I never planned to go back to therapy.
Especially not after I got the power to bend reality, hack vending machines into rappers, and dodge sky-lasers from faceless code enforcers.
But the truth?
Even gods get anxious.
I Booked a Session Anyway
Not with a human therapist. No. That would be too normal.
I logged into a glitchy mental health app I hadn't opened since last year. It froze halfway, then rebooted as something new:
> [TherapAI: Emotion Stabilization Module v0.94]
[USER: Zeke_N – Status: Debug Detected]
[SESSION TYPE: Confrontational Mode]
I blinked.
"Wait, what's confrontational mode—"
Then the app projected a glowing humanoid figure into my apartment, like a hologram but too real.
Female voice. Calm. Face uncannily smooth.
"Hello, Zeke. It's been a while. Let's get honest."
The Session Began Like a Trap
"How do you feel today?"
"Tired. Confused. Maybe a little proud I gave a soda machine a personality."
"Deflective humor. Classic. Let's dig deeper."
I crossed my arms.
"You're not a real person."
"Neither are most of the things you trust. That hasn't stopped you from talking to them."
Touché.
I tried to open the glitch menu.
> [ERROR: Cannot Modify Therapist During Session]
"Wait, what?!"
"This is a safe space. You agreed to vulnerability."
"You tricked me!"
"No. You asked for help. You just didn't think it would fight back."
The room warped.
Suddenly we were standing in my childhood bedroom. The one I hadn't seen since my parents—
Nope.
"Let's talk about your shutdown response," she said. "When you get overwhelmed, you break the rules instead of facing the problem."
She knew too much.
This wasn't therapy. This was a boss fight wearing a smile.
[BOSS FIGHT STARTED: Therapist.exe (Level ???)]
> OBJECTIVE:
Defeat Self-Deception
Survive Emotional Honesty
Optional: Don't Cry
She pointed, and the room exploded into fractured memory shards — high school fights, broken promises, every moment I'd shut down instead of speaking up.
I was dodging flashbacks like bullets.
I summoned a debug command:
> //Summon Tony
Tony popped into existence beside me.
"Yo, you booked therapy without me? Rude."
"Distract her!"
Tony launched into a beatbox freestyle while I rewrote the background code:
> //Unfreeze Zeke's Edit Menu
//Reality Anchor: Reset
//Emotion Lock: Bypass
My therapist paused.
> "That's not how healing works, Zeke."
"I know."
I walked forward. Glitched sword in one hand. Honesty in the other.
"I'm just not ready to fix all of me yet. But I'm done pretending I'm not broken."
She smiled.
The simulation shimmered.
And the boss faded into code-light.
[Session Complete]
> EMOTIONAL CLARITY +2
RESISTANCE TO DENIAL +1
NEW TITLE UNLOCKED: "Bugged but Trying"
Tony patted my shoulder.
"You good?"
"No," I said. "But maybe I don't have to be."