The puffball familiar bounced on the counter like a toddler on a sugar rush.
My mom gasped dramatically.
"A baby's first name! This is so precious!"
My step-dad snorted.
"Looks like a burnt dumpling. Call him Dumpling."
"SPICY DUMPLING!" my sister cackled, already recording on her phone.
The Goblin Coupon Gang marched out in matching aprons.
"COUPON DRAGON! NAME COUPON DRAGON!"
"NO!" I barked. "We're not naming him Coupon Dragon!"
The puffball flapped stubby wings, eyes sparkling.
I rubbed my temples. "Okay... strong name. Powerful name. Something with dignity. Like Blaze or Ember."
"SPICY!" the puffball squealed proudly.
The entire room froze.
"You speak and also Spicy?" I repeated.
He puffed his chest.
"Yes! Papa, Spicy!"
My mom clasped her hands.
"Oh my goodness, that's adorable!"
"SPICY! SPICY! SPICY!" the Goblin Coupon Gang started chanting, spinning around like it was a halftime show.
"Fits" my step-dad muttered, sipping soda.
I sighed. "You can't just..."
Before I could argue, the puffball glowed.
Not sparkly-cute glow. Full-on lightbulb-someone-left-on glow. A pulse of warmth spread through my chest like I'd swallowed a mug of coffee too fast.
Then, he spoke clearly.
"Papa! I'm Spicy!" he chirped in a tiny four-year-old voice.
My jaw dropped.
"Papa, Heehee!" He spun in midair like a happy fire hazard.
The lights flickered. A familiar ripple shivered through the air and suddenly...
"Ah. I see it happened" the Dungeon itself said, appearing beside the magazine rack.
I nearly screamed.
"DO YOU HAVE TO DO THAT?!"
The Dungeon ignored me and peered at the puffball.
"Spicy, is it? Fitting. When a familiar receives a name, a bond is formed. Their essence connects to their master. They learn... from you."
My stomach dropped. "Wait. You mean..."
"Everything you say, think and do will shape him" the Dungeon said gravely. "He will reflect you."
Spicy beamed. "Papa dumb! Heehee!"
"...Great" I muttered.
The Dungeon smirked faintly.
"I stand corrected. He's already learning quickly."
"GET OUT OF MY STORE!" I roared, hurling a mop at it.
The Dungeon dissolved into shadow, leaving me with my new responsibility.
I tried to leave Spicy behind.
"Stay here. Do not follow. Do not burn anything."
"Spicy listen! Spicy good!" he promised, puffing his cheeks.
Spoiler: Spicy did not listen.
Halfway through trudging across the Skeleton Quarry with a bag of noodles, I felt a warm weight in my hood.
"Papa delivery!" Spicy squeaked.
"SPICY?! I told you to stay!"
"I stay! In hood! Heehee!"
A passing adventurer squinted at me. "...Did that tiny dragon just say Speak'?"
"NO." I snapped.
Spicy sneezed. A skeleton's ribcage exploded into ash.
The adventurers gasped. "That's... actually terrifying."
"Papa strong! Spicy strong!" my familiar cheered.
I dragged my flaming bag of noodles back to the skeleton boss, who didn't even blink as her table caught fire.
"Your food, ma'am." I muttered, stamping out flames.
"Thank you." she said flatly, paying.
"Next time, bring water with it."
Delivery complete. +50 points.
Balance: 815.
When I staggered back into the restaurant, half-burnt, Spicy perched smugly on my head like a crown of shame.
My mom clapped happily.
"He's such a little helper!"
"HELPER?!" I barked. "He's a fire hazard!"
"Spicy best helper!" the familiar declared proudly.
My sister held up her phone.
"Papa and Spicy: Dungeon Delivery Duo. That's the title of my vlog episode."
Before I could strangle her, Mom dropped the bombshell.
"We've decided to move here." she said cheerfully.
I blinked. "...Excuse me?"
"Closer to you and the shop! We'll see you every day!"
Step-dad was already dragging in boxes.
"Too late to argue."
Spicy flapped in circles. "Family! Papa! Mama! Sis! Grumpy!"
Step-dad froze.
"...Did he just call me Grumpy?"
"SPICY! SPICY!" the Goblin Coupon Gang chanted, now wearing party hats.
I slumped into a chair. "I should've named him Dumpling."
Points Balance: 815
Familiar Name: Spicy (self-chosen toddler voice, connected mind link).
New mechanic unlocked: Familiar: Mind Link.
Family officially moved nearby.
Daily torment now permanent.