an array, Grimsby," I sighed. "Only that one did not make this one. You know very well what I meant. There was no need to pretend I had insulted the capabilities of female necromancers. You were being obtuse for the sake of appearances."
"My apologies, sir," he said slowly. "I did not mean to offend."
"Well, you did." I drained the last of my drink and held out the glass. "You can make me another just to make up for it."
The glass disappeared with my butler.
I pursed my lips and looked down at the book I had been reading.
Wallach's The Life and Undeath of Wistandantilon.
The book was relatively short. Nothing much was known about the old mage, other than he'd begun to lose his power towards the end of his life and had started to dabble in what could very loosely be described as the dark arts.
Necromancy. Demonology.
He'd even tried to enter the void.
All that ended when a cadre of disgruntled colleagues from the Mage Guild had visited one afternoon for tea. The resulting meeting had ended in a violent display of magical energy which had been seen as far away as Mortenbrook.
Two of the five mages sent to the tower died.
One barely survived but was unable to cast a single spell again.
And Wistandantilon had been consumed by magical energies which dispersed his physical remains across two blocks.
Even today there was a small market for fragments of his body.
As for the tower, it had remained unoccupied. The magical energies had seeped into the stone walls and corruption tainted every shadow. Anyone who'd entered was never seen again.
Until I'd come along and given it a bit of a tidy to clear out all the dust, mold, and unwanted swarms of corrupted mana ghouls.
The whole thing left me very uncomfortable. And a little tetchy. It made me want to march all the way to the Emperor and give him another very stern talking to.
The only thing stopping me was that it was originally my idea to settle in Waggenrook and not his. I had been the one to demand a tower here.
And Wistandantilon's tower was the only actual tower in the whole city.
So, it had been technically, sort of, vaguely, a little bit, kind of my fault if the place was also a focus for those disgusting little rats who dared call themselves masters of the dark arts.
"Necromancers," I muttered, wrinkling my nose. "Ugh. Why couldn't it be Demonic Nuns?"
If anything went wrong, I was going to have to replace all the carpets.
Again.
I scratched my nose.
"Troublesome," I sighed. "Why does everything have to be so troublesome?"
"Your gin and tonic, sir," Grimsby said, squirting out of nowhere like a tentacle from the void. Honestly, sometimes I wondered if the Old Twit had taken a liking to the wretched lich and gifted him some strange power which allowed him to be so stealthy. It'd be just the sort of thing He would do. "With lime."
I swiped the glass and took a sip.
Perfect as always.
"Thank you, Grimsby," I said through my teeth.
"Perhaps sir could remove the arrays?"
"Tch," I said. "The decorators were expensive enough for one visit. I don't want to pay for them to return. Although, I'll be lucky if we're not summoning them to deal with the carpets."
"Again, sir?"
I took another healthy sip. "I'm going to have to let the buggers through."
"The necromancers, sir?"
"Yes." I swirled the glass in my fingers. "Ensure protective seals are on the doors where our guests are staying."
"I have already done so, sir."
"Hmph." I downed the rest of the drink and slumped a little. "I suppose I ought to start getting ready."
"Might I suggest the Myrkwood Suit, sir? With the purple Darrington tie, I would say."
"Hmm." I wanted to argue with him. But he was right. He was always right! Damn the man. I gave a wave of my hand. "It will do. Lay it out for me and I'll be up shortly."
"Miss Violet has asked if you would see her, sir."
I patted my pocket, but it was empty. "Is it important?"
"That's hard to say, sir. What is important to her may not appear important to us," he said solemnly. "Although, she did appear to be more nervous than usual."
"Alright. I'll drop by her room on the way."
"Very good, sir."
The old lich disappeared without a sound, taking my empty glass with him.
I took a moment to look out the window before lurching to my feet and shuffling to the door. I really wasn't looking forward to dealing with necromancers.
Heading up a flight of stairs, I felt the tower shifting as my space warped and my destination drew closer.
I paused out front of Violet's temporary room and touched the wall.
It had been papered with a nice warm shade of red which wasn't very unfashionable. Gold flower motifs formed a pattern which was just the right sort of quality for a gentleman without being gaudy enough for a noble with a fragile ego.
"You're mine," I told the tower softly. "I will not let you be infested with rats."
Did the tower feel any sense of comfort at my words?
Or was it still tainted by the corruption of the evil mage who'd built it?
Or was I just giving a building a personality when it was just a collection of wooden beams and cleverly enchanted stone blocks?
Shaking my head, I gave a short polite rap on the door with my knuckle.
I head Violet's squeak, which sounded a lot like Poppy's. "Coming!"
Although, Violet was older, so maybe it was fairer to say Poppy's might have sounded like hers.
The door opened with a creak.
I winced, glancing at the hinges. "Fix that, will you?" I muttered to the shadows.
The shadows didn't even flicker, but I had no doubt my cursed butler heard every word.
"Taran!"
"Grimsby said you wanted to see me?"
"Please, do come in," she said, her cheeks flushing a little.
Inside, the room was woefully simple. Nothing like the room she'd be moving into. But there was a small table with a few chairs around it, so I took one.
And sat on it.
I felt my heart flutter a little as she paused in the middle of the room. Her long blonde hair was loose and captured the glow of the sunset behind her in a way poets might write about.
I wasn't a poet.
But I can tell you that she was incredibly beautiful and I had to work hard not to look foolish as I stared at her.
Very.
Very hard.
"How can I help, Violet?"
"It's about the Mage Guild."
"Did Grimsby tell you it's safe to go back now?"
"He did," she took a seat, fidgeting as she sat. "But we're not sure how we'll be received."
"By staff? Or fellow students?"
"Both?"
"If staff bully you, let me know. I've already raised the issue with the new Headmaster, though. I don't think you'll have any trouble there." I tapped the table with my finger. "Other students, however… They can be like gnats. Just take their names, and let me know who they are."
"I'm not sure-"
"Violet," I said calmly. "If you were bullying, say, a student whose father was a Duke, do you think for one moment that student would hesitate to inform their father and have your family wiped out?"
"No…"
I gave her an encouraging smile, trying not to let it stretch wide enough for her to think I was being creepy. "Then, just let me know. I promise I won't make things more awkward for you."
She looked down at her fingers which were wringing the life out of each other.
Then back to me.
"Thank you, Taran. You've been… kind. You aren't anything like I expected. In a good way, I mean."
We chatted a little more about how her sisters were coping. They were very eager to go back to the Guild. I didn't tell her about the changes to the library.
She managed to loosen up a little, and even smiled at me, once. I nearly fell off my chair when she did.
Such an angel shouldn't exist!
Eventually, the sun completed its descent, and I slid my hand into my pocket to return her panties and then stepped out into the hall. Behind the closed door, I heard her emit an exasperated squeal.
"Are we ready?" I asked the empty air.
"Your suit is laid out, sir. And Mudge has been confined to his quarters."
"Good. I don't want human flesh in my soup again."
"Of course not, sir."
"Alright." I sighed, striding down the hall with a scowl on my face. "Let's deal with these rodents who think they can build their nest in my home!"