I headed quickly to the Forms Office, located in the East Wing.
Out front, I had to fill in another form to gain entrance. That didn't need a stamp, but the old man behind the counter stamped it anyway with a flick of his wrist and a smile.
"Does it need a stamp?" I asked critically.
"Oh, yes! Everything needs to be stamped."
"It didn't before."
"Well, a memo was sent last night which aimed to address security concerns."
"Security concerns," I repeated coldly.
"That's right," he said, opening to door so I could enter the Forms Office. "Security concerns. Don't forget to stop at the Security Office for your Visitor's Pass."
"I won't." I hesitated before entering. "If somebody tells me that this form is invalid because there's a stamp on it that they don't recognise, is out of date, or the wrong colour, I will return here. And I won't be happy about it."
"If they do, then I'll-"
"You won't have a chance to do anything," I told him, giving him a patented void-stare which makes my eyes glow with the impatience of the Old Twit. I felt the glow was extra strong today because He also hated filling out forms. "Ever again."
"Right," the old man said, not looking very perturbed. "Well, all I can say is I've followed all the latest Guild Rules."
"That won't protect you from me," I snapped, entering the Forms Office.
And smartly turning right.
Where the Security Office used to be.
And now wasn't.
Instead, there was an empty space with a little sign which stated that the Security Office had been relocated but left no clue as to where.
A slim little woman with beady eyes and her hair curled up into a tight bun wandered in front of me. Unlucky for her, but lucky for me.
I snatched her by the collar before she could run.
"You there," I said, lifting my cane to point to where the Security Office used to be. "The Security Office is not there."
She blinked owlishly at me. "No, it isn't."
"Then, where is it?"
She shifted her gaze with the urgency of a sloth and read the sign before shaking her head. "I don't know."
"Well, I need to go there. I need a Visitor's Pass!"
"I can't help you," she said. "I'm just a teacher here."
"What do you teach?" I asked, ready to sneer.
"That depends," she said drily. "On whether the Headmaster is in a good mood or not. Mostly I teach History."
"History?" I arched an eyebrow at her. Maybe she wasn't all bad. "Hmm. Well, you'd have access to the Floor Layouts then, won't you? You can find out where the Security Office is."
"I could," she said. "But I don't even know you, and you are being very rude."
"Hmph," I grunted, letting go of her collar. "Yes, well. I apologise. It was most ungentlemanly. But I know this office was moved this morning."
"How did you know that?"
"Because he's trying to avoid me."
"Who?"
"The Headmaster," I said, letting the void burn in my eyes in hope she would feel a little intimidated.
To my surprise, she showed no such reaction.
"You know, a gentleman would also introduce himself before making demands." She put her hands on her hips. "My name is Enid. Enid Squelch. And I don't need any jokes about my name.
"I don't know any jokes about your name." I said. "I am Taran."
"You're the Void Mage!"
"Yes." I squinted at her. "Don't try to run. You won't like it if you run."
"You're the one who-"
"Yes, yes, yes." I growled. "You're a history teacher, though, and that's where all that business belongs. What matters is now."
"You truly want to see the Headmaster?"
"Very much so."
The little woman giggled.
It didn't sound right coming from a woman her age. She could have been older than my mother.
"Oh, I think I really do want to see this." She plucked at my sleeve. "Come along then, Mister Taran. You can consider yourself my Guest for now. That will at least allow you to enter the Library."
"But I don't need to go to the Library," I said.
"You do if you want to go to the Security Office." She grinned mischievously. "I wondered why they put it in there today. It's to keep you out, isn't it? You can't enter the Library without a Visitor's Pass, which means you can't get to the Security Office."
"Hmph." I felt like stomping. "This place always makes me so very cross."
"I'm sure it does, Mister Taran," she said lightly. "And you're not the only one who feels that way, I assure you. I'll accompany you, shall I? Just to make sure you get to where you're going."
"I would very much appreciate that," I said, getting the strangest feeling that I was no longer in charge. Teachers can make you feel that way. "Please call me Taran. Not Mister. Just Taran."
"Excellent. Then you can call me Enid."
She strode quickly down the hall, which was something I appreciated. I hated walking slowly. Walking slowly was just a waste of time.
"Of course," she said brightly. "If anyone asks, I'm going to tell them you kidnapped me. Don't be surprised if I scream, too. I have to sell the fact."
"Kidnapped?" I didn't like the sound of that.
"Yes." She glanced over her should at me. "Why? Do you have a problem with it?"
"It just sounds very…" I struggled for a word. "Mooky."
"Mooky?"
"Yes. I mean, I'm not the sort to run around kidnapping ladies."
"That's not what is in some of the history books I've had to read to my students."
"What?" A tight feeling squeezed my chest. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, in Darlington's Battle of Zitter Ridge, he writes how you abducted the Empress' granddaughter and held her for three nights."
"Abducted?" I came to a shocked standstill. "I never! Is that what they're teaching here?" I cried, outraged to my bones. "I'll add this to my list of things I want to discuss with the Headmaster! Abducting Beatrice. She's a strong-willed young girl with her own ideas on how a lady ought to behave. It had nothing to do with me that she wanted to spend three nights in my tent. Abducted? Honestly. What poppycock."
"And what about the Duke's cousin?"
"Who?"
"Angela Mellington."
"Melly?" I stared at the woman like she was mad. Which it was beginning to sound like she was. Where was she getting these insane ideas? "They're saying I abducted her too?"
"Yes."
"Poppycock!" I snarled, feeling my face go bright red with anger. My ears were burning, too.
I really wanted to send someone into the void for this.
"You didn't abduct her while she was on her way to her wedding?"
"Of course not!" I waved my arms. I don't know why I waved my arms. I was just feeling very emotional. "Her carriage's enchantments had stopped working and she asked if she could travel with me. I asked where she was needing to go, and she said she wanted to go to Elmsford. I didn't know she was supposed to be getting married. It's not like anyone invited me to the wedding! Anyway. She was a lovely girl. We spent a few delightful nights together and then I dropped her off with her cousin in Elmsford."
"Where she met and quickly married a baker's apprentice less than a week later."
"Good for her," I growled. "Nothing wrong with bakers. They bake cakes. I like cakes."
"Well," she smirked. "He at least took responsibility for the bun in her oven."
"What?"
"Oh look," she said, pointing to a poster on the wall. "Here's the Floor Layout."
"Good," I sighed. "Because I'm very lost indeed."
***
Today, I wrote hard for you.