I didn't think I'd have to fight for my life again so soon.
Then again, I didn't think I'd be able to rename a vending machine "Tony" and have it sing Bon Jovi while dispensing grenades, either — so at this point, reality could take a number and stand in line.
The next glitch started in the alley behind my building. I'd gone down there to throw out an old pizza box and found a group of guys cornering some poor delivery kid.
Big guy in front, metal pipe in hand. Classic bad movie henchman look. The kind who gets taken out in 0.3 seconds during a superhero origin scene.
> [Event Triggered: Street Fight – Level 1]
"Tutorial Combat Unlocked."
OBJECTIVES:
Protect Target
Survive
Style Points (Optional)
A giant red "START!" flashed above the alley.
The thugs didn't see it. Of course they didn't. Only I saw the floating UI, the stats, the glowing tutorial text like I was in a training mission from hell.
> [Enemy_01] – STREET AGGRESSOR
[Threat Level: Low]
[Scripted Behavior: Cocky]
"Yo, what's up, hero?" the big guy said, stepping toward me. "You want a pipe sandwich too?"
"No thanks," I replied. "Already had a system error and a brain crash today."
Then I tapped the glitch panel and selected three things:
//LOWER ENEMY ACCURACY (85%)
//SPEED BOOST (Zeke_N)
//INSERT RANDOM SFX: "Anime Punch Impact.wav"
He swung. I ducked. Punched him once.
BOOM.
The sound effect played like a Dragon Ball Z episode. The guy went flying backward into a dumpster and didn't get up.
His friends?
They stared.
Then bolted.
> [TUTORIAL COMPLETE]
REWARD: "Debug Kick" Unlocked.
"Debug Kick?" I muttered.
I tried it on a soda can.
It teleported six blocks away and exploded.
Yeah. Okay. That's gonna be fun.