Chapter 62: Doubts and Dreams
Andoy's Point of View
Three days have passed since Flora and I joined the feeding program in Tondo, Manila. The memories of the children's smiles and the gratitude of the elderly remain vivid in my mind. Those moments give me the strength to carry on, even though every day is a struggle between my duty and the dreams I long for.
Every afternoon, I make an effort to pick Flora up from school and take her to her dorm. Right now, this is all I can do for her—a simple gesture to show my good intentions—even though I know deep down she might be sulking because I haven't spent my free time with her. It has been weeks since we last went on a date, and I don't want her to think I'm losing interest or love for her.
I am serious about asking Flora to be mine—no, it's more than that. I want to spend my life with her, build a family, and have a home filled with love and peace. But despite these dreams, I feel the weight of the responsibilities I carry, causing deep sadness and anxiety about the future. Yet, all of that fades whenever I am with her.
I am struggling with my current situation—a secret I keep from everyone, even Flora. I am trapped in something I cannot turn my back on: a duty greater than my own happiness.
Inside an old van, surrounded by men with red bandanas tied around their arms, I sit in silence, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. Yes, they are rebels—members of the Katipunan. Those red bandanas are not just ornaments; they are symbols of our struggle and our hope for the country's freedom. But as I stare at them, I feel a pang in my chest—a reminder that the path I am walking is paved with danger and sacrifice.
Five years ago, I discovered I wasn't an ordinary person. A tragedy changed my life. One dark night in a Manila alley, while I was with my friends, Spanish police chased us. In the chaos, gunfire rang out. Several bullets hit me, and I expected that to be the end—but a diwata (deity) saved me.
It was Ada Ason, the diwata of Manila. She saved me and gave me the chance to live as the heir to her power; because of her, I became a Sugo (Envoy). From the cruelty of the Spanish police, the Envoy of Manila was born, known as Crimson Cloud Von. The power I received was extraordinary: I can control the red smoke emitted by my body and use it as a weapon. It was amazing at first, like a dream I couldn't comprehend.
Ada Ason's only instruction was to use this power to protect her territory. Since then, she hasn't appeared or spoken to me in my dreams again. In the first few weeks, I was terrified. I didn't know why I was chosen. I am not a brave man, nor do I like fighting. Honestly, my only plan in life was to work hard, give my parents a good life, and ensure we ate three times a day. That was enough for me—a simple, safe, and peaceful life.
But the reality of Manila is cruel. Every day, I see crimes and abuses the government fails to stop. How can they stop the chaos when they themselves are the root of the suffering? One night, I decided to use my power. I witnessed a crime and chased the thieves into a dark alley. Even with no fighting experience, I managed to knock the criminals unconscious using my red smoke.
That night gave me courage. From then on, I went out every night as a vigilante. Snatchers, corrupt police, and syndicates became my targets. I don't kill, even if they are evil people; instead, I give them a lesson that will keep them straight for the rest of their lives.
As time passed, this became my daily life. People came to know me as Crimson Cloud Von—a name that gave hope to the needy and struck fear into criminals. However, six months ago, I encountered another Envoy. That was my first real battle. I faced the Envoy of Laguna and his men. They captured me and locked me in a strange house with thousands of rooms. There was no way to escape; I was powerless against him. In the end, I surrendered.
They didn't want to kill me; they just wanted to know my motive for causing trouble in Manila. According to the Envoy of Laguna, my vigilantism was pointless if that was all I did with my power. He explained that I couldn't save everyone in Manila from criminals and police alone, and that my actions would only bring more harm to the country. I tried to explain the state of Manila—the abuse and suffering of Filipinos—but he told me to think carefully, as if he wanted me to turn a blind eye for the sake of a hollow peace.
I didn't listen to him. I continued my fight against the Spaniards until one day, I faced the leader of the Spaniards in Manila—the demonic Viceroy Magellan. He is a ruthless official who labels all Filipinos as rebels, indifferent to innocent lives. I saw his cruelty firsthand—how he executed men accused of being rebels without hesitation.
I couldn't ignore his evil. My Crimson Cloud is powerful, but when I faced Magellan, I felt like a helpless child. I can crush human bone with a single punch, but against Magellan's iron-like body, my attacks felt like nothing. It's embarrassing to admit, but I was no match for him. I couldn't bring justice to the Filipinos he killed. That night, I was defeated and ready to be executed, but the other Envoys saved me.
They are the reason I am still free and wasn't hanged in the plaza. But because of my resistance against the government, innocent Filipinos were affected. Even if they didn't choose to fight, they suffered because of my actions. The truth that I am responsible for their deaths is like a dagger stuck in my chest to this day.
I recovered for several days in a secret rebel base. There, I met Emil, the Envoy of Pasay. A cheerful and talkative person, Emil was the first to explain the goal of the Katipunan to me. I knew the group was often seen as troublemakers, but according to Emil, their true desire was change—a nation free from Spanish abuse.
At first, I didn't want to join. I knew I might be implicated in their crimes. My conscience was clear because, as a vigilante, I never killed anyone. To me, being crippled for life is a heavier punishment than a quick death. But the Katipunan assured me I wouldn't have to kill or follow orders that went against my heart. They just wanted me to help as much as I could. During the day, I could still work as the ordinary "Andoy," continuing my normal life in Manila.
But years later, the Katipunan decided to have a singular leader—a leader capable of spearheading the revolution. Everything changed then. Under the leadership of Martin, the Envoy of Quezon City, the group's mission shifted. We were no longer just helping people and stopping crime; we became true rebels, directly attacking the Spaniards. Everything became planned and mission-oriented.
Under Martin, the Katipunan became more organized. Every move was calculated with his approval. However, in recent months, I've noticed a change in his methods. I know he's desperate to end the fight, but he no longer considers the innocent lives that might be caught in the crossfire. I've witnessed his actions—destroying property, taking captives. I know it's for the country's freedom, but I'm starting to doubt if his methods are still right. As a member, the group helped me secure Manila, but I can't forget the innocents. Yet, I can't leave, especially knowing I can't defeat Magellan alone.
Currently, our group is at a secret military base in Cavite to plan our next attack. Inside a dark room, surrounded by determined members, Martin spoke as our leader.
"Filipinos will never defeat the Spaniards in a simple war," he said, his voice full of confidence. "We need strategy. My plan is to destroy every Spanish military base across Luzon. Once we weaken their forces, no one can support the capital, and we can easily take down Viceroy Magellan."
As Martin spoke, I noticed the eyes of my comrades—shining with hope, but with traces of fear. I know the danger of the plan; many of us could die.
One Envoy, Pio from Valenzuela, raised his hand. Though not a fighter, he helps the wounded after battles. "Supremo," Pio said, his voice calm but worried, "we only have three hundred forces in Cavite. I think we will struggle to destroy the military base here."
But for Martin, this wasn't an obstacle. "We don't need to worry about numbers," he replied confidently. "All we need to do is stop the Governor-General of Cavite from helping the other soldiers. Once we do that, we can easily control the situation."
Hulyo, the Envoy of Pasig, known for his cautiousness, chimed in. "Supremo, how can we ensure our men escape using the portal?" he asked with concern. "In the last operation, nearly a hundred members were captured because the portal didn't open in time. I know the mission is important, but I don't want to lose any more comrades. Each one of us is valuable."
I agreed with Hulyo, though I didn't say it aloud. I want to fight with them, but as much as possible, I don't want my comrades to die. Martin nodded in agreement, but his answer gave me a strange sense of dread.
"I know how much those we lost mean to us, Hulyo. I take responsibility for that mistake," he said, his voice calm but firm. "Perhaps I just didn't expect to encounter that nuisance, Indang, in Kawit."
The name Indang made my heart race—the powerful Envoy of Kawit. Yes, I met him before at Laguna's house.
"He is incredibly strong," Martin added, his tone tinged with admiration. "With his power, he would be a great asset to the Katipunan. I also know he was a former student of Laguna, so he has knowledge of Chakra, just like the Spaniards."
The talk about Chakra confused me. I know the Envoys' power isn't just simple magic—there is a deeper study involving many countries regarding its use. But according to Martin, we have no time to train or find more information on how Envoys from other countries use it.
"Every day, more Filipinos are dying and being abused," he said, his voice full of rage and determination. "We can no longer wait for the right time. We must act now for them."
An Envoy named Jana spoke up boldly. "Supremo, why don't we try to convince General Apyong again?" she asked hopefully. "He was once a member of the Katipunan when it was just an alliance, and I don't think he's like the other Spaniards who are cruel to Filipinos."
"I know what you're saying, Jana," Martin replied with bitterness. "Apyong cares for the Filipinos and does what he can for Cavite. But our views are different. He turned his back on the Katipunan to become a general—a decision he made for his own interests. Remember this: outside Cavite, thousands of Filipinos are crying and suffering. Only we in the Katipunan have the ability to help the whole country, and only we have the courage to defy the Spaniards and bring down their government here in the Philippines!"
As Martin spoke, my comrades cheered, united in one goal. Their voices were full of zeal, but in my heart, I was torn. I share their desire for freedom, but a question gnaws at me. Is the path I'm walking still right? The Katipunan gave me purpose, but I know Martin's actions aren't always good. He's become a criminal, and since I'm with him, I'm no different. I want freedom, but what if it requires the sacrifice of innocent lives?
On the other hand, I want a peaceful life with Flora—a life far from war, where we can be happy and start a family. I could escape, leave this dangerous life, and start over with her. I could work normally and live simply. But every time I think of this, the weight of my duty pulls me back. Is it right to leave the Katipunan just for my own happiness? Is it right to turn my back on suffering Filipinos just because I want peace? I'm struggling.
Who is more important to me? The woman I love with all my heart, or the Katipunan's fight for Filipino freedom? I don't know what to choose, or maybe there's nothing I can do. Every step on this path feels like a rickety bridge that could break at any moment. I feel the danger of my situation.
As the meeting continued, I remained silent, my mind full of confusion. Martin's words inspire everyone, but the questions in my heart won't go away. Amidst the zeal of my comrades, there lies my doubt—a battle between duty and dream, between country and love.
END OF POV.
On a quiet night in Manila, Flora sat in her dorm's living room, her fingers softly stroking her phone screen. The light from the device cast a soft glow on her face, but it couldn't erase the sadness in her eyes. She tried sending another message to Andoy, but like the previous days, there was no reply.
She couldn't explain the pain caused by his avoidance. He wouldn't reach out or even give news about his condition. She knew he was hiding something, but she didn't have the courage to ask him directly. Her mind was already busy with her studies and responsibilities as a student, and she found it harder to focus because of her worries for the man she loved. With every passing minute, she felt a combination of frustration, worry, and an inexplicable longing.
While staring at her phone, the doorbell suddenly rang—a sharp sound that cut through the silence. Flora froze, slightly flustered. "Who could that be?" she whispered, thinking it was just a food delivery. She slowly stood up, pulled her loose t-shirt down, and walked to the door. When she opened it, she nearly jumped back in surprise at the man standing there.
"General Romeo?" she almost shouted, her voice full of wonder and disbelief.
Standing at the door was her guardian, Romeo, wearing a simple black jacket and jeans. Romeo didn't waste time explaining. Instead, he walked straight into Flora's unit as if it were his own home. His eyes immediately scanned the room, checking every corner—from the scattered books on the table to the clothes hanging on the chair.
"Wait, General, what are you doing?" Flora asked, her voice tinged with concern as she followed him. He didn't answer and continued to her bedroom, opened the door, and peeked inside as if expecting to see someone.
"General!" Flora yelled, her voice rising in irritation. "You can't just barge into my room! What's the problem?" He even opened her cabinet, looking for something. "W-wait, why are you doing that? What's your problem?"
Romeo emerged from the room, calm but with a serious expression. After a moment, he faced Flora and looked her up and down as if inspecting every detail. Flora stepped back, suddenly shy under his gaze. She crossed her arms over her chest, trying to cover herself.
"Wh-why are you looking at me like that? General, don't look at me like that! Give me some privacy!"
Romeo smiled, a mix of concern and amusement. "I have no bad intentions, Flora," he said, his voice calm but heavy. "I just wanted to make sure my 'youngest sister' wasn't up to anything strange."
"Anything strange?" Flora replied, incredulous. "What would I be doing? And besides, I'm not your youngest sister!"
Romeo smiled while praising Flora for being a decent woman. Flora couldn't find the words to respond, unable to grasp what was on his mind. Romeo walked to the living room and sat on the sofa like he owned the place. "Youth are too impulsive these days," he said, adjusting his position.
"I wasn't sure if you were letting your 'boyfriend' in here. I'll allow you to do what you want, Flora, but I won't allow you to have a live-in partner while you're studying."
Flora's cheeks instantly burned with shame. "General!" she screamed. "W-wait, did you barge into my room because you thought I had a man here? I don't let Andoy in here, and I have no plans for a live-in partner! What are you thinking? You have such a dirty mind!"
Romeo saw the anger in Flora's eyes and sighed. He slowly stood up and approached her, his expression shifting from teasing to serious concern. "I'm sorry, Flora," he said sincerely. "I didn't mean to interfere or overstep. I know I've been too strict. I'm just not used to our situation being like this."
He looked at Flora, and for the first time, she noticed the exhaustion in his eyes. "I know you're at the right age," Romeo continued. "It's normal to like someone, but I can't help but fear you'll get hurt. I can't stand the thought of someone taking advantage of you or hurting you."
Her cheeks flushed, but not from kilig (romantic excitement)—it was a mix of anger, shame, and an inexplicable pain. "General, even if I made mistakes before, I can change!" she answered, her voice brave but pleading. "I won't get hurt, especially with the power I have. If anyone hurts me, I'll never forgive them. I'll break every bone in their body!"
She joked while punching the air, trying to lighten the tension because she knew Romeo was just deeply worried about her. However, as she joked, Romeo suddenly took her hand, his fingers warm against her cold palm. He looked at her intently, as if memorizing every detail of her face.
Flora nearly stumbled back in shock, her heart racing. "W-what are you doing, General?" she asked, flustered.
Romeo smiled, a mix of tenderness and sadness. "Your fist is too small to protect yourself," he said softly but with deep emotion. Before Flora could respond, Romeo pulled her toward the sofa. She was forced to sit, and in an instant, Romeo lay down, using Flora's lap as a pillow.
"W-w-wait, General?" Flora froze in shock. "General, what are you doing?" she cried out. "Wh-why are you doing this?"
"Can you just let me lie here for a moment?" Romeo said, his voice soft, almost like a plea. "Don't worry, I won't do anything strange. I just want to experience this again, like when we were kids."
"General, honestly," Flora replied, her face bright red. "You know we can't do the things we used to do. It's embarrassing now!"
Romeo smiled, his eyes warm as he watched her blushing face. "You talk as if we did something bad back then," he teased. "It's normal for siblings to sleep, play, and bathe together."
Flora suddenly covered Romeo's mouth, her fingers trembling with embarrassment. "Don't mention those embarrassing things from the past!" she yelled, practically begging. "General, please!"
Romeo laughed, a soft, tender laugh, and after a moment, he closed his eyes as if soaking in the silence. Flora stopped resisting. Despite her embarrassment, she felt a longing for the days when they lived in the same house and trained at the camp—back when life was simple during their first few months there.
"I don't have a problem with wanting to be together like before," Flora said, her voice now a faint whisper. "But General, it's not right to just show up, barge in, and lie on my lap. It's not normal for a man and a woman, especially since we aren't really siblings."
Romeo smiled but didn't answer immediately. He waited for the silence before speaking again. "To me, we are siblings," he said sincerely. "But give me a favor just this once, Flora. I've been so busy with work and I just want to feel like I have a family again."
Flora sighed, her heart torn between worry and understanding. She let Romeo rest, her fingers slowly stroking his shoulder to comfort him.
"When I said I was afraid of another man hurting you," Romeo continued, his voice heavy, "I was talking about your feelings. I don't want you coming home to me saying you're broken-hearted again. You know, Flora, you're too kind to just be hurt by men."
Flora didn't like what Romeo said. "General, I won't come home just to cry over men!" she replied proudly. "I know what I'm doing, and you're the one who said I'm at the right age to decide for myself!"
Romeo smiled, but his smile held a trace of sorrow. "You're right, you are at the right age," he said. "That's why I'm more afraid. Unlike before, I can't follow you in everything you do. I can't scold you for your wrong decisions anymore. Someday, Flora, I won't be with you anymore."
Romeo's words felt like a tug at Flora's heart. Silence enveloped them, and she felt a deep sadness. She knew the truth behind his words—she wouldn't be under his care forever. She knew Romeo's life as an Envoy and a General was full of danger, and he could be gone at any moment. Flora looked down, a sad expression on her face.
"Why does it sound like you're saying goodbye?" Flora asked, her voice cracking with emotion. "General, don't talk like that. It doesn't suit you! I don't want to hear that from you. And besides, you're afraid of my feelings getting hurt, but you're the first one hurting my heart as a woman!"
Romeo smiled with regret. "I'm sorry, Flora," he said. "I didn't mean to hurt you, and I don't want to be the cause of your sadness. But there are many things we must do for the sake of others. We have to accept that we don't control the future." He paused, then looked at her intently. "I just want you to know, Flora, that I love you more than my own life."
Romeo's words struck Flora's heart like lightning. She froze, her cheeks flushed, and her heart pounded as if it would explode. She tried to calm herself and forced a joking reply. "General, you really know how to make me kilig, don't you? You know I have feelings for you, so you're using that against me!"
"You told me to find my own happiness, but with what you're saying, it's like you don't want me to forget my feelings for you. How am I supposed to find a boyfriend then?" Flora joked.
"If it were up to me, I wouldn't want you to have a boyfriend. I want you by my side always. I don't trust other men. I hate the idea of you forgetting me to be with another man—but I'm too selfish to ask for those things," Romeo said seriously.
"You've always been selfish; you're the only one who decides what we are to each other," Flora replied. "You don't even think about how I feel."
But behind her joking, she felt the weight of his words. Romeo didn't reply and just kept staring at her.
"It's not fair that you say you love me but only want me to be a sister," she added with a hint of bitterness. "You're so mean, General. But I don't know if I can be mad at you. I guess it's because it's okay with me to be whatever you consider me to be."
Romeo closed his eyes while apologizing. "Forgive me if it's different from what you expected, but I just want to say these things while I still have the chance," he said. He opened his eyes and looked at Flora with tenderness. "To me, it's normal for family to love each other," he said calmly. "So there's nothing wrong with saying I love you. But technically, I'm the one who should be sulking because you can never say to my face that you love me too."
Flora shook her head, feeling a surge of emotion that made her want to cry. She looked into his eyes and noticed the depth of sadness he was hiding—a sadness born of sacrifices, the battles he faced, and the sins of the past that continued to haunt him. She knew he was exhausted and seeking the comfort of family. She felt she should do something to make it up to him, but there was nothing she could do for his mission as a general except offer her support and love.
She couldn't help but feel pity for him. Flora slowly covered Romeo's eyes with her hands, trying to hide the sadness she saw. "Of course, I love you," she said in a whisper, full of emotion. "You gave me a second chance at life. I love you very much, General, and I'm ready to do anything for you."
Romeo didn't answer, and silence fell over them again. After a moment, he made a request that surprised her. "Can you stroke my head with your hand while I rest?" he asked softly.
Flora was startled, her cheeks flushing again. "Wh-what do you want?" she asked, flustered. "General, this isn't something siblings do! Especially since we just said we love each other... I think only couples do this!"
Romeo laughed softly. "Is that so?" he said. "I know, it's embarrassing, but just bear with it. We're getting older, Flora, and we have our own lives. I just want to experience this again, even for the last time."
Romeo's words made Flora's world stop. She couldn't explain the anxiety she felt. She knew Romeo was a strict man, a general who would never do something to embarrass himself. But when he mentioned "the last time," her world darkened. She felt like he was saying goodbye, and that thought caused inexplicable pain in her heart.
"Don't talk like that, please," Flora shouted, her voice full of anger and fear. "I don't want to hear that, General! I don't want to hear you sounding like you're saying goodbye. I don't care if we're getting older. If you order it, we can do this for the rest of our lives. I know it's embarrassing, but I'm willing to endure it just for you."
Romeo just smiled—a smile that hid his sadness. He didn't answer and instead soaked in the silence. He remained lying with his head on Flora's lap as she slowly stroked his hair like he was a child. With every stroke, Flora felt the value of every moment they spent together—the days they were together, the laughter, the simple moments that now felt like a distant dream.
In the silence of the night, while the world outside continued to turn, Flora and Romeo stayed together, feeling each other's love and care. They knew they needed each other as family to overcome the sadness caused by their looming problems. Flora knew her relationship with Romeo would never be simple, but in these moments, the only thing that mattered was helping each other and feeling that they were together in every battle as a family, until the end.
End of Chapter