"La la la~"
Tobi looked like he was in an incredibly good mood, skipping and hopping down the path like a fool.
Every masked shinobi following closely behind him, keeping hidden, frowned as they fixed their eyes on his figure.
They had already left Sunagakure's borders, but now wasn't the right time. It was rush hour—people getting off work. If they struck now, it would definitely draw the attention of nearby Suna patrols.
We'll wait a bit longer.
They exchanged glances, nodding slightly, saying nothing more.
After two days of observation, they had already compiled a full dossier on this damn host.
Name: Tobi
Age: Around 18–20
Hobbies: Drawing
Weakness: Can't actually draw
Personality: Flighty, always smiling like a fool. Surprisingly strong bladder—can stand in one spot all day without using the bathroom. Though that might be because he doesn't drink water for hours. Frugal. Never seen buying food; maybe he eats before going out.
In other words, he was a patient guy.
Daily Routine:
Sets up shop around 7 AM, packs up by 5 PM. No known friends. Spends his whole day alone. Suspected of mental instability or being a pervert—he constantly stares at a public restroom across from his stall. In short: not normal.
But none of that mattered.
What mattered was: he was going to get a beating today.
One masked shinobi swept his gaze around the area.
"This is good."
He nodded solemnly.
"We're far enough from the village, and we're surrounded by nothing but dunes. All right, mo—"
But before he could even finish giving the command—
"Aaaargh—!!"
A sharp cry rang out.
All the shinobi turned to see Tobi, off in the distance, being mercilessly beaten by another group of masked ninja. Their expressions darkened.
"...Wait, are there other villages' shinobi here too?"
At that moment—
Tobi was on the ground, rolling back and forth in the sand with his hands over his head.
"Who are you people?! Listen here—!"
"I'm Tobi! Deputy Director of the Research Institute! An important person in Sunagakure! I've bled for the Fourth Kazekage! Earned honors! Do you even realize who you're—"
WHACK.
"Shut him up! Beat him! I've been waiting for this day for so long!"
"Hit him again! Harder!"
"TDY bastard! Aren't you good at running your mouth?! Keep talking!"
"Daring to slander us—Kumogakure?! You must have a death wish! You think we're not gonna explode over that?!"
"You think I don't know you're from Kumogakure?!"
Tobi, now with a swollen face and bruised eyes, shouted stubbornly with his neck craned upward:
"If you don't kill me today, tomorrow I'll kill you!"
"Great! Kill him!"
"…Wait."
Tobi blinked.
He looked up at the five masked men surrounding him, all with vicious expressions. After a pause, he let out a long, dramatic sigh—
"I was wrong!"
He dropped flat onto the desert floor.
I'm the future of ninja art… How could I die here like this?!
"Hey! Hey! I said I was sorry! Stop hitting me!"
No matter how pitifully he begged, the shinobi kept beating him.
"You'll kill me if you keep going—!"
Meanwhile, the real masked shinobi—those hiding nearby—exchanged confused glances as they watched Tobi get pummeled.
"Are those guys from Kumogakure?"
But wait… If they were from Kumo…
Then what the hell were these guys?!
Bullshit!
They were the real Kumo shinobi!
"…It must be Iwagakure," one of them muttered. "Trying to frame us."
"Maybe it's Konoha," another suggested.
"…What do we do now?"
They all fell silent again, frustrated.
"…Should we say we're from Iwagakure?"
"We'll let you live this time."
One of the masked shinobi who had beaten Tobi to the ground sneered as he crouched over him.
"But remember—this wasn't the work of Kumogakure. It was Iwagakure. Got that?"
"Iwagakure! Got it! Definitely Iwagakure!"
Tobi nodded furiously, face swollen and battered. Fortunately, his disguise hadn't fallen off yet. Watching the attackers vanish over the dunes, he gave a cold snort.
"You think I'm an idiot?"
"Kumogakure… I won't forget this."
He would definitely call on thousands of White Zetsu later to surround those Kumo bastards and make them pay.
"In Sunagakure, I've got a thousand wa—"
Before he could finish—
Another group of masked shinobi appeared out of nowhere.
Tobi froze.
He immediately changed his tune, standing tall and righteous:
"Those vile Iwa-nin! Despicable! Absolutely—"
"Hit him!"
The new group didn't let him finish either. With a single command, they descended on him.
"Causing trouble, huh?!"
"Slandering us, the proud shinobi of Iwagakure?! You've got guts!"
"Boss, should I just bury him with Earth Release? You know we're experts at—"
"Shut it! Use ninjutsu and someone will trace us back to Iwa! Right now we're Konoha, got it?! Konoha!"
"Right, boss!"
Tobi sighed.
At this point, he just rolled over and stuck his ass in the air, hands cradling his head.
He was getting used to it.
…Iwa-nin now?
He suddenly realized—these attackers weren't the same ones from earlier.
Iwa? Kumo? Konoha?
They must have planned this all along.
Even his thousands of White Zetsu hadn't picked up on it.
Which meant… this ambush had been meticulously prepared.
He didn't know how long had passed, but eventually, the beatings stopped.
Tobi sat up slowly, expression full of grief, watching the latest group of shinobi disappear into the distance.
"Iwa-nin and Kumo-nin, huh…"
As for Konoha? Pfft. That was a lie.
He was an artist, not an idiot.
His expression twisted into a ferocious scowl.
"So, I, Tobi—"
He froze.
Yet another masked ninja stood silently in front of him.
Only one this time.
Tobi stared at him blankly.
He suddenly realized:
Talking big… should probably be saved for private moments in remote locations.
He sighed heavily.
"…So which village are you from?"
This time, the ninja said nothing.
He rubbed his ribs once, then stepped forward—
—and began silently beating Tobi, who had gone limp like a rag doll in the sand.
There was no point in saying which village now.
At first, he had considered letting this guy go.
After all, he'd always been a kind-hearted man, striving for peace in the ninja world.
But then—
His ribs still ached.
He thought about Kakashi still laid up in bed…
And about his own lost youth.
In the end, he decided—
Tobi needed to be thoroughly beaten.
A while later.
With a peaceful sigh, the masked man turned and disappeared.
Finally, his mind felt clear.
As for Tobi…
He remained flat on his back in the desert.
Not daring to say another word.
His face was full of grievance, his clothes tattered, arms and legs splayed out across the sand.
"Those bastards… I really hate them."
This time, it had to be Konoha.
"Konoha… Kumo… Iwa…"
He had thousands upon thousands of White Zetsu brothers—he wouldn't let this go.
Lying motionless in the desert like a dead fish,
Tobi's eyes gleamed coldly beneath the moonlight.