"Come again? Where did you see Qian?"
"At the bridge, trying to jump"
I answered Annika almost solemnly as I finished the last bit of my cigarette. I found smoking relaxing nowadays, it's my only takeaway after all of these years.
"Oh fuck"
I looked at Annika who was now rubbing the back of her neck. She looked as distressed as she could be.
"You know something"
I said as a matter of fact as I threw the cigarette butt in the trash. It wasn't a question but a statement. She looked back at me before letting out a sigh.
"You always said you didn't want to know. Should I tell you right now?"
Did I want to know now? Should I even know about it?
Last night and even today I can't focus because my mind was all on Harriett. On questions I know I shouldn't be curious about anymore. On things I shouldn't pry because if I do, then there's really no more turning back.
"Ahh screw it"
Annika exclaimed before she held my shoulders and looked at me straight in the eyes. I raised my eyebrow at her.
"Careful, your boyfriend might get jealous"
I said teasingly but she just looked at me seriously.
"Josiah and Qian broke up five years ago ending their 4-year relationship"
She said, her words flying faster than I could tell her 'no'. That was something I didn't want to know. It was a piece of news that I didn't need to know.
Because now that I did, I could feel the small ball of joy and hope blooming in my chest. Something that I shouldn't be feeling. This was too dangerous.
"And then.."
"Stop!"
I pushed Annika away. No, I don't need to know anything more. I can't know anything about Harriett anymore.
"Pierce"
"I don't care about it Nika, you can keep it to yourself. I still don't want to know whatever it is that had happened to her."
"But…"
"Enough. Please"
I told her and it did look like she finally understood because she stopped talking until our lunch break was finally over.
They broke up? Why? Does that mean Harriett lives alone now? Who broke up with who? Was there a third–party?
I wanted to punch myself so hard for even thinking about this. I'm a hypocrite for even stopping Annika and yet my mind was already carelessly wandering to the whys and hows of it.
Then I remembered something.
Her bruises. Those were fresh ones.
If it wasn't her parents since she didn't want them seeing it. And if it wasn't Josiah, because they had broken up years ago.
Then who is it?
Who's behind those bruises?
Maybe I should punch myself right here and now. I let out another sigh as I paced in front of an apartment door that I shouldn't have gone to. I looked at the door '416' and pondered just why I was spending my weekend pacing in front of her door.
"Screw this"
I let out another sigh and was about to go back to my apartment when the door swung open. This time I caught my breath as I stared at Harriett. Her long red hair tied up in a bun. She's also wearing a turtle-neck sweater and another long skirt that nine years ago she wouldn't be so fond of wearing.
What caught my attention too was the white shih tzu she was carrying in her arms. Its large bright eyes staring at me as it tilts its head to the side as if assessing me.
"Pierce?"
I moved my gaze from the dog to Harriett who was now also tilting her head towards me.
I cleared my throat like there's something stuck there.
"Just checking in. I'll go now that I know you're alive"
I said quickly and was about to run to the elevator when I felt her hand hold my elbow. I looked back and saw her staring at me.
And I hated how it affected me. Hated how it still takes a hold on me after all of these years.
"Do you want to come in?"
She asked in a small voice.
I should say no…
I definitely should've said no.
"Your dog…"
I started as I moved my gaze away from her dog who was now staring at me intently. It had been like that since I entered Harriett's apartment. I heard her chuckle as she placed down the cup of coffee on the coffee table.
"Her name's Akira"
She said and in an instant Akira leapt through the couch and sat on Harriett's lap as she took a seat right next to me. I watched as Harriett silently caressed Akira's head and ears. Somehow she looked so peaceful now unlike how she had looked last time.
I flinched when Harriett found my eyes staring at her. I quickly looked away and took a sip from the cup. The taste instantly brings me back to the past. I looked at my cup before glancing back to Harriett only to find her smiling at me.
"Does it still taste the same?"
I hate it. I love it.
My chest clenched at the pain. It's the same feeling all over again. Just like nine years ago.
I placed the cup down. A part of me wanted to devour it, to not waste even a single drop from the cup. Because as much as I hate it, Harriett's coffee tastes like home.
And then there's a part of me that hated it. Hated how after nine years she could still take hold of me like I'm a toy.
"Why did you invite me in?"
She looked at me for a while before her gaze wandered to Akira who was now looking up at her. As if it senses every emotion of Harriett.
"To thank you"
I didn't dare answer it. I just don't get what it was that she needs to thank for. So I waited.
"For being there at the bridge"
I cleared my throat. I wanted to ask her what was really happening. What pushed her to the brink of suicide but it's like there's an invisible lump in my throat that prevents me from saying anything.
"Just thank you Pierce"
Then she smiled. Not the happy kind of smile, still the same sad smile she gave me the other day. Something is still wrong with her. I've known her for years and I know that she always wears her heart on her sleeves. Something is still bothering her.
But…
Do I have the right to know? We're no longer friends, or best friends for that matter. We're simply strangers who know everything about each other.
At least almost everything.
I nodded at her as an answer, stood up and walked to the door of her apartment. It looked like she didn't have anything to say anymore as she didn't even stop me.
"Then, I'll get going. Thank you for the coffee"
I said as I opened the door not bothering to look at her once again. But then Akira barked, making me look back at Harriett.
"It's nice to see you again, Kael. See you around."
And Harriett's smile as she said that. As she muttered the name she said she likes the most in the world. As she waved at me, it will forever haunt me.