"Nu... what happened?" Chavis emerged from the doorway, hurrying to close the distance between himself and Anupap. "What are you doing here? Are you alright?"
Anupap was about to turn away, but Chavis stepped around to block his path, worry etched in his eyes.
He had never seen Anupap like this before. Soaked to the bone, face shadowed with grief, eyes rimmed red—like someone who had just been crying.
Who did this to the person I love... who...
"Tell me. What's wrong?"
Anupap kept his head down. In his mind, he thought today felt like the end of the world—he'd already encountered three people, trying so hard to escape, only to run into Chavis as well.
Anupap... are you going to keep running like this forever? Why don't you turn back and fight? Didn't you say you came here to settle down? Where will you run to settle down next?
A voice in Anupap's head urged him to his senses, while another voice resisted, not wanting Chavis to see him in this weakened state—drenched, disheveled, eyes red from crying.
"Nu... I was just looking for a hotel to stay, but it's fine now. I'll go home," Anupap's voice was soft, halting.
"Nu, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You don't have to say anything at all. But right now, please don't go anywhere."
Chavis was learning that pressing Anupap was useless. This was a new side of the young man he'd never seen before—so different from the past, when he used to beg for things and Anupap would jump into his arms, coaxing sweetly until Anupap couldn't resist and would nod in agreement.
He realized that the years that had passed had changed his former lover. Before, Anupap had been cheerful, bright, playful, moody, and would complain loudly whenever anyone crossed him—but soft and endearing when Chavis pleaded with him.
Now, meeting Anupap again, the person he loved had become quiet, reserved, silent and cold, always looking down, refusing to speak, refusing to reveal anything.
"Nu, come inside first. I'll find you a room." Chavis sensed instinctively that Anupap was 'running' from something or someone.
What could have driven the person I love to seek hotel refuge in this condition?
Who made Anupap so heartbroken? Who hurt 'his' heart?
His emotions simmered, anger rising in waves.
That man! The man who blocked me from following Anupap that night—the night I first found him again, the night I found Anupap after searching for over five years.
Anupap must have fought with that man. It must be him who made Anupap sad and run away to start over.
Just wait. I'll track him down and deal with him properly.
Anupap still hesitated, refusing to move.
"Nu, you see me as a friend, don't you? Let me help a friend just once. Go inside. You probably don't want to go home yet, right?"
Anupap shook his head. In his confused mind, his thoughts began to gather.
He had made his decision. He'd been running all along, but this time he wouldn't run anymore. Whatever would happen, let it be. The overlapping images of two young men in his life would finally fade. Whether Atikom's image or Chavis's would become clearer—who did he love, who would his future be with?
Anupap decided to follow Chavis inside the hotel. The staff at the entrance bowed with excessive deference.
How ridiculous. Last time I ran from Chavis, but Atikom took me in to comfort me, gave me warmth, and said he loved me.
This time, running from Atikom, Chavis is comforting me.
But do I want warmth from Chavis or from Atikom?
The image of the stern-faced police major stuck in his head, refusing to fade no matter how he tried to shake it off.
Chavis led him to the glass elevator beside the hotel's grand lobby, decorated luxuriously and beautifully. He pressed the elevator button, then guided Anupap inside, reaching to press floor 91.
"What about reception?" Anupap turned to look at the guest registration counter. "Don't we need to register?"
"It's my hotel," Chavis pressed the close button, turning to smile faintly, his eyes warm.
Anupap sighed. No matter how I run, I can't escape—whether from Chavis or Atikom.
Having come this far, asking him to turn around and run out of the hotel just because it belonged to Chavis would be too much. The various experiences he'd been through had made him much calmer than before.
I've run enough. This time, let me fight for once.
You've acted foolish long enough, Anupap. Go up, take a warm bath, and sleep. Deal with everything else tomorrow.
Anupap's rationality began to return. Only one voice echoed in his head now.
His strength was beginning to come back.
"The Cliff was just completed early last year. Before this, I built the Pano View condo... do you remember, Nu? The cliff where we went rappelling in Montana, because you needed to pee so badly that..."
"Don't say it. I don't want to remember that time again."
Chavis smiled, amused, thinking of the past. The good memories between him and Anupap were countless.
The past that I can only keep in memory, the present I don't even have the right to touch—as for the future, will I even be able to think about it?
Anupap accepted his fate. Even though he had come to stay at a hotel seeking silence and solitude, wanting no special connections to any shared memories with anyone, yet here he was, in one of Chavis's dreams—a dream Chavis had chosen before abandoning the shared dreams he and Anupap once had together.
I can't escape anymore. Whatever happens, I have to face it now.
The past—no matter how I run, I can't escape it.
Chavis grabbed his phone and spoke a few sentences, then the elevator doors opened. He led Anupap through the elevator lobby straight to a large door not far away.
The Avalon Suite.
Chavis pulled out a key card and inserted it into the door to unlock it.
Anupap began to realize that the place he had fled to, seeking to 'escape' bad memories, had become the place with the most memories of all.
He noticed the hotel was decorated in dark brown tones. The hotel name, the room name he was about to enter, the elevator, the paintings on the walls—everything reflected memories between him and Chavis.
The Avalon—the nameplate of his university dormitory room. He used to call it his 'sanctuary' whenever he felt troubled. Home was the only place where he felt safe and warm—his and Chavis's home, the small room on the second floor of the dorm, hidden among the lush green trees.
Chavis stood nearby, shoulder leaning against the door frame, hand still holding the doorknob. Anupap stood against the other side, head down in silence.
"Vis…" Anupap sighed softly, looking up at his former lover.
"For you, Nu. I did everything for you, even if it's a bit late. I know. The things you're seeing might stir up some feelings, but don't misunderstand my intentions in bringing you up here to stay."
Both remained still, eyes meeting, breathing softly, though their hearts pounded with the complex emotions packed tight in their chests.
"Do you remember, Nu? You said yourself that the scariest place is the one that will make you overcome fear and discover your own strength. I know you're strong. Whatever you're running from, I want you to know that this is your sanctuary. I want you to know that I'll always be your support."
Chavis alluded to the past. Heights were what Anupap feared, and he had taken him mountain climbing. When they climbed over two hundred meters high, Anupap was so terrified he could barely control himself. Chavis had grabbed him into an embrace, comforting him until Anupap calmed down, though they had to sacrifice the water bottle because the young man needed it when nature called.
Chavis never forgot the words Anupap whispered softly in his ear after completing the mission: "You are my Avalon. Thank you, darling, but be careful not to drink from the wrong bottle." Then their little love scene in the sky began—five minutes frozen in his heart, never forgotten, remembering every detail, even the rhythm of their heartbeats.
"Thank you, Vis." Anupap looked at the room nameplate, then down at the young man's chest—the broad chest he used to nestle against when troubled, the broad chest that had given him warmth, comfort when he needed strength.
But deep in my heart, I'm thinking of another broad chest.
That night, Atikom had held him tight, giving him warmth and strength, and said he loved him.
Tonight, where would he find warmth when Atikom himself was the one who had hurt him?
"Nu, hurry and take a warm bath and sleep. I'll have housekeeping pick up your clothes for washing—guaranteed to be ready for tomorrow morning. But if you want to stay longer, that's fine too. Free room with breakfast included." Chavis smiled.
Anupap smiled sadly. "It would have to be free anyway, because I don't have money to pay for something this expensive. Tomorrow afternoon I have to go to Krabi for work. Do you have any free suites in Krabi?"
"Not yet—no projects there yet. But if you want to stay, I'll build you a whole building."
In Chavis's heart, he yearned for Anupap to stay forever, to stay with him. From now on, he would never leave Anupap again. He would do everything for the person he loved. The lesson he'd learned was as expensive as the price of two hearts—he understood its value now.
For now, wait. I still have time. I waited for Anupap for years, waiting a little longer won't hurt. I need to make Anupap trust me first. When the time comes, I'll win his heart back.
"Good night." Chavis smiled warmly, then turned to walk back to the elevator.
"Vis."
Chavis stopped, quickly turning back.
"I never hated you, Vis. You don't have to blame yourself..." Anupap spoke softly, giving a faint smile before closing the room door.
Chavis stood still for a long time, various emotions flooding his heart—joy at hearing from Anupap's lips that he didn't hate him, sadness at not having the chance to embrace and comfort him as before, relief, turmoil, worry, but above all, certainty that he loved the young man. Loved him as a lover, not as the friend Anupap had requested. There was no way he could love him just as a friend—no way.
Chavis steeled himself, turned back, and walked straight to the elevator, jaw clenched tight with pain, trying to swallow the hard lump lodged in his throat. A man's tears began to well up in his wounded eyes.
Chavis pressed the button for floor 93—the top floor, two floors above Anupap. So close, yet it felt impossibly far.
His vacant gaze looked out through the glass elevator at the glittering lights of nighttime Bangkok, but his heart was growing dim. The tiny glimmer of hope in his heart was barely remaining.
The Cliff, towering into the empty sky, so high it made him feel alone.
Chavis sighed. The fading light of hope still reminded him—as long as he drew breath, he believed he still had a chance.
***