Dean: Thanks again for letting us stay, Mr. and Mrs. Falinx. It means a lot.
He spoke with mock enthusiasm to Ashley's parents. The two adults had been chatting with each other at the kitchen table before Dean walked in. Heather responded to him, while Cameron continued to sip his coffee.
Heather: Of course. Just know that you can't stay for too long. Eventually we'll expect you and Lexi to buy your own houses. But until then, you can be part of the family.
Cameron: Yeah and then you can attend Ashley's birthday party next week too!
Despite his surprise, Dean felt more confused and concerned than anything. Deep down, he wasn't sure if he should be excited or not. After all, the last time there was a big event with Ashley, she almost fell to her death. He knew it wasn't likely that something like that would happen again –especially since it was just a birthday part–, but he still couldn't help but feel a little anxious.
Dean: Birthday party?
Heather slammed her hands down onto the table and turned her head to Dean. Stars gleamed out of her eyes as her face melted into a wide grin. A second later, she rose to her feet and grabbed Dean by the shoulders, her grip brimming with energy.
Heather: I forgot! Ashley hasn't had any guests show up to any of her birthday parties in years! What kind of suit do you want!?
Her intense stare beamed into Dean's eyes, making him feel a little overwhelmed. Nevertheless, he maintained his composure and answered her question, with a question.
Dean: I'd love to go. But what do I need a suit for? And should I buy a gift or something?
Letting go of Dean's shoulders, Heather swatted her hand down playfully. With crossed arms, she answered his questions. It felt as if her voice became more excited and loud with each word.
Dean (Inner): Jeez, dude. Bring it down a few notches, my god. You're gonna wake up the others. Assuming Lexi isn't already awake, and just wallowing in the guest room. I should probably check on her after this.
Heather: We always like to wear formal attire for parties! It's a Falinx family tradition as of about five years ago! But don't worry about getting a gift for her! You two simply being there is plenty enough! Like I said, she hasn't had any guests in years besides us!
Cameron chimed in once she finished speaking. His voice was calm –most likely due to his tired state–, but his voice echoed through Dean's ears.
Cameron: Actually, Leon's attended almost all of her parties throughout the years. Shame he won't be able to be here for this one though. I'll beat him up next year if he doesn't show up for her eighteenth!
Dean (Inner): This is it!
Heather: Oh yeah. You're right. Well he did say he was busy, right? I'm sure whatever he's up to is far more important than an event that happens every year.
Cameron: Well yeah. But it'd be nice if he actually told us what exactly he's doing. I like the guy, but he doesn't feel genuine sometimes. Like he's hiding something.
As they took turns speaking, Dean was too stunned to properly form a word. It took everything he had to get a noise out. It was faint, but because nobody was speaking at the time, they heard what he said.
Dean: Leon…
Turning their attention towards Dean, they both looked a little confused.
Cameron: What's up? You know him?
Heather: You okay, Dean? You're pretty pale.
After realizing that he hadn't been breathing, Dean finally allowed air into his lungs. Color returned to his face, and his head calmed down, allowing him to speak properly.
Dean: I've heard the name… A few times actually.
Heather turns around to fully face him. She places her hands on her hips and tilts her head a bit. Her body language is full of intrigue, which makes Dean feel relieved.
Dean (Inner): I guess waiting for a natural way to bring this up was the right call after all. Didn't even take too long either, which is dope.
Heather: Oh really?
Dean: When Ashley came into my hospital room yesterday, the first thing she did was confuse me for someone named Leon. Then, about ten minutes later maybe, a doctor gave me a few papers on a clipboard. It said that my hospital bills had been paid by someone. On the back, there was a note. It said "Here's thanks for saving her life, bro!" Signed, Leon. And then there was a little winky face at the end too.
Standing up to get more coffee, Cameron responded to Dean's words with a relatively monotone voice. It was a bit hard to make out exactly what he was saying. Especially since his back was turned, and coffee was being poured into his mug.
Cameron: Well to be fair dude, he is kind of a successful guy. At least according to him. No wonder he'd offer to pay your bills. Especially since they probably weren't too expensive, considering everything is cheaper in the bad part.
He took a sip of coffee before continuing his comment.
Cameron: You do also look a lot like him. Like it's scarily similar.
Heather: Yeah you're right he does. Except you're a lot shorter, and your hair is a different color. Also your voice is a bit higher. Other than that, and the fact that your mannerisms are obviously different, you two do look alike.
Dean (Inner): Should I tell them that I think he's my brother? Probably not. Maybe I should just drop it. Based on what I've seen and been told, Leon seems like a weird dude. Like uncomfortably weird. I don't know if I want to associate myself with someone like that. But on the other hand, that would be real family. And then I wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again, considering that they said he was pretty successful. So overall, the latter option might be the best.
Dean: That's the thing. Back when my parents kicked me out of my house because I had a power, they said something pretty interesting.
Cameron: What'd they say?
Dean: Well my Mom was all freaking out at me and stuff. I don't remember exactly what she said, but it was something like "Why can't I just have a normal child?" And then I think I asked what she meant by that, to which she replied "You're brother was the same." Again, this was a little while ago, so I don't remember exactly what was said, but that's just the gist of it.
Heather: Hm. So what you're saying is that you think Leon might be your long lost brother?
Dean: Basically, yeah.
Heather: I guess that is within the realm of possibility. But I also don't wanna get your hopes up. I don't think Leon is your brother.
Dean: Why's that?
Heather: Well for starters, Leon has never mentioned having a brother before. And also-
Cameron speaks up. He doesn't completely cut her off, but he does interject with his own thought.
Cameron: Well actually…
The two others turn their attention to him. Heather doesn't seem to mind being interrupted. To Dean, it feels like that's just a sign of how deep their love for each other is. That they don't get easily frustrated at each other, and instead welcome everything they have to say. It's something he wishes he had, but that's besides the point.
Cameron: Leon's been very secretive about his family, if I remember correctly. There have been a few times where he's brought the topic up, but he's never gone into too much detail about it. For all we know, his parents could be dead.
While Cameron is usually a laid back guy, he does know how to read the room properly, and understands when he needs to be serious. It is pretty obvious that he acts like this however, even when he is being chill. Somehow, he feels like the same person, no matter what he's doing. As for Heather, she's serious almost all of the time. But she likes to blend her seriousness with silliness so that she doesn't sound too stern or boring. It's a likeable trait, and one that has never had any downsides. At least to their knowledge.
Dean: So you really just don't know anything?
Cameron: Pretty much. What we do know is that his situation is similar to yours. His parents kicked him out when he was sixteen after finding out he had a power.
Dean (Inner): I wouldn't say that origin is completely similar, but I get what he's saying.
Dean: So it totally is possible that I could be his brother?
Cameron: Yes. But like Heather said, don't get your hopes up, okay?
Dean: Sure.
Heather: Did your parents not tell you about him before? Or did you just not know? Because if neither party told anyone, there must've been some mutual agreement never to speak of each other ever again. Like just considering them to have never existed.
Dean: Yeah they never did. So maybe you're right.
Cameron: Well then why would Leon mention his family at all? And why would he write that note for Dean?
Heather: Hmmm. I'm not sure. It was written in a strange way too, wasn't it?
Cameron: Yeah… Well I suppose we can always ask him about everything next time we see him, right?
Heather puts her fist up to her mouth. Her eyes are closed as she holds in a chuckle. A small giggle is all that manages to seep through. Her voice is light from laughing as she responds.
Heather: Doubt he'd give a real answer though, let's be real.
Cameron snickers too, making Dean feel like it's some sort of inside joke he doesn't understand. That thought process is what brings him to his next question.
Dean: So… Who exactly is Leon?
Both of their faces instantly shift to a quizzical look as their focus turns to Dean. The attention mixed with the sudden change in atmosphere makes him a little nervous. Like a small pinhole opened up deep within his stomach.
Heather: You mean like what he's like?
Dean: Yeah. Assuming we are related, there should be some similarities in our mannerisms, even if you said there aren't.
Cameron: Well isn't that assuming that people are who they are based on their nature?
Dean: What?
He sets down his coffee cup, and begins fiddling with his hands to explain what he means. Even though that's something he doesn't need to do in this situation, considering that it's a fairly easy to understand concept. Dean assumes it's a way to get his brain working harder. Although he doesn't completely understand how that would be the case. It's just the first theory he came up with.
Cameron: You know… Nature vs nurture. The idea that people are who they are either because of predetermined traits or whatnot, which would be nature. Or that people are who they are because of the world around them. Their upbringing and life experiences shape their character, which would be nurture. Personally I think it's the latter there.
Heather: Aren't they both true though? I guess you'd know more than me since you went to a good school in the good part, while the schools here aren't the best. But I feel like it'd be both of them, right? It all depends on the person.
Cameron: I guess you're right.
Dean: Could we get back on track, please?
His face gives off a look reminiscent of a serial killer's mugshot, even though his mood doesn't match that. The two look a little embarrassed, realizing that they started rambling into a different subject.
Heather: Sorry. But yes, I can tell you things about Leon.
Cameron: Where to start though?
She turns her head back to him with another smile on her face.
Heather: Right? Haha.
Before beginning, the two of them sit back down at the table. Heather motions for Dean to join them with a welcoming and warm smile, but he doesn't. The conversation feels too important to him to sit down and relax.
Heather: Okayy… Well… Leon is a bit of a wildcard, isn't he?
Cameron: Sure is.
Heather: We first met him when Ashley had just turned a year old. It was outside some abandoned building, which I think he eventually refurbished and lives there now. But he was curled up crying with blood splattered on him. When we stopped to ask what was wrong, he didn't give us a clear answer, something that would become a habit of his. He was such a kind boy so we cheered him up. We invited him over and he stayed for a little while. Eventually after he got his own place, he would frequently visit. But he was mostly interested in Ashley. And his kind demeanor slowly started to shift into one of manipulation. He just felt different. We knew he was the same guy, so we didn't really confront him about it. Especially since he wasn't doing anything wrong. He was just maturing in his own way, I guess. Sorry, I didn't really tell you what he was like. More of just our story with him.
Dean: No, that's fine. It is interesting though. Did he ever end up telling you why he was crying with blood on him? And did he look sick at the time, perhaps?
Cameron: He gave us hints about a friend or something, but never outright told us. I guess he was scared. Looking back on it, we should've been more cautious with him. Like what if he killed someone?
Heather: True. Well to be fair, we weren't even twenty at the time. We were still pretty young.
Cameron: Yeah. I guess. And did he look sick? I can't fully remember, sorry.
Dean: Did he seem grossed out or disturbed at all from the blood on him?
Cameron: I really can't remember, Dean. This was years ago. Remembering small details like that from almost half my life ago is basically impossible. Sorry.
Heather: I remember a little bit. I don't think he seemed disturbed or nauseous or anything, assuming that's what you're implying by 'sick'. It was just that he was distressed. I think the blood had something to do with that, but more because of where the blood came from, rather than the blood itself.
Dean: Hmm… Okay. Well thanks then.
Cameron: Why?
Dean: Hm?
Dean's head –which had been looking down in thought previously– perked up at Cameron's question. While one of his hands remained around his coffee mug, the other was holding up his chin as he leaned forward against the table. A curious look spread across his whole face, most likely caused from an inherent skepticism within him.
Cameron: I know why you want to know about Leon, 'cause you think he's your brother and all. But why are you getting so specific with your questions? Is there some sort of disdain for blood in your family? Do you know something about all of this, perhaps?
Dean (Inner): Shit. With how he's looking at me, it makes me feel like he knows about my blood weakness. But that can't be the case, right? I don't think I've really told anyone about that. Unless he can see through me. Or maybe… He could have a power to read minds or know weaknesses. I doubt that though. Heather did say that he grew up in the good part, while she grew up in the bad part. It makes more sense to say that Heather is the one with the power. Although I can't rule out the possibility that they both have them. Or maybe neither do? Like I said, I don't want to raise any suspicions, so I shouldn't answer his question with a question, or seem like I'm picking their brains too much.
Dean: Well I do tend to feel pretty nauseous at the sight of blood. I'm not sure if my parents do though. You just presented me with information and I looked for a possible similarity.
Dean (Inner): Maybe I sounded too dismissive? I think my word choice might be the only reason he would have to continue asking me questions. But even then, if he trusts me enough to let me stay in his home, then I doubt he'd be skeptical enough to continue.
Cameron: Oh that sucks. Blood is pretty gross huh? It does sound like you're desperate to look for similarities. Like you have a strong need to find answers.
Dean: Yeah maybe.
Cameron: Well don't. We already told you to not get your hopes up about this. And it feels like that's exactly what you're doing. We may have just met you yesterday, but I think I can speak for Heather too when I say we don't want to see you get hurt when you find out that this is just a coincidence. So how about we just cool it, okay?
Heather, who had been silently watching the two chat, finally speaks up. While Cameron's voice was stern like a father, Heather's voice was calm and full of care. Her voice eased Dean's mind, and loosened his tense body, if only just a little.
Heather: Yeah, Dean. It's okay to be hyper about everything and try to race to the end, but you need to slow down sometimes. From what Ashley told us yesterday at the hospital, you've been through a lot in such a short amount of time. More than anyone your age should ever have to go through. But you've been strong about it, which is incredible. But please… Please just relax here with us. You're going to burn yourself out and mentally fall apart if you don't stop. You have your whole life ahead of you to figure things out after all. You can take your time. You're allowed to heal.
Their voices are genuine. Full of concern. It's clear that they care about Dean. Not because he saved Ashley's life, but rather, because he's a kid who's struggling against the world. Against the fate that was laid out for him. Only a monster wouldn't try to comfort him. And even though this family lives in the bad part, they are not monsters.
Despite their comforting words, Dean still feels the pinhole in his stomach. For some reason, everything feels wrong to him. The whole world is instantly swallowed by the black hole in his mind, leaving him stranded with his thoughts in the void.
Dean (Inner): Oh. That's right. I don't deserve this. They're only kind because I saved Ashley. They only care because I saved Ashley. They only give a shit because I saved Ashley. But they don't know. If only they knew. If only they knew. If only they knew. If only they knew. If only they knew the horrors I've caused. The lives I've taken so carelessly. Wouldn't that be funny? I should tell them, shouldn't I? I should. I should. Before I ruin their lives too. Before I kill them too. Because after all, I am a killer. I've killed more people than I can count. More people than likely anyone has ever killed before. And yet here I am, facing people who "care" about me. People who think I deserve their generosity. If only they knew. If only they knew. I don't deserve this. But they think I do. To them, I'm a savior. A hero. The person who saved their daughter's life. So therefore, they accept me, without knowing anything about me. If only they knew. I can't cry. I can't.
He's suddenly pulled back into reality by a voice. A loud gasp escapes his lips as color and life returns to the world. The three other people in the room stop and look at him with concern. He looks frightened, confused, scared, and upset. He's so out of it that he doesn't even realize that there is a third person there for almost a whole minute.
Ashley: Are you okay, Dean?
Walking in front of him with worry, Ashley takes his hand into hers and stares deep into his eyes. It's an intimate situation, but no one seems to view it that way.
Dean (Inner): How long was that? I didn't even notice her walk in. I know I zoned out but… Jeez. That was intense, man.
Pulling his hand away, Dean reciprocates her gaze with a smile, although she doesn't smile back.
Dean: Yeah sorry. I was really lost in thought for a bit. Your voice startled me.
Ashley: Oh. Sorry about that then.
Dean: So what did you say before? I couldn't hear you completely through my own thoughts.
Ashley: I just said good morning.
For some reason, he doesn't say it back, instead choosing to simply smile. It still feels wrong. Even just saying something like good morning is something he doesn't feel he deserves. That thought eats away at him. The pinhole in his stomach expands to his chest. But he doesn't cry.
Dean: Do you know if Lexi's up?
Before Ashley responds, Dean glances over to the kitchen table. Both Heather and Cameron are silently seated. It's clear that they're eavesdropping on the conversation, since they aren't doing anything except staring into space.
Dean (Inner): Maybe they're lost in their own thoughts like I was? I doubt it though. The context of it doesn't really feel right. Actually, I do feel kind of bad. They said such kind things to me, and I didn't even say thank you, or even acknowledge them for that matter. I kinda just ignored them, didn't I? It might be too late to thank them though. And I don't even really feel like I should. Their kindness deserves to be appreciated, sure. But again, I don't feel like I deserve it. Maybe it's just better to forget that it happened at all?
Ashley: I'm not sure. If I had to guess, I'd say she is. Since she got here yesterday, she's been pretty cooped up in that room. It's a little upsetting in my opinion.
Her face is full of worry. Even more than when Dean got startled by her just a moment ago. It makes him feel a little jealous, even if he doesn't fully understand why. He shoves that feeling down to give her a genuine response though.
Dean: Do you want me to go talk to her?
Ashley: Yes please. I don't want her to be alone. It's clear that something's bothering her.
Dean: Alright.
He turns around and leaves, closing the kitchen door behind him. A sense of nervousness washes over him with each step towards the guest room. But he powers through it and ends up in front of the door. He gives it a gentle knock and waits for a response.
After not hearing anything, he knocks again. This time, a little louder. Still nothing. After a third knock with no answer, he slowly begins to open the door.
Dean: Lexi?
She's sitting there, curled up on the bed with her face in her knees. Dean gently closes the door behind him, and places his hands at his sides. He decides to wait until Lexi looks up at him to begin talking. A few minutes pass before he begins to feel a little impatient, choosing instead to start the conversation himself.
Dean: Hey dude. What's going on?
Lexi's grip on her legs tightens out of frustration. Her body quivers as she begins to cry. Lifting her head up just enough to face Dean, she speaks. Her speech is sloppy as she tries to control her emotions. Tears roll down her face every few seconds.
Lexi: Dean… I'm sorry. I can't…
He doesn't move from where he's standing. His mind –too conflicted with emotion– won't let him move. Part of him wants to comfort his friend, and tell her that it'll be okay. But the other part knows he shouldn't. This is something Lexi needs to power through by herself. Dean's comfort would only serve to delay her progression as a person, and that's the last thing he wants. He wants her to be happy. He wants her to be Lexi. The same Lexi that had been there for him for the past few weeks when he needed it.
Dean (Inner): The only person… I've ever really considered to be my friend. That's horrible. What was I doing my whole life to where I never grew any strong relationships? I hated my friends, no… My acquaintances… And they hated me. But this is different, isn't it?
Dean: Take your time. I'm here.
Another few minutes pass as Lexi cries. Neither of them notice, but the world around them slowly begins to fade away, much like how Dean feels alone in his own void a lot. But now both of them are here, sharing a moment.
Wiping her face with her arm, Lexi takes a few deep breaths before continuing her train of thought.
Lexi: That promise we made… It's something I can't keep.
Dean: I figured. It seemed like you made that promise on a whim, so I knew it wouldn't last.
Lexi: I'm sorry. I promised you that I'd show you who I am on the inside, as well as the outside. That it'd be my whole self with you. But I can't.
Lexi looks away, unable to look him in the eyes as she speaks. Not even Dean knows what expression he's making, or how he feels about everything. The only thing he could possibly care about in this moment is the fragile person sitting a few feet in front of him.
Dean: But… Why? That's what I don't understand. Why can't you be yourself around me?
Lexi: Because I don't trust you.
He doesn't respond. Neither of them know if he even reacts. That uncertainty makes the conversation so much harder to continue. But Lexi holds all of her strength together, and does so anyway, knowing that it's for the best.
Lexi: I've told you before… But I don't think love exists. My whole life I was tricked into thinking it was. Subjected to illusions of affection, that were stripped away from me like it was nothing. It's something I can't just forget. It's something that'll take time for me to move on from. Every time I tried to open myself up to you, it was like a bomb going off in my chest. One that didn't even know it was a bomb, releasing a flurry of thoughts and conflicting feelings that were too much for me to handle at once. That's why I kept that persona that you got used to. Because I didn't know how else to handle everything. I thought that if I pretended to be who I wanted to be, then eventually I would be.
Dean (Inner): That's… No… Stop…
Lexi: But that person is still who I want to be, so I'll keep doing that, because it's what makes me feel happy. If I can forget the past, and instead focus on shaping my future how I want, then things will work out, won't they? But that's the thing. I'm not ready to take off that mask. I don't want to be hurt again. If I'm being honest, you're the last person I would expect to betray me. But while my mind accepts that, my heart doesn't. It can't. I've lost the only people I thought I cared about because I let myself get carried away with love. I don't want that happening again. I won't be my true self around you… For a while. But I will be the person you know. The person you… Love. That's because I like being that person. I can't promise that I'll open up to you fully any time soon. But I can promise you that I will eventually. That'll be the new promise. That we'll just be friends no matter what, and that we support each other no matter what the other person is going through, even if they want to keep it to themselves.
She holds her pinky out to him with a genuine look of happiness on her face. Dean reciprocates the promise with a nod, although he doesn't even realize he's moved. His mind is stuck lingering on her words with doubt and fear. A whirlwind of confusion pulses through his veins as he struggles to accept it all.
Lexi: Friends then. I'm glad I got that off my chest. Thanks dude. Let's go get some breakfast or something, okay?
She excitedly stands up off the bed and heads out the door, motioning for Dean to follow.
Dean: It's so easy for you, isn't it?
Noticing he hasn't moved at all, Lexi turns her head back to face him with worry. His body isn't tense, or moving at all. It's as if he's completely lost within his own mind, unable to break free. Understanding that, she reaches a hand out to his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down and see what's wrong.
Lexi: Dean?
Dean: Don't touch me.
Without any force behind it, he quickly swats her hand away. Before Lexi can even fully recover her hand, Dean has already turned around and left the room. Despite desperately wanting to follow him, her legs don't move. Instead, she stays frozen. A look of hurt, hesitation, shock, and confusion swells together on her face.
The sound of his feet on the carpet can't be heard as he quickly yet softly trudges over to the back door. He knows that it's still raining from last night, but he doesn't care. The idea of cool rain cascading over him is much better than being trapped in a warm house of bloody emotion. The hole inside him has left nothing but despair.
The loud sounds of showerings does nothing to drown out his screaming head. He can hardly feel the soothing coolness of the rain through the unpleasant pounding of his heart. The dark rain clouds block out the beautiful sun, making it appear to be night. Cold, tired, dark, loud, alone. He's alone. Lost in his own grief.
Heather: Good morning, Lexi! Are you doing better?
As Lexi responds, her voice is filled with uncertainty. Everyone immediately picks up on this.
Lexi: Yeah… A lot better actually. Thanks for asking.
Cameron: Was that the sound of the backdoor closing just a second ago?
Lexi: Yeah… Dean kinda stormed off on me. I don't understand what happened. He came in there to cheer me up, and then I cracked. I told him everything. I let out all of my thoughts until I felt better. We even made a pinky promise to stay friends. Then he just… Snapped… I guess.
Heather: Dean's out there? It's still raining. Somebody should go get him and see what's wrong.
Without any hesitation, Ashley jumps up from her chair and runs to the backyard. Seeing Dean standing in the middle of the small field, she calls out to him, her voice full of worry and care.
Ashley: Dean! What are you doing out here!?
Even after waiting a few seconds, there's no response. She's confident that it wasn't just something she couldn't hear. Dean didn't speak. Or maybe he just didn't hear her.
Ignoring the pouring rain, Ashley steps outside and trudges over to him, getting soaked on her way. As she reaches him, she steps in front and peers into his hollow eyes. They're completely blank.
Water drips down his face, making it look like he's been crying. Although, the lack of movement in his body would suggest otherwise. Even without that hint, deep down, Ashley knew he wasn't crying. Despite only knowing him for a day, it was obvious to her that he wasn't someone who would let himself do that easily. At least… Without first feeling like he's allowed to.
Understanding that, Ashley carefully wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him into a warm hug. Warm enough to block out the cold rain. Warm enough to drown out the blood flowing through him. Warm enough to make him feel safe.
Reciprocating her action, he slowly and hesitantly accepts her hug, and gives her one too. He feels okay. Like this is where he's supposed to be. Even though he doesn't understand why, he knows deep down that Ashley is the person for him. And even though he still doesn't feel any true romantic feelings for her, he knows that he wants to chase after that future. After all, why else would fate bring them together?
Ashley: Everything's okay, Dean. You can cry now.
Against his own will, his body melts down into tears. They start off slow and hesitant, but it soon becomes impossible to hold them back, and he sobs into her shoulder. It becomes messy as he clings to her more, clutching the back of her shirt tighter and stepping closer. The rain washes away the tears and snot on her shoulder. Slowly but surely, Ashley's presence fills the hole within him.