(1)
"I found you. Hahaha."
Arms leaning casually against the railing, Lee flips through Yun's wedding invitation. "So, is that Chenhui standing next to you?"
He finally has time today to look through all the photos in the invitation properly.
By now, we've already arrived in Shanghai, getting ready for Yun's wedding two days from now. Unexpectedly, even though Yun said this would be a small wedding with just close friends and family, she still sent Lee an invitation.
Lee counts as one of your close friends?
I asked her in the group chat.
Love me, love my friends, she replied.
Fine. I mean, part of the reason Yun and I became closer over the years is because of Lili anyway. So loving by association actually makes sense.
"He transferred schools before graduation. Didn't Kena ever mention that?"
I turn my gaze from the Oriental Pearl Tower back to Lee, swishing the coffee in my hand. It's not very warm anymore. Before we came to Shanghai, Lulu specifically told me I had to try the coffee from this place. The baristas are all brought in from Italy, and this shop is only in Shanghai, tucked away in some random little alley. It took Lee and me more than twenty minutes to find it with GPS, and when we finally got there, there was already a long line.
But maybe I just don't have the kind of taste buds that can truly appreciate food – this coffee tastes pretty much the same as what I'd get at Starbucks. Still, after waking up early for the flight, a strong cup like this definitely helps. I'm finally awake enough now to enjoy the view around the Bund.
Unlike me, Lili's a whole different story. I genuinely admire how much energy girls have for shopping. She went straight from the airport to meet Yun, saying it was the perfect timing for a seasonal sale at her favorite brand. The two of them – one forgetting she got up before 7 a.m. to catch a flight, the other forgetting her wedding is in two days – probably linked arms and dashed off to the mall like we're back in high school. Even though I texted Lili over half an hour ago asking if she wanted to grab lunch together, she still hasn't replied.
"Can we not talk about Kena?" Lee tucks his phone away and gives me a helpless look. "I was never that close to her."
"Just comrades-in-arms from the battlefield, right?" I joke.
"Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right." Lee turns to lean his back against the railing. "Honestly, ever since we graduated from college, I feel like I've completely lost touch with her. Like, not even a text. I barely even see her on social media anymore."
If that's the case for Lee, then I really have no way of hearing anything about her. I'm not even sure if she and Chenhui are still together. If they are… I guess they'd be married by now.
Come to think of it, I probably started drifting from Chenhui around the time I started college. In the beginning, whether it was struggling to adjust to campus life or just wanting to share something interesting, I'd instinctively message him. But as our lives slowly stopped overlapping, and we were busy at different times, those casual chats became fewer and farther between. Sometimes I'd want to message him, but right before typing anything, I'd pause and think maybe it was better not to disturb someone else's life. Eventually, I just got used to not talking to him anymore. But clearly, just because you stop talking doesn't mean someone disappears.
Chenhui rarely posts pictures, but I still know what he looks like now. After all, we still have mutual friends. What's strange is that whenever I dream about him, he still looks like his high school self. In a school uniform, or his soccer jersey, doing things that either really happened or didn't. Those dreams blur together – real and imagined – and sometimes I get this weird feeling, like my high school life never actually ended. Like it's quietly continuing in some unnoticed corner somewhere.
"Hey, did Chenhui get married?" Lee suddenly asks.
"I don't know," I answer honestly.
"But if he were getting married, wouldn't he tell you?"
"I don't know that either."
And I truly don't. But in my heart, I hope, if Chenhui understands even a little of how I feel about him, that he won't invite me to his wedding. After all, I don't want to add any weird new scenes to my dreams, like him getting married in a high school uniform.
"Oh," hearing my two "I don't knows" in a row, Lee stops asking and changes the subject, "Anyway, it's nice to be in Shanghai. It's been way too long since I've taken a break like this." Then he stretches.
"Yeah. I've always wanted to come here…"
Even though this is probably the coldest time of the year in Shanghai, the sunshine today makes the chill bearable. Judging by the number of tourists crowding the Bund, I'm clearly not the only one who thinks so. The occasional gust of wind doesn't seem to kill anyone's enthusiasm for taking photos.
Still…
When I was younger, I always thought I'd come here with Chenhui someday.
I still remember that weekend when he first came to my house for my mom's dumplings. He rode his bike around the streets with me on the back. Summer wind does something to your imagination. I fantasized about riding on the back of his bike along the empty Bund, chatting and laughing all the way. I wished time would just stand.
Looking back now, it's kind of silly. The Bund, empty? That was never going to happen. And the places I used to dream of visiting together – Ximending in Taipei, the Champs-Élysées in Paris, and La Rambla in Barcelona – probably aren't great for biking either.
"What are you thinking about?" Lee notices how long I've been silent and looks at me curiously.
"Nothing, just enjoying the fine urban air of a top-tier city," I stretch, mimicking his motion.
"Well then, better take in as much as you can. It's not like we come to these cities every day," Lee laughs, though his expression gradually shifts, his brows slowly knitting together.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
"I'm not sure if I'm seeing things," he raises his hand and points straight ahead. "Look who that is."
I follow the direction he is pointing in, curious about who he can possibly spot in this sea of tourists.
I'm just about to crack a joke like, "Who's important enough to stand out in this crowd?" when I see that vaguely familiar face too. I turn to Lee.
"Is it her?" he asks under his breath.
"I think so." I squint for a better look.
It's Kena.
I only met her once back in high school and only saw a few group photos of her later on in Chenhui's WeChat posts. Still, somehow, I can recognize her. Her hair is much longer now, but her face and features are basically the same.
She looks like she's here sightseeing too, holding a selfie stick in one hand. After tapping a few things on her screen, she turns and links arms with the man next to her – his back to us. Then she holds up the stick, clearly trying to frame the Oriental Pearl Tower behind us. If she zooms in on the photo, she might catch me and Lee leaning against the railing.
So… is that man next to her Chenhui?
Just the thought of it makes my hands turn cold again, even though I was feeling fine with the temperature just a second ago. Maybe I had too much caffeine, but my heart feels like it's beating extra hard now.
Am I really about to see him after all these years?
Here in this place I used to imagine we'd come to together?
In this way?
(2)
Kena lowers the selfie stick after taking the photo. She turns around and scans the view on either side of the tower, like she's trying to find the perfect angle for the next shot. And that's when her eyes land on Lee. Looking a little surprised, she smiles and waves at him. Lee waves back. Then she seems to recognize me standing next to him and gives me a polite nod.
Noticing her gestures, the man standing next to her turns his head.
It's not Chenhui.
Then Kena smiles at us and starts saying something to the guy beside her. Probably introducing who we are.
"How do you think she's introducing me?" I whisper to Lee.
"Well," Lee starts, lowering his voice and mimicking Kena's tone, "The taller one used to be my comrade-in-arms. The other one is our shared enemy."
"You're ridiculous." I laugh and glance at him, shaking my head.
"You're the one who set it up that way," Lee grins. "Don't blame me."
As I look at him, who's quietly joking around with me, for a moment I actually think how nice it would've been if he had been the one I met in high school. He could've been the one sharing music with me in class, biking around with me on the weekends, and eventually going with me to all the places I've always dreamed of visiting.
But I just happened to meet someone else before him.
I remember Chao said that day he thought fate was playing a joke on him – meeting someone he really liked but being unable to be with him. But isn't that kind of what happened to me, too? Meeting someone who's actually a really good fit for me, but only after already getting emotionally tangled up with someone else. Back in college, no matter whether Lee and I were happy, upset, or arguing, I'd often catch myself wondering: what would Chenhui say or do if he were here? In the end, I felt like I couldn't hold on to either side properly.
Kena gestures toward the direction where the crowd is thinning, signaling that she's about to leave. Lee gives her a quick "OK" sign and follows it with a little "call me" motion near his ear.
"So, what exactly are you hoping she'll call you about?" I tease.
"Well, you know, gotta keep up appearances." Lee shrugs with a little smirk.
Watching Kena and that man slowly disappear into the distance, caught up in what seems like a cheerful conversation, I suddenly realize that ever since I saw the man isn't Chenhui, my heartbeat has gradually returned to normal. I actually feel a bit of relief. Though I don't even know why I feel relieved. Even if it's not Chenhui with his arm around her, what does that have to do with me? Whether it's Kena or not, the person beside him is never me.
So… will he show up at Yun's wedding? That question has been bothering me ever since I got the invitation. Should I just ask Yun about it? Honestly, I don't have the guts. I'm afraid that my extra attention to anything Chenhui-related will trigger one of her interrogation sessions.
Since she came back last time, I've noticed that Yun's habit of digging into things until she gets to the bottom of them hasn't changed one bit. I still remember how, back in high school, she'd suddenly hit me with the most awkward questions about me and Chenhui – like, had we ever confessed our feelings to each other? What exactly was going on between the two of us?
To be fair, I guess it wasn't entirely Yun's fault. The reason I was so scared of those questions was probably because… I didn't actually know the answers myself. And what's even more ridiculous is that I wanted to know. If only I'd had even half of Yun's straightforwardness back then, maybe Chenhui and I wouldn't be stuck with all these unresolved questions ten years later. I mean, there's a reason Yun found the right person and is the one getting married first, right?
"There you two are! We've been looking for you forever."
I suddenly hear someone complaining from somewhere in the crowd.
At this moment, Yun and Lili finally manage to break through the sea of people and come stand in front of me and Lee. Both of them are carrying tons of colorful shopping bags in their hands.
I can't help feeling a little curious, so I ask Yun, "It makes sense that Lili buys this much stuff, but haven't you already settled down here? Why are you buying so much too?"
"It just feels different. When Lili's not around, I don't even feel like shopping," she says, then leans her head against Lili's shoulder in a playful, spoiled way.
"Oh yeah? Then I'd better not come to Shanghai too often. The prices here are seriously no joke," Lili says, giving Yun a side-eye full of mock disgust.
"By the way, Yang, that New Year's gift you got me is absolutely gorgeous. I've already hung that painting right in the most prominent spot in my living room," Yun makes a point to free up a hand, patting me on the shoulder like I've just completed some grand mission. "You've got good taste, young man."
"But you're the one who put that painting on your wish list, weren't you?"
Is this how people in big cities compliment themselves now?
"There are so many things on my wish list, and you just happened to pick that one. Doesn't that show you have great taste?" Yun shoots back with total confidence.
Good. Unbeatable as ever.
"Oh, right. Guess who Lee and I just ran into?" I turn to Lili and ask.
"Who? Someone we all know?" She looks at Lee, interested.
"Kena," Lee says, "She was heading out the same way you two came from. Didn't you see her?"
"Who?" Lili and Yun ask in unison.
Then it's Lili who reacts first, "Ah…"
She seems like she's about to say something but instead turns to look at me first. I nod slightly to let her know she's remembered right.
"Was she… with him?" Lili asks cautiously.
"Him?" I laugh. The way she's being so careful is kind of amusing. "Is Chenhui Voldemort now? We're not even allowed to say his name?"
"Oh, you mean his girlfriend back in high school, right?" Yun finally catches up. "But there's no way she's with Chenhui. I mean, he can't possibly be in Shanghai right now."
The rest of us all exchange confused looks at how certain she sounds.
"What? You guys didn't know?" Yun stares at us like we're the weird ones. "He's in Beijing, preparing for his own wedding. He told me when I invited him."
For a few seconds, none of us says a word. I wonder if, to the tourists around us, the four of us standing silently looks totally out of place.
"Even you didn't know?" Yun asks me quietly.
I shake my head slightly.