Chapter 10: Caltech Admission
After the "Big Bang" prank, Sheldon was a mess. He was defeated, humiliated, and, most importantly, covered in a fine mist of water. It was a glorious, glorious victory. It was the kind of victory that you remember for the rest of your life, the kind of victory that makes you want to get a tattoo of a sad-looking balloon.
But as all great victories come to an end, I had a new task to attend to. I had to get into Caltech. I had to become a legitimate part of the TBBT universe. I had to get a fancy piece of paper to hang on the wall, to prove to everyone that I wasn't just a sarcastic, pop-culture-obsessed guy who could use a magic computer to get what he wanted. I was a sarcastic, pop-culture-obsessed guy who could use a magic computer to get what he wanted and had a PhD. It's a subtle but important distinction.
I opened the System's interface, the holographic screen shimmering with a blue light in front of me. I clicked on the "Degree Acquisition" button and, with a few simple clicks and a million dollars of System-generated funds, I had a new PhD. I was a doctor of theoretical physics, just like Sheldon. But with more pop-culture references and less social awkwardness.
I then used the System's "Concealment" function to ensure that my degree would be legitimate and that no one, not even Sheldon, would be able to find any flaws in it. The System, in its infinite wisdom, had fabricated my entire academic record, leaving no flaw for Sheldon to exploit. It was a beautiful, chaotic, and perfectly logical thing.
A few days later, I got an email from Caltech. It was an acceptance letter. I was officially a research fellow in the theoretical physics department. I had done it. I was a part of the world I had only ever seen on my TV screen. It was a surreal, strange, and incredibly cool moment.
I immediately called Paige, a wide, triumphant grin on my face. "I'm in," I said. "I'm a research fellow at Caltech. I'm officially a nerd. A card-carrying, certified, and incredibly handsome nerd."
She, a moment ago silent, let out a small, joyful gasp. "You… you did it! You're a part of the team! We're a team! A team of brilliant, chaotic, and incredibly good-looking geniuses! This is the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me."
Sheldon, who was sitting on his couch, a look of profound indignation on his face, was a defeated man. He had lost. He had lost to a man who had not only a PhD but also a beautiful, brilliant girlfriend. It was a humiliation he would never forget.
He spent the next few days trying to find a flaw in my application. He ran my name through every database, every scientific journal, every academic paper he could find. But he couldn't find a single thing. My degree was legitimate, my academic record was pristine, and my genius was a work of art.
He, in a moment of pure, unadulterated fury, let out a small, pained wail and retreated back to his apartment, a defeated man. He was a scientist who couldn't find a logical explanation for a man who had, seemingly overnight, become a genius.
I looked at Paige, a wide, triumphant grin on my face. "I think we just won," I said. "I think we just won the game."
"I think we just won the game," she said, her eyes gleaming with mischief. "And we didn't even have to try. It was a beautiful, beautiful thing."