*** Friday | One day later
Before I knew it, the day everyone had been waiting for was finally here— the day I'd been waiting for. Thursday surprisingly hadn't been eventful, besides the last minute party preparations for the school's get together and the unwanted homework assignments teacher's handed out. I was on edge the whole day, Phoenix didn't even bother starting anything with me, in fact he had pretty much completely ignored me. I guess that should've felt like a good thing, but for some reason I felt guilt festering up in my stomach. I tried not to focus too much on yesterday, especially since there were better things to focus on— more exciting things to focus on.
*** Social Studies
I plugged my headphones into my phone before putting them snuggly into my ears, selecting one of my playlists. I slipped my phone into the back pocket of my jeans before I slung my bag over my shoulder, gripping the strap slightly. It was already third period. The day had flown by, which I was grateful for to say the least. I set my guitar case down sliding it underneath my desk so nobody would trip over it, then put my backpack on the back of my chair, plopping down into my seat.
Ayden had put everyone into a group chat the night before to send us the details and location of the party tonight. It wasn't too far from the school, so we would all be able to walk there once everyone met up. Uber was our only option on getting home. My phone buzzed from inside my pocket. Once. Twice. I pull my phone out, reading the messages as they popped up on my screen.
A: everyone know the plans for 2nite?
R: 👍
S:yep! :3
D: u betcha!
I smiled reading everyone's replies before sending my own.
E:yeah. all good, im really exciteddd
Excited was an understatement. I was exhilarated.
I could barely focus on any of my classes, though I doubt anybody could. I could only assume how many people would be at this party which made me feel sick to my stomach. I hoped that being with my friends would make me less anxious about it. Mr. Johnson had passed out packets at the beginning of class, mine still not have being touched. I decided to put my phone on silent, slipping it back into my pocket, then flipped through the textbook, focusing on filling out the pages before class was over. I didn't want a shit ton of homework over the weekend, that's for sure.
When the bell rang, I handed the packet in, grabbing my guitar case and backpack, as I made my way to the locker room.
*** Locker room
Phoenix was at his locker as usual, finishing putting on his gym clothes. I walked passed to get to my locker, my eyes drifting hesitantly over to him. He still hadn't said or done anything since we'd talked. He hadn't even looked my direction. Acted like I was completely invisible. Shouldn't that be a good thing? I keep asking myself over and over, but for some reason... I can't help but be— upset. I quickly put my gym clothes on, locked everything up and then headed towards the gym.
I at least expected him to mess with me on the basketball court, especially since we were on opposing teams, but— nope. He didn't even get close to me. It not only made me angry but it also made me.... sad? Why did I miss it in a way? Maybe not all of his snarky remarks but, the feeling of being wanted to an extent. Without thinking, my legs started to move as soon as I saw Phoenix dribbling the ball down the court. I moved in closer to steal the ball from him— just to see to if he would react or do anything at all.
I knew it was risky testing Phoenix of all people, but part of me wanted to believe there was something much deeper underneath his mask. I kept up the pace which surprised even me considering he was on the football team, and well— I'm me. I snatched the ball from him, before glimpsing up to see Phoenix's gaze already burning into me. They had a hint of amusement as I watched his lips curl into a small smirk.
I dribbled away from him, my teammates waving their arms in the air for me to pass the ball to them. My eyes lock onto Ayden. He's open and has the perfect shot for the point. I pass the ball to him, watching as he catches and dribbles it closer to the net before throwing in a 3-pointer for our team. A few games go on before class is dismissed, cueing everybody to hurry off towards the locker room to get ready for lunch.
After a quick rinse I headed back towards my locker, gathering my backpack and guitar case. I'd watched Phoenix do the same— his eyes meeting mine as he left the showers. I held his gaze slightly longer than I should've. He looked away dismissively. He didn't grab my arm, or pull me aside, not even a word escaped his lips— but it had stung just the same. Why was he playing it off like everything was completely normal— or more so, how is he acting like everything is normal?
I guess this is what I wanted. I can't complain or do anything about it. I only hoped that this would mean he'd leave me alone during the party. I knew he'd be there, I mean who wouldn't? It couldn't be avoided. I slipped my headphones into my ears, although no music played. I usually did that when I didn't want anybody to talk to me. It gave me a reason to pretend not to hear, or care. It was like a comforting thing to me. I guess it was.
I thought back to our confrontation— when Phoenix followed me out to the parking lot, lips parted, expression panicked, annoyed... disappointed. The mysteries that his eyes held, always wondering but never heard— like a prisoner stuck in their cage. The way he walked away, head shaking, hands stuffed in his pockets, slouched and muttering something underneath his breath. What do you have to say? What's stopping you?
*** After school
The rest of the day flew by, just like the racing thoughts in my brain had been doing all week.
I waited for my mom to pick me up again, fiddling with the strap on my backpack. She was a bit later than usual, probably got caught up with work a bit later than she thought. There was three and a half more hours until the party started. I'd been waiting for about fifteen minutes until my mom pulled up, honking her horn to get my attention.
"Hey sweetie, I'm so sorry, work kept me longer than planned." She gave me a sincere smile, unlocking the doors for me to get in.
I gave her a reassuring smile back, although I knew I'd need a shower when I got home.
***
The drive home was mostly quiet, besides the occasional bursts of curses and complaints I'd hear before my mom would yell about drivers on the street about being 'nothin but a nuisance.'
I hurried to the shower as soon as I was home. The time was 4:13. There was still about two and a half hours left until the party, which gave me a bit of time to freshen up, relax and take time to think about the upcoming anxiety attack waiting to happen. The party. Ayden's house. This was all really happening.... my breath felt shallow as I inhaled, looking at myself in the mirror. I decided to wear something a bit different tonight. A grey hoodie paired with short-sleeved green and black plaid flannel with black ripped jeans and dirtied white converse.
The time passed slowly as I waited, my phone buzzing with notifications from Rory in the group chat of video game memes nobody understood besides Ayden. Glad he's having fun though at least. Everyone seemed just as excited as me, but it made me wonder if anyone was nervous too.
E: We're all meeting at the bleachers and then walking together right?
I was already on my way to the school by now, as it was 6:04pm. The party wouldn't start until 6:45, but the walk would take some time of course. Ayden replied after a few minutes, my anxiety feeling slightly at ease.
A: yep, im already at the bleachers.
A: hurry up slow pokes 😎🏃♂️💨
His comment made me chuckle a little under my breath— which made my mom perk up a little in curiosity. "Who's the lucky lady?" My mom asked inquisitively, glancing over in my direction.
Her voice surprised me for two reasons— one, for making me realize I had zoned out, remembering where I was and what we were doing in the first place, and two, the question she had asked. My mom of course has never known about my sexuality, nor have I ever talked to her about it. It's not that I didn't want to, but... she would never understand, dad wouldn't either.
"Oh- it's nobody just my friends being silly and dumb."
It's not like I was lying. Me and Ayden weren't a thing, not even close, and even if we were I'd never be able to talk to her about it. I felt dirty keeping secrets. I guess I can understand how Phoenix feels more than I could've ever realized.
***Bleachers
There were already students scattered across campus, outside the front of the school and on the football field waiting for the party to start. I headed towards the bleachers once my mom was out of sight. I saw Ayden underneath them hitting his weed pen and blowing the smoke out carelessly into the air. Rory stood beside him, eyes locked onto his DS with his hand held out waiting for him to pass the pen to him.
I made my way closer to them, fidgeting with the collar of my flannel. Dakota and Skyler still hadn't arrived. Ayden gave me a smile when he saw me. He passed the pen to Rory, turning to face me as I walked up. He wore a ripped slipknot t-shirt, black ripped skinny jeans and black and white checkered vans. His eyes had dark eyeliner underneath them. I felt my face heat up when our eyes met.
"No sweater tonight, Ez?" Ayden teased, putting his arm across my shoulders as we walked underneath the bleachers together. His arm felt warm against the back of my neck.
Rory looked up— bobbing his head up to acknowledge me before taking a long drag of the weed pen. "Hey man don't chief the whole thing–" Ayden said, snatching it from Rory's hands. He checks the level of the cartridge before offering it to me. I decided to let loose a bit, especially since that was the entire point of this anyway. I coughed as I exhaled, the smoke burning my throat. Another twenty minutes passed until Kota and Skyler arrived.
"Hey guys! Sorry for the hold up." Dakota beamed with an cheerful smile. "Ready?" Skyler waved from beside her, face flushed not only from makeup but from the rising blush forming on her cheeks. I hadn't said a thing to Kota after the conversation Skyler and I had— not that it was any of my business.
*** The Party
I'd been mostly quiet the whole walk there, partially from the high, but mostly from anxiety. I fiddled with the cuffs of my hoodies sleeve. As we approached closer, faint music and distinct chattering of people outside could be heard from ahead. Ayden nudged my arm suddenly, causing me to jump a little.
"Here, to take the edge off." He hands the cartridge to me once again, picking up on my nervousness.
We all stopped on the sidewalk, passing the pen back and forth a few times before Ayden would shove it back into his front pocket. I felt a sense of calmness wash over me as we continued towards the house. Some people were scattered across the front lawn, holding beers or smoking cigarettes talking amongst each other with slurred murmurs. Nobody bothered looking our direction as we headed inside, the sound of music and indistinct chattering engulfing around us.
I followed behind Ayden who had been heading straight towards the drinks. It was hard to really hear anything— in fact it was a bit overwhelming. I turned my head to look back at Skyler and Kota, who had already disappeared into the crowd. The kitchen was surprisingly less crowded, which made it easier to hear Ayden's voice coming from beside me.
"Pick your poison." He said, motioning towards the various alcoholic drinks scattered across the countertop.
My eyes scanned the drinks, before shrugging uncertainly. "Whichever, I don't mind." It's not like I was familiar with drinking anyway, so Ayden probably knew better.
After a few moments, he handed me a red solo cup filled with spiked punch. I took a sip, pursing my lips a little from the overpowering alcoholic taste. I coughed a little, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my hoodie.
"First time, huh?" Ayden smirked, leaning up against the counter as he chugged down the contents from his own cup. I gave him a small nod, embarrassed that I'd never done anything like this before. I chugged down a few gulps of my drink, trying to get the hard part out of the way. I felt my stomach churning slightly, not from nausea, but from the burning sensation it left. I watched as Ayden refilled his cup, before a voice, barely audible, could be heard coming from behind us. The voice wasn't for me though.
"Hey, handsome... couldn't help but notice you standing over here... and thought you'd look even better with me on your arm." She batted her eyelashes, looking up at Ayden with a suggestive stare. She had short black hair with a single streak of red on each side framing her face. She wore dark makeup around her eyes, a ripped Kiss crop top with black shorts and fishnets with high-kneed platform shoes. I could tell she'd already had a few drinks just from her composure and slurred words.
Ayden scratched the back of his head for a moment before turning his head to look my direction. "Uh... you gonna be okay for a bit?" I could tell he was hesitant to leave— which to be fair, I didn't necessarily want him to either, but I gave him a nod, chugging the rest of my drink down. It was a party after all, might as well live a little. After he was out of sight I turned to face the counter again, pouring myself another cup.
I decided to make my way upstairs to hopefully get away from all the madness. It was all just a bit overwhelming for me. I wasn't even sure who's house this was, or most of these people. Everyone seemed to just... fit in. Why can't I? I chugged down a few more gulps as I reached the top of the stairs. There were a few stragglers here and there, but not enough to feel anxious about. I could feel my body already going numb from the alcohol— I guess it wouldn't take much to get me drunk. I leaned my back up against the wall, finishing the last of my drink. I can't even taste the alcohol anymore. I stumbled to— what I assumed was the bathroom, but as I reached my hand out to open the door, somebody from inside opens it. I look up, my eyes a having a slight haziness to them, but even then, I would recognize that silhouette from anywhere. Phoenix.
He looked like a completely different person. His face was flushed, body slouched, eyes half-lidded— already drunk over his head. I braced myself for the worst, but instead he grabbed ahold of my arm, pulling me into what I thought was the bathroom, was actually a bedroom. I felt my heart skip when Phoenix turned to face me. He almost looked... sad.
"Ezzyyy....." Phoenix's voice is nothing but mumbling slurs, barely audible. "It's just us in here, can't I at least just kiss youuu? It's a partyyy." He stumbles his way to the bed, sprawling out across the mattress before looking at me as if he was waiting for me to join him.
I hesitate. Part of me just wants to turn back around and leave out the door, but the other part wants to know what's going through his head. He's acting... strange. I mean, even if its because he's drunk, I never expected him to act this way.
"I thought we talked about this already– we can't keep doing this. You're just drunk." My hand reaches for the doorknob, but before I can turn it—
"Waaait! D... don't leave." Phoenix sits up on the bed, staring at me, not with lustful intention, but something far from it.
I pursed my lips sealed, stumbling my way over to the bed, laying down on my back. Phoenix does the same, our bodies just a few inches away from each other. I could feel the heat radiating off of him, or maybe that was just me. I kept my eyes staring at the ceiling as we lay there in silence, but it's not an uncomfortable one for once.
"Can....." Phoenix's mumbles from beside me, making me turn my head towards his direction. "Nevermind."
I start to sit up, pulling my knees up to my chest as I wrapped my arms around my legs. "No... what were you gonna say?" I fiddled with the string of my hoodie, keeping my eyes focused on his.
"It doesn't matterrrr. Just drop it." He replied back in his usual snarky attitude.
It did matter. I don't know why I cared so much about what he had to say. It's not like he actually cares about me. I've had about enough of his shit.
"No Phoenix. You don't have the right to be pissed at me. You're the one who wanted to say something. What's stopping you? Nothing ever did before." I snapped slightly, huffing as I get up from the bed, barging my way to the door.
He scoffs, swinging his legs to the side of the bed as he gets up, starting to walk my direction. I panicked slightly, not knowing exactly what to do in a moment like this. All the adrenaline was building up inside of me. I did what I thought was best. I opened the door, hurrying down the stairs as I heard Phoenix yelling from behind me—
"Hey! We're not done here!"
At this point I wasn't thinking of who might be watching or if anyone was even paying attention. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I quickly snapped my head in every direction trying to find the first person my thoughts locked onto. Ayden. Where was he? I rushed outside, spotting him underneath a tree with that same girl from before. My legs stumbled a bit as I made my way towards him.
"Ayden— I-I'm sorry, but I really need your help right now– it's.... it's Phoenix again. He won't leave me alone!" My voice cracks slightly, almost as if I'm about to cry. I guess I'm an emotional drunk.
Ayden's brows furrowed a bit as he looked to the girl beside him and then at me. "Hey, um.. I'm sorry to do this— if you wanna wait here– ah... fuck it you're not gonna wait... let's go, Ez." Ayden says with his usual confident and reassuring voice.
The girl scoffs and walks away, rolling her eyes, murmuring various curses as she got further away. Instead of turning back and leaving like I had poorly expected, Ayden stayed put, watching as Phoenix had finally caught up.
"This doesn't involve you. What are you, like his body guard or something?" Phoenix smirks a little as he lets out a breathy laugh. "You're not his boyfriend or anything so beat it." He says with gritted teeth.
My heart sunk to my stomach, I could feel my legs shaking from beneath me, and all I wanted to do was run, but I couldn't. Ayden stood his ground beside me, almost too calmly. Then— Ayden's arm suddenly wraps around my waist, pulling me close to his side.
"Actually, as of right now, I am." Ayden's eyes darted to me. The look on his face told me to just roll with it. "Besides, it's not like you like him that way anyway." Ayden kept his hand on my waist, looking back towards Phoenix who looked like he was going through a mental crisis.
Boyfriend....?
My face lit up, blushing from ear to ear as my thoughts spiraled. I tried to compose myself, my legs turning into goo by this point. I know Ayden is straight, he told me himself... so why is he risking that for me? I don't say a word as I bury my head into Ayden's chest. I can smell the alcohol and cologne on him.
Phoenix balls his hands into fists, grinding his teeth together. "Yeah, right. I bet you don't even like him like that. I'll believe it when I see it." He scoffs at his second comment, his arms across his chest. "I never said I did, jackass. Ugh, whatever. I'm out of here." He starts to stumble away, murmuring frustrtated slurs underneath his breath.
Ayden's grip on me loosened, his arm falling back to his side. After a moment, he pulled his phone out to get an Uber for us. We walked towards the side of the road, sitting down on the sidewalk as we waited for the driver to arrive. The silence stretched on for a long while, at least it felt that way— until Ayden's voice spoke up.
"So... I think i might have a plan that'll get Phoenix off your back." He pauses for a second, scratching the back of his head. "I'll be your fake boyfriend. He won't try to mess with you when I'm around."
I felt my body tense up, my fingers gripping the edge of the sidewalk firmly. "W-what? Why do you want to do this for me— everyone's going to think you're gay... and you're- you're... not." My voice shook as I talked, it couldn't be stopped. I worried about ruining Ayden's reputation, and any chance of him finding a girl. I didn't want to put him through that. "I don't want your reputation to be ruined. Don't risk that all for me." I kept my voice steady— firm. I meant it.
Ayden's brows furrowed into the same worried expression he always made when he saw something he wanted to fix. "I don't care what people think of me. Besides you're the only friend I've had since....." He started to stare off as if he was thinking about somebody he once knew. "Well... nevermind that, but it's been a long time since I've made a genuine friend— and my cousin doesn't count." He lets out a forced laugh, looking out into the street. "I want to do this, but if you don't want to then, that's okay too." He says with a small smile. "Won't stop me from kicking his ass though."
A small chuckle escaped my lips as my eyes glanced up at his. His eyeliner was slightly smudged, his hair touseled from wind; face flushed from drinking. I gave him a small nod, afraid that if I were to speak, no words would come out. When the Uber finally arrived, we got into the backseats. On the drive to Ayden's house, I felt myself getting more and more tired. I hadn't realized when I fell asleep.
*** AYDEN'S POV !!
I stared at the window, tuning out everything but the sudden sound of the raindrops hitting the top of the car, watching them slowly drip down the window. I felt his head rest against my shoulder, which pulled me back down to earth a little. His head drooped sleepily against my arm, small snores escaping from his lips. I didn't move, I just watched— he looked peaceful.
Such a light weight, sweaters.
He's actually not wearing a sweater today though surprisingly.
When we finally got to my house, I paid the fee and thanked the driver before I quickly unbuckled Ez's seat belt, pulling him into my arms bridal style. He looked up at me groggily, barely comprehending what was even going on before resting his head against my chest, falling asleep again. I carried him around to the back of the house, sneaking him through the back door. Mom and Dad would already be asleep as the time was 11:16pm. It's a good thing my bedroom is on the first floor.
I'd planned for him to stay in the guest bedroom, but thinking about that now, it felt too risky. Especially since he's— passed out. I quietly made my way to my bedroom, laying him on my bed gently before closing my door, locking it in case my parents barged inside in the morning, which they often did. My eyes drifted to the bed. I took off Ez's shoes, putting them on the floor beside the bed, then took off my own, getting beside him. As I laid beside him, I couldn't help but notice something strange. My eyes looked down at his raised shirt, noticing a few dark marks against his skin. Bruises? No... hickeys. My cheeks started to heat up slightly. I quickly looked away like as if he'd noticed me staring, even though he was fast asleep.
It's not like I meant to stare. At all— I just—noticed it. Who could've done this?
It can't be.... him.... right?