Chapter 60: The Heart of Disillusionment
The morning in the town of Cavite began in silence. As I slept, I was suddenly jolted awake, bolting upright in bed from a terrifying nightmare. It was filled with memories of tragedies and the desperate cries of countless people, begging for my help to grant them a few more years of life.
My body was drenched in sweat, and my mind remained in a state of confusion. I quickly shut my eyes again, trying to steady my racing thoughts. I have been plagued by nightmares many times before, but they have become more frequent over the past few months—a clear sign that my mental health is deteriorating.
Those tragic events are like shadows, constantly haunting the corners of my mind. I am currently staying in a condo unit I own here in Cavite to keep a close watch on the Katipunan. Even now, I cannot shake the memory of the battle that took place on that dark highway last night.
We successfully thwarted the Katipunan's plan to incite chaos in Kawit, and several rebels were captured. Yet, despite this victory, one thing continues to trouble me: the woman named Indang, the powerful sugo ng diwata of Kawit.
As I sat on the edge of the bed, watching the sunlight peek through the window, I relived the memories of the battle. They remained vivid—the screams of the children trapped within the body of the Ursarion, Martin's monstrous form, and Indang's terrifying presence.
Every moment is etched into my mind like a recurring nightmare. I don't know if this is the lingering effect of trauma, but the mental stress is undeniable; it's the reason my problems with the Katipunan, the Spaniards, and the Filipinos in need of help follow me even into my sleep.
I can't stop thinking about Indang. She is truly powerful, just as Laguna described, but I never expected our interaction to be so complicated. I tried to reason with her last night, but our conversation ended in a total misunderstanding. My burst of emotion created a rift of tension, and now, I feel the heavy weight of my failure.
I couldn't help but ask myself: why did Indang let Martin escape? I knew she had the strength to end the fight right then and there. I witnessed her capabilities—she could cast magic spells, buffs, and debuffs that could paralyze anyone in their tracks.
She could have killed Martin, yet she allowed him to enter the portal and flee. The chance to capture the man responsible for the deaths of five hundred people was wasted, and the rage in my chest burned like an unquenchable fire. I wanted to confront her, to question her motives, but her words from last night continued to weigh heavily on me.
"I have nothing to do with the conflict between the government and the Katipunan," she had said, her voice cold and detached. "I fought Martin because I chose to, not to avenge the Filipinos who died."
Those words felt like a slap in the face. How could she say she didn't care about innocent lives? How could she ignore those waiting for justice? Despite my anger, I forced myself to stay calm. I knew I couldn't persuade her if I let rage lead the way.
In my desperation to understand her, I had tried to plead with her last night. "Indang," I said, my voice thick with desperation. "Even if you won't join us as a soldier, can you at least help me fight Martin? This isn't about my loyalty to the Spaniards; it's about the innocent people caught in the chaos caused by the Katipunan."
I explained that terrorist groups like the Katipunan only bring suffering to the people, and that the peace everyone craves becomes impossible because of their actions.
But her response only deepened the ache in my heart. "You don't need to explain, General," she said with a tone of utter boredom, as if she didn't take a single word I said seriously. "I am aware of those things. My Master has already told me about them. In fact, I know far more than you do." She added, "It's true that Martin's actions are evil, but as far as I'm concerned, I have nothing to do with the problems he causes for anyone."
Her words were like a dagger to my chest. I asked her, my voice turning stern, "Can you really just stand by and let the innocent die when you have the power to save them?"
Instead of answering me directly, she laughed—a mocking laugh directed at my character. "Your concern for the people is quite hilarious," she sneered. "You allow yourself to be a lapdog for the Spaniards, the very reason for the chaos in this country. The Filipinos are rebelling because of Spanish abuse. No one wants war, and I know you understand why Filipinos feel the need for revenge."
"The Spanish crown, the Church, and every Spaniard... I loathe them all, and that includes people like you who traded your own countrymen for luxury."
Her words were fueled by hatred. Though I wanted to explain that I wasn't doing this for the Spaniards, she dismissed me entirely.
"If you believe stopping the rebels is for the good of the Filipino people, then go ahead; I won't judge your choices," she said. "But I don't care about the desires of others or the lives of those who mean nothing to me. No one helped me when I was in need. No Spaniard or Filipino fought to save me from death."
Suddenly, she approached me and grabbed my collar, pulling me close. She glared at me with a seething rage, as if there was something more she wanted to say. After a moment, she forced herself to calm down and pushed me away.
"Nothing will come of us talking further. I don't want the trouble between me and people like you to escalate."
She turned her back and walked away. I wanted to stop her, to explain further, but before I could speak, General Apyong held me back, pleading for me to stop.
"Romeo, what you're doing is pointless," he said, his voice authoritative yet tinged with concern. "I know how important it is for us to catch Martin, but you won't convince Indang this way." Apyong's words were like cold water, dousing my burning emotions. Filled with frustration and defeat, I could do nothing but nod and watch Indang leave.
Without hesitation, she leapt incredibly high, vanishing from our sight like a bubble bursting in the air. As I watched her go, I felt a whirlwind of emotions—anger, disappointment, and an inexplicable sense of desperation.
I knew I could hold my own against Martin, but I couldn't defeat him if he continued to use innocent people as shields. I needed help, and Indang was the only one who could truly aid me in this fight. I didn't want to fail because so many were counting on me, but could I still handle this burden? I didn't know... I truly didn't know anymore.
This morning, I decided to visit General Apyong in his office. He is one of the few people I trust with these matters. Like me, he chose to become an honorary Spaniard to help the Filipino people, and I know his heart is for the nation.
His office was only a few minutes from my condo in Kawit, so I arrived quickly. Upon entering, his men greeted me and immediately escorted me to his room. Apyong was sitting in his wheelchair, busy signing documents. When he saw me, he offered a warm smile.
"Good morning, General Romeo!" he greeted. "I didn't expect you to arrive so soon after saying you wanted to meet. I thought you had already left Cavite last night."
"I couldn't leave until I settled my plans, General," I replied, my tone serious. "Martin has escaped again, and I know he'll keep plotting. I can't let this happen a second time."
Apyong nodded, his eyes full of understanding. "I'll look into the Katipunan stronghold immediately," he said. "We'll find out where their weapons are coming from and whose land they are operating on."
I agreed but added, "I'll stay here in Cavite until I'm certain Martin has truly left the area. We don't know when he might strike again."
After a brief silence, I couldn't hold back anymore and asked for a favor. "General, can you help me find Indang?"
Apyong's expression shifted—he sighed and closed his eyes as if displeased by my request. Before he could respond, I quickly explained, "I spoke with Laguna, and he mentioned that Indang could be a great help against Martin. I know she's difficult to convince, but we need her."
Apyong's answer surprised me. "I understand what you're saying, Romeo," he said, his voice calm but weighty. "I agree that Indang would be a massive help. She's young, but her knowledge of using the power of a sugo ng diwata far exceeds ours."
He continued, "I've seen her fight many times. There were even instances where I faced her myself. Did you know Indang has always been a problem for the police here in Kawit? Once, the mayor even tried to have her arrested because of her actions."
He chuckled as he shared the story. "But instead of being afraid, Indang herself went to city hall to remind the mayor of his 'duties.' She didn't do anything illegal there, but she was clearly challenging the government. So, I took action and sent the soldiers to arrest her."
He went on, "One day, Indang herself came to the military base to confront me. She fought, and that's when I witnessed her strength. She put two hundred soldiers to sleep without breaking a sweat. Her ability to grant buffs and debuffs cannot be stopped by ordinary men."
He then revealed the specifics of her power. "She can place five consecutive debuffs on an enemy and three buffs on herself. I discovered there's a limit—it takes three minutes before she can use her abilities on the same target again. Most importantly, she can only cast magic on things she can see."
Apyong added a warning, "If you want to defeat Indang, you must prevent her from seeing you. But even if you know her weakness, your real problem will be her fighting style. She is fast, intelligent, and it's as if she already knows your next move. She spots an opponent's weakness instantly."
He warned me that Indang was a combat genius and that we might end up fighting if I kept pushing. "If I were you, I'd just avoid her because we can't win against her. The truth is, she isn't really a threat to Cavite. She actually came to my camp before to strike a deal, not to fight. She told me to stop trying to catch her and to stay out of her business."
"She promised then that she wouldn't fight the government, especially since Laguna told her not to get involved in the conflict between the rebels and the Spaniards." He continued, "She isn't interested in joining the rebels, but she hasn't ruled out the possibility of starting her own revolution. She said her decisions depend on the situation in Cavite."
"She also threatened me—if we don't want a headache, we shouldn't give her trouble. If we let her live in peace, she'll remain quiet."
Apyong sighed and looked at me. "Let Indang be, Romeo," he said. "She won't cooperate with people like us. She is also a victim of the cruel system in this country."
His words hit me hard. I knew he was right, but the frustration wouldn't leave my mind. After a few minutes of silence, I took my leave and walked out of his office, carrying the heavy weight of my emotions.
Upon returning to Kawit, my soldiers continued searching for traces of the Katipunan. After finalizing the plans and assigning tasks to each team member, I decided to have lunch out. I ordered my driver to take me toward a mall, but we got stuck in heavy traffic. Knowing it would take a while, I decided to get out and find a place to eat on foot.
"Just drop me off here," I told the driver. "Head back to the office and wait for me there."
I'm not picky with food since we usually just eat canned goods at the camp or during missions. While walking, I noticed a karinderya (local eatery) on the corner. It was simple, a common dining spot for Filipinos, and seeing only a few people inside, I approached.
I went inside to find a seat and headed to the counter to choose a dish. But when I saw the server in front of me, I nearly froze. I couldn't believe who I was seeing—the woman I had met at the convention yesterday was working there.
In our mutual shock, we spoke at the same time: "You?"
Surprise and a hint of awkwardness were visible in her eyes. "Why are you here?" she asked, her voice tense.
"To eat, obviously," I replied, trying to maintain a calm tone.
Noticing her discomfort, I simply ordered my food and told her to bring it to my table. A few minutes later, she served it. But even as she set the plate down, it was obvious she didn't want to look at me, clearly feeling uneasy.
"Are you following me?" she asked, her tone suspicious.
"Tch, why would I follow someone like you?" I answered playfully. "It just so happened I got stuck in traffic, so I got off to have lunch."
She wasn't convinced, her face full of doubt. "It's impossible that our meeting is just a coincidence."
I smiled, thinking of the sheer rarity of the situation, and said, "Right, the world is small, isn't it? It's like fate brought us together," I teased.
"Don't you get the creeps from what you're saying?" she snapped back, her tone grumpy.
Despite her rough attitude, I couldn't help but smile; perhaps I was still amazed by the situation. I invited her to sit and join me, since there weren't many customers at that hour. But she refused, saying the owner would scold her if she was seen idling.
I don't know why I felt a pang of disappointment at her answer, but maybe because my work for the day was done, I just wanted some company.
"What time do you get off work?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation light.
She turned sour again. "Why are you asking?" she said, eyes full of suspicion. I explained that I was done for the day, and since I knew she was a gamer, I invited her to play at the mall.
"I have no other plans today, and I know you like playing as much as I do," I said, trying to be friendly.
But she declined. "I can't," she said. "I don't know you, so why would I go with you?"
Feeling her hesitance, I asked why she was avoiding me. "I haven't done anything wrong to you, so why act this way? Truthfully, I just want someone to play with. Don't worry, I'll treat you."
She sighed and sat in the chair across from me. "Don't you notice this place?" she asked, her voice filled with concern.
I looked around and noticed that almost everyone in the karinderya was staring at me. I couldn't understand why. "What's the problem?" I asked, slightly confused. "I'm not doing anything wrong."
"You see," she said, "no 'raw'—I mean, no honorary Spaniard eats here. Only Filipinos come to this place. To them, you're a traitor and an oppressor."
Her words struck me with force. "My conscience is clear," I replied, maintaining my composure. "I haven't done anything wrong to the Filipinos, so I shouldn't be treated that way."
She explained that it wasn't about what I had specifically done, but because in the eyes of the people, honorary Spaniards were traitors who indulged in the power given by the Spaniards.
While I ate, I realized there might be a reason why the local people disliked honorary Spaniards like me. I asked her, "What do the honorary Spaniards do to the Filipinos in this area? Can you tell me?"
She sighed at the question. "Even if you knew, nothing would change," she said, her tone bitter.
"That's not true," I countered. "I'm an honorary Spaniard too, so if they're doing something wrong, I can report them. You know I work for the government, so surely I can help."
Instead of answering, she grew more fearful. "Now I want to avoid you even more," she said. "If I say anything bad against the Spaniards, I might get into trouble."
I sighed but didn't give up. "If I were a bad person, I wouldn't need a reason to put you in danger," I said. "I know what's happening in this country, and I want to change it too. But we need to work together for that to happen."
She shook her head, her hesitation clear. I couldn't blame her for not wanting to speak out; she was afraid of being targeted and she didn't know me well enough to trust me with her life.
I added, "If you're afraid and don't want to report anything to me, you don't have to speak. My free time is short, so just agree. Come with me."
"You're quite persistent, aren't you?" she replied irritably. "I can't. I work here, and I don't want to get fired."
She got angry and told me not to talk to her as if we were close friends. "I don't want people here thinking I'm working for you as a Spanish lapdog," she said, her eyes flashing.
"You weren't like this yesterday," I remarked.
"I'll be honest with you, I want you to understand that I'm not comfortable talking to a 'Raw' like you. I spoke to you yesterday as a fellow gamer, but we aren't playing right now," she answered crossly.
I understood her point, so I thought of getting her number instead. "If you won't come now, just give me your number so I can call you when you're free," I said.
She was startled and nearly slammed her hand on the table. "I'm not crazy enough to give you my number!" she snapped. "And I don't have time to play. I'm only free at night after work. I'm not rich like you—I need to earn to survive."
I smiled at her answer and said, "How much is your daily wage? I'll pay for your time to accompany me tomorrow."
Her expression changed instantly, her anger flaring even more. "I don't like your tone," she said. "It's like you think I only care about money. I'm not that kind of woman."
I didn't quite catch her drift, so I explained, "I'm not paying you for anything else. I just want you to join me at the mall to play. I don't see anything wrong with covering your lost wages for tomorrow."
But she wouldn't accept the explanation. "I play with fellow gamers to enjoy myself, not to get paid," she said. "If I'm going to play, I don't need to be paid to do it."
"If you don't want me to pay you, then just come with me tomorrow," I replied, trying to keep things light.
She slammed the table. "I told you, I'm not going, especially with someone suspicious!" she shouted. "If you keep pushing, I'll think you have bad intentions!"
I was disappointed by her answer, but I knew I couldn't force her. "I don't want you thinking I'm like those people who just do whatever they want," I said.
While eating, I suddenly remembered the VIP card I had lent her during the convention. "By the way, where is my VIP card?" I asked.
"Huh? The VIP card?" she replied, clearly panicking. "Um..."
I didn't know why she was suddenly flustered. After a moment, she sighed and admitted, "I lost it on my way home. I waited for you at the mall to return it, but you never came back."
The place went quiet for a moment as we both fell silent. Then, I smirked, an interesting idea crossing my mind.
"So that's why you've been so tense," I said, teasing her. "You had no intention of returning it, did you? Luck wasn't on your side—fate brought us together here."
She slammed the table again, denying my accusation. "I really wanted to return your VIP card, but I lost it on the bus!" she said, her voice rising. "And it's your fault too because you didn't come back yesterday!"
The VIP card wasn't actually a big deal to me, but I thought I could use it to get her to agree to my request. "I'm not sure if you're telling the truth," I said, trying to annoy her. "But whether it's true or not, you need to return it to me."
As expected, she insisted she wasn't lying. "I have honor!" she claimed. "I wouldn't ruin that over something like this."
"Good," I replied. "When can you give me the twenty thousand?" She froze upon hearing the value of the VIP card. From her reaction, she clearly hadn't expected it to be that expensive.
"Twenty thousand?" she whispered.
Knowing she would doubt me, I took out my phone and showed her the proof of transaction. Seeing it, she looked stunned, as if the heavens had fallen on her.
Seeing her reaction, I knew I could use this opportunity to get her to follow my lead. "You don't have to pay for it if you don't have the money," I said, trying to ease the tension.
"Really? You won't make me pay?" she asked, her voice full of hope.
I smiled, thinking of my next move. "If you come and play with me, you'll have paid for the VIP card," I said.
She immediately scowled, suspicion written all over her face. "Wait, I don't like where this is going," she said. "I know you're just doing this to force me to play with you."
"You speak as if I planned all of this. Remember, you're the one who lost my VIP card," I countered. "It's only natural for you to pay."
She grimaced, holding back her irritation. "I don't want to be with you because you're forcing me," she said. "I have a feeling you have bad plans for me."
"How can you say I have bad intentions? My intentions are good," I asked.
I admired her courage in speaking her mind to my face. "I have nothing to gain by harassing you," I said with a slight laugh. "I just want to enjoy playing, and of course, have you settle your debt. I'm busy with work, so it's not like we'll be playing every day."
"If you accompany me five times, I'll forget the debt," I added, reaching out for her phone to get her number.
Her irritation was obvious in her movements, but she had no choice but to hand over her phone. She gave it to me begrudgingly, stating she was only free on Sundays because she was busy with work.
I agreed, since I also worked all week. I also asked for her national ID to know her name, but she refused.
Before she could speak again, I said, "You have to come with me tomorrow." She immediately got angry, calling me deaf because she needed to work to earn money.
"Don't worry, I'll pay you for the trouble," I said. "How much is your wage here?"
"I only get three hundred here," she said. "But even if you double that, I won't go with you."
Before she could finish, I cut her off. "I'll pay you five thousand if you come tomorrow." She was shocked and speechless for several seconds.
I knew she was hesitating to accept it even though she clearly needed the money, but her pride still held sway. "I won't agree," she said firmly. "I don't like people like you who think us poor people only care about money."
I didn't understand where her anger was coming from, but I apologized for what I said. "I didn't mean to insult you," I said. "If you want, I'll just pay you one thousand for your day. I'm inconveniencing you, so it's normal for me to pay."
Though still irritable, she forced herself to calm down. "It's not normal to pay that much just to play," she said. "That's why I can't help but be suspicious."
I admitted the difference in our perspectives. "It might not sound good that I'm using my money to get what I want, but it's all I have. Life is short, and when I die, I won't be able to use my money anymore."
"I'm busy with work, so it's fine with me to pay so I can play and experience life as a young person."
"What? You want to experience life as a young man?" she asked, slightly laughing. "Is your life that sad?"
I suddenly stood up, placing money on the table for my meal. "Tch, don't remind me of those things," I said, slightly irritated.
As I walked out, I said, "I'll call you tomorrow morning. I'm canceling all my meetings, so you can't say no."
Before I could completely leave, she grabbed my arm. "Why are you leaving without even telling me your name?" she asked.
She said that despite her refusal to let me know her name, but her identity didn't matter much to me. I was used to many people talking to me whose names I didn't know, and like her, one day she wouldn't remember me either.
Regardless, I hesitated to give information about myself. "It's better if you just call me Romeo," I answered. "And don't ask about who I am."
She frowned. "You're even more suspicious because of that," she said. "I need to know who I'm with. Even if I'm a tomboy, I'm still a woman."
But before she could continue, the owner called her to assist customers. I took the opportunity to get away and hurried out of the place. I knew she wouldn't stop prying for information about me, but I couldn't tell her the truth.
What if she found out I was a general? What would she think if she knew I still played games and wandered around outside despite my military position?
My life is too complicated—I cannot neglect my duty as Governor-General, but I also want to enjoy myself, especially since I know my time is limited.
If the rebellion continues, many will die, and unfortunately, it is not unlikely that I will be among those who sacrifice their lives. I want all of this to end because I have no idea how much longer I can take it. I hope that before I die, I can give the people I love a peaceful country.
End of Chapter