"Oi, Caca!"
"Wake up!"
"Caca, wake up!"
The voices hit me like an emergency alarm with no off button. Add the feeling of being shaken like a sack of rice dumped from a truck—yep, that's my morning call.
When I opened my eyes, I didn't see heavenly light or the angel of death. Nope. I saw two faces from my high school days, popping up like a dramatic flashback scene.
Right side: Kezira Elvardyne Arasha. Left side: Veysha Nakerindra Almeira.
Zira—with her squeaky voice and strength of an Instagram-famous gym freak—yanked me upright. Former taekwondo gold medalist, now a coach and vocal influencer on women's issues. Founder of NARA (Ignite Hope, Celebrate Meaning), whose mission is simple but striking: give hope and celebrate women's existence.
Vey—elegant, composed, but her words can cut sharper than waterproof eyeliner. Born rich, once went bankrupt "to learn independence" (her words), and now back as the wife of a conglomerate's son. Arrogant? Sometimes. Generous? Always—at least to me and Zira.
Me? I'm a seasonal NARA member. I show up when I feel like it, disappear when work piles up, but keep my name on the list so I'm not kicked out of the WhatsApp group.
"Stop spacing out. Get ready," Zira said, slapping my shoulder—the soft version. The real version would have had me kissing the floor.
"What time is it?" I mumbled, eyes half-shut.
"Past six. Revan's already setting up the stand," Zira replied.
"Oh, the one that starts at six?" Vey raised an eyebrow like a talk show host ready to judge.
Ah, right. Car Free Day. Our Spirit Pack giveaway: bottled water, a snack, and a small note—'For you, who woke up tired this morning—may your day feel lighter.' Simple, but warm.
"Fine, I'll take a shower first."
"Nope. You'll run away," Zira cut in.
"We'll wait downstairs," Vey said, pulling Zira out. But before the door closed, Zira barked, "Hurry up! No dawdling!"
I chuckled. Zira's basically a human clock—pure military discipline.
Silence fell. Just the ticking of the wall clock… and the name creeping back into my head.
Saka Ardhananta.
The man I once walked away from. The man now standing in front of me again, wearing a cold expression, speaking with sharp words, looking at me like I owe him something I can't repay.
His eyes, when he asked about that nerd sticker, were the kind that already knew the answer—but wanted to watch me give the wrong one.
And he was right. I was wrong.
I took a deep breath, trying to push him out of my mind. But the more I tried, the clearer that gaze became.
Sometimes, the hardest thing to forget… isn't a failed love.
It's the look that makes you feel like you're on trial.
~~~
The city park was already buzzing even though the sun hadn't climbed too high.
Some people were jogging, others strolling while chatting, and a few were busy snapping selfies under the broad ketapang trees. From toddlers to seniors, everyone seemed to have found their spot in this bright Sunday morning.
I walked with my two best friends toward the booth supposedly set up by Zira's fiancé, Revan, along with some members of NARA.
Out of the three of us from our high school girl gang, I'm the only one still loyally single—approaching the big three-oh. I was born in 1996 and my birthday hasn't passed yet, so technically, I'm still twenty-eight. I can still flaunt that tiny fact before officially carrying the title of "single woman in her prime."
Among the three of us, I'm the youngest. Veysha and Zira are both twenty-nine. And yes, both taken. Veysha got married three years ago. Zira's next in line.
As for me? I went from "engaged" back to "single." Maybe the universe just wanted me to have a soft opening for the life of a spinster.
Sometimes I wonder if the only way to break this love curse is to apologize to that guy I once played with. Seriously. Apologize, then bathe in a bowl of water with seven kinds of flowers. Sleep on a jasmine-scented pillow while burning incense.
"Hey. Spacing out again," Zira poked my arm.
We'd already arrived at the NARA booth. Revan was arranging snacks and bottled water, helped by several community members, both men and women. NARA may be a women's community, but anyone can join.
Zira stood beside me while Veysha busied herself arranging the food and drinks.
"Hey, Ca. How've you been?" Revan greeted when he saw me.
I gave a faint smile, holding back the sarcastic comment that almost slipped out.
"Good. You actually came to an event like this?"
Honestly, I rarely saw him active in NARA before.
"What do you mean? I've joined plenty of times. You're the one who never shows up. Right, babe?" Revan glanced at Zira.
"Exactly. You always have excuses," Zira chimed in, bumping his shoulder. Revan pulled her into a casual side hug.
"I'm not pretending to be busy. I am busy," I retorted.
"Yeah, sure. Just admit you're lazy."
I exhaled through my nose. Zira never misses a chance to tease. Ever since her high school rival became her lover, she's only gotten worse. They used to argue every five minutes. Now they stick together like industrial glue.
Love and hate really are a thin line. Honestly, I've suspected they liked each other for years—they just had too much pride to admit it. Plus, they were neighbors. Knew each other since childhood. Argued since childhood. And in the end, the universe just… gave up and handed them to each other.
"Hello, Alvaren."
I nearly stumbled when Zira zipped past me with three hundred percent enthusiasm. She crouched beside a stroller carrying a toddler, pushed by his father.
Good thing I didn't fall. Zira didn't even glance at me, fully focused on cooing over the baby.
The baby's mother—Veysha—was still busy handing out snacks and drinks to park visitors. Her husband, Alvano, stood beside the stroller.
Funny, isn't it? Both my best friends ended up marrying our high school friends. While Zira and Revan had their constant bickering, Veysha and Alvano were a different kind of absurd.
Vey—calm, elegant, and beautiful—was utterly indifferent to Alvano back then. He was the type who flirted with every girl. The charming school playboy.
But she never fell for it. If anything, she avoided him like the plague.
And yet… they got married.
After high school, Vey disappeared for a while. We only met again when she moved back to town.
She told me her family had gone bankrupt. After graduating from college and casually applying for jobs, she landed a position in a fairly big company. Two years later, she found out it belonged to his family—Alvano's.
Like something out of a drama, they fell into an office romance. Dated. Married.
Plot twist? Vey's father had only pretended to go bankrupt so she would learn independence. And it worked. She's still elegant, but now much more humble and down-to-earth.
Despite marrying into wealth, she lives simply. Rarely flaunts luxury brands. Even comes across as frugal. Their marriage seems peaceful and solid. And now, they have a one-year-old son named Alvaren.
I watched the baby laugh at Revan and Zira's silly antics in front of the stroller. It was sweet. Warm. And… a little sad.
Funny how we used to fight over K-pop albums.
Now, they're married—or about to be—and even have kids. Meanwhile, I'm still wondering if anyone out there actually wants me.
If Zira and Revan have kids, they'll be this lively too.
Me? I don't even have a partner, let alone a reproduction plan.
Maybe my face looked too pitiful, because Alvano, standing next to the stroller, turned to me.
"Hey, Ca," he greeted kindly.
"Hey," I replied shortly. Short was safer—less chance for sinful thoughts.
Honestly, out of all my friends' husbands, Alvano's the one most likely to make me lose my faith. Handsome, wealthy, calm. He used to be a shameless flirt, but now he's got the aura of a K-drama CEO—tall, athletic, smelling like an expensive cologne ad.
But he's someone's husband. My friend's husband.
Cayra, get a grip. Don't book a ticket to hell over one broad back and luxury cologne.
"You here alone?" he asked.
I nodded. "Yeah. Who else would I come with?"
"Vey told me you're engaged. Why didn't you bring him?"
I froze. If I could go back in time, I'd slap myself for bragging about that engagement.
"Yeah," Revan chimed in, now standing after crouching by the stroller. "Your fiancé is a soldier right? Didn't invite him?"
"Exactly, Ca," Zira added, now holding Alvaren in her arms. "Why didn't you bring him along?"
Their questions hit like arrows. I wasn't ready to admit my engagement had ended because of cheating. My pride wasn't ready to be trampled like that.
"He's on leave. Went back to his hometown," I said with a forced smile.
They nodded. I took a deep breath, holding the wound together so it wouldn't spill out. Hopefully, this conversation wouldn't dig up an open grave.
Soon after, Veysha came over. Only then did she realize her son was in Zira's arms.
"Hey, sweetheart. You're awake?" she cooed, tapping Alvaren's cheek. He smiled instantly.
He reached up, wanting her to carry him, but Vey shook her head gently.
"Later, baby. Mommy's still busy. Stay with Daddy for now."
She glanced at Alvano, giving him a subtle signal to take over.
"You don't have to help hand things out, Vey. Poor Alvaren wants to be carried," Zira offered.
"It's fine. He understands. He's with Daddy now," Vey replied softly, kissing her son's cheek before heading back to the booth.
Alvaren stayed calm in his father's arms—no crying, no fuss. As if he knew his mother had an important mission to finish. Vey's parenting really is on another level.
"Come on, let's help the others," Zira said to me and Revan.
I nodded, and we joined in handing out spirit packs to park visitors.
Then a voice came from behind.
A voice that should have been unfamiliar—but somehow made my heart skip a beat.
I turned.
And there he was.
Saka.
Tall, composed, with that faint smile I knew far too well to forget.
He was chatting casually with Alvano, who still held Alvaren. They looked comfortable together, as if today wasn't supposed to be a shocking twist for me.
Not surprising, I guess. They were friends back in high school.
But the real question is—
Why is Saka here?
Is he following me?
Or… is there something I don't know?
~~~
EPILOGUE ✨
I walked briskly away from the city park, which was now thinning out. Annoyance and disappointment coiled tight in my chest.
"Ca, wait. I need to talk to you," Zira called from behind.
I kept walking. No glance. No reply. My emotions were still too raw—especially after everything that happened today.
As always, Zira didn't know how to leave things alone. A few seconds later, she stepped right in front of me, blocking my path.
I exhaled, already bracing for the argument that was sure to come.
"What's with you acting like a kid?" she demanded.
"What do you mean, acting like a kid?" My tone shot up a notch.
"Why storm off like that? If that's not childish, then what is?"
"I'm disappointed, Zira."
"Because I didn't tell you Saka is one of NARA's donors?"
I nodded, eyes cast down, still holding back the leftover heat in my voice.
"And because you didn't tell me he'd be here."
Zira sighed. "So what? You afraid you might… rekindle things?"
I gave her a sharp look. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Sorry. Kidding. Besides, you've got a fiancé, right?"
"And what does that have to do with seeing Saka?"
"It means there's no way you'd go back to him. That's all."
"You still should have told me."
"Ca, you're being so dramatic. You're scared of seeing Saka because you two have unfinished business from the past, aren't you?"
"Watch your mouth."
My voice rose. Zira didn't flinch.
"Relax. You've got a fiancé. There's no way—"
"I broke off my engagement!" I snapped—louder than I intended.
Zira froze. Her eyes widened.
"You're serious?"
I nodded, fists clenching.
She went quiet for a moment, then let out a long breath. "So that's why you're so sensitive right now?"
Another nod.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."
"It's fine," I said flatly. But my tone betrayed me.
"I still think you shouldn't treat Saka so coldly. He's our friend. He deserves at least that much respect—even if… your relationship back then was something more."
I said nothing. Not everything can be explained. Not every scar can be laid out for others to inspect.
"I've known you liked him since tenth grade," Zira said softly.
My gaze flicked to her. "What do you mean?"
"I know you only accepted that dare from me and Vey because of Saka. The EXO debut album was just an excuse. Your dad had already bought it for you, hadn't he?"
I gave a small nod. The memory rolled in, like an old film being replayed.
"We gave you that dare because we knew you already liked him—even before you two ever spoke."
"You planned it?"
"Sorry for not telling you sooner. But we didn't mean harm. We just wanted to help you get close to the guy you liked."
"And how exactly did you know I liked Saka?"
"Your eyes. You don't realize it, but your eyes never lie."
I looked away. The afternoon breeze tangled my hair, but my thoughts felt far more tangled.
"Ca, even after all these years, I've never seen you that interested in any other guy. But with Saka… it's different."
"That's the past. Don't draw conclusions just from a look."
"If it's really in the past, then why couldn't you just say hi? Why treat him like a stranger?"
"I have my reasons."
"And those reasons are…?"
I took a deep, slow breath.
"You remember that bet? I approached Saka for an album I already owned. I played with his feelings. That's why I can't face him now."
Zira shook her head. "I don't believe that. I think your feelings for him were real."
I pressed my fingers to my temples. My head throbbed, my heart ached.
"Believe what you want. It's all in the past."
"If it's truly in the past, then why are you still avoiding him like you're hiding something?"
"And what exactly do you think I'm hiding?"
"That feeling. Don't tell me… you haven't really let go?"
I stayed silent. And in that silence, my answer hung heavy between us.
Zira didn't look at me with anger—more like she was waiting for a confession I'd never give.
"I know, Ca," she said finally. "It's still there."
"Stop. I'm tired of this."
"Sorry. But I still believe… you haven't completely forgotten him."
She glanced at her watch, then took a step back.
"I should get back to the booth. You going home by ride-hail?"
I nodded.
"Alright. I just wanted to apologize and explain."
Then she left.
I stood there, alone. My thoughts drifted back to earlier—when she introduced Saka as a donor. Apparently, he'd been involved with NARA since 2023. But I never knew. Because I wasn't on the core team. Because I wasn't considered important enough to be told.
The sting wasn't from Saka himself. It was from realizing… I wasn't worth the knowledge.
I tilted my head back. The sun burned hot above me, but it was nothing compared to the heat of the feelings I'd been forcing into silence.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply. The midday air felt heavy, like carrying a weight I couldn't name.
Maybe Zira was right.
I'd been so busy trying to reject a feeling that had already taken root—leaving behind a wound that never truly healed.