INT. CUT TO: SUE'S OFFICE - DAY
Sue leans back in her chair, arms folded.
"It's a good start. You're sowing the seeds of destruction."
Quinn crosses one leg over the other. "Mr. Schuester barely even shows up for rehearsals."
Elena leans against the wall near the door, arms crossed. "He's been more focused on his boy band than Glee Club."
Sue shakes her head. "Oh, no, no, no. 'Barely' will not cut it. I will not be satisfied until Glee Club is disbanded. And what about this Dakota character? Any chance he actually helps?"
Quinn smirks. "They're soft. He'll eat them alive. I give them 15 minutes before the first one quits or tries to commit suicide."
Elena raises an eyebrow. "He's a walking panic attack waiting to happen. But yeah, they won't last five minutes."
"You know, ladies," Sue begins, leaning forward with a gleam in her eye, "I learned a lot in special forces. I was on the strike team in Panama when we extracted Noriega. We took out the shepherd, then we went after the sheep. You need to go after these Glee Clubbers one by one. I want my full budget restored. I need a fog machine."
Quinn and Elena share a look, amused but also a little wary of how serious Sue is getting.
INT. CUT TO: KURT'S LOCKER - DAY
Mercedes leans on the locker next to Kurt. "Have you ever kissed anybody?"
Kurt thinks, then shrugs. "Yes. If by someone you mean the tender crook of my elbow. No, I haven't. But I want to."
Mercedes rolls her eyes, her gaze shifting to Santana and Puck kissing nearby. Kurt follows her stare and sighs.
"All right, stop it right there, Mercedes. We are in Glee Club. That means we are at the bottom of the social heap. Special ed kids will get more play than we will. The only thing that gets me by is my knowledge that we are superior to all of them. What are you wearing on our Operation Dakota Stanley field trip?"
Mercedes raises an eyebrow. "Is there a dress code?"
Kurt replies matter-of-factly, "No, but every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion. We'll hit the mall after school. Meet me at lunch."
Mercedes nods. "Okay."
Quinn passes by with Santana and Elena trailing beside her. She pauses and smirks. "You should totally scoop that," she says, nudging Mercedes gently.
Santana tilts her head, giving Kurt a once-over. "Honestly, Merce, I've seen worse."
Elena, being tugged along like a reluctant puppy, glances between them. "Wait, are we matchmaking now? I thought we were here for fashion and moral support."
Mercedes frowns. "I don't think I'm his type."
Quinn smiles. "Oh, I think you are. Just follow our lead. We've got your back."
INT. CUT TO: RESTAURANT STAGE - NIGHT
Will, Henri, Ken, and Howard are on stage, belting out "Poison" by Bel Biv DeVoe. The crowd cheers and applauds.
Emma claps excitedly. "Yay, Ken. Ken Tanaka!"
Will narrates in voiceover: "In my own little way, I felt like I was finally a star."
Mr. Schuester finishes handing off a CD. "Thank you so much."
Mrs. Schuester chimes in cheerily. "Acafellas!"
Will's dad grins, holding up a CD. "Hey! Son, this is huge. We just sold all 17 copies of your CD."
Mrs. Schuester beams. "I didn't even have to show any of them my bosoms."
"Doodle honey, you go get yourself a Sanka," Mr. Schuester says with a chuckle.
"Okay," she chirps, walking off.
Will smiles. "Thanks, Mom."
Mr. Schuester places a hand on Will's shoulder. "Good job. I bought one for my grandson. So he can hear for himself how good his old man was."
Will glows with pride. "Ah."
Principal Figgins walks up, clapping lightly. "Schue, that was an amazing performance."
Will nods. "Oh, thank you. I mean, we're just starting out, so..."
Figgins cuts in. "Look, there's a PTA meeting next Thursday night and I want Acafellas to be the main event. I need those parents happy. They found out we've been serving their children prison food."
Will's dad claps him on the back again. "Great job, son."
Elena sits at a nearby booth with Quinn and Brittany, sipping a soda as she watches Will on stage.
"Okay, I gotta admit, Mr. Schue's kind of killing it up there," Elena says, genuinely impressed.
Quinn sips her drink. "Yeah, well, even a broken clock is right twice a day."
Brittany adds, "It's nice seeing him smile."
Elena nudges them both. "Still doesn't mean I'm letting him choreograph anything, though. That man dances like he's trying to swat flies with his hips."
All three girls laugh as the crowd continues to cheer for the Acafellas.
Elena glances between the stage and the packed room, her brow furrowing. "Okay, but seriously," she says, eyes narrowed, "Why are we even here?"
INT. CUT TO: TEACHERS' LOUNGE - DAY
The bell rings as Will reads aloud from a newspaper, barely able to contain his excitement.
"Well, 'Is it too soon to call Will Schuester the next Michael Bublé?' The audience last Thursday at Benchwarmers Sports Bar didn't think so. And Ken Tanaka's smoky baritone is like a cool fog that sweeps over a deep ocean of emotional intensity. A big thumbs-up to Henri St. Pierre who proves you don't need all ten fingers to pluck a lady's heartstrings like a well-tuned sexy harpsichord. Only Howard…" He glances up with an awkward smile. "Uh, sorry, Howard. They didn't say anything about you."
"Buckle up, Ohio. Are you ready for a new musical sensation? You'd better be, because here come the Acafellas." Will beams. "Yeah!"
Sandy bursts into the room with theatrical flair. "Oh, congratulations on your dead tree valentine, gentlemen. By the way, I want in."
Will holds up a hand. "Stop right there, Sandy."
"I've got two words for you," Sandy says smugly. "Josh Groban. He's coming to the PTA event."
Howard blinks. "Who is Josh Groban?"
Sandy gasps like he's been shot. "Who is Josh Groban?! Kill yourself! He is an angel sent from heaven to deliver platinum records unto us. And if he were here right now, I would club you to death with his Critics' Choice award."
Ken frowns. "Why would he come to our show?"
Sandy raises a finger. "Because I invited him. Josh and I have become frequent pen pals since he accidentally friended me on MySpace. And being my close personal confidant, he is only interested if I am in the group."
Will shakes his head firmly. "No, Sandy. We have standards."
Sandy huffs. "Okay, fine. But just so you know, the blogs are all atwitter. They say he's looking for an opening act."
Elena walks in mid-conversation with a cup of coffee, eyeing the group curiously. "Wait, back up. Did someone just say Josh Groban might come to the PTA meeting?"
Will groans, then narrows his eyes at Elena. "That's what Sandy claims. Also, why are you even in the teachers' lounge?"
Elena takes a sip of her coffee and shrugs. "It's quiet in here and I'm hiding from the Unholy Trinity. They're in plotting mode again. I needed a break."
Will nods in understanding before turning his attention back to the conversation with the others.
Sandy lifts his chin proudly. "Not claims. Declares."
Elena sips her coffee and squints at him. "You seriously think Josh Groban would open his inbox, see your name, and go, 'Ah yes, my future opening act'?"
Sandy crosses his arms. "He accepted my friend request. That's basically a contract."
Elena mutters, "This is going to be a circus."
INT. CUT TO: OUTSIDE VOCAL ADRENALINE PRACTICE, BY KURT'S CAR
Mercedes glances around nervously. "Damn, Kurt, this car is fly."
Kurt smiles proudly. "My dad got it for my sweet 16 after I swore to stop wearing formfitting sweaters that stop at the knee. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him."
The car alarm chirps as he locks it.
Quinn scans the area. "Are we even sure they're rehearsing today?"
Rachel nods. "Vocal Adrenaline rehearses every day from 2:30 until midnight."
Mercedes fidgets. "I'm just so nervous these Vocal Adrenaline kids are gonna laugh at us. They're so cool and popular, and we look like we just stepped off the short bus."
Kurt reassures her. "Those sweaty Nazis have just had more time to practice. We have more heart. And you don't look touched in the head. That outfit is amazing."
Mercedes smiles slightly. "So, would you ever, you know, want to hang out?"
Kurt nods. "Come over. It's Liza Minnelli week on AMC!"
Rachel gasps and points. "Guys! That's Andrea Cohen. She won Outstanding Soloist last year at Absolutely Tampastic."
Elena arches a brow and mutters dryly, "Well, aren't we just blessed to be in the presence of show choir royalty."
A girl from Vocal Adrenaline snaps at another. "You can't leave rehearsals for any reason. That includes heat exhaustion or Crohn's disease."
Rachel steps forward. "Are you guys Vocal Adrenaline? We'd like to talk to Dakota Stanley about choreography for our glee club."
A second girl leans in and warns them. "Don't! He's a monster." Elena tilts her head, a small, intrigued smile tugging at her lips.
"Honestly, I kind of want to hire him more now." Kurt gives her a look like she's lost her mind, Mercedes mutters that she's crazy, and Quinn just shakes her head with an amused smirk.
INT. CUT TO: VOCAL ADRENALINE STAGE
Vocal Adrenaline performs "Mercy" by Duffy with intense choreography. Dakota Stanley watches with a hawk-like gaze.
Dakota snaps. "Get off my stage!"
INT. CUT TO: DAKOTA'S CAR
Rachel flags him down. "Mr. Stanley! We're the McKinley High glee club."
Dakota rolls down the window. "No interviews."
Tina steps up. "We'd like you to choreograph for us."
Dakota eyes them briefly. "Look, my fee is $8,000 per number, plus a $10,000 bonus if you place in the top three. And with Dakota Stanley at the wheel, you will place in the top three. Move it."
His engine revs and he speeds off.
Rachel stares after the car. "How are we gonna get $8,000?"
Elena steps up next to her with a smirk. "I can pay for it," she offers casually, leaving the others momentarily stunned that she even has access to that kind of money. But after exchanging quick glances, they immediately shake their heads in unison, clearly not on board with the idea.