Mateo keeps a straight face, too straight, honestly, and says, "Oh, I just wanted to get a dildo so I can destroy you with something other than my dick."
I stop dead in my tracks, gaping at him, completely at a loss for words. Who says that out loud? Who has the audacity to say it with a straight face? If anyone else had said it, I would've slapped them and walked away without hesitation. But this is Mateo, so instead I'm left staring at him like a fish out of water while my brain short-circuits.
Then his lips twitch, and he breaks into a laugh. "I'm kidding. My stoner cousin's birthday is coming up. I wanted to get him a t-shirt to celebrate his addiction. Honestly, a weed addiction is still better than a cocaine one."
That pulls me out of my stunned silence. "Speaking of cocaine," I blurt, my voice rising with urgency, "John Mulaney's in rehab, and I am not okay with it!"
