INT. HUMMEL BASEMENT
Kurt scrolls through his iPod, selecting Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) by Beyoncé. He strikes a pose as Brittany and Tina stand beside him, all three of them in black leotards. The music kicks in, and they begin an enthusiastic routine.
A hand suddenly reaches in and presses the stop button. All three turn to see Burt Hummel standing in the doorway, looking baffled.
"Dad! You're home early," Kurt blurts, instantly tense.
Burt folds his arms. "Deadliest Catch is on. What exactly are you wearing?"
"It's a unitard," Kurt explains quickly. "Guys wear them to... do sports now. They wick sweat from the body."
Burt hooks a finger in the fabric, lets it snap back, and nods as if testing the material.
"F-football," Tina stammers, jumping in.
"Yeah," Kurt says, gesturing at his outfit. "All the football guys wear them now. Jock chic."
Brittany nods in total sincerity. "Kurt's the kicker now. That's the smallest guy on the field, right?"
"Yep," Kurt confirms. "Brittany and Tina were just helping me with conditioning work."
Elena appears in the basement doorway, holding a water bottle. "If this is conditioning, then I've been training wrong my whole life," she teases.
Burt raises an eyebrow at her. "And you are?"
"Elena. I'm just the one making sure no one faceplants in those shoes," she says, smirking at Kurt.
Burt grunts. "You know, I played in junior college before I busted my knee popping wheelies on my third bike."
"Cool," Kurt says. "I guess we'll have something to talk about, then."
Burt glances between Brittany and Tina. "One of you his girlfriend?"
Kurt slides a hand lightly onto Tina's back. "Not ready to be exclusive just yet."
Elena fights a grin, biting her lip to keep from laughing.
"Alright," Burt says as he heads upstairs. "Just keep the music down. I can't hear myself think up there. And, Kurt—get me a ticket to your first game."
Kurt nods quickly, but the smile slips from his face as soon as Burt disappears, replaced by quiet panic.
INT. SCHUESTER APARTMENT
Terri sits cross-legged on the floor, practicing deep breathing. Will kneels in front of her, encouraging each inhale.
"You're doing great, baby. Just keep breathing," Will says softly.
Kendra, Terri's sister, strolls in and immediately shakes her head. "No, no, no. Giving birth isn't like the movies. It's bloody, bestial, and you'll ruin a good pair of cowboy boots."
"I'm just trying to be supportive," Will replies.
"This isn't about you, Will," Kendra says flatly.
Will looks to Terri for backup. She nods, confirming her sister's point.
"You have to be liked," Kendra continues. "You're nice, you're supportive, you avoid conflict—but your wife's going to be pushing a watermelon out of her boyhowdy in five months. She doesn't need nice. She needs a rock."
"I can be tough," Will insists.
"Of course you can, sweetie," Kendra says with mock encouragement. She crouches next to Terri. "Come on, I'll show you how to rub the gas bubbles out of her stomach."
Terri's eyes widen. "No, no, wait!"
Kendra waves it off. "Phil still does it for me—feels great."
"I don't want him touching my stomach," Terri says firmly. "He might bruise the baby."
Kendra frowns, but Terri turns to Will. "Honey? Would you get me a BLT?"
"Sure. It'll take a few minutes."
"That's okay," she says quickly.
As Will heads for the kitchen, Elena appears from the hallway, holding a cup of tea. "You're making sandwiches? Make me one too, no tomato."
Kendra grins at her. "And no lettuce."
Will sighs. "Okay."
Once Will is gone, Terri lets out a groan. "I can't do this."
"Don't worry," Kendra assures her. "You'll have an epidural. I'm just making it sound worse so you've got leverage over him for the rest of your life."
Terri hesitates, then blurts, "Kendra, promise not to tell anyone—not even Phil?"
Kendra leans in, intrigued. "Is the baby Black?"
Terri looks scandalized. "No!" She lifts her shirt to reveal the padding beneath.
Kendra gasps.
"The doctor says it's a hysterical pregnancy," Terri admits. "I can't tell Will—this baby is the only reason he's still here."
"What do you think he'll do when he finds out you lied?" Kendra asks.
"Oh God, I don't know," Terri moans. "I should tell him and deal with the consequences."
"Are you insane?" Kendra demands. "Dishonesty is the glue in a marriage—it dies without it."
Terri exhales slowly. "I guess."
"The solution's clear," Kendra says. "We're getting you a baby."
From the couch, Elena raises her brows. "You know, I feel like there's a less morally questionable solution somewhere between 'tell him' and 'steal a baby.'"
Neither sister looks convinced.
The next day, the Unholy Trinity exchanges looks each time Elena exhibits another symptom. Santana mutters under her breath to Quinn and Brittany, "You seeing this?" Brittany, uncharacteristically serious, nods.
The Unholy Trinity decides to confront her between classes, steering Elena into the bathroom and making sure no one else is inside before speaking.
Quinn asks carefully, "Elena... have you noticed you've been sick a lot lately?"
Elena scoffs and waves it off, claiming it's just exhaustion from school and cheer practice. Santana presses a little harder, "You ever think it might be something else?"
Elena freezes for a moment, then frowns and asks, "Okay, if it's not that, what else could it be?"
Santana immediately shrugs with a blunt, "Food poisoning? Stress? Or, you know, the obvious one—you could be pregnant."
Quinn gives her a gentler look, adding, "Either way, we need to figure it out before it gets worse."
Elena freezes for a moment but then laughs, shaking her head. "Not possible. I was told I can't have kids," she insists, keeping the real Red Room details to herself. But as Santana's words sink in, her expression shifts—panic flashing briefly before she shakes it off. She mutters a rushed "Nope, not happening," and bolts from the bathroom in major denial, unwilling to believe a word of what they're saying.
The girls exchange a subtle but worried look. Quinn quietly tells Brittany and Santana later, "We'll keep an eye on her. No matter what she thinks."
INT. WMHS TEACHERS' LOUNGE
Will walks in holding a brown paper lunch bag, scanning the room for a place to sit. Most of the tables are already full, so he heads toward Emma and Ken's table and sets his lunch down.
"Hey, guys. Hope I'm not intruding," he says as he sits.
Emma smiles warmly. "Not at all. Oh—so get this. You know how I'm kind of a local news junkie, right?"
"That's... kind of depressing," Will replies with a half-smile.
Emma shakes her head. "No, it's like a horror film. Drug recalls, poisoned toys... Africanized bees—that one was terrible."
Ken chuckles. "That's because disasters freak you out but fascinate you at the same time. Watching the news is your safe way of experiencing them from your condo."
"Anyway," Emma continues, "they just finished a story on a zoo mauling, and you'll never guess who came on next."
FLASHBACK – INT. WOHN NEWS ROOM
Rod Remington sits at the anchor desk beside Andrea Carmichael.
"Well, let's see what's going on with local champion cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester in a brand-new segment we call Sue's Corner," Rod announces.
Andrea smiles into the camera. "Take it away, Sue!"
The feed cuts to Sue behind a desk.
"Thanks, Rod, Andrea," she begins. "You know, caning has fallen out of fashion in the United States. But ask anyone who's walked the spotless sidewalks of Singapore after winning an international cheerleading competition—they'll tell you one thing: caning works! And I think it's time we brought a little more of it here at home.
"And to all the nay-sayers who cry, 'That's illegal! You can't strike children on their bare buttocks with razor-sharp bamboo sticks!' I say: Yes. We. Cane." She punctuates the line by forming the letter C with her hand.
BACK TO SCENE – INT. WMHS TEACHERS' LOUNGE
"They gave her a segment on the local news?" Will asks in disbelief.
Emma nods. "Mmhmm."
"Why?"
Before Emma can answer, Sue strides in, Elena behind her, carrying a box of donuts. "Because being a local celebrity who's been written up twice in the sports pages of USA Today has its perks, William." She points toward the chair in front of her. "Hey, pal, mind pulling that out for me? My hands are still sore from signing autographs at the Donut Hole this morning."
Ken hesitates, then obliges. Sue sets the donuts on the table.
"Brought you some holes I couldn't finish," she says casually. "Oh, and FYI, the overnights were through the roof. You don't know what that means, do you? It's lingo for overnight ratings—and we're number one in Western Ohio for ages eighteen to forty-nine."
Elena glanced at the box with a flat expression. "I could put holes in Sue just as easily."
Sue raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Finally, a student with potential."
Will began to reprimand her, but Sue waved him off. "Relax, William. This one understands the value of intimidation."
Elena gave Sue the faintest nod, earning one in return — the beginning of their odd respect for one another.
Emma's eyes widen. "Wow."
"'Wow' is the word, Alma," Sue agrees. "I wasn't always in the spotlight, but I didn't want to end up stuck at a lousy high school, wrestling with mental illness, or turning forty and single while coaching the worst football team in state history—or having to perm my hair every week. So I sent out my résumé, and I'm thrilled to say I'm busting out of my box. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got a satellite interview—again, that's lingo for an interview... via satellite."
With that, Sue turns on her heel and walks out, leaving the three at the table speechless.
Sue strides out after her smug satellite interview comment. Will, Emma, and Ken sit in stunned silence for a beat before Will mutters, "I think she just insulted all of us... and somehow made it sound like a compliment."
Emma leans in, whispering, "Is it bad that I'm kind of impressed?"
Ken sighs. "It's bad. And yeah, me too."
INT. WMHS CHOIR ROOM – DAY
Will moves between the rows, handing out sheet music to the club. Elena sits apart from Santana and Brittany, still a little distant after their earlier conversation, thumbing through her copy. Across the room, Rachel freezes after scanning the first few measures.
Rachel straightens in her chair. "Excuse me, this isn't the right key."
Will looks over from the piano. "It is. Exactly the right key."
Rachel frowns. "No, this is the alto part."
Will nods. "That's right. Tina's got the solo."
Rachel's expression sharpens. "There must be some mistake. I've made it very clear—anything from West Side Story is mine. Maria is my part! Natalie Wood was Jewish, you know. I've had a deep connection to this role since I was one."
Will replies evenly, "I'm trying to shake things up. Get us out of our comfort zones."
Rachel crosses her arms. "You're punishing me."
Elena, rolling her eyes, balls up a sheet of paper and lightly tosses it at Rachel's head. "Not everything is about you. Grow up, you narcissistic bitch."
Will immediately reprimands her, his tone firm, while Rachel glares daggers in Elena's direction.
From their seats, Santana, Quinn, and Brittany start clapping in support, joined by Mercedes and Kurt, while Tina and Artie nod approvingly.
Finn stays silent, watching the whole exchange without comment.
Will shakes his head. "You're being irrational."
Rachel fires back, "You're being unfair!"
He gestures toward Tina. "You're being unfair to her. She might've been excited about her first solo."
Rachel waves a dismissive hand. "Tina knows I respect her, but she'd agree she's not ready for a role as iconic as Maria."
Mercedes, flipping through her own sheet, interrupts. "Wait... I'm a Jet?"
Santana leans toward Elena, muttering under her breath, "This is about to blow up."
Elena smirks and whispers back, "Should I go grab popcorn or start filming?" Then she notices exactly who she's talking to and instinctively scoots her chair even further away. Brittany still nods like it's a serious suggestion.
Rachel storms out dramatically, the door slamming behind her.
Artie shakes his head. "The more she storms out, the less it means."
Will turns back to Tina. "Congratulations. This is going well."
Elena grins at Tina. "First solo—welcome to Rachel's permanent hit list."
Tina laughs nervously while Mercedes and Artie offer their congratulations.
INT. WMHS CHOIR ROOM – LATER
The room is mostly empty now. Finn and Kurt head for the door together.
Kurt stops him. "Finn? I needed to ask you something."
Finn chuckles awkwardly. "Thanks, but I already have a prom date. I know how important dances are to teen gays."
Kurt's brows knit. "I'm not gay."
Finn blinks. "Oh."
Kurt looks down at his hands. "I just... I needed a favor."
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