Chapter 14: Penny's Pop-Culture Problem
Penny was, in her own way, a genius. She was a woman who could navigate the chaotic world of Hollywood with a smile, a woman who could stand to live with the guys for a decade and not lose her mind, a woman who, in her own way, was a hero. She was also a woman who, in her own way, was a pop-culture fanatic. A woman who, in a world of chaos, was a small, quiet island of sanity. And that, in my own way, made her a perfect target. Because a small, quiet island of sanity, in a world of chaos, is just a target waiting to be hit.
Paige and I were sitting in my office, a look of profound satisfaction on our faces. The "Hacked Robot Arm" prank had been a masterpiece. Howard was a mess, and we were the ones who had made him that way. It was a beautiful, chaotic, and incredibly fun thing. But as all great victories come to an end, we had a new target. A new victim. A new… friend.
"Penny's the one," I said, a wide, triumphant grin on my face. "She's the one who's always there to make a joke. She's the one who's always there to try to get a role. She's the one who, in a world of chaos, is a small, quiet island of sanity. We're going to break her. We're going to break her sanity. We're going to break her spirit."
Paige, a look of genuine concern on her face, looked at me. "Are you sure? She's a good guy. She's a friend. Are we really going to do this to her? She's a funny, sweet, and incredibly good-looking woman who deserves a break."
"She's a good guy," I said, a small smile on my face. "She's a friend. But she's also a pop-culture fanatic. She's a woman of television. And we're going to use that against her. We're going to use the System to alter her TV's remote control. We're going to send her on a wild goose chase. A journey into a world of pure, unadulterated chaos."
I opened the System's interface, the holographic screen shimmering with a blue light in front of me. I clicked on the "Technological Manipulation" function and, with a few simple mental commands, I was in. I was in Penny's TV's remote control. I was in her technological brain. I was in her… pop-culture problem.
I started to work, a small, triumphant grin on my face. I altered the TV's remote control, making it change the channel to a different, random, pop-culture-themed show every time she tried to change the channel. I made it change to a documentary about a series of pop-culture pranks, which was actually a documentary about me and Paige's pranks. I made it change to a show about a mysterious "System" that was being used by a "Chaotic Good" prankster to alter a timeline.
Paige, who was watching over my shoulder, let out a small, joyful gasp. "You're a genius," she said, her voice a low, reverent whisper. "That's… that's beautiful. That's a work of art. That's a prank that a god would create."
"I know," I said with a triumphant grin. "And she's going to spend days trying to figure out why her perfect, logical, and beautifully elegant remote control is a chaotic, nonsensical mess. It's going to be glorious."
The next few hours were a work of art. A beautiful, chaotic mess. Penny, a look of profound confusion on her face, was trying to watch a romantic comedy. She was a woman on a mission. She was a woman on the verge of a breakthrough. Or so she thought.
"What in the world is going on?" she muttered to herself, a look of profound indignation on her face. "I just want to watch a romantic comedy. I just want to watch a movie where a woman with a bad haircut and a lot of problems falls in love with a man with a lot of money and a lot of problems. Is that so much to ask?"
She tried to change the channel, but the TV changed to a documentary about a series of pop-culture pranks. She tried again. The TV changed to a show about a mysterious "System" that was being used by a "Chaotic Good" prankster to alter a timeline. She tried again. The TV changed to a show about a mysterious "System" that was being used by a "Chaotic Good" prankster to alter a timeline.
She, in a moment of pure, unadulterated panic, let out a small, pained wail. She looked at me, then at Paige, a look of profound resignation on her face. She knew what was going on. She knew who was responsible. And she knew that she was powerless to stop it.
She, in a moment of pure, unadulterated sadness, let out a small, pained sigh and retreated back to her apartment, a defeated woman. She was a woman who had been through a lot. She had been through a lot of pranks. But this was a new level of pranks. This was a new level of chaos. This was a new level of funny.
I looked at Paige, a wide, triumphant grin on my face. "I think we just won," I said. "I think we just won the game."
"I think we just won the game," she said, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "And we didn't even have to lift a single, tiny, insignificant finger."
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