Seven o'clock in the evening, in the Hyperion's captain's office.
Mo Wang was like a robot, mechanically stamping document after document.
On the floor beside him, a chibi-fied Ai-chan lay completely sprawled out, looking utterly burnt out.
White smoke continuously puffed from her head; she looked well and truly dead.
"Just... just a few more documents! If I can just finish these, I'll be able to..."
Mo Wang stared at the remaining files with a pained expression. For a master slacker like him, being forced to do this much monotonous paperwork in a single day was no different from being asked to commit suicide.
Mo Wang wanted to escape, but clearly, Theresa and Himeko, who knew his true nature all too well, had come prepared.
To prevent him from fleeing, the two of them had locked the office door.
They wouldn't open it until every last document was finished.
Even more cruelly, they had not only set the network to a local area connection but had also activated a system monitoring program.
If he slacked off for even a second, the two of them would know instantly.
"Kuso! Those bastards! Can't they just hire a clerk to do this stuff?!" Mo Wang stared at the half-meter-high stack of files still on his desk, feeling like life had lost all meaning.
He slumped onto the desk, his stomach growling.
He thought it over carefully, and the more he thought, the more something felt wrong.
This Hyperion captain gig wasn't quite what he'd imagined.
He carefully recalled the game's plot. Every time the Hyperion was deployed, it was either the combat-oriented Captain Himeko commanding the battle, or Theresa herself taking charge.
Sure, Himeko had technically stepped down as captain for now, but as the highest-ranking Valkyrie in the Far East Branch besides Theresa, she was bound to be deployed on every mission.
So, in reality, command authority was still with Himeko, wasn't it?
Then what was the point of having him as captain?
"What the hell?! So I'm just the clerk they hired to do the paperwork, is that it?!" Mo Wang yelled, pulling a bag of salt from who-knows-where and slamming it onto the desk.
But after his outburst, Mo Wang immediately deflated again.
That brief fit of anger had completely burned him out.
Now, all he wanted was to be a lazy salted fish.
Seriously, if they just needed a clerk, couldn't they have hired anyone? Why did they have to pick him, a rotten slacker, to be the captain?
Don't tell me... they found out about that green-hat fanfic he secretly wrote about a certain Overseer, where one of the main characters was a certain fox-eared Miko?
He was so sure he'd posted it with an anonymous account on a public school computer...
Just as Mo Wang's mind began to wander, and he considered bragging to his other selves, the door to the captain's office suddenly creaked open.
Kiana, looking as shifty as a mouse, cautiously slipped in through the crack in the door.
"Kiana? How the hell did you get in here?"
Seeing the white-haired Tuna, Mo Wang froze.
"Shh, keep it down! I swiped Auntie's key to get in."
Kiana peeked into the office, and only after confirming no one else was there did she slowly enter, carrying a small basket.
"Well, I'll be damned. Swiping Theresa's key, of all things." Hearing that Kiana got the key from Theresa, Mo Wang first marveled at her audacity, but then quickly decided it wasn't a big deal.
After all, this wasn't the first time Kiana had stolen snacks and manga from Theresa.
"So, what are you doing here? Let me be clear: no snacks, and I'm not lending you my game account! If you want to play, go ask Bronya. I'm very busy right now," Mo Wang said, gesturing to the half-meter-high pile of documents in front of him.
"Pah, pah! What are you talking about!" Kiana huffed, before shaking the basket in her hand.
"Ahem. Mei heard you were busy with work all day and haven't eaten yet, so she asked me to bring you dinner."
"Huh? Food from Mei? You're being that nice?" Mo Wang stared at Kiana suspiciously.
In Kiana's presence, any food made by Mei usually had a lifespan of less than thirty minutes.
This girl was actually kind enough to bring it to him?
"L-let me be clear! I only came because you looked like you were working so hard. So... it's not because I lost the bet and have to be your maid or anything." Kiana turned her head away, her tsundere mode fully activated, as she handed the basket to Mo Wang.
"Huh?" Mo Wang looked at Kiana, dumbfounded.
So she came here because of that?
Wait, she was actually going to be his maid?
Mo Wang had only made that bet so he'd have something to tease her with during their future arguments.
He never thought Kiana would actually take it seriously.
"Hey! Are you going to eat this or not? If not, I'm taking it back." Seeing Mo Wang just staring at her, Kiana's face instantly flushed red.
"Eating, eating! Whoa, are these really Mei's sandwiches?" Mo Wang opened the basket and found three exquisitely made sandwiches neatly arranged inside.
As a seasoned freeloader, Mo Wang recognized Mei's handiwork at a glance.
"Mmm, that's the taste! So authentic!" Mo Wang grabbed a sandwich and stuffed it into his mouth.
He didn't forget to give a thumbs-up.
"Wait, you brought food, but didn't you bring anything else?" After finishing one sandwich, Mo Wang inspected the basket again.
It seemed like there really were only sandwiches inside.
"What else?" Kiana scratched her head. She didn't think she'd forgotten anything.
"I'm talking about Mei's ***! Where did you hide it? Tell me, did you hide it?!" Mo Wang pointed at the basket, interrogating Kiana. [T/N: The censored word is a reference to a meme about Mei's "juice."]
"There's no such thing! If there were, I'd want some too!" Kiana was beyond annoyed. This guy really couldn't say anything nice.
"Heh! You 'want some'? You're just thirsty for Mei's body! You degenerate!"
"Aren't you the same? You're always staring at Mei's body too," Kiana retorted irritably.
"Kiana, you still don't get it. I genuinely want to know what it tastes like," Mo Wang said, wagging his finger.
As expected, Kiana just didn't understand the mindset of old-school Honkai fans like them.
Mei's *** and *****, and pretty-girl-flavored instant noodles—these were the two legendary delicacies of the Honkai world!
Every captain longed to try them.
As a connoisseur of fine cuisine, he was genuinely curious about what those two things tasted like.
"So, is there really no *** to drink? If there's no Mei's, then yours isn't entirely out of the..."
"No! Don't even think about it!"
At this point, Kiana wanted nothing more than to put a bullet in this guy and his lewd jokes.
But thankfully, after a year of this, she was used to his constant fooling around.
---||---
"Phew~ I'm full, I'm full. I'm alive again. Mei's cooking really is the best." After finishing all three sandwiches, Mo Wang finally felt human again.
He was thinking of tackling the rest of the documents before his slacker-disease kicked in again.
But then, he noticed Kiana was still sitting on the nearby sofa, just staring at him.
Her gaze was like that of a cat waiting to be played with, and it made him feel a little uncomfortable.
Mo Wang stroked his smooth chin, seeming to understand something.
Then, from under his desk, he pulled out a game console.
"So, wanna play? I just bought the new 'Honkai Impact'."
Mo Wang offered a controller to Kiana, issuing a challenge.
"You have one of those hidden here?! How did you do that?"
Seeing Mo Wang produce a game console out of thin air, Kiana was stunned.
Wait a minute, didn't you just move into this office? How did you pull that stuff out from under the desk?
"Don't question the ways of a gamer. Are you playing or not?"
Mo Wang wiggled the controller at Kiana again.
"Playing! Of course I'm playing!" Kiana snatched the controller from Mo Wang's hand and naturally sat down beside him.
They had done this secretly countless times.
They were both experts at it by now.
"Speaking of which, since we're gaming, do you have any snacks?" Kiana asked as she expertly logged into the game.
"I swear, are you the Monkey King? How can you come here and expect to be fed and entertained?"
Despite his grumbling, Mo Wang still reached behind the sofa and pulled out a pile of snacks and a few bottles of soda.
A professional slacker can procure all sorts of supplies, no matter the environment.
If Theresa and Himeko knew that Mo Wang had managed to stash so much slacker gear in a room they had practically set up with 360-degree surveillance, they'd probably die of anger.
But that was no longer their concern.
Because the two of them had already started their game.