(1)
January 1st, the brand-new beginning of a year, is also the start of a three-day holiday for most people. However, I wonder how many people are still like me – having to go to work today. The only silver lining of working on a holiday is that the roads won't be jammed. And because of me, everyone left the bar early last night, just past midnight, each taking their own cab home. I was initially worried that New Year's Eve might involve too much drinking and affect my work today. But everyone seemed to share an unspoken understanding, only ordering some low-alcohol drinks symbolically while mostly drinking tea. Perhaps as we approach middle age, that internal "health preservation" switch automatically flips on.
Right now, I'm brushing my teeth in front of the mirror. My eyes are still a little bloodshot. Guess I fell asleep too late last night. The phone beside the washbasin is playing a voice analyzing the ins and outs of a murder case that happened in a European country 20 years ago. This is something I often do recently – let TikTok play some trivial sounds in the background on my phone, so that my brain, just emerging from a dream, can quickly return to reality.
Checking the time on my phone, I realize that Yun must already be sitting in the back seat of Lee's car by now, on the way to the airport. I hope, in that confined space with just the two of them, Yun doesn't give Lee too hard a time by asking questions he can't handle. Then again, I shouldn't underestimate Lee's wit. Even without me and Lili around, he should be able to hold his own against Yun… I guess.
Before leaving the bar last night, Lee asked me out to dinner tonight. Probably about the photo thing. But honestly, there are other things I'm more curious about. If we're going to talk, we might as well lay everything out. Hiding things, avoiding the subject – it only leads to pointless self-torment in the end.
After rinsing my mouth, I throw on my coat, slip my keys into my pocket, and get ready to leave. Breakfast is usually out of the question. Today, I'll just have to see if there's a street vendor selling baozi near the office.
Just as I open the door to leave, I suddenly notice a small brown box, about the size of a phone case package, neatly placed at my doorstep. A sticker on it bears my full name and address, but no sender's info. This definitely isn't from an online order as I never use my real name for deliveries. Before my brain can even start guessing what's inside, my hand, acting on its own, has already picked it up.
Inside is a thick stack of photos.
Me and Lee sitting at a table by the window in ACE, laughing.
Me and Lee waiting at a bus stop, his arm around my shoulder.
Me and Lee chatting on a bench in front of our company building, him handing me a cup of black tea…
As I went through the photos one by one, it became increasingly clear that the photo from the wall at ACE that day was just the tip of the iceberg. I should probably be feeling some fear right about now. After all, it feels like some random stalker has been following the two of us. But right now, the burning curiosity about this person's motives overshadows everything else. Did I actually piss someone off? Is this a joke?
Then I go through the photos one by one again.
Lee sitting with me, his back to the camera.
Lee lowering his head.
Lee standing with me, his face hidden by leaves in the foreground.
…
All I could see was my face. Smiling, laughing, saying something…
So these photos aren't even about us. They're about me.
Suddenly, I realize I've been standing at the door for way too long, the hallway light flickering on and off with my slightest movements. There are so many things I want to do right now: contact the delivery guy, discuss this with Lee and Lili, maybe even call the police. But since this hasn't actually affected me in any tangible way yet, I figure I should still head to work first. So I pull out my phone to get a DiDi.
But before I can unlock the screen, I see a WeChat message from Lulu. I don't even have to open it – the preview on the lock screen shows the entire message:
Someone left some photos on your table.
Alright. Problem solved. This shadowy figure knows my full name, my home address, and where I work. Anyone who knows that much about me would obviously have my contact information too. So why bother developing physical photos for everyone to see instead of just sending them to my phone?
Clearly, this is someone who knows me trying to send a threat.
But with what? Expose my sexuality to the world? But looking at the photos, it's not like Lee and I were doing anything beyond friendship. Not that we could have, given what we are now.
The weather today is pretty nice. Sunny and breezy. If it was a Saturday, I'd definitely be exploring the new restaurants in the city with Lili now. Anyway, I hope at least I'll still be in the mood for a cup of coffee when I get off work today. Standing by the company gate, I pull my phone from my pocket to check the time. The red WeChat notification badge still glares at me – Lulu's unread message remains untouched.
(2)
"Why are you standing there? Did you see my message?"
I swivel my head round to see Lulu, who is sitting at her seat and crossing one leg over the other, looking at me with a frown.
"Oh. Yes, I did."
I start to walk towards my seat after realizing I've been standing in front of the fingerprint time clock for a little while. So, there they are. Scattered on my table.
I take my seat and pick up one of the photos, only to realize these were indeed taken during the same period as the ones I received. Whoever took these photos must be very disappointed that I and Lee have done nothing more than what the photos have captured.
"Who is he?"
I look up to see Kai, who comes and sits on the edge of my table, with a cup of coffee in his hand. It smells good, better than my instant coffee at home. Maybe I should ask him where he got it after all this.
"It's none of your business." Lulu answers for me. But from the way she looks at me, I guess she is curious as well.
"It's a friend of mine." Looking back at the photo in my hand, I say. In the photo, I'm wearing that the Christmas sweater Lili gave me last year and Lee is giving me a cup of black tea, both of us sitting on a bench outside of the building we're in at present.
"Fine. If you say so." Kai drinks a little bit of his coffee, "You guys look fine actually. Nothing R-rated."
"You sound disappointed." I smile. If I were him, I wouldn't dare make this kind of joke. But it works well for me, "By the way, where did you get that coffee, it smells really g…"
"Could you please just stop joking for a sec, Kai?" Lulu interrupts my question, "Someone just put this shit on Yang's table."
Then she turns to look at me, "Someone's watching you, Yang! Isn't that scary?"
"Yes, it is. But I have no idea who this someone is." I sigh, putting the photo back on the table.
"I don't know, either." Then Lulu suddenly raises her voice, "And I was literally the first one in the office today – when I walked past your desk, those photos were already there."
That means someone placed them here after I left early for the bar yesterday.
"This is so creepy!" Lulu's voice jumps an octave, like a stage actor delivering a dramatic line.
Besides me and Kai, Lulu also startles Chao, who just entered the room and now stands frozen by the door, a lollipop dangling from his mouth.
Here he comes. Lee's boyfriend.
The thought slips in before I can stop it.
"What… is… happening here?" He asks slowly, eyes locked on Lulu. Then he notices me and throws his hands up in confusion, silently demanding an explanation. I just shrug and point at my desk. Not exactly a story worth retelling.
Chao walks over and picks up the stack of photos. I watch his face, waiting for the shift in expression. I already know what's coming.
"You know Lee?" Chao asks, right on cue.
While he was still flipping through the photos, I mentally drafted responses: Yes, we know each other. We were schoolmates. Or I could turn it back on them: Didn't I mention it when we talked about ACE's super hot guy? Maybe I could even play the magnanimous card: We should all grab dinner sometime.
But when I actually open my mouth, what comes out is:
"Yeah, he happened to be my ex-boyfriend."
I'm certain I didn't announce it at megaphone volume. Yet the air suddenly thickens – not just around Chao, Lulu, and Kai, who've gone dead silent, but even at nearby desks where semi-stranger coworkers pause mid-keyboard-clatter or freeze with breakfast bites halfway to their mouths.
"Did I forget something, or did I miss something?" Lulu finally ventures in a hushed voice.
"Probably not. I just never brought it up." I shrug at her.
"You should've told me earlier! I could've introduced you to some really nice guys!" Chao's expression is somehow unreadable – perhaps confusion about why I'd kept my orientation hidden, or maybe surprise at my past relationship with Lee.
I smile and nod.
"Have you come out to your family?" Kai murmurs.
"Not yet. Still figuring out how to tell my mom in a way that won't break her." My laugh comes out brittle.
"It must've been hard to tell us this." Kai stands and gives my shoulder a light squeeze.
"Yeah, it was." I put on an exaggerated sad face when I turn to him.
Of course, I only said that as a joke. Because honestly, it wasn't that difficult. At least not for present-day me. Sometimes I simply don't feel the need to bring these things up, especially in professional settings where disclosing too much private information, including one's sexual orientation, might lead to complications that could otherwise be avoided. It's not because I'm afraid to acknowledge or reveal myself. Today, the fact that "ex-boyfriend" slipped out so easily… maybe my subconscious never registered it as a vulnerability to begin with. Whoever this stalker is, he/she's picked the wrong leverage.
So many years have passed that I can barely remember when exactly I made peace with myself, finally accepting who I am. Maybe it's just age. You reach a point where hiding feels pointless. Right now, I can't help but pity my high school self. In my memories, that version of me was like a startled bird, flinching at every rustle in the grass, terrified that any small thing might confirm the truth I was desperate to deny. If only I'd understood sooner, maybe I would've been happier back then.
"Alright, alright, let's leave it at that for now. We've got to get the New Year's class schedule sorted out today." As I speak, I nudge Lulu back toward her cubicle, and then casually sweep the photos on the desk into the trash bin.
Just as I turn on my computer and try to focus on work, a detail in one of the photos in the trash bin catches my eye, making me pick it up again. I think I see a woman in this photo. When I place the photo on my keyboard and examine it closely, I realize the woman is none other than Lili.
In the photo, Lili and Lee are standing at a bus stop, engaged in conversation. Judging by the angle, the shot was likely taken from the second or third floor of a building across the street.
Before I can even begin to process why this mysterious figure would be photographing Lili and Lee together, an even more unsettling realization hits me: the photo was taken in summer – definitely last summer, because Lili is wearing that olive green dress which I helped her pick out while shopping last year. This means they had some connection before the two of us "coincidentally" ran into Lee at that singles party late last year.
The discovery sends a sudden twist through my stomach.
Why have they been in contact all this time? And why did Lili pretend to be meeting Lee again at the party alongside me?
Given how well I've known Lili over the years, my rational side insists she would never do anything to hurt me and there must be a good reason for her secrecy. But the human mind works in strange ways. The more I try to make sense of it, the faster my thoughts race, piecing together unrelated details to form the worst possible conclusion. Even the memory of that unpleasant breakup scene with Lee suddenly comes rushing back, adding fuel to this mental chaos.
Maybe I should invite Lili to join tonight's dinner with Lee. We'll really have a lot to talk about.