Chapter 26: S.H.I.E.L.D.'s Secrets and a Prankster's Paradox
After the cosmic dust settled from Thor's little family reunion, the world was left with a gaping, S.H.I.E.L.D.-shaped hole in its understanding of reality. These guys were everywhere, yet nowhere, conducting their top-secret operations with all the subtlety of a ninja in a disco. Adam, however, had a System that loved a good secret, and a Host who loved a good prank.
"Alright, S.H.I.E.L.D. Time to test your 'unhackable' systems. And my boredom levels."
[DAILY WISH DAYS ACCUMULATION: +1]
He saw a news report about a leaked (but quickly suppressed) classified S.H.I.E.L.D. report. Adam focused, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.
[WISH GRANTED: CLASSIFIED S.H.I.E.L.D. REPORT FEATURES HUMOROUS FACIAL HAIR ON DIRECTOR FURY'S PHOTO. COST: 25 WISH DAYS.]
He imagined the grim-faced agents poring over the document, only for Nick Fury's stern, one-eyed visage to suddenly sport a perfectly twirled, cartoonish Salvador Dalí mustache. The ensuing confusion and frantic attempts to "fix the glitch" would be priceless. "Twenty-five wish days for a mustache? Bargain."
Later, he saw a snippet of a S.H.I.E.L.D. facility security camera feed on a news expose. It was all very serious, very covert.
"Too serious. Needs more… piano."
[WISH GRANTED: S.H.I.E.L.D. FACILITY SECURITY FEED LOOPS 'PIANO CAT' VIDEO FOR 30 SECONDS. COST: 30 WISH DAYS.]
He pictured a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, mid-surveillance, suddenly seeing a cat in a tiny tuxedo playing a piano on his screen. For thirty glorious seconds. The agent would probably assume he was finally cracking under the pressure. "Another day, another bewildered spy."
His own life, however, was not without its System-induced quirks. He was making breakfast when Aunt May walked into the kitchen, staring at a floating feather. It was just hovering there, perfectly still, about a foot off the ground.
"Adam," May said slowly, "is that… a feather? Floating?"
Adam blinked. "Oh, crap. System, you're getting bold." He quickly improvised. "Oh, that? Yeah, that's just… static electricity. From the dry air. Happens all the time. Very scientific." He waved his hand vaguely.
May looked at him, then at the feather, then back at him, a skeptical but amused look on her face. "Right. Static electricity. That's why it's been floating there for the last five minutes, defying gravity."
"Very strong static," Adam insisted, trying to subtly wish it away. The feather, with a tiny, almost imperceptible poof, vanished. May blinked.
"Well," she said, "I suppose that solves that mystery. You're full of surprises, Adam."
"You have no idea, May. No idea." He just smiled, and offered her coffee. He loved his life. The subtle chaos, the bewildered spies, and the perpetually trusting Aunt May. It was a good gig.
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