No one could bring themselves to speak, much less to answer that cold, monotonous voice, completely devoid of emotion. And the person who spoke was just as cold and lifeless. Their white suit, hands, and gloves were all covered in fresh blood, and the expressionless face did nothing to dispel the fear that hung in the air. They all wanted to run from this monster, this murderer, this person who didn't seem to care about a single thing. He didn't even seem to see the blood on his hands as he examined them, nor the fallen, bloody body in front of him. His cold, tired, lifeless eyes seemed to stare into nothingness. Even if his words had held a hint of concern, no one could have registered it amidst such a terrifying scene.
With no one answering, Tsuna looked at his famiglia, only to find them completely petrified and pale with fear. He looked at his hands again, then back at the body of the man he had just killed. He sighed softly. He must have looked horrible to have committed such an atrocity, but… it was for the best. He didn't even want to think about it. Besides, everything was entirely his fault, so the consequences should fall on him alone. They had nothing to do with what was happening, yet they were paying the price by witnessing something so disgusting and horrific. Perhaps it wasn't the best decision or action, but… it was what was best for them.
"I… I'm going to call the medical team. I'll be right back."
He muttered just loud enough to be heard, but he didn't need to look to know that his words hadn't truly been heard. Even so, he couldn't help but feel a huge blow to his heart. After all, this was his family. They weren't the only ones affected or hurt. To make things worse, he had already stained his hands with blood before, so this reaction was, in his opinion, a bit silly and naive. At the same time, it made him realize that none of this would ever be forgotten… and he would probably never be forgiven.
Two long years had passed since that day, two years alone in this place. Everything had changed since that horrible day, but he still didn't regret anything. It was for the best, and… every second of this stormy agony was worth it. This suffering was truly worth it. Everyone was fine because of his choice, and that's what mattered. He was just being selfish, asking for more than he had, and he knew it. But he still couldn't help but want to be with his family and to be welcomed back. That was never going to happen, though. He was a monster now, and he deserved this solitude that was killing him—slowly but effectively, like a deadly poison that first paralyzes the prey and then kills it little by little.
He wanted to die. That's what he wanted most. But he flatly refused to fulfill that wish just yet. It was either because of the small hope that still clung hard to his torn heart, or because he didn't want to leave his famiglia to their fate without being able to help them. Not to mention, he hadn't yet found an heir who could take care of Vongola. It couldn't fall into the hands of just anyone. That's why he needed to hurry up and find someone much better than him to be the next Vongola Decimo. He knew he wasn't even worthy of saying those words, but no matter what he did, the ring always came back to him. It rejected all other candidates. It was so stubborn. For some reason, he felt that the ring was upset with him for wanting to give up his position, but he didn't understand why. He had already done everything possible to protect his family, but it had all been in vain. He had failed, and in a big way. He didn't deserve to be called Decimo, much less Neo Primo. He didn't even want to think about how the previous bosses were taking this. He was already delirious enough from this almost unbreakable silence to think about it or ask the air. They might ignore him, or they might answer, and he was a coward for not wanting to know the answer.
Truthfully, to be completely honest with himself, he only had to give them the pleasant surprise of a new and better boss, and then his death. It was the best thing he could give them: his death. They would no longer have a nuisance, a useless person, a murderer, and a monster to interrupt and annoy them. He knew very well that from that day on, he was no longer accepted. He had broken the rules by committing such a cruel act, even if it was for a good purpose. Murder is murder; no one can change that. They didn't want him anymore, even if it had all been an act from the beginning. It hurt a lot, to be honest. He didn't care if everything had been planned before he met Reborn or not, and even if it was, and nothing he knew was real, he would still do anything for them, for their well-being, for their happiness, without caring about anything else. He loved them too much to care about anything other than their happiness and well-being. That was what made all this suffering that gnawed at him inside worth it.
He sighed audibly as he finished the last paper in the pile, the last one of the week. It was barely Monday, so he no longer had anything to entertain himself with or to escape from the reality that tormented him so much. He just had to see Dino-san and then he could go to his room until next week, with nothing to do and trapped in the sad reality under which he lived. Then the work routine would begin again: the paperwork, what was once his personal hell, was now his life-saving system.
Small drops fell onto the papers he was signing. He immediately placed his hands on his cheeks in a natural reflex to wipe away the tears. He didn't want to wet the paper he was working on; he couldn't afford to wet them with tears, or anything else for that matter. He patted his face painfully. He couldn't cry, at least not now. He had a meeting with Dino-san in a short time. In fact, he should have arrived by now. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. He needed to calm down and focus on what he had to do. He couldn't cry. Not now, at least. He had neither the time nor the luxury to do so.
Not long after he had stopped crying, he had to quickly erase the evidence. He didn't want Dino-san or anyone else to know about his pain and misery. It was his burden and his alone. He didn't want anyone's pity. It was better this way. He deserved it anyway. He had caused all this since he took the ring as a part of himself and, consequently, accepted this job. It was all his fault. He knew very well that from the beginning he would only bring misfortune wherever he went, but he couldn't help but be blinded by the hope that everything would turn out well. He was really a fool and a dreamer.
"Decimo… Cardevolle h-has a-arrived."
He heard a soft, feminine voice say. He heard it perfectly due to the long silence; any noise was like a scream in those conditions. In a normal situation, it most likely wouldn't have been heard at all, which wasn't the case now. Not only with the noise of the sheets being moved from one place to another, from one pile to another, from the writing of the pen when signing or writing something, and from silent breathing... Well, that had been hours before the appearance of the voice.
"Let him in."
He replied without hesitation, without even a blink. He was already used to being alone and being treated with fear, just as the voice had stuttered in insecurity and fear. He didn't need to look to know that the person was trembling and looking anywhere but at him. She was only there because she had been forced by the other members, since no one liked to come to this place.
"Y-yes-s."
He sighed softly as he heard the door close, a somewhat forced creak due to lack of use. He couldn't blame her for that simple act of presence and the characteristic stutter of a very nervous person. She was in front of a monster; it was more than obvious that she feared for her life. Anyone would be like that in her place; it was understandable, but it still hurt. Although, in his opinion, it was somewhat silly. He hadn't done anything to anyone in this place for years. Maybe he was omitting something?
However, he didn't understand why it hurt him so much when this had happened to his whole family for so long. He had hoped from the beginning that this pain would subside, but it had only become deeper and more heartbreaking, more and more aggravating, as if for each tear shed, a long and sharp knife pierced his heart and stirred it inside. But that comparison was nothing compared to reality. There was no knife in his heart nor was there anyone who stirred it fervently with clear intentions of hurting him. But he wished it were so, for it would only be a little pain compared to this. Also, he would be condemned to death with the first, but the second had no indication of an end in sight.
"Hey! How are you, little brother?"
He was slightly startled when he heard Dino. Where had he come from? He heard absolutely nothing, not even the sound of his footsteps, which should have been audible in this silence. But it wasn't so for him. However, he quickly pulled himself together. He couldn't ruin things even more than they were, at least not for Dino-san. Not when he looked so happy and cheerful, not when he was well and his family was too. It wasn't fair to ruin his happiness with some unnecessary problem or silly worries. Besides, he was one of the few who still bothered to even hear about him and came to see him, albeit rarely. In fact, if he remembered correctly, this was the first time he had seen him in person since he was alone. But he couldn't really say, because if that was true, then that assumption would mean that it happened almost three years ago. It wasn't to exaggerate or anything, but he was the first to come to visit him (if you could call it that) in a very long time, probably to see how things were and how he was taking Vongola. Surely the information of being a dangerous walking threat was spreading and had reached his ears. If so, he had taken his sweet time, or perhaps there was something else there that he wasn't seeing or didn't know. In any case, he doubted there was another reason for his erratic and quick visit.
"I'm very well, thank you very much for asking… How's everything going over there, Dino-san?"
He answered and asked out of mere courtesy. He had no desire to talk, much less make any kind of conversation, but he didn't have much choice, did he? He just hoped this would be short. As much as he was happy to see him, he didn't feel comfortable talking to him and didn't trust his voice very much. After all, he couldn't remember when was the last time he spoke more than three whole sentences. It could have been days or even years for all he knew.
"We're wonderful, and drop the '-san.' We're brothers, so there shouldn't be a '-san' in the middle."
I'm so sorry, Dino-san, but you know as well as I do that that's a complete lie that neither you nor I swallow. Besides, we don't know each other well enough to feel good about just your name or a suffix lower than that. However, he only gave a small smile as his only answer, to which Dino just got confused and then frowned slightly, making sure that he understood the answer perfectly. Still, he didn't comment or ask questions about it. Frankly, I don't know how I can still speak without having difficulties. After all, it's rare for me to speak or say anything. I shouldn't be able to speak, without at least coughing, having a raspy pronunciation or one that's too hoarse and low, as far as I know at least anyway. Because then I won't have any other concern than just hiding my hands, knowing that that would give me away right away… and I didn't want to have a conversation or explain that or anything else relevant to it.
"I see you've changed a lot, Tsuna-kun…"
He heard another voice, a young and curious voice, one he hadn't heard in what seemed like years, which was perhaps true, though he didn't want to know if it was or not.
"…Enma? Oh, excuse me, I hadn't seen you."
He apologized out of mere courtesy, slightly surprised. Had two people come to see him? It was incredible in his opinion. Stunned would be the best word to describe how he felt, but he was full of suspicion. He didn't really know what to think. This couldn't be a coincidence. There must have been a reason behind this visit that he most certainly didn't want to know.
"Oh, I know, don't worry too much, and I feel very good thank you, you are very kind."
He really didn't like to repeat questions, or so he thought about what he said, but at least he had answered them. But he was truly surprised to see him here. It was very rare for someone to come to his office of their own volition, not to mention in such a cheerful state, which in itself was very unusual. But he never imagined that they were two people, and even less from his family. However, he was totally taken by surprise when he was hugged by both of them, and disheveled in the process at the same time.
"How did the two of you end up together?"
He managed to ask when he was released, trying to calm down and distract himself from how his muscles ached. And something else that he didn't want to acknowledge at the time.
"I snuck into the limousine after my family's reunion with his."
He couldn't help but shake his head in light amusement. Typical, really typical. You can only expect surprises from this family. Although it must not have been easy to escape from his own family. Just like him in the very distant past, they love him very much and that's why they overprotect him too much. It's not that he blamed them; life in the mafia is really dangerous. One moment you're alive and the next you can be dead. But that only made him wonder what the uproar would be like, if it had not yet started, which is highly doubtful, or if Enma had already calmed them down. And if not, he surely made a very good plan.
"They know?"
Better to get it out of the way. I wouldn't be surprised if there are explosions later if they don't know… as well as phone calls.
"Oh yes, no problem, Dino will take me back." "Since when?" "From now on."
It was really fun to see them talk like that. Sigh… he was so nostalgic.
"And your Guardians?"
He was startled for a moment, but quickly calmed down. That was sudden, but he should have expected it. After all, in the past, there was always one of them with him, and now he was totally alone. It was normal to ask. Curious, right? But he couldn't tell the truth. He didn't want trouble, not for him or anyone else.
"Currently, they are on missions."
He started breaking out in a cold sweat. That was the truth, but they were staring at him and that made him nervous. He clenched his hands under the table. He couldn't afford to tremble now.
"All of them?" "Uh, yes." "Why didn't you leave one here?" "They assign themselves their own missions."
In part, it was true. He wasn't lying at all. They would take their own missions and disappear for a long time before completing them and delivering their report to immediately look for another, repeating the cycle as long as they didn't stay too long near him or in the mansion. In fact, they used to leave their reports in his office during one of their breaks so they wouldn't see him or anything. On the other hand, it was his fault for allowing them that freedom, but he didn't regret it and perhaps it was the best thing for everyone. Vongola was their responsibility; they didn't have to take part in his burden.
"I don't believe that. I doubt very much that none of them are here. They are like mine; they never leave me alone… but worse." "Also, it's really weird and strange not to see Hayato here. He's always by your side." "Hayato has a special mission to fulfill. He will be outside for a long time under my orders."
It was the best partial lie he could come up with in such a short time. Calm down, calm down and calm down. You must be calm and collected, not act like the cowardly and scary child you are, at least while they are here.
"Wasn't it that they chose their own missions?"
Oh, no… In a way, they were right; that was contradictory.
"That's right, but that mission is really important and I needed Hayato to do it. It just happened to be a coincidence that they came out almost at the same time."
A moment of silence. From the looks he was receiving, they did not believe a word, and that made him swallow slightly, nervous. He only wished it was a quiet, quick visit without any problems. But what could he say to make it that way? He had no idea, and he had already dealt with the closest and softest thing he had come up with, but apparently that was not enough.
"There's a cat in a cage here. It's impossible for that to happen and you know it. Someone would have canceled their mission and returned to be here."
Take a deep breath. He's right and you know it, but you can't lose your cool… Stop shaking…
"What happened? We've heard rumors that the Vongola Decimo has been abandoned by his own Guardians… This is the proof."
This shouldn't be happening…
"… I need to go to the bathroom."
"Wait-"
However, they didn't have time to complete the sentence. He got up and quickly left the room before they were able to stop him. In any other circumstance, he probably would have been arrested, but not in this one. Not after seeing him standing: he was too thin, and his hands were parched and somewhat bony. There was more, but due to their surprise and the little time they had, they were not able to register more. At first, they had noticed his tired gestures and pale skin, his dull hair with little vitality, his dull eyes with a slight gleam of surprise, as well as his tired, sad, and worn appearance. He was even a little skinnier than before, but they had assumed that this was due to the paperwork and all the work he has to do, not to mention all the hustle and bustle that his friends caused on a daily basis where he had to make sure that there was no enormous damage, among other things derived from all this. However, they had assumed wrong by his reaction.
They weren't sure if they wanted to know what was hiding under his clothes or what was hiding behind his eyes, but they were sure they wanted to know what had produced this. They mentally reprimanded themselves for not coming sooner. What the hell were they thinking, letting almost three years pass to see him? They could have done something. They sighed regretfully, knowing full well that he would not say anything to them, or he would have already done so, and forcing him would lead them to nothing. And that probably the rest would not say anything either, judging by the appearance of the servants. No one said anything when they heard the slight signs of a sob. They took a sheet of paper and wrote their farewells and apologies before leaving. Judging by his appearance, Tsuna would not leave until he was alone or calmed down enough to stop crying, which would surely take a while, not to say that he surely did not want to continue the conversation. What a mess Vongola had made of the most important member of all. Whatever it was, they would regret it to the end of their days if Tsuna decided to end their lives, with or without their intervention, either because of the sadness it would bring or because of the fury of all or most of the allied families. Who could simply ally themselves and destroy them or leave them to their fate. He didn't blame anyone in any case; none of them knew what they would do. But they won't attack anyone; Tsuna wouldn't want that. If anything, they decided to repair whatever happened and thought they would help him be who he was before all this: a happy and cheerful boy. It wouldn't be easy, not after he had reached such a low point.
Meanwhile, Tsuna dropped his facade as soon as he closed the bathroom door. His trembling legs gave way and the only thing he could do before succumbing to tears was to hide his face behind his hands and draw his knees to himself. He couldn't stop thinking about how embarrassing he must be in those conditions and what they would say about it once he got out. He was sure that only a miracle could prevent them from hearing him crying, no matter how silent he was or how well he hid it. It was impossible for him to go unnoticed in such a close and silent place. He was an idiot. He couldn't do anything right. How was Vongola still literally intact, and how was he still alive and kicking? Considering that he was useless and a monster, not to mention the rest, it should be impossible.
"Ahhh… I fell asleep."
He muttered to himself a few hours later and sighed miserably before looking in the mirror and sighing again. It was a disaster. Omitting the pain in his body, he fixed himself up and went back to work. It was barely three in the afternoon. Strangely, in his opinion, the only thing he found when he entered the room was a note on his desk. Knowing who it was, he could only sigh before putting it away. He didn't want to know what had been written to him. It obviously had something to do with being a horrible host and leaving in the middle of the meeting, but he was used to those comments enough to be truly surprised. But it didn't make him feel any better.
"So, Sawada Tsunayoshi… what did you call us for?"
That way of speaking and the way he was called pierced his heart like a great hot spear. But it didn't hurt as much as everything else did. None of them looked at the person they had previously considered their best friend, so they didn't notice his slumped and tired, worn-out appearance, his dull eyes and without the brightness of life that used to sparkle and glow with love. But it was no longer the case; there was love, yes, but combined with pain and sadness. Not even those who looked at the table with great interest could notice his bony and parched hands. It was a very pitiful sight.
"…Why are they fleeing?"
He asked softly, as calmly and kindly as he could. It was not a lie; that was perfectly what they were doing: fleeing. They avoided him but they did not leave Vongola. Very similar to that phrase "so close, but so far," and he did not like it. Only silence took charge from that moment on. None of those questioned dared to answer.
"…Please respond-"
He was quickly cut off by:
"It's because we're afraid of you… you're a monster!"
Everyone present in that room looked at Lambo. They never expected him to answer, and even less in such a way. Tsuna swallowed lightly but managed to stay calm. Wow, he never believed that his little brother would say something like that in front of him. He heard a deep sigh several seconds later, and then he heard:
"Decimo… I always wanted to be your right-hand man, but now…"
He didn't need him to finish the sentence; he understood and knew the unspoken words.
"…Tsunayoshi, I can't consider you as a friend, not after what you've done…"
"You are extremely terrifying, murdering as if it were the most normal thing in the world… if you're not a monster, you don't lack much to the extreme…"
"Kufufufu… and I thought you were more than just a mafioso, that you wouldn't be the same as everyone else… you have broken your promise, Vongola Decimo…"
"…You are a murderer, a monster… You liked it, didn't you?"
Liked it? You must be joking… how could I like to take anyone's life? I did this… I did that for all of you… and you think I did it for pleasure?
"You have become a man to be feared, Sawada Tsunayoshi."
Even if he knew, the answer that came out still hurt; it hurt even worse than if he had been taken by surprise. But that was not the problem. He knew it very well. He was a monster who was good for nothing other than killing, apparently, and for that reason, he was and would be alone. He was truly sorry; he never wanted to scare or hurt them. He just wanted their happiness and well-being. That's why he did what he did. He had to do it. He had to do it; he had no choice, besides letting them die. Killing, a word as horrible as the action itself, but at the same time, as inevitable and necessary.
"Is that what you wanted to know?" "…Dismissed."
Immediately everyone left the place, leaving Tsuna to his own fate. If they had stayed a little longer, or at least stayed in the hallway or behind the door instead of leaving the mansion like the devil's soul, they would have heard something that would almost certainly have made them reflect on what they were doing: crying, one filled with deep sadness and overwhelming pain, as if he were crying for someone who is not there. Which was true, at least on the one hand, they were no longer there, at least… for the…
"I don't have time to contemplate the past…"
He said to himself, trying to forget what he had just remembered. He didn't want to remember that or anything related to it. He was tired and didn't need any reminder of why he was the way he was. It had been all his fault, and partly his choice too. Because thanks to what happened in that memory, more precisely thanks to what was said, he had decided to leave them alone, in total freedom so to speak, to do what they wanted. He even went so far as to put a place where they could leave their reports without having to see him and go to his office. He had planned everything so that his presence would not disturb or bother them, which made everything much better, even for the employees, since he ordered that no one clean his office, so they would no longer have anything to do with him, and if they needed to tell him something, they only had to use the intercom system. Certainly perfect, if you asked anyone else. If before the incident he was hardly seen, after that meeting he was really a shadow of his own house. The vast majority forgot about him most of the time. Clank!
Tsuna blinked slowly, confused, but without stopping at what he was doing. He was close to finishing the paperwork and was already used to it. What had that sound been? It would not be strange at this point that it was his own imagination. So little serious the first time, and in any case, there was nothing he could really do. It didn't seem to have been dangerous, maybe just an accident, or probably nothing, just his imagination as he had thought before. He blinked slowly again as he heard the door open for the third time that day, something strange enough without him doing it himself, but this time it was not his imagination. She was a maid, a young woman with short black hair and white skin, panting slightly as if she had run to get there.
"Sir, you must get out of here, they are attacking-" "Where?"
Faced with the curt question, he didn't feel like making a conversation right now, or listening to the rest of the sentence. And even if he wanted to, it was a matter of seconds before he chickened out and tried to go. Maybe he was a monster, a murderer, whatever you want to call him, he didn't care now, but he wasn't going to do anything just to see or make a simple conversation. Apparently, people thought that yes, he would kill at first sight or something, they didn't understand it and didn't want to understand it.
"…i-in… e-the p-a-ti-io, S-ir."
She stuttered nervously and the color of her face ended up going away when she saw her boss run away at the end of the sentence in the opposite direction to the one indicated. He was even more frightened when he heard things falling. Heavy, very heavy. He swallowed dry, sensing very well what those heavy things were.
1, 2, 3, 4… 7, and 14. There was only one left. They were underestimating him again. He sighed before dodging more bullets. He took the last one by the neck before he fled. He was trembling with fear, and perhaps the sight of seeing all his companions unconscious or dead didn't help in the least. He didn't care anymore to know that none of them would leave the mansion alive anyway. Next to their weapons annihilated for one reason or another, it didn't help in the least, but he didn't care. He was tired and bored. This wasn't fun and he wasn't happy doing this. If they knew they were going to die, this was the third time he had seen them and as they say: the third time is the charm, why did they come?
"…P-lea-se, d-don't ki-ll me!"
Too late to say that, too late. First: you try to infiltrate, second: you try to kill me, and third: this is the third and last time. If they didn't learn with the other two, another chance won't make any difference, right? He had already warned them. It's not his problem if they didn't listen.
"What are you doing here, I told you not to come back again…"
He tightened his neck tighter to test his point. His fight was quite weak. Maybe due to fatigue or the blows he received from me and by accident? He didn't know, but it certainly made it easier.
"Ugh… So… rry…"
You said the same thing you said the last two times, but this time only you are still alive…
"…I don't give third chances…"
If they don't learn with two, if they don't understand how lucky they are not to have been killed or taken to the torture room… A third time won't make any difference at all, will it? He wanted a coffee after this, along with a shower.
"Wai-t!… p-lea-se… I won't… d-do… it…"
Just a little more and it would rupture the trachea.
"Stop, Tsuna!"
A body fell to the ground almost immediately.
"…ma-s-aka…"
They… impossible… I must be dreaming or hallucinating… yes, that's the safest thing… agrrr…
Blam! Blam!
Another body fell to the ground with a big bang, at the same time that a laugh came alive at the sight of his achievement. A rather crazy and merciless laugh made the hair stand on end of those present who were conscious.
"The Vongola Decimo is finally dead! Hahaha-"
"You… son of-"
I… I just wish… to be with you… one more time… without… hate me… I'm really sorry… no… could… fulfill… your… ex-xpec… ta-t-tions… the…
"…Feel…"