(1)
"First of all, Yang, I'm really sorry you had to find out this way. But you know we absolutely didn't mean any harm. Secondly, once you find out who took the photo, you must tell me about it immediately. Finally, I really have to go now – the car is already here."
Two minutes earlier, Lili suddenly received a phone call, which informed her she'd been rescheduled for another meeting with the publisher. This year, Lili's newly written novel is set to be published overseas, and she is likely now making arrangements for it.
After shoveling the last two bites of rice from her bowl into her mouth, Lili leaves with a quick "Be good, you two!" before hurrying off.
"I didn't expect you to bring this up so suddenly today." After Lili left, Lee walks over and sits down in her spot, facing me.
Truth be told, ever since we reconnected, we've both been consciously or unconsciously avoiding the topic of our breakup in college. At the time, in the aftermath, my mind kept circling unanswered questions. After all, our relationship ended far too abruptly. But as time passes, some of those questions seem to lose their urgency. And after that party, I don't want our reunion to feel like just another chance to settle old scores, so I try my best to treat Lee as nothing more than a long-lost friend.
A long-lost friend. Then what is this indescribable feeling in my chest after finding out he is Chao's boyfriend?
"I just think it's a little ironic," I joke. "Does having to rely on other people's schemes just to meet mean we actually have no fate between us?"
Lee smiles at me. "If people keep forcing us together like this, doesn't that count as fate in its own way?"
On the day we broke up, everything felt so earth-shattering that I thought I'd never be okay again. Yet, after all these years, what surprises me is that as I've gradually stopped actively dwelling on the reason for our breakup, I still find myself occasionally reminiscing about the happy times I shared with Lee. We probably promised each other to stay together forever – I don't remember anymore. Even if we didn't keep that promise, at least because of him, my college years were filled with joy.
Just like the person who once promised to "always be here for me" – hasn't he been gone for a decade now? But still, back in the day, that promise was like a lifelong talisman for my high school self, helping me through those exceptionally tough times full of academic pressure and self-doubt.
And now, six years after our breakup, here Lee and I are, unbelievably, sitting together and recalling those events with a sense of humor, as if we were just discussing a movie, talking about the story of the protagonists in it. It all feels somewhat surreal to me now.
"So why did Kena even think of asking you to do this for her?" I'm genuinely curious. "Is she that confident you'd agree?" Friends do small favors for each other all the time – that's just how it goes. But putting yourself on the line like this… doesn't that seem like too much?
"Probably because she thought I was good at it." Lee shakes his head helplessly and leans back into the couch. "Before you, I'd never been in a stable relationship. Maybe I just didn't know how to make it work, or maybe it was my personality – I'd always lose interest too fast. So eventually, I just started treating most flings as casual fun."
This is new. I've never known any of this before. "We lasted at least three years, though. That was a pretty long 'casual fling'."
"I said before you," Lee retorts, feigning annoyance as he taps his finger on the table. "You are different. But after meeting you, I gradually realized that maybe it wasn't because of anything else – I just hadn't met the right person. That sounds like bullshit, though…"
I'm at a loss for words. Even during our sweetest days together, it never occurred to me that I held such significance in his eyes. Because compared to Lee, I've always seemed… okay.
"Why?" I finally ask the question that's been puzzling me from the start. "Why did you like me?"
Lee smiles and says, "Then… why did you like Chenhui?"
That's a good one. Chenhui wasn't as tall as Lee, nor as handsome. Even calling him "a good person" was probably just my teenage perspective from ten years ago… So why, then? Especially now, it's hard to say whether what I feel for Chenhui is genuine liking, love, or simply the lingering regret of unrequited feelings from those days.
"I don't know," I admit truthfully.
"Same here. I don't know why I liked you either," Lee says. "That's just how loving someone is. I can't really explain why… why it's you, of all people."
Maybe that's just how it is. Perhaps this is why we can never neatly list someone's virtues on a Likert scale, add up the points, and call it love. Love just simply doesn't work that way – it refuses to be calculated. So perhaps asking why did you like me is a foolish question to begin with.
"Then, back then, were you really not worried that I'd find out about your secret with Kena?" After all, given the connection between me, Lee, Chenhui, and Kena, it was only a matter of time before the truth came out.
"Of course I was worried." Lee's gaze drops unconsciously, as if slipping back into memories. "I'd played out countless scenarios in my head about how to handle it if the truth came out. I didn't know which one might actually work to fix things, but at least this was a fear I felt somewhat in control of. What I was really more afraid of were the things I couldn't control…"
"Like what?" In my memory, he had always been confident, cheerful, and composed. I never imagined there were things he felt powerless against.
"I was afraid Chenhui would come back." From his expression, he seems dead serious. "You never forgot him, did you? Though I've never even really met him – or if I did, it was when we were just kids. But to me, he always felt like an active volcano in my life during those years. You could never predict when it might erupt. Part of me worried he'd disturb your peace again. And maybe… part of it was my own guilty conscience about how I came into your life. Either way, I was afraid he'd suddenly reappear in front of you one day. If that happened… I truly wouldn't have known what to do."
I've always thought that over the years, I've grown mature and steady enough. But hearing this, I suddenly feel doubt creeping back in. It's not like I'd have any better ideas.
"Anyway," Lee continues, "the main reason I took that part-time job at ACE was… well, I hoped you might walk in someday. It isn't too far from your high school, after all. As for what I'd actually say if you did show up, I hadn't thought that far. I just figured… We might finally have a chance to lay everything out in the open – all those things we never properly talked about. It'd be a new beginning."
"A new beginning of what? You and me or you and Chao?" Hearing Lee talk like this, I almost start falling for him again, just like back in college. But then the thought of him and Chao together suddenly yanks me back to reality.
"Chao?" Lee's expression turns serious. "What 'beginning' between me and him?"
His question throws me off. The way he asks at least confirms they know each other. So isn't what I mean by "beginning" completely obvious?
"Aren't you two together?" I ask cautiously.
"We're together? Who told you that?" Lee's eyes widen in shock, "Do you really think all that talk was just a buildup to me being with someone else?" Lee seems a bit caught off guard by my question, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
I pick up my phone, open WeChat Moments, and show Lee the photos Chao posted yesterday.
"Yesterday at the office, he said he was giving this watch to his boyfriend as a New Year's gift." I zoom in on the photo. "Then that night, I saw these two pictures."
Lee freezes for a second before hurriedly pulling out his own phone, fingers darting across the screen. "He blocks me from seeing these." He shows me his own Moments feed.
Sure enough, on his phone, Chao's most recent post is from November. So what is all this, then?
"Since we're already talking about him," Lee sets his phone down and continues, "let's address that photo you see at ACE that day."
"What? Did Chao take it?" I ask, startled.
Lee nods and says, "Including the other photos you receive today – he probably took them all."
(2)
Now, my heart is wrapped in a complex mix of emotions. On the one hand, I feel somewhat relieved that Lee isn't with Chao. On the other hand, I'm shocked that Chao is the mysterious photographer.
What is he trying to do?
My mind involuntarily flashes back rapidly to the first day of work, searching for any signs of something amiss in Chao, who has been friendly and cheerful from the start, often striking up conversations with me and laughing heartily.
But I fail.
"How would it be him? What's his motive?" I ask in confusion. "This doesn't seem like the kind of joke anyone would find funny."
Lee doesn't speak, but from his expression, it seems like he knows more than I do about what's going on.
"Wait," I ask him, "Even if you're not together, the man's back in his photo is indeed you."
"It's me," Lee admits without denial. "The reason I was late on New Year's Eve was that I met him first. He wanted to give me that watch as a New Year's gift, but I didn't accept it. I've been trying to persuade him to stop all this before it affects you more, but apparently, I haven't succeeded."
I feel like a viewer who's missed a key plot point in a movie during a bathroom break. Their relationship has never formed a coherent storyline in my mind. And now, with my head in such turmoil, I don't even know where to start asking questions.
"When did you first know it was him?" I ask again.
"From the first time you showed me that photo."
"Which means you two have always known each other."
He nods. Then he begins to tell me a story from his past with Chao.
Their acquaintance dates back much earlier than I've imagined, even before I met Lee. Just as Kena knows him, Lee had never been in a serious relationship before meeting me. Chao was one of the casual flings Lee met in a bar when he first started college. Although Lee now vehemently denies me that he made any commitments to Chao at that time, I still have reason to suspect that he might have used sweet talk on Chao (or on any of his flings), leading Chao to believe they were in a stable relationship – until I showed up and shattered that illusion. To my surprise, according to him, this wasn't even the first time Chao had posted photos like this. Back when we were still in university, there was once when Lee came to see me at my dorm early one morning – only to find a photo of us eating together in the cafeteria posted on my dorm room door. Of course, he quietly tore down the photo without letting me know.
Lee insists he made it clear to Chao back then that they weren't exclusive. However, Chao has always believed that my appearance caused their separation. And after hearing about our breakup, Chao has been trying to get back together with Lee for all these years, only to be rejected every time.
"Chao must hate me to the core," I say helplessly. In fact, he's known exactly who I am from the first day I joined the company. The fact that he specifically traveled all the way to our university, pinpointed my dorm room, and posted that photo speaks volumes about the depth of his feelings for me.
"Yes," Lee replies in a low voice.
"So when he found out I was back in your life, that's why he pulled all these stunts. But what's the point of all this? Is it to make me feel threatened and drive me away from you?"
"Maybe. I didn't ask him specifically. I just told him to stop whatever he was doing," Lee answers with a sigh.
I also sigh and lean back against the couch, unable to help but exclaim, "You really brought this upon yourself."
Given Lee's past behavior, I should probably be grateful Chao is the only one who's come after me like this.
Lee lets out a dry chuckle and says, "You could put it that way. I have to pay for the mistakes I made when I was younger. I'm just sorry that I got you involved."
"What are you planning to do?"
"I'm going to talk to him about it again tomorrow."
"After I gave you the photo, you must have talked to him many times already," I say with a bitter smile. "Does it work?"
He shakes his head.
"Then we'll go see him together tomorrow."
"Are you sure about this?" Lee asks. "I really don't want you getting any more involved in this mess."
"Oh? Is there something else between you two that I don't know about?" I tease half-seriously.
"Of course not!" His voice rises slightly in protest.
"Relax, I'm joking. I just want this whole thing over with. Here's what you'll do – contact him and say I want to talk this out."
Tomorrow is the second day of the New Year's holiday – my first real day off. I didn't expect I'd still have to deal with this kind of thing.
Even though I haven't figured out what we should talk about when we meet. After all, Lee and I aren't back together. And in my ordinarily uneventful life, when have I ever had to deal with situations like this?
But that's just how life works. Just when you're already grappling with uncertainty, it hits you with an even greater storm.