A feeling of incredible dread immediately overshadowed anything else Ashley felt the moment she stepped up onto the stage. Overlooking the area, there was a little bit of disappointment in her heart at how small it was. She kept her expectations low, but it really was that small. It was to be expected after all.
There were only enough chairs to seat around 500 people at max, but that was assuming that that many people would show up at all.
The whole thing was outdoors, and the stage wasn't very big. The lighting and technical aspects of it all looked really crappy, like they could break at any moment. The backstage wasn't to be hailed either. It was one room that was mostly full of technical equipment, with a few fold-up chairs in the corner for Ashley's parents and Leon to sit while Ashley was on stage.
The reality of the whole situation hit her hard as she continued to look out at the currently empty seats. Her heart raced and her whole body began to sweat noticeably through her white striped shirt. It wasn't completely her nerves that got to her, but rather the feeling of self-disappointment. A constant voice ringing in your ears saying "Why are you even here? You don't deserve something like this. Go home already.". She began to believe this voice as the minutes ticked down to the concert.
Her head tilted up to look at the wires that would lift her up on a harness during one of the three songs she would be singing. Her feet began to fidget, like they were clinging to the floor.
Ashley (Inner): What was I thinking when I decided to go along with this? This isn't something I can do. This isn't something I should do. Everyone will leave here filled with disappointment. I feel horrible for them already. I can already tell that I'm going to make many mistakes.
Nails to skin. A comforting action in a scary situation. By this point, her arm is permanently a darkish shade of red. Not completely permanent in the sense that it will be that way forever, but permanent in the sense that she refuses to stop, no matter how badly it hurts to do.
Her mom steps forward with concern. She notices that Ashley has so quickly fallen into her scratching habit, and gently pulls her hand away before hugging her from the side. Ashley's arm twitches, and her fingernails pick at each other.
Heather: You really need to stop doing that, honey. We brought you a long sleeve shirt just in case it got cold. It'll cover up your red arm. Why don't you try it on for me?
Silence. Ashley looks down and compresses her teeth. Her eyes are a sideways teardrop shape, and are usually full of determination. A lie. Her thought process was if she pretended to be okay and happy, then eventually that lie would become the truth. But now, her eyes are wide and blank. She shakes her head softly.
Ashley: I can't do this. I want to go home.
Heather frowns and steps in front of Ashley, lifting her chin up and taking her hands into hers, gently caressing the backs of her hands with her thumbs.
Heather: It's just nerves. I know you'll do great. Come on. I'll get you that shirt and then we can practice for a bit. Sound good?
Ashley shakes her head more adamantly this time, forcefully pulling her hands away and stepping away to face away from her mother. Nails to skin. A comforting action in a scary situation.
Ashley: I just wasn't thinking when I agreed to do this. I assumed I was someone greater than I actually am. I was blind to reality. I'm nothing special. No one wants to look my way.
Heather maintains her distance, understanding that Ashley doesn't want to be comforted right now, and that it wouldn't help anyways.
Heather: Why do you think you feel this way?
Ashley: Because it's true. No matter how hard I may try, I'll never reach the level of success of someone worthy of holding a concert. I'm going to be truly humbled when no one shows up tonight, aren't I?
She looks over her shoulder with a teary expression, yet still hiding most of her face through her hair.
Heather: But it's not true. That's just impostor syndrome and fear talking. I know you struggle a lot in life, but you can't let these things take over. Not in such an important moment like this. I love you, and I know you'll do great. And if no one shows up, then you don't have to worry about singing in front of people. But I know they will, and that they won't care how many times you may mess up.
Her scratching stops. She turns around and wipes her eyes, but refrains from looking at her mother, who reaches a supporting hand out to her red arm. An intense stinging pain rushes through her body at the light contact. It only feels comforting when Ashley is the one scratching it. Any other form of contact is incredibly painful. Heather instantly pulls her hand away upon hearing Ashley wince in pain.
Heather: I'm sorry. I really wish you'd stop doing this, sweetie. Are you okay?
Ashley: Please don't force me to wear that long sleeve shirt. I'm sure I'll pass out if I do.
Heather's expression shifts to concern mixed with understanding. She knows the truth in Ashley's words. How suffocating it can feel to wear something like that when you already feel like you can't breathe. Yet she can't help but worry that her red arm will be too noticeable, especially since she'll most likely scratch at it during the concert.
Heather: Are you sure?
She feels ungrateful as she nods, although she doesn't understand why.
Heather: Whatever makes you comfortable. Tonight's all about you after all. My little star.
Ashley: Thanks.
Heather: Alright now, come on. Leon and your father have things they wanna say too.
She takes Ashley's hand and guides her to the backstage area. Leon and Cameron sit in the corner chairs and chat. There's a good amount of people moving about the space. It's the technical workers getting ready for the show, which starts in a few hours.
Cameron's head perks up as Ashley walks over to them. Noticing her nervous look, he excitedly gets up with his arms extended like he's going to hug her, when he actually has no intention of doing so.
Cameron: There she is! What's up? You scared? There's nothing to worry about. I promise you. Even if something goes wrong, we'll be right here to support you!
His hands are placed on her shoulders as he stares proudly into her eyes. She begins to feel a little more relaxed by this, and smiles a little. It's clear that it's genuine with the way her eyes look.
Leon stands up and walks over to her. He has a determined yet cocky look on his face. He places his hands on her cheeks and pulls her in a little to stare deeply into her eyes. The gesture is a little more aggressive than what Leon usually does, but she doesn't fight it.
Leon: Remember to use your power to give yourself that extra confidence boost. Not that you'll need it though. You're gonna rock their socks off, girl!
Despite his hands squishing her face in an almost uncomfortable way, she fully relaxes into his touch and laughs. He pulls his hands away and crosses his arms with a friendly smile.
Ashley: Thank you for the words of motivation, Leon. I promise you I'll do great!
Leon: That's what I like to hear!
Ashley: Will you be watching me perform?
Leon: Sorry I can't. I got stuff to do. I really wish I could though, man. I'll still be cheering you on though. So don't worry!
Her cheerful look instantly fades into disappointment. Her hand slowly begins to rise to scratch at her arm. Heather gently but firmly grabs her wrist, preventing her from going through with this harmful action. Her fingernails pick at each other again instead. It's something she does when she can't scratch her arm. It's not as harmful, except for the time one of her fingernails fell off from how much she picked at it. So now she distributes her picking to prevent something like that from happening again.
Ashley: Oh… Alright…
Leon frowns at her dejected response, but tries to lighten her mood a little.
Leon: I'll definitely show up to the rest of your concerts when you get super famous though!
She looks up in a mix of surprise and confusion. Her arms sit comfortably at her sides. Her fingernails stop picking.
Ashley: What do you mean by that? I'll never reach that status. Just having one concert is already way out of my league. I'm not sure what sort of strings you pulled for this to happen, but I think it's unlikely for there to be a second time.
He tilts his head and squints his eyes in a jokey manner, still attempting to lighten her mood.
Leon: Don't talk like that man. You're gonna rock! I just know it! Don't doubt yourself. You're awesome!
She looks down, hoping that her hair falls in front of her face to hide her blush.
Ashley: I know you're just saying that to make me feel better. But I'll accept it.
He gives off a warm smile as he begins walking backwards towards the exit.
Leon: Awesome. I gotta go now though. I got some super important stuff to take care of, so I don't think I'll be back until after your birthday party next week. Have fun though!
Her face falls again as Leon leaves, but ultimately she feels content. Her parents sit down with her and chat until the concert starts, trying to distract her from her worries and insecurities. Ashley actually begins to feel more relaxed, but only because she refuses to think about the looming threat of the crowd.
Eventually people start entering the concert space and taking their seats. Ashley stays backstage, too nervous to see them before it starts in an hour.
Ashley (Inner): I don't want to see any of them at all. I think that I'll probably keep my eyes pointed away from them for the duration. No one would notice something like that anyways, right? It would look pretty weird if they did, but overall, they probably wouldn't care.
A memory suddenly pops into her head which makes her face darken with fear and regret. She squirms in her seat, causing her parents to feel concerned, but they just assume it's her nerves.
"Cancel this before someone shoots you on the stage. Or don't. I don't care. It might actually be better if you die during it."
Just the idea that something like this could actually happen is enough to fill her with utter terror. She wants to think of how unlikely that situation really is, but her anxious brain won't allow it. Constant screams of fear and regret cloud her mind, making it impossible to think clearly. Nails to skin. She doesn't even realize that she's doing it.
The minutes feel like seconds as the clock ticks down to the start of the concert. Heather and Cameron are helping set things up, as well as chatting with the crew, so they don't notice Ashley's panic. Her legs begin to bounce so fast that it looks like they're vibrating. Her breathing is rapid. Her sweating gets worse, which only makes her feel more disgusting than she already does. All of this pressure slowly stacking up on her is desperately scratched away. Her nails dig into her arm quicker and more aggressively.
Her whole body instantly stops as she feels a sharp, lingering pain in her arm. It feels almost cool, but her fingertips feel warm in contrast. The silent sound of a drop of liquid splattering against the ground is incredibly loud as it pierces through the distressed ringing in her ears.
Her eyes hesitantly swish down to her arm. Her fingernails broke through her skin, leaving a small cut behind. Blood steadily seeps through as Ashley stares at it.
Although the lights backstage are dim, it's more than enough to make her feel blind. She can't tell if the constant pounding she's hearing is her head or her heartbeat. Probably both.
Blood continues to flow out, but she feels too horrified by the sight to properly react. It's not gushing or oozing, but it is still an alarming amount.
Meaningless noise swirls around her brain, making her too overwhelmed to really understand what's happening. A mixture of thoughts, and background noise amplified by her lightheadedness. It hurts, but she doesn't care.
Her headache feels like it's pulsing along with the blood leaking out of her arm. It continues to drip down to the floor. The sound gets louder every time like an explosion. The negative thoughts continue to scream in her brain as she struggles to process the whole situation.
Her head snaps up as she hears her mom scream and rush over to her with worry. She speaks in a scared tone, but Ashley doesn't hear it.
Noises and lights fill her eyes and ears as the time passes like flowing water. By the time she's fully aware of everything, her arm has been bandaged, and the concert has been delayed by around fifteen minutes to the dismay of the people in the crowd.
The first thing she sees is her mother's concerned face, inches away from hers. Her dad is a few feet away, holding out a water bottle for her to take. Both of them look incredibly distressed, but her mom is crying, while her dad isn't.
Heather: You dumbass! What did I tell you about scratching your damn arm!?
Ashley doesn't even have time to respond before her mom hugs her tightly, making it hard to breathe.
Ashley: Mom… I'm sorry…
A few seconds later, Heather pulls away and snatches the water bottle from Cameron's hand and gives it to Ashley. Cameron jumps a little at her quick action. Ashley opens the bottle and begins to chug it. It leaves her with a refreshed feeling.
Her eyes glance down to the floor, where she sees a few drops of blood formed into a very small puddle. Most of the blood she lost slid down and stained her shirt, rather than the floor.
Cameron: Do you still want to do the concert? No one's forcing you to do it.
Heather: But we also won't force you to not do it. It's up to you.
Ashley's tired eyes slide back and forth between her two parents as she thinks.
Ashley: Yeah… I want to do it. I don't expect myself to be very good. But I still want to do it. It'd be a waste at this point if I were to quit, right? I'd be disappointing so many amazing people if I were to cancel it now, but I'd be disappointing myself the most. So I have to do it.
Heather: Are you sure, honey? This is a big decision.
She gives a determined face and stands up proudly. Both Cameron and Heather are surprised by both her choice, and her actions. It doesn't feel like Ashley at all. Like there's some other force making her do it, when the real Ashley would most likely choose to cancel the concert.
Heather (Inner): Maybe she had a revelation after seeing the consequences of her fear?
Cameron: You should probably get changed into that long sleeve shirt first though. For one, your shirt already has a fair amount of blood soaked into it, but also you don't want people to see your bandage.
She wants to refuse, but knows that that would be stupid. So she turns around and nods, asking where the shirt is. Cameron reaches into the bag he brought–the same one he got the water bottle from– and pulls out the shirt. It's like her usual preferred style of shirt–solid color with stripes– but the only difference being that it's long sleeved.
Once she takes the shirt, she steps into the corner, where Heather stands in front with her arms extended out, so no one can see her change.
Ashley (Inner): Wearing this thing makes me really hot. It's hard to breathe. And it'll probably only get worse as I'm singing, won't it?
She turns around and nervously shows off the shirt.
Heather: You look beautiful.
A blush creeps onto her cheeks, but she doesn't pay any attention to it. Her mind is too focused on the concert to care.
Ashley: Thanks, mom.
One of the crewmembers comes up to Ashley and informs her that the concert's about to begin. She nervously follows him to the curtain, where he helps her into the harness.
Crewmember: So I'll go out there on stage with you, just to help you attach yourself to the wires that'll lift you up. And don't worry about the smoke machines distracting you either. They'll be in the corners of the stage, so you will barely even notice them.
She nods nervously as sweat drips down her face. She bites her lip. Nails to skin. Except she stops herself, remembering what just happened when she did that. She has to face this head on, no matter how scary it may be.
Ashley (Inner): Three songs. Three songs. Only three. That's what? Like ten or so minutes? Oh god… That's a long time. I can't do this. I can't. I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't!
Crewmember: Alright, all set! You ready to go?
Ashley (Inner): ABSOLUTELY NOT! I CAN'T DO THIS! I CHANGED MY MIND! I DON'T WANNA!
Ashley: Mhm.
Crewmember: Perfect! Then let's get you out there!
He hands her a microphone. Her hand is shaky as she takes it from him.
She nervously steps through the curtain and onto the stage. Of the 500 seats, around 400 were filled. This both relieved, and worried Ashley even more. She felt pride in the fact that so many people came there to see her, but she was even more terrified of the idea of messing up in front of such a crowd.
Among the crowd is Dean and Lexi, who were able to figure out when and where the concert would be the day prior without issue. They were running a little late however, so Dean questioned if he should use a portal or not. Lexi strongly opposed this idea, but he never had any real intention of using it anyways.
Dean (Inner): I'm not gonna use my portals until I figure out how to properly do it.
The crewmember hooked her harness up to the wires for later, and gave a thumbs up before disappearing behind the curtains again. Ashley was left alone on the stage. Beyond the blinding lights was a sea of excited faces. She held the microphone to her chest, and her heartbeat was so loud that it could be heard on the speakers if you listened close enough.
The scar below her right eye glowed a dark purple color. She used her power to increase her confidence, which helped just enough for her to be able to speak.
Ashley: H-hey… guys!
The small crowd erupted into a flurry of shouts, cheers, shrieks, and other noises. She took a step back and her eyes quickly widened in shock. But she quickly composed herself and whispered into the microphone.
Ashley: Is everyone ready to begin?
More cheers. Her face began to lighten up with a smile as her confidence grew rapidly.
Ashley (Inner): They love me, don't they? They're here for me after all, so why wouldn't they? What was I so worried about?
Cameron and Heather watch from backstage. They've never been more proud in their lives. Tears trickle down their faces as they watch Ashley shine.
She whispers into the microphone again. This time, it's clear that she's putting more enthusiasm and effort into it.
Ashley: Then let's do this.
Her body feels warm and light as the cheering only gets louder. Her teardrop shaped eyes softly flutter shut as she takes a deep breath before singing.
Ashley (Inner): I'm okay. I can hear myself just fine. I sound pretty good. It's probably noticeable that I'm still nervous in a way, which is hindering my ability just a little. But it'll most likely be okay. I don't think anyone would really mind something like that anyways.
Dean (Inner): She's shining. It's amazing. I can't believe I'm actually here. Seeing her in person. She's so close.
Dean's heart begins to race. His face frozen in awe as he admires everything about Ashley. His body feels like it's melting at how beautiful her voice is to him, and how gorgeous she looks, even if it's from somewhat of a distance.
To a random person, she's just another kid. But to Dean, she shines brighter than the sun. To him, she has the glow she's always wanted. Her warm gleam radiates off of her voice, making Dean's heart glimmer with amazement.
Lexi glances over to him with an affectionate smile. She's glad to see him smile like this, knowing everything that's happened to him. But at the same time, she worries about how he'll begin to act once this is all over. That uncertainty fills her soul with trepidation, which she quickly shoves down, not wanting to sour the moment for herself.
The first song ends. Ashley stands on the stage, nervously catching her breath as she looks out to the crowd for their approval. Her lungs stop working for a brief moment as her ears are blown off by the roar of claps and screams. Her heart feels like it's about to explode, and breathing is somehow even more difficult. It's an amazing feeling that she doesn't want to end.
Ashley (Inner): I have two songs left until this is over. Part of me doesn't want it to end. If I remember correctly, I'll be lifted up towards the middle of the second song. That will definitely be the most difficult part for me. I'm not too great with heights, but I should be able to handle it. Maybe. I hope.
Lexi: Dean, Dean, Dean! Jeez louise, dude! Slow down! Your hands are gonna fall off if you keep clapping like that, dude!
Dean: Huh!? Oh yeah! Sorry!
He had been so entranced with Ashley's ability that the world around him seemed to melt away. A sensation he was familiar with at this point, but still a unique one. During that time, he had been clapping so hard and so fast that his hands were dark red and stung. He laughed it off–not really minding the pain– before looking over to Lexi.
Dean grabbed her by her hoodie and started violently shaking her out of pure joy and excitement. They both laughed, and Lexi playfully pushed him away as he continued.
Dean: This is amazing! I can't believe this! It's so cool!
Lexi: Yeah it sure is, man! Now let me go nerd! I'm gonna throw up on you!
Dean: Ew please don't!
Lexi: Too late!
She mimics the sound of puke as she looks over to Dean. He shrieks and swats her away. They both fall back into their seats and struggle to breathe through their laughter.
Their attention is immediately focused again as Ashley begins singing her next song. The nervousness in her voice has returned due to the fear of being lifted in the air, something she never agreed to do, but was too nervous to disagree to.
Ashley (Inner): When is it going to happen!? I just want to get it over with already!
She gasps loudly as her feet lift off the ground without warning. Her voice becomes cracky and scratchy as she tries to maintain her composure and continue singing. It sounds awful, which only heightens her feeling of discomfort. People stop cheering. It's an all around uncomfortable situation.
Ashley (Inner): Everyone is staring at me! They all must hate me by now! Please! Stop messing up! Focus! Do it right!
She looks down and screams in a panic, knowing that the only thing keeping her alive at this height is the thin piece of wire holding her up. She begins to flail around, completely unconcerned at what people think of her at this point. Her mind is screaming at her to get down. For a moment her mind tricks her into thinking that she saw Leon in the audience, when he said he wouldn't be able to attend.
Nails to skin. Her mind is too preoccupied by insecurities and fears to stop her from scratching. She begins to scratch even harder when it doesn't bring her any sort of comfort. Not even her power makes any difference.
The people in the audience watch the scene unfold with worry in their eyes. They feel bad for her, even if a small part of them just wants her to keep singing.
Blood begins to soak through the long sleeve shirt as Ashley's scratching only gets more aggressive. Her skin peels back off the bandages in a painful friction. Blood gushes out as she begins to feel like she's losing her consciousness.
The technicians come out from behind the curtain and scream to her to calm down. The only thing she hears from them is "It's stuck! We can't get you down! Please calm down until we can fix this!" But she doesn't listen. It only makes her freak out even more. Her whole body thrashes around as her nails dig deeper and deeper into her bloodied arm.
All of her movements are suddenly halted as she jolts downwards a few inches. Her head snaps up to see the wire snapping. Even in her panicked state, she knows that her flailing shouldn't have caused this, and that there must've been a malfunction on the technical side of things. Either way, she stops panicking, but keeps scratching.
Ashley (Inner): If this fall doesn't kill me, then at the very least, I won't be able to walk again.
She looks down to see her parents shouting to her, but she can barely see them through her teary eyes. And she can't hear them through her shrieking thoughts, just like earlier.
It becomes difficult for her to keep her eyes open. The energy to scratch at her arm is gone. Blood drips down at a concerning rate as she struggles to stay awake.
The wire snaps. She begins to fall.
Ashley (Inner): I don't want to die.
Ashley (Inner): You're pathetic.
Dean (Inner): NO!!
Dean immediately stands up and shoots his hand out. Tears stream down his eyes as he screams. His mind races with emotion as his birthmark begins to glow a bright blue.
A portal suddenly opens below Ashley. She falls through and comes out through the other portal, which is faced upwards.
Dean (Inner): IF I CAN THROW HER UPWARDS WITH MY PORTALS, IT SHOULD SLOW HER MOMENTUM, WHICH WOULD MAKE IT EASY TO CATCH HER!
Despite his panicked state, he's able to think clearly enough to make this plan. Thanks to his meditation, he's able to maintain a level head while still being incredibly emotional. His practice has paid off well. Otherwise, his portals would be out of control.
Slowly but surely, Dean opens multiple portals, slowing down Ashley's momentum. With one last portal, he opens his arms out, and catches Ashley as she falls through. The glow fades as he catches his breath and stares down at her unconscious–but still bleeding– figure.
Everyone's attention is shifted over to him, as they realize that he was the one who opened the portals and saved her life. It's silent. It doesn't seem like the right time to erupt into applause, despite how impressive his stunt was.
After a few seconds of admiration and disbelief, he begins to calm down and think more rationally about everything.
Dean (Inner): For once I was able to do a good thing with my portals. Even if she's bleeding pretty bad, she's still alive. I saved her life. But that's something I just can't accept. My portals have mostly been used to take lives. I've never saved anyone except myself with them. So… Something bad is going to happen to her… Won't it?
Someone starts the applause, which quickly catches on. Everyone is cheering and clapping for Dean, when all he can do is stare down at her.
Dean (Inner): I don't deserve this praise. Stop. Stop it! Don't clap for me! Stop! STOP! I DON'T DESERVE IT!
His tears from earlier return as he begins to laugh softly at the irony of the situation. Lexi stares at him with a worried face.
Staff rush through the crowd to take Ashley away from Dean. He willingly lets her go before crouching down. He covers his face as he does.
Ashley's blood smears across his face as he continues to laugh. The applause never dies, and neither does the hate.