Ashley's face turned red with embarrassment. Her fists clenched uncomfortably at her sides. Her brain itched horribly, telling her to scratch herself. Eventually, she gave in. Nails to skin. It created an awkward atmosphere. Especially since Ashley was staring down, and Dean's eyes were fixed on her like a lost puppy.
Ashley (Inner): Please stop blushing. Please stop scratching. Why? Why does he look so similar to Leon? Why did I just have to blurt that out? I'm so damn awkward. Just…
Her focus returns but her nails never stop scratching. She looks back up with a determined yet shy face. It's immediately obvious that her legs are shaking, like she'll lose her balance at any moment.
Dean (Inner): I don't know if she has a history of passing out or something. But I definitely don't want that happening again.
Ashley: I'm sorry. You just… look almost identical to someone I know.
Dean (Inner): I'm conflicted. It's not that I don't know what to say. I just don't know which topic to bring up first.
Dean: That's fine. My name's Dean though.
He holds out his hand with a smile that doesn't reach his eyes. But she doesn't notice that last part. Instead, Ashley stares down at his hand like it'll disappear if she blinks. Her heart beat loudly, like it was moments away from breaking through her ribs. Her stomach twisted and the air suddenly felt hot.
Ashley (Inner): Why is this happening!? My body is terrible! He'll probably assume I have a crush on him or something 'cause of the way I'm acting right now!
Dean: You look so nervous. Wanna sit down and catch your breath?
He lowers his hand and relaxes a little. Ashley stares down at him through fuzzy eyes for a few seconds before taking a step forward. Her movements are slow and difficult, like it's her first time walking. It doesn't help that her socks keep slipping on the dusty floor. As she walks, –or shuffling is a more accurate term– her hands are fidgeting in any way they can. Either together, or with her hospital gown.
Dean (Inner): I know I should be excited about Ashley being right here but… I can't seem to get that Leon name out of my head. Why am I so focused on a potential brother I've never met. Not to mention didn't know existed until a few weeks ago.
Ashley (Inner): This is exactly what I wanted to happen, isn't it? I would meet someone at the concert, and then I wouldn't be alone anymore, right? Is this that person? God, I can't even look at him. I don't have any doubt that he knows how nervous I am right now. I hope I can actually hold a real conversation, but I most likely can't. Normally I probably could, but I'm more embarrassed in myself than usual. I'm acting like a lovestruck little girl in front of the person who saved my life, like I'm a damsel in distress. I hate this. Please don't be weird.
She slowly lowers herself onto the bed and sits up straight, holding her hands over her knees and staring directly forward.
At least a minute of silence passes as Dean contemplates what he should say.
Dean (Inner): Would it be weird if I brought up Leon? It'd probably be weirder if I talked about how much of a fan I am.
The silence is broken. Not by Dean, but by Ashley, who is still staring into the distance with pink cheeks.
Ashley (Inner): Can I please go five seconds without blushing? Why is my body like this?
Ashley: What happened to your head? It's bandaged.
Dean: Oh! Well after I caught you and they took you away, I was kinda freaking out a whole lot. And then I passed out and hit my head pretty hard on the floor. I was bleeding out so yeah.
Dean (Inner): I've been hitting my head a lot lately. I must have some sort of brain injury by now. I should look out for symptoms but… I don't know the symptoms. You'd think some sort of doctor would be here to tell me things like this, but I guess not. This hospital sucks.
Ashley's eyes squint in sympathy. She begins to reach a hand out to rub his back, but quickly pulls it back before he can notice.
Ashley: That sounds really awful. I'm really sorry. I was told that you used portals to save me. But I couldn't forgive myself if you were to die. I'm sorry.
A similar action. Dean tries to put a comforting and reassuring hand on her shoulder, but it doesn't seem to move. He sighs and just looks at her instead. Her eyes glance over to him, but her head doesn't move.
Dean: Hey don't worry about it dude. I'm just glad you're alive, you know? And I've almost died plenty of times recently! So it's fine!
He closes his eyes and snickers a little. But when he opens them again, Ashley looks horrified. She's facing him with a dropped jaw and blank eyes. His comedic demeanor instantly vanishes as he looks down.
Dean: Sorry.
Ashley: Hey. Can I ask you something?
He looks back up with a curious yet surprised face. It suddenly hits him that he's talking to the girl he's admired for so long. He tries to keep calm despite this, and he actually does pretty well at that.
Dean: Yeah go ahead.
Ashley: Do you think you hitting your head is the reason that you're talking kind of funny? Sorry if that's rude.
Her head turns away once she finishes speaking. Dean raises an eyebrow at her question.
Dean (Inner): Do I sound weird? I haven't noticed anything different.
Dean: What do you mean?
Ashley: You know… you're kind of slurring your words a little it feels like. I'm pretty sure that problems speaking is a sign of brain damage.
Dean (Inner): Wait…
Dean: Oh I think I know what you're talking about. Here. Look.
Ashley: Huh?
She turns her gaze over to him as he opens his mouth. Lifting up his lip, Ashley can see his missing tooth. She feels weird looking into his mouth, but doesn't make any effort to look away.
Dean: A few weeks ago my tooth got cut out by some muggers or whatever. So I've had a lisp ever since. It's gotten a little better, but it's still noticeable. Me and my friend Lexi have gotten used to it, so I actually forgot about it until you brought it up.
Ashley looks horrified again, genuinely worried about the stories he's telling her. She doesn't know whether to feel sympathy, or concern.
Ashley: Uhh… Are you okay, Dean? From what you've told me so far, your life seems miserable. And yet you just walk it off everyday like it isn't a big deal? How? Are you maybe just hiding your pain from everyone, including yourself?
Ashley (Inner): Do I really have the right to feel sad all the time when my life is luxury compared to his? Actually, I don't feel sad right now. I feel… Warm. I'm starting to feel more relaxed too. Am I… No! I don't want to think about love. This isn't it. I'm just confusing other emotions for it. I don't want to have anyone. I want a perfect someone. I can't just jump into the arms of the first guy I meet who gives me attention. Plus, he's probably only being nice because he's a fan. I wouldn't know if he's pretending to be genuine or not, because I don't know how people act. But still… I can't deny how I'm feeling right now. Just because I shouldn't fall in love with him right now, doesn't mean I won't later on. I have to be smart about this.
Dean (Inner): Am I? I mean I guess. Maybe a little. Though, I wouldn't say I'm hiding everything, more like I'm just pushing it down so it doesn't weigh on me I guess. I want to be a carefree guy who has fun. If I act like that enough, then that's who I'll be, right? The pain will still be there, but not all the time. No one wants to deal with a sad boy all the time. Everyone lies about who they are on the inside. I'm allowed to keep things to myself. As long as I let my feelings out in a healthy manner, then I'll be fine.
Dean: I guess a little bit. But everyone does that. We all have our little moments of weakness, yet we present ourselves as how we want to be viewed. Aren't both versions still the real you?
She leans back a little bit, surprised by Dean's words. In her mind, she wants to disagree based on experience, but she also knows that people behave differently.
Ashley: That depends. Is it really the same me if the person I present myself to be is really different from the person inside of me?
He scoots just a little bit closer, but not close enough to be seen as weird. It's such a subtle change that Ashley doesn't even notice it.
Dean: Are you happy with yourself? Are you glad that both sides of you exist? 'Cause like, this isn't really something for me to decide. I'm not you.
Dean (Inner): Is she getting comfortable talking to me? I don't want to push it too far, so I hope I'm coming off as genuine.
Ashley: I don't think I am. I feel pathetic sometimes. A lot of times, actually. I depend on others too much. I guess… The biggest issue is that I'm lonely. I never had any friends, and the people I did meet, ended up being fake. I think that might've contributed to my awkwardness when talking to people. I've never really done it except with my family. But…
Her eyes suddenly widen and she slaps her hands to her face, hiding her blush. Embarrassment flows through her as she realizes what she was saying. She falls backwards and lands on the bed. Her hair spreads out as she shakes her head while groaning. The bed sways slightly as she kicks and swings her feet.
Ashley (Inner): Why am I telling him all of this!? I only feel relaxed talking to him because it's something I've craved! Connection! This isn't love! It's loneliness taking over! Please just snap out of it before you regret it!
Dean slouches and clasps his hands together, playing with his thumbs to distract himself from the unease he feels at the situation. He doesn't know what Ashley's thinking, or why she's acting like this so suddenly when she seemed to be warming up to him.
Dean: Hey.
With a nervous gaze, he turns his head over to Ashley. She stops fiddling around on the bed and pulls her hands away from her face. As they make eye contact, Dean finally realizes just how much Ashley blushes, but decides not to ask about it.
Dean (Inner): I don't think normal people blush this much. But considering how she constantly tries to hide it, it must not be a trait that she's particularly fond of.
Dean: To actually answer your question from earlier, I don't. I'm not okay. But that doesn't mean I just pretend that it's nothing, because it's not. I am really struggling, but I don't let it control me. It's really hard but I want to do it, because I like who I am. Or… I like who I want to be. There are a lot of times where I hate myself, and feel like I deserve worse than what's happened to me. I've done some bad things, and I can't help but think that I shouldn't even be alive because of them. But I think as long as I'm able to improve myself, and believe that I'll be okay, then everything will be okay.
They sit in silence for a few seconds before Ashley sits up and stares at him with wide, glistening eyes. Dean can't help but be entranced by the beauty of it, like they're diamonds. Despite her captivating eyes, –at least to Dean– there's a frown on her face that Dean doesn't notice until she speaks.
Ashley: That's horrible. I don't want you to feel like that. I… I'm scared that I'm opening myself up too much but… If you ever need a shoulder to cry on… I'll be here.
Ashley (Inner): I'm really talking like this.
Dean (Inner): She's really talking to me like that.
Dean: Thanks, but I already have someone for that. Her name is Lexi. It's the girl that was just in here with me.
Her face falls a little
Ashley (Inner): Oh. That's right. I forgot. There was a girl in here before I came in, wasn't there? That must be his girlfriend. Why am I so disappointed about that? I know my heart wants to like him, but that's stupid. Love at first sight isn't real. I'll find someone better. Like I said, I can't love just anyone. Dean is nice, or at least he appears to be nice, but he's not someone I want.
Dean (Inner): She looks sad. Is it because I mentioned Lexi? Does she think she's my girlfriend or something? Okay dude. I'm just dreaming at this point. Just because this situation is already unbelievable, doesn't mean that'll happen. But still…
Dean: Yeah she's definitely like the only friend I have. Except she does close herself off a lot, which kinda sucks sometimes. Also regarding your offer, how would I see you after today?
Ashley (Inner): Friend.
Her face noticeably lights up a little. Dean smiles at her reaction, and they both are hit with a feeling of relief. Despite neither of them liking the other romantically, it sure feels that way to them just based on the atmosphere and vibe they give off during their conversation.
Dean (Inner): I always thought that I was in love with her, but now that I'm actually here talking to her, I feel different. It might be because of everything that happened with the concert, but I was probably just confused. I let a parasocial relationship fester in my head until I confused it for real love. I am still feeling things though, but only because I'm so used to feeling affectionate when I see her. I can't just change how I react to things in an instant. But there is definitely a change in my attitude towards her. It's more friendly. Normal. Again, maybe this is just because of the concert. Maybe if I got to talk to her without all that stuff happening, I'd be freaking out. But a big part of me doubts that. I think I'm just facing reality here.
Ashley: Well you could tell me where you live, and I can visit from time to time. Or I could tell you where I live, but I'd have to talk to my parents first before giving my address to someone I just met.
Dean's face scrunches a little as he slouches more, like he's trying to sink down into the bed. Ashley looks down at him with a puzzled stare. He closes his eyes and groans dramatically. Ashley can't help but laugh a little bit at his reaction, but she still is curious as to why he's acting like this. After a few seconds, he sits up straight and turns his head swiftly to look at her.
Dean: So me and Lexi got here the other week. We've been living in that homeless shelter hotel thing. But we only have a few weeks left before they kick us out.
They both look at each other in disappointment. Ashley thinks for just a moment before asking another question.
Ashley: Well then, do you perhaps have any places that you've been looking at buying? I assume that you'll be busy the next few weeks working to buy a place too, so I wouldn't come over during that time. But that's why I need to know where you might be staying right now.
Dean: Nope. We've been slacking a lot to be honest. Our time was spent either doing random jobs, or farting around. Actually… I never made a plan for what I'd do after your concert. I just kept forcing myself to think of something else whenever I tried. It was like a trigger that would make me feel terrible. I don't know how else to explain it, but it is pretty dumb.
She squints her eyes at Dean's story. Her body turns to fully face him as she crosses her legs and slouches down, holding her head up with her hands. It's a position that would be super uncomfortable if maintained for more than a few minutes. Dean can almost feel his back begin to hurt as he looks at her.
Ashley: You're right. That is quite dumb. I have another idea then. You tell me what your phone number is, and then we can just message each other and figure things out from there.
He darts his eyes away in embarrassment. She raises an eyebrow and sits up, dropping her hands as she does.
Ashley: What?
Dean: I don't have a phone anymore.
Ashley: Anymore? What happened?
Moving into the same cross legged pose as Ashley, he closes his eyes and sighs.
Dean (Inner): I obviously can't tell her exactly what happened, so I have no choice but to lie. I can't make it too obvious that I'm lying though.
Dean: I was messing around with some friends in the woods. That was when my power activated for the first time. Even though I had been friends with them for a while, they instantly rejected me. Hated me like I was possessed by some demon.
Dean's expression shifts to sadness and regret. Similarly to Dean, Ashley's face shows sadness mixed with sympathy, like it did with Dean's other stories. His hands fidget with the bedding as he looks away.
Dean: Then uhh… Then they threatened me and started chasing me. After a few minutes, I fell into a creek. Right as they caught up to me, a portal opened, and I fell through, landing in a supermarket I didn't recognize. I tried to pull out my phone and get directions home, but it wasn't there. I don't know exactly when it fell out, but yeah.
He turns his attention back over to her, showing off a smirk that says "it happens". Ashley finally works up the courage to reach a hand out to him. She looks down, hiding her blush under her hair as she places a comforting hand on his shoulder. He blushes too, but she doesn't see it.
Ashley: All of the things you've told me so far… They're all horrible. I can only begin to imagine what other traumatizing things you've experienced that you just haven't told me yet.
Softening into her grip, Dean notices how tense she is. Most likely because she feels nervous doing this. Another thing he notices is the scratch marks on her arm.
Dean (Inner): It's so red. Like it would sting if I touched it. Ouch. You think that she wouldn't do that, considering what happened during the concert. I don't know if she has a habit of doing this, but it would only make sense if she did. Why does she scratch herself like that though? I assume it's a coping mechanism when she feels stressed or uncomfortable, but it's so self destructive that it makes me think that it isn't because of that. Or maybe that's the point. It could just be a way for her to redirect the pain she feels in her mind. But even then, it's still really unhealthy.
Dean: Don't worry about me. I told you, I'll be fine as long as I can still act like this, right?
She pulls her hand away. Dean feels a small sense of longing for her touch, but shakes it off. Ashley looks up at him. Despite her eyes being filled with sadness, Dean still finds them beautiful.
Ashley: I remember. But… I really do wish I could be there for you when you need it. I want to hug you when you feel down or scared. Hold you as you cry into my chest, until you let all your emotions out. You seem like a nice person, so it hurts me to know that you're sucking all of this up every day.
Ashley (Inner): What am I saying!?
Ashley: I want to visit you from time to time. But I know that you'll have your hands full working to pay for a house for the next few weeks. Once that happens, I won't know where you are, and you won't know where to find me. And I assume that you'll also be busy with your friend Lexi in your free time.
She looks down, her voice becoming more and more disappointed with every word.
Dean: Actually… We don't really have enough money to pay for a house. Not even close. Even if we worked our butts off, we wouldn't have enough by the deadline. And wait! I don't even think we have enough money to pay for the hospital bills! Shit!
He hunches over, burying his face in his hands as he mumbles to himself.
Ashley: You won't have a place to live for a little while? Maybe… Of course I'd have to talk with my parents about this first. But maybe you and Lexi could stay with us! We only have one spare bedroom though. So the two of you would have to take turns sleeping on the bed and the couch.
His head slowly lifts up. He stares at her with wide, yet blank eyes. Ashley looks a little uncomfortable at his stare, but doesn't look away.
Dean: Really?
She closes her eyes and smiles as she nods enthusiastically!
Ashley: Yeah! I can't think of a reason why my parents would refuse if I asked them. Especially considering the fact that you are the person who saved my life!
Dean: I guess you're right.
Ashley: Alright cool let's go talk to them then!
She quickly grabs his hand and yanks him out of the bed. Surprisingly, she doesn't blush even though she's holding a boy's hand. Dean stumbles over his feet but follows her into the hallway. Her hair blows in the wind as she runs. The scent of it wafts in Dean's face. He loves the smell. She does slip a little because of her socks, but she never stops her pace.
While they run through the hallway, Dean notices Lexi down a corridor. She's walking in their direction, but doesn't seem to notice them. Although it was just for a moment, Dean could tell that she was conflicted about something, purely by her expression. It looked like a totally different Lexi than the one he had gotten used to in the past few weeks. He desperately wanted to know more about her, but the girl in front of him was more enticing to spend time with. That thought filled him with an intense feeling of guilt, but he brushed it to the side.
After half a minute or so, they made it to the waiting room, where Ashley's parents were. As Dean caught his breath, Ashley began talking to her parents. But there was something off that he immediately noticed. His head hurt, he felt slightly dizzy, and he was more tired than he would normally be after running like that. His vision felt a little blurry and he had to focus to be able to hear what Ashley was saying.
He was only broken out of this haze when someone tapped him on the shoulder, which made him jump. A doctor stood to his side, holding a clipboard. Dean stared at him with wide eyes, still surprised from a second ago.
Doctor: Are you Dean Jeeves?
Dean: Y-yeah…
The doctor held out the clipboard. Dean glanced down at it for a few seconds, before realizing that the doctor was implying that he should take it. Grabbing the clipboard from the doctor's hand, Dean looked down at it. There were a lot of things there that he didn't understand. He looked back up at the doctor in confusion.
Dean: What's this?
Doctor: In short, your hospital bills have been paid.
His eyes widen again, but this time because of shock and confusion.
Dean: What!? By who!?
Doctor: Check the second page, kid.
The doctor yawns and walks away. Dean thinks for a moment about how he could've done his job better, before flipping to the second page. There was a handwritten note.
"Here's thanks for saving her life, bro! -Leon ;)"
Dean (Inner): Leon again. Who is this guy? He called me bro, so there might be some connection with that. It most likely isn't my brother, since a lot of people say bro. But it could be. Maybe he said that on purpose, and that's why he put the winky face at the end too. I need to know more. I need to find him.