Two weeks ago...
"Sunbae-nim, did you say you have an appointment this evening?" A cute blonde girl asked.
She was standing right next to me and, probably intentionally, pressing her big boobs against my arm which made me feel a bit uncomfortable.
She was a freshman and I was a sophomore. In other words, we were hoobaes and sunbaes, junior and senior.
She, as well as a few other girls, has been trying their hardest to get me to go out for drinks.
I don't know why but it seems they talk about me a lot.
Am I handsome?
I'd say I was average but the girls who were giggling at me and the guys who were glaring at me wouldn't say the same.
So, maybe I was a little more handsome than average. But I'd say I was more on the pretty side than handsome. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging.
I just feel handsome should be best described by pointing at that guy in the back who also had a group of girls poking around him.
He'd flash a warm smile, treat them gently, and then offer to eat dinner with them. He had this masculine handsomeness that I wouldn't be able to get even in a million years.
I wasn't that tall either. I'd say I was average in height and skinny too.
But I don't have a problem with that.
"Yes, sorry." I said, shrugging my arm away from her reach and smiling awkwardly.
"Aw, that's too bad." She pouted but I looked away. I didn't skip dinner with them just because being surrounded by girls trying to date me made me uncomfortable, though I wished that were all, but I really did have prior plans.
I was meeting up with someone.
A guy.
He was someone I had never met in person. So how do I know him?
I met him on an app.
They said the pictures on those apps couldn't be trusted but how could I not want to meet someone who had such a tempting body?
If anything went south, I was confident in running away.
Though I didn't see his face in the picture, he said I'd know once we met this evening and I agreed.
Crazy, right?
To think I was actually meeting a guy I had never met before. And do you want to know the purpose of that?
I was planning to have sex and finally lose my virginity.
Yeah, I'm gay.
A secret I wished no one around me would discover.
The whole coming out of your shell stuff has me more frightened than the thought of walking into a den of snakes. Literally.
So, I plan to stay hidden and indulge. Well, it's going to be my first time but whatever.
'I just hope he doesn't get turned off once he finds out I'm a virgin and haven't done it before.' I thought, fiddling with my hair that was sticking out from my bangs.
I looked at it and then wondered,
'I should probably get a haircut.'
First impressions mattered. And while I knew I was already 'okay-looking' from the people in my department, I felt I should look my best if I wanted to impress that man with the killer body.
Since I only had my face going well for me, I had to do whatever I could do so he wouldn't be disappointed once we, you know, got undressed. Though, I don't know if my body was the kind that he'd like, I had my hopes up.
I don't want my first attempt at sex to end in a disappointing failure just because I didn't appeal to my partner.
If that happens, I think I'll become a monk going forward and worship Buddha.
And so, with that in mind, I took a deep breath and decided to look at the bright side of things.
I packed my stuff and started heading out, planning to head to the barbers first and then home to put on the outfit I spent the whole week deciding on.
Hi, my name is Kim Ha-Joon, a 22-year-old college student who has never dated, never kissed anyone, and never had sex before. And you're about to embark with me on my first sexual encounter.
I hope I don't regret it.
After getting home, I nearly dropped my bag on the hanger, took off my coat, and then looked at the outfit that was nearly placed on the bed.
I made a really big deal out of it, didn't I?
Just thinking about it made me even more nervous.
I let out a few breaths and then looked at my reflection in the mirror. I only got a few trims but I could say my visit to the barber didn't go to waste.
I fiddled with the strand but even when I looked better than I did an hour ago, I didn't feel more confident.
Rather... I got these anxious thoughts roaming through my mind.
What if he asks if I'm a virgin?
I mean, do guys usually ask about that on their first night? Maybe. It'd feel natural if they did and accompanied by questions like what my favorite positions were.
I did a few browsing so I know a couple but... I dropped my head, feeling defeated... I had never tried any so I don't know which is my favorite.
Alright, let's play it safe and say the most basic is my favorite.
Thinking of that, I began to panic even more.
Wasn't that too virgin-like? It would be a typical virgin response to say I liked missionary best.
In that situation where I'm backed to the wall, I just might blurt out the truth.
'Actually, I... I've never...'
Yeah, no. I crumbled that idea and threw it in the bin.
That would kill the mods faster than him discovering I have a tight virgin ass.
I had to lie if I didn't want to kill the mood and ruin my first night.
I groaned and then sat on my bed, letting out a few sighs, and started taking off my pants.
First things first. Let's take a quick bath, get dressed, and then go over a few lines. That's right.
Only when thoroughly prepared can I face this challenge in front of me.