Qian Harriett Ramirez was a menace. That was my first thought as I sat at the bench outside her house and watched her kill her little brother's spiders. They were inside a matchbox and she deliberately let the ants go inside of it.
"Harriett, your brother will cry you know"
The ten-year old me called out to her but she just ignored me and poked the matchbox to see if the spider was dead. Qian had been afraid of spiders ever since her younger brother brought back a bunch of them from school.
"His fault for bringing home another batch of it"
I let out another sigh and placed my chin in my palm as I watched her. Her brother would cry about it when he sees that his spiders are all dead. But I just can't seem to stop her. Not when she's so adamant to never let another spider live any longer.
"Okay Pierce it's enough, you can carry it back to the house"
After a while Qian stood up with a triumphant smile on her face and pointed at the matchboxes. I grunted and stood up from the bench and took the matchboxes. I grimaced when I saw that the spiders were already dead.
"Isn't this too much?"
"You're an accomplice in this, it's too late to even react like that"
And true enough I was indeed an accomplice. Because Qian wouldn't lay a hand on that matchbox let alone carry it if she knew there was a spider in it. That was how much she was afraid of it. So, I was the one who carried the matchbox in and out of her brother's room.
"Pierce you should know that you forever will be my accomplice even when we grow old to 30"
I laughed not knowing that it would have been better that way.
I laughed not knowing that I might not even get the chance to be with Qian until we were 30.
It's six o'clock in the morning. WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
I opened my eyes and lazily shut down my alarm clock. I roamed them around my apartment and immediately felt strange. Right, I moved in last week. I still kept on forgetting that I had moved again. For the fourth time within nine years.
I stood up and did the morning routine of fixing myself before I went to my 8-5 job. I yawned, still feeling the lack of sleep. I hate growing old. I'm now 30 and yet, the feeling of being a full-fledged adult is still a hateful feeling.
I had moved out of A.S Corp., my family's business after they had told me that I had become destructive. Which is an overreaction to what I did and what really happened.
I had cut off all contact from my mother and Price as well as Paulo ever since the incident 9 years ago. The only ones I kept contact with were Kuya Petyr and Dad. Though sometimes they do urge me to come home which annoys me.
I hate it, having to see them after what they had said so I moved away and lived on my own. Truly on my own. And for nine whole years I just can't seem to stay put in one apartment. I thought I'd have been free but it was still suffocating. I'm still drowning.
I brushed the thoughts aside and just continued my routine. It's fine. I'm pretty sure everything will be fine. With time, everything and everyone would heal.
That's what I kept telling myself.
Kept on making myself believe.
Because if I don't have that, then I don't have anything.
Not my dreams, not my family…
And not Harriett.
Harriett to whom I gave everything only to not be chosen at the end. I smiled sadly at the last memory we had.
I do hope she's happy now. She at least owes me that for breaking my heart.
"Good morning Mr. Alad"
I greeted the company's receptionist and walked straight ahead. I looked for a job on my own and it landed me on Ox Corp, a real estate company. The pay is good and definitely enough for me. The work is not the ideal one I want but it keeps me busy and entertained so I say that'll do. Plus it's near to home.
Home. It felt weird trying to call my apartment my home when it hasn't felt like that yet. I let out a deep breath and put on the mask that I so willingly put on display everyday.
This is my life now. This uneventful yet quiet life is what I had asked for and what I had gotten now. Better live it wisely.
"Hey Pierce"
Before I could even turn around and greet the voice, a palm landed at my nape smacking it real hard making my head bob forward.
I grunted and sent death glares to the one who gave it.
"What the hell Nika"
Instead of saying sorry she just grinned at me before raising another stack of paperworks she had with her.
"Came to give you your death sentence"
I snorted before letting out another sigh.
"You are a pain in the ass"
"And you're a lifesaver"
I paused.
What? You're always going to be my lifesaver so why bother? You're always gonna be glued to me you know, whether it's 10,20,30 or even 50 years.
I closed my eyes and breathed in deep. Why do my thoughts keep on going to Harriett? It's been like this for a couple of days now. I thought I had moved on from what had happened between us and yet here she is trying to invade my mind again.
It's been nine years. Nine years since I last saw her, met her, conversed with her and held her. You would've thought that by now I would've gotten used to it. That I would've forgotten the pain and yet I couldn't.
"Hi Pierce"
A shrill voice brought me out of my head and I saw Sheila in front of my cubicle smiling at me. I put on another smile and greeted her back.
"Hey"
I saw a tint of blush on her cheeks as she tucked in a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Well It's Friday and the guys were wondering if you'd like to go out with us. Drinks on me of course. So what'd you say"
Even without knowing I could feel Annika's eyebrows rise. Sheila is a branch manager within the marketing strata and it's really not that hard to know her intentions with me. On normal occasions I would've said yes but I don't feel like doing so today.
"Sorry Sheila, I just got a dog recently and I don't want to leave it at home for long"
Annika's stifled laugh was all I could hear as I watched Sheila's expression turn sour.
"Oh okay I guess you're into dogs"
"Yeah, they're lovable and cute. It's entertaining to have one around"
I said with a grin and I could only hear Annika's laugh getting harder to stifle with.
"Okay well then next time I guess"
"Yeah next time"
Without even waiting for my wave of goodbye, she walked back to her office which was on the far side of the room.
Annika's laugh finally burst out as she tapped me on the shoulder.
"Dude seriously a dog?"
"She should've gotten the message"
Which I'm pretty sure she did considering the sour expression on her face.
"I bet ya she would, can't believe I'm seeing the day when the great Pierce Kael Alad says no to drinks on the table"
"Shut up, go annoy someone else"
She laughed again before saying.
"By the way, I got news on Qian. Wanna hear it?"
At that my head twisted to her and I could see her serious expression on. Qian, the ease at which she says her name makes me jealous and yet, just hearing her name out loud is enough for me to feel my heart in my chest again.
Annika never cut ties with Harriett, not like she needed to, she was Harriet's friend first before she became mine. But That's why she always has news about her. But like every time she asks me I shake my head.
"No need"
She lets out a long sigh.
"You're still stubborn"
Call it stubbornness but I know myself better than anybody else. That news could either break or make my heart and there's no in between. And whatever it is, I know I'm only gonna ask for more. In this case I'd rather have no news about her at all.
Annika put a hand on my shoulder and squeezed it once before saying goodbye.
"Alright, you know what you want. I'm gonna go back to work"
I nodded.
Annika followed me here in Ox Corp. last year, and said she can't take it that I'm not within her line of sight. We had previously worked in A.S. Corp with her as an engineer. The idiot was so damn clingy but she's the only friend I've got left so I'm only complaining internally.
Plus her boyfriend also works here so at least I get to see her act like a lady properly and tease her about it.
I pushed all thoughts aside and did my work. I busied myself so much that I didn't even know it was time to leave. If Annika hadn't called me and told me it was 5 pm already I would've kept going. Just so I could clear my head from these thoughts.
I don't like it. Being invaded by these thoughts about Harriett and our past.
I drove to the one place I knew I could breathe, The Harrison Bridge. I parked my car on the side and walked on the sidewalk towards the edge. The Harrison Bridge is a famous spot that's near my current apartment. Its edges are lined up with beautiful deck railings covered with climbing roses.
I plucked one red rose from the vine in front of me and stared at it before I watched the setting sun right in front of me.
This right here has been my haven for years now. It's where I get to truly breathe and be at peace. The setting sun was a beauty as the shimmering orange and purple hues of the sky turned dark as the moon arose from its slumber.
And when the moon had risen, the bridge opened its lights making the roses seem ethereal in its place.
I looked around and saw many cars passing by but also a few bystanders on the other side of the bridge. And to my right, a woman was standing there.
She was wearing a long skirt, sneakers and a long sleeved top. Her long red hair was a mess. But it's what she does next that makes me freeze.
She put both of her hands on the railing and pulled her body up as if…
as if she was attempting to jump.
My feet rushed forward but stopped when she settled back down again. Feet firmly planted on the ground before she fell on her knees. In a moment the place was filled with her sobs and wails.
It's not everyday you get to see someone trying to attempt dying but it's not irrelevant either. People have their own demons and problems to deal with and sometimes dying sure seems to be a good choice.
I fiddled with my fingers as I listened to her wails and strangely enough. I felt my heart tightening, like I could actually feel her pain.
This isn't good, I feel like a creep trying to eavesdrop on her.
"I should go"
I muttered to myself. I took one look at that woman again before deciding to head back home. I shouldn't pry on her problems. But something stopped me as my gaze wandered back to her.
On her face that was now devoid of any hair because the wind was blowing it like it was caressing her face. Trying to brush away the tears that stains her eyes. On her small brown eyes that were hidden away by the large eyeglasses she always liked to wear.
My head pounded but not as much as my heart rallied inside my chest seemingly trying to force its way out. On the heart that was beating with pain, with love, with yearning, with recognition like somehow it knew that it's owner was near.
And she was, because I would never forget those features. At least not in this life.
Harriett
Another heartbeat and I was off running as I saw her get up at once. As I watch her try to really jump off the bridge this time.
My heart was brimming to the core with emotions I didn't know could coexist at the same time. Anger, Pain, Sadness, Worry, Love, I could feel everything all at once that I didn't know what to feel first. But I was there, hands wrapped around her waist as I hugged her from behind. As I pulled her and planted her back firmly on the ground.
Feet on the ground. As long as her feet are still on the ground.
I felt her stiffness, frozen like she was trying to understand what was happening right now. But I knew what was happening right now and what I couldn't understand was why this was happening.
She should've been happy, should've been living the best of her life. She owes me that. She broke my heart so she could be happy so what is this? Why is she trying to kill herself?
The pure ugly red rage started simmering inside of me as I tightened my hold on her. And the voice in which I spoke was colder than I had intended.
"What are you doing?"