Atikom's jaw clenched, his knuckles white against the steering wheel. His heart hammered against his ribs as the scene unfolded before him—a nightmare he'd never imagined.
Anupap climbing into Trin's car.
After Anupap's ultimatum forbidding anyone to follow, everyone hesitated. But hesitation lasted only moments. Atikom spun around, rushing toward his vehicle to pursue Anupap. His car sat trapped in the inner lot, blocked by others that would need moving before he could escape. Trin had the advantage—his sleek sedan waited near the exit. Atid stood frozen, torn between action and paralysis, before sprinting to his own car, only to find it equally trapped by the maze of parked vehicles. Asanai had vanished—Atikom couldn't spare a glance to see where, consumed by his desperate need to catch Anupap.
Atikom's hands trembled as he fought for control. He could floor the accelerator, ram through traffic to catch Trin's car, force it to stop and drag Anupap out. But he couldn't. The thought of Anupap's hatred, should he resort to such brutality, paralyzed him.
So he let Anupap slip away, his chest burning with helpless rage. He'd give Anupap time to think, even as another voice whispered that solitude might push Anupap toward a decision Atikom couldn't bear to imagine.
Khun Nu... please don't... don't leave me... I love you... only you...
The words echoed in his mind, unspoken prayers to an empty night.
***
Asanai sat shivering in his car, trembling not just from the rain that had soaked him to the bone, but from the devastating weight of his defeat.
So much for the strong Asanai... the confident Asanai... the never-surrender Asanai...
He'd summoned every ounce of strength for this final stand, this last desperate attempt to claim Atikom's heart. And when the moment arrived, he'd been the first to retreat. The pain cut deeper than he'd imagined, stealing his breath.
"Khun Nu, I love you... only you..."
Atikom's pleading voice still rang in his ears. He'd known those words would come, had even wanted to hear them to confirm what his heart already knew.
If I knew this would happen... that last cry in the restaurant bathroom should have been enough... I shouldn't be sitting here sobbing in competition with the rain...
Atikom hadn't spared him a single glance. Not one. Not even a moment's acknowledgment.
He'd once told himself that as long as he drew breath, opportunity remained. He was still breathing now, but opportunity had dissolved with the rain, leaving nothing but the hollow echo of what might have been.
***
Pojanee burst into the pub, taking the stairs two at a time, her eyes scanning frantically for Sombat before spotting her with the latest young conquest.
"P'Bud! Something big's happening!" She gasped, breathless and urgent.
"What now, Poj? Who's chasing you?"
"We need to go... there's going to be... a fight..." Pojanee grabbed Sombat's arm, hauling her to her feet.
"What? Guys beating each other up over you?" Sombat protested even as she followed, being dragged along.
"A fight over P'Nu. Major Atikom's about to take on Atid, and Khun Trin might join in too." Pojanee sucked in a breath before delivering the urgent news.
"Damn it, why didn't you tell me sooner!" Sombat shot ahead, pushing through the pub's patrons toward the exit.
The scene that greeted them: Atid pounding his fists against the car blocking his black Mercedes. Sombat and Pojanee rushed to restrain him, pulling the young man away before anyone else could witness his breakdown.
"Atid! Stop this right now. Come here."
"P'Bud... P'Nu is gone... P'Nu doesn't love me anymore." The devastatingly young man trembled like a leaf.
Sombat and Pojjanee dragged Atid under the pub's side awning, settling him on a bench near the stairs. He buried his face in his hands, elbows on his knees, sobbing like a broken child.
Sombat exchanged glances with Pojanee and sighed, her heart aching for Atid—the young man who'd loved Anupap with every fiber of his being, receiving nothing in return.
"Atid..." Sombat struggled for words, settling for rubbing his back in gentle comfort.
"P'Bud, at least Atid isn't drunk," Pojanee comment weakly.
"Poj!" Sombat shot her a withering look. The younger woman made a sheepish face, equally lost for what to do. "Say something comforting, will you?"
"I... uh..." Sombat huffed, exasperated with her increasingly tactless friend. "Atid, take it easy. Tell us what happened. P'Bud and P'Poj are here now. We won't abandon you."
"P'Nu left me... P'Nu abandoned me... P'Nu doesn't love me. I'm heartbroken."
Sombat wrapped an arm around Atid's shoulders, understanding his pain all too well.
"I get it. Don't say too much right now, just stay calm. Gather yourself. Things aren't as hopeless as you think. P'Nu does love you—don't talk like that."
"P'Nu loves Major Atikom... he... he loves the Detective. He doesn't love me. Don't lie to me. Don't try to comfort me by saying P'Nu loves me like a brother. I don't want to be his brother. I want to be his lover. I want to be his boyfriend. Do you hear me?"
"If you can't be his boyfriend, don't you want to be his brother at all? Even brotherly love—you don't want any of that?" Sombat's voice carried a sharp edge.
"Listen, Atid. I've told you before—love can't be forced. Sometimes we can't explain why. People get disappointed, people get their hopes fulfilled. We have so much time left. Don't let today, don't let this moment's decision destroy the good feelings you've shared."
"You don't understand. You're not me. You don't know how heartbroken I am. P'Nu doesn't love me. I'm disappointed. I'm truly devastated." Atid's voice cracked, though the sobbing had stopped. He stared ahead with vacant eyes.
"How could I not understand? I know heartbreak intimately. I nearly died from it several times."
"Really, P'Bud?" Pojanee's eyes widened.
"Atid, let me tell you a secret. Someone I'd loved for four or five years, who told me they loved me every day, was passionately making love to another man in our room, on our bed—that disappointment and heartbreak almost drove me to suicide. Khun Trin carried me to the hospital. If I hadn't been strong, hadn't had friends' support, I wouldn't be here comforting you now. You know, that was the first and only time I was ever in Khun Trin's arms." Sombat attempted comfort with a touch of her usual humor, trying to ease the tension.
"Really, P'Bud?" Pojanee's eyes widened even more.
"Of course, you idiot." Sombat's irritation with Pojanee flared.
"Atid, P'Nu might not love you as a boyfriend... as a romantic partner, but I'm certain the love he has for you is special. Think about it—romantic couples fight, break up, even divorce. But the love between friends, between siblings that we share—that's special. Even when we're angry, even when we fight, we forgive each other, make up, and continue loving. This kind of love from Anupap—don't you want any of it? Do you only want romantic love? Think carefully."
"That's beautiful," Pojanee whispered, tears in her eyes, never having heard Sombat speak so eloquently.
Atid turned to look at Sombat, who sat smiling encouragingly beside him. The young man began to calm, though his heart still ached for Anupap. He understood what Sombat meant, but his heart still yearned for romantic love. He loved Anupap so deeply, he couldn't imagine when that might transform into brotherly affection.
Asanai had told him that as long as there was breath, there was opportunity.
He was still breathing now... but where was his opportunity? He needed it desperately.
This waiting was suffocating him.
***
Trin slowed the car, glancing at Anupap who'd sat silent throughout the journey. He'd turned off the air conditioning some time ago—they were both shivering from their soaked clothes.
Without the hum of the luxury car's climate control, silence settled heavily between them, broken only by their soft breathing.
"Khun Nu, should I take you home?" Trin asked gently, concern coloring his voice.
Anupap shook his head, staring at his hands folded in his lap.
He couldn't go home. Atikom would surely be waiting at the condo. Right now, he wasn't ready to face anyone, wasn't prepared to discuss such delicate matters with anyone.
"Or we could go to my condo on Yenakat Road. I bought it but never use it. No one's there. You could have solitude."
The young man remained silent for a moment before lifting his gaze to look out the window.
"Just drop me at any hotel around here. I'll spend the night at a hotel."
Trin knew Anupap well—knew the young man needed quiet solitude to think and reflect.
Anupap embodied contradictions: weakness and strength, hesitation and decisiveness, blending and shifting dynamically. When Anupap resolved his uncertainties, he became unwavering and decisive. Similarly, when he overcame his weaknesses, he emerged strong and resilient... resolute.
Tonight would be the night Anupap decided whether to surrender or conquer.
"Khun Nu, think carefully, but don't try to figure everything out in one night. You have time. But I want you to think about who loves you, and who you love most. I know you'll think with reason, not just emotion."
Trin never imagined he'd play the role of the selfless one. He loved Anupap too, but knowing Anupap loved Atikom, he wanted the person he cared for to be happy. Being able to love secretly was enough for him. He wouldn't compete with Atikom, Atid, or Chavis.
"Khun Trin, thank you."
"Of course... Oh, don't forget—tomorrow afternoon we fly to Krabi for the Pepsi commercial shoot. Sorry for bringing up work, but this time I mentioned personal matters first, didn't I?" Trin laughed softly, attempting to lighten the mood.
It was rare to see Trin laugh. Perhaps this was the first time he'd ever seen his stern boss smile.
Trin's unexpected humor, which few had ever heard, drew a sad smile from Anupap.
"But if you want to take a break, go ahead. I won't dock your salary. Just don't quit, don't lose determination. Right now, everything's just beginning. There's still so much ahead. You know that once you regain your composure, you can handle it all yourself."
Trin's words carried multiple layers of meaning...
Anupap felt grateful to know this man. Trin was mature, serious, sometimes appearing cold, but ultimately warm-hearted, sincere, and strong.
Isn't this the kind of man who could provide stability in his life? The kind who could offer shelter to his heart? The kind who, once loved, would handle everything responsibly, eliminating worry about the future?
But why do I keep thinking about that playboy cop... the one who claimed to have given up his flirting ways for love... yet I saw him with his own eyes still involved with an old flame...
Why... why doesn't anything go as it should...
***
Anupap stood uncertainly before the hotel—a place of ultimate anonymity, filled with strangers, free from emotional triggers, devoid of shared memories with anyone. Returning home meant risking Atikom lying in wait. Even if he escaped to his bedroom, he'd see the sofa where Atikom had slept, the tall stool where he'd sat before pulling him into that declaration of love.
He needed to establish himself somewhere. He needed time to think.
The young man hesitated, catching his reflection in the glass doors. He was soaked to the skin. The reception staff eyed him strangely. Would this respectable-looking hotel even accept him as a guest?
But he had money and credit cards. Hotels don't refuse paying customers. He'd explain he'd gotten caught in the rain stepping out of a taxi.
Anupap walked directly toward the entrance. A uniformed staff member in dark brown watched him but didn't open the door. The young man reached for the handle when the door swung wide from inside. The staff member quickly stepped back with a respectful bow.
Anupap froze... stunned... never expecting to encounter the person he least wanted to see... at this moment... in this condition...
***