"I wanna grab my waifu's boobies."
That was the first thing that came out of Nero's mouth.
I mean, can you blame him?
This absolute madlad had just finished a soul-crushing 6-hour gacha grindathon across five different games.
His voice was hoarse as hell.
His eyes looked like two dead fish that got marinated in pure despair, complete with raccoon bags that could probably store groceries.
His spine was so bent from sitting too long he looked like a goddamn question mark.
"Uhhh…"
He slumped deeper into his gaming chair.
It's an off-brand one he got on discount with a promo code that promised "elite posture support"... which was utter bullshit after experiencing it.
His screen was flashing the absolute trash result of his last pity pull:
"..."
A useless SR-tier weapon shaped like a wooden spoon.
… How is even a goddamn wooden spoon an SR-tier weapon?
"Damn… Just my GOOD luck, huh."
Nero was sure the devs were drunk when updating their game.
He stared at the "weapon" like it murdered his family.
A crooked smile was on his face before letting out a tired sigh.
"That's it. I'm done. Reality can kiss my ass."
Nero threw both of his hands up like he was surrendering to the universe's bullshit.
He then spun dramatically in his chair, trying to escape the gravitational pull of his own pathetic existence.
As he stared at the ceiling, his boring black eyes reflected some lights.
Memories and shit started flashing through his rotted brain.
Nero's life, if you could even call this dumpster fire a "life," was basically one long anime filler arc that nobody asked for.
This guy had no job.
Well, not in the boomer 9-to-5 "contribute to society" sense anyway.
He wasn't homeless, just what you might call a "professional indoor hobo."
His income came from those weird-ass freelance commissions.
You know, stuff like: "write a 10k-word doujin with a reverse harem of demon boys, but make it wholesome."
... Or proofreading fan-made light novels that somehow managed to introduce 80 different characters before you could even remember the protagonist's name.
On some nights, he even edited voice-over scripts for budget hentai games that sounded like they were recorded in someone's mom's basement.
It wasn't all that great.
But it's good enough to sustain his poor self.
Although his small apartment room was a safe haven for all weebs, somehow, Nero only felt emptier by the day.
He could afford fast wifi, enough snacks to survive winter if it ever came (it didn't), and a collection of anime figures that stared at him silently with either judgement or approval.
… Well, maybe both.
His refrigerator was basically a shrine to energy drinks, cold pizza, and crushing disappointment.
His heart only contains nothing but trash plotlines for romance.
And this absolutely unhinged belief that reincarnation was a legitimate career move.
Well, if you asked him, life wasn't "bad", per se.
It was just… background noise.
Like being an extra in a movie you weren't cast in… with no spotlight or whatever on him… unlike others who made it big and were living fulfilling lives, having their own family.
Sure, he didn't have friends outside of social media.
No, he wasn't dating anyone unless you counted those times he messaged a VTuber and she "liked" his donation.
… But despite that, he wasn't unhappy.
Just bored.
So bored that sometimes he genuinely hoped Truck-kun would come for him.
Not to die, hell no.
But to isekai his sorry ass into another world where he could finally be "somebody".
Not "Nero the guy with suspicious sleep cycles and a caffeine dependency."
But something like…
Nero the Arch-Wizard.
Nero the Shadow Blade.
Nero the Hero that saved the world.
… Nero the guy whose harem actually exists beyond JPEGs.
He didn't want much.
Just absurd magical abilities, immortality, maybe an OP pet.
And definitely a waifu or three.
Yep, especially that part. It's important.
His eyes snapped open like a light having a seizure.
"What if..." he whispered, and you could practically hear his two remaining brain cells trying to connect.
"What if I just summoned one? Like, for real?"
The silence in his room was like "yeah dude, great idea, totally normal."
And this absolute lunatic decided to actually do it.
He launched himself out of his chair like he'd been struck by lightning.
He was really gonna do it.
He was going to summon his own waifu!
Not some imaginary bullshit.
Not roleplay cringe.
And definitely not a dream.
He was going full psychotic breakdown mode tonight.
… Yep, Nero finally lost it.
He started running around like a maniac, grabbing whatever looked vaguely magical:
Incense sticks from that phase where he thought he was gonna be a witch or something,
A plushie of his favorite anime girl (don't ask),
Some busted tablet with an expired tarot app that probably had malware,
And the case from a limited edition Blu-ray that cost more than his rent.
He arranged this junk in a circle like some discount cult leader hoping for a miracle.
Then he stood in the middle looking absolutely feral while some dramatic anime OST blasted from his speakers.
"Great spirits of waifu-ism! Let me lay my mortal hands upon thou blessed oppai!"
Nero reverently smashed his hands together like he was praying to some suspicious horny gods.
"Grant me thy power of plot armor, ridiculous strength, and a transformation sequence with fireworks and maybe a dragon!"
He clapped.
He stomped.
He spun in place with his arms raised.
His voice cracked from his reverent chanting.
He sounded like a rooster being exorcised.
… Meanwhile, somewhere outside, a dog barked.
Some random baby cried.
His neighbor was having a complete meltdown:
"SHUT THE HELL UP, YOU PSYCHOTIC FREAK!"
This clearly wasn't the first time Nero had lost his marbles at 2 AM.
But our boy didn't stop.
He was in too deep now.
This wasn't a joke anymore.
This was destiny.exe running on maximum overdrive!
And then... holy crap, something actually happened.
*WHOOOOOOSSSHHHHH*
The air went cold as ice.
That's when he felt it.
The room started pulsing like reality was having a heart attack.
His monitor went full static-white, buzzing like it was about to explode.
The crappy LED strips on his desk started having a seizure... like they were trying to spell Morse code or some shit.
He froze completely.
"Wait, what…?"
A low hum began to vibrate through the floor, then through his bones.
His energy drink started fizzing like it was possessed and just yeeted itself off the desk.
The candle flame stretched up like it saw something that scared the crap out of it.
His anime girl plushie just fell over.
Then everything went dark.
Like a "total, oppressive, void-like nothingness" kind of darkness.
And just when he thought everything was over and that he was just sleep-deprived and on the verge of hallucinating…
A voice spoke.
A voice not from his headphones.
Not from the speakers.
Not from any direction at all.
It was flat, robotic, and colder than his ex's heart.
The voice was just... IN HIS HEAD.
[Earth Rebirth V.2.0... Detected.]
Nero's jaw hit the floor.
His brain tried to catch up.
"… No way."
A moment of silence.
Then the voice resounded in his head again.
[Installation complete. Patch notes loaded.]
He stumbled backward like he'd been slapped.
His foot got tangled in his futon.
He went down like a sack of potatoes, limbs everywhere.
He was squinting into the darkness, looking for cameras, projectors, anything that would explain this absolute insanity.
His heart was beating like he'd just pulled a legendary drop with 0.01% rates.
Was he dreaming?
Finally having that psychotic break?
Getting rewarded for years of being a complete degenerate?
"Did I actually do it...?!"
No answer.
Just one last line that made his soul leave his body.
[Welcome To Earth Rebirth V.2.0]
Then...
Nothing.
Pure silence that felt heavier than his student loans.
He just sat there, eyes wide as dinner plates, looking like he'd seen God and God had just given him the finger.
His brain was running at maximum capacity (which wasn't saying much).
His fingers were death-gripping that plushie like it was his last connection to sanity.
Somewhere far away, a car alarm was going off like the world was ending.
But inside his room, inside Nero's chaotic weeb paradise of depression and anime merchandise...
"... Wow, that actually worked?"