Chapter 27: Phil Coulson's Quirks and a Fanboy's Frustration
Phil Coulson. The man, the myth, the legend… and the biggest Captain America fanboy S.H.I.E.L.D. had. Adam found his quiet dedication to the star-spangled man hilarious. He knew Coulson had a collection of Cap memorabilia, and Adam, being Adam, decided it needed a little… enhancement.
"Alright, Coulson. Let's see how much you truly love your hero. And how much you love kittens."
[DAILY WISH DAYS ACCUMULATION: +1]
He saw a news report about a rare Captain America trading card going up for auction. Coulson was undoubtedly bidding.
[WISH GRANTED: PHIL COULSON'S CAPTAIN AMERICA TRADING CARD REPLACED BY PHOTOSHOPPED 'CAPTAIN KITTEN'. COST: 30 WISH DAYS.]
He imagined Coulson, triumphant after winning the bid, opening the package, only to find a perfectly photoshopped image of a fluffy kitten in a tiny Captain America costume, complete with a miniature shield. Coulson's stoic face would probably twitch. Just a little. "Thirty wish days for a twitch. Priceless."
Then there was Coulson's prized vintage Captain America lunchbox. Adam knew it was his pride and joy.
"Time for some patriotic tunes, Agent."
[WISH GRANTED: VINTAGE CAPTAIN AMERICA LUNCHBOX EMITS PATRIOTIC MARCH. COST: 20 WISH DAYS.]
He pictured Coulson, perhaps in a quiet S.H.I.E.L.D. breakroom, opening his lunchbox, only for it to suddenly blast a loud, tinny rendition of "The Stars and Stripes Forever." Everyone would stare. Coulson would probably pretend it was a new, highly classified security feature.
Adam took Aunt May to a local charity fair. There was a ring toss game, with a ridiculously oversized, fluffy pink elephant as the grand prize. May, with her usual optimism, decided to try her hand.
"Alright, System. Time to make May's day. And my life a little more… cumbersome."
[WISH GRANTED: CARNIVAL GAME'S RNG MODIFIED TO ENSURE GRAND PRIZE VICTORY. COST: 40 WISH DAYS.]
May tossed the ring. It sailed through the air, seemingly defying physics, and landed perfectly around the elephant's neck. The carnie stared, then grudgingly handed over the monstrosity.
"Oh, my goodness!" May exclaimed, delighted. "Adam, look! We won!"
Adam looked at the elephant, which was twice his size. "Fantastic. How are we getting this home? Does the System have a 'shrink giant stuffed animals' wish?" He sighed. "Yes, May. We certainly did. Congratulations. Our living room is about to get very… pink."
He loved seeing May happy, even if it meant wrestling a giant stuffed animal into a taxi. He also loved knowing that somewhere, Phil Coulson was probably having a very bad day, thanks to a kitten and a marching band. It was all about balance.
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