The official recognition from the DLRB that my dream training was "effective" was the worst thing that could have possibly happened to my nap schedule. For me, it was a quiet success. For FaeLina, it was a starter pistol for a race to global brand domination.
She spent the entire morning presenting me with her new business plan.
'Okay, Mochi, listen up!' her psychic voice buzzed with the energy of a thousand bees. 'We can't just call it 'Dream Combat Training.' That's boring! We need something with flair! I've decided to call it... The Mochi Method™!'
She showed me a mental image of a logo she'd designed. It was a cartoon drawing of a sleeping brain happily lifting a tiny dumbbell.
'And the slogans!' she continued, ignoring my stony silence. '"The Mochi Method™: Slay Your Inner Demons While You Sleep!" Or how about this one: "Level Up Your Mind with Subconscious Sparring!" It's brilliant!'
'It's horrifying,' I thought. My quiet, personal project was being turned into a corporate wellness retreat with cheesy marketing. My only goal had been to stop the Iron Gryphons from getting soft so they wouldn't cancel their contract. I had accidentally created a whole new industry.
Before I could project my official, resounding 'No,' the Guild Bulletin Board chimed with a new [Direct Message]. It wasn't from Guildmaster Peppin. It was from a different guild, one with a much fancier insignia shaped like a bird made of silver.
FaeLina read the message, her wings fluttering with excitement. "It's from the Silver Griffins! They're one of the richest guilds in the capital! They're all high-born nobles!"
The message read:
To the Core of the Sanctuary. We have heard rumors of your... unconventional training methods. Our own guild's knights are highly disciplined, but some lack the mental fortitude for missions requiring a certain... ruthlessness. We are intrigued by your 'Cozy Core Method.' We wish to send one of our knights for a trial session.
FaeLina was practically vibrating. 'A new client! And a noble one! Mochi, we can charge them a fortune! Quote them a hundred gold for the first session!'
I was much more wary. My method wasn't designed for "ruthlessness." It was designed for the opposite.
'Ask for more information on the candidate,' I projected to FaeLina, who relayed the question.
The reply from the Silver Griffin Guildmaster was almost instant.
Our candidate is a young knight named Sir Reginald. He is, by all accounts, a perfect warrior—brave, strong, and impeccably loyal. He has only one minor, recurring flaw: he is completely unable to fight any opponent he perceives as 'cute' or 'pathetic.'
I paused. 'What?'
The message continued. He was recently defeated in the capital's grand tournament because his opponent was a gnome who fought with a parasol. Sir Reginald felt it would be 'terribly impolite' to strike him. He needs to overcome this weakness.
This was, without a doubt, the most ridiculous problem I had ever heard of. They had a knight who was too nice to fight cute things.
FaeLina's business-fueled excitement immediately curdled into pure panic.
'A knight who can't fight cute things?! Mochi, this is a trap!' she fretted. 'If we fail to 'cure' him, the snooty Silver Griffins will tell everyone our method is a joke! But if we succeed, we'll get a reputation as the dungeon that teaches noble knights how to punch kittens! We can't win! This is a public relations nightmare!'
She was right. It was a no-win situation. It was complicated, stressful, and would require a lot of effort.
Naturally, I found it fascinating.
How do you teach a man to fight a Dust Bunny? It was a unique puzzle. And if I could solve it, maybe the Silver Griffins would pay me enough that I could afford to take a month-long nap.
'Tell the Guildmaster we accept,' I projected, ignoring FaeLina's psychic screams of protest. 'Send your knight.'
A moment later, a new, very strange notification appeared.
[New 'Coaching' Client Acquired: Sir Reginald of the Silver Griffins.]
[Training Objective: Cure 'Acute Cuteness Paralysis'.]
[Potential Rewards: High DP, Gold, Increased Reputation with Noble Factions.]
[Potential Risk: Becoming known as the place that trains heroes to be mean to small, fluffy animals.]
This was getting complicated.