Page 1
Prologue
I've always hated winter. Not because it was dull, boring or bland, but because it was quiet. This was the kind of silence that would creep into your bones, settling itself in your chest. It made every single thought sound louder than it should. There wasn't any background noise or ambience to drown out the things you didn't want to hear or feel. No cicadas, no rain, no winds rustling through the cherry blossom trees. It left only the stillness and sound of your own memories echoing back to you. It was exactly that reason that I despised the winter season so much.
I stood by the seafront in silence, holding the railings as I narrowed my view towards the icy coastal landscape. What was once a bustling area for get-togethers and summertime fun was now only a venue of hushness. Looking around, the ginkgo trees stood as sentinels, their twisted branches contrasts to that of the pale gray sky. Sometimes I wondered if even they too felt the heaviness of winter.
"Hey, Toya! Earth to Toya!" a teasingly cheerful voice called out my name.
I turned, seeing Haruki, my classmate and childhood friend. He was bounding towards me, his cheeks flushed from the cold, and snowflakes clinged to his dark hair.
"Did you have to be so loud?" I asked, a half-grin only breaking through my somewhat stoic demeanor.
"Loudness is my specialty! And besides, I called you normally the first time, but you didn't respond!" he exclaimed, he shook the snow from his hair like a golden retriever pup. "Anyways, what's up with you today? You seem a bit more gloomy than usual." He asked.
"It's winter. You know how it is every year. I just still can't find myself liking it, it's like a burden to me." I retorted, my stoic demeanor still showing, but somewhat more bored. "And besides, I'm one less person for you to clown on." I spoke out.
Haruki, being the somewhat "kind" and cheerful person he is, began giving me a lopsided grin, the typical one he always made when he knew something I didn't. He leaned against the railing beside me, his elbows prompted a prop stance, his eyes watching out toward the sea like he was searching for an answer in the white horizon.
"Y'know," he said, his voice softening just a bit, different from his normal tone, "you always say that. Every single winter and without fail. Like a clockwork. You say you hate the silence, the quietness and the stillness. But what I think is that you're actually just afraid of what you might hear if you actually listened.
His words made every sense. But I didn't answer, nor did I say anything. I mean, I wasn't even sure if I could. That's the thing about Haruki, he jokes around quite a lot, but when he does get serious, his words cut deeper than expected, like a knife piercing through your heart.
"Maybe," I muttered over. "Or maybe I'm just tired of feeling like everything's frozen over. Like time stops and nothing ever moves forward. I just hate that."
There was a brief pause. The wind blew gently, carrying the scent of salt and snow. Then Haruki nudged me with his shoulder.
He let out this jokingly disappointing sigh. "Then, maybe it's time you realize that you should start moving it yourself."
At that time, I didn't realize that his words meant more than what let off. I just couldn't see it enough to actually listen to him. But I guess, that was my fault to blame.
I scoffed lightly, shaking my head while I retorted. "Easier said than done."
Haruki straightened up before going back to his usual enthusiastic demeanor, brushing the snow off the sleeves of his winter coat, "Yeah, well, life's never easy. But that doesn't mean you should just stand still and let it stop you, more so bury you."
I didn't respond. At least not right away. It was his words again that had a way of lodging themselves somewhere so uncomfortable, between my ribs and under my skin. I always hated that about him, how he always manages to hit the nerve that I try my best to keep numb.
He exhaled, watching the white mist from the snow curl from his mouth before flicking his gaze down the street with his usual grin. "Come on now, we're gonna be late if we just stand here forever. Homeroom starts in twenty."
I carefully and jokingly blinked. "You...you actually care about being late for once?"
"Not exactly, but you do." he said with a teasing smirk. "And besides, Miss Fujimoto gives me a whole lot of extra worksheets when you skip. So I'm not trying to get myself into that position again."
I shook my head, suppressing a soft laught as I reluctantly pushed off the railing and wiped the snow off the sleeves of my coat. "You're unbelievable."
"And you're freezing, so let's walk before your limbs turn into frostbite." He jokingly retorted.
...
We walked the narrow pavement that hugged the entire coastline. The snow beneath our booths crunched softly with each step, a soft rhythm in the quiet stillness. Snowflakes descended from above in slow, delicate whisps, caressing the tops of our heads and settling softly against our shoulders, much like a conversation spoken gently between the sky and us.
I stared up the pale gray sky above, its pale hue as washed-out as it ever was this time of year. Just that with every season, it always seemed to stretch endlessly, like a muted canvas that I couldn't help but resent. Regardless, I still understood what Haruki's words meant earlier. I just couldn't bring myself to move time forward on my own.
Keeping in that consideration, I shifted my gaze ahead and spotted the recognizable sign of my favorite bakery. Nana's Bakes was always a serene haven since my childhood days. It was like a comforting constant, akin to a second home.
"Wait up, Haruki. Let me buy my bun first." I called, waiting before the warm light from the bakery windows.
"Sure, but hurry up man. We can't be late again this time." he urged, his voice carrying that familiar mix of tease, impatience and concern.
I gave him a small nod, unsure of what else to say, before ultimately stepping inside.
...
The warmth enveloped me the moment I stepped inside. Warm, golden and ripe with the aroma of freshly baked bread. My eyes scanned the counter, already set on the familiar spot where my usual bun would be. And there it was. The final one on the tray.
I moved to claim it, only for my hand to bump into someone else's.
"Oh- Sorry," I muttered instinctively, stepping back.
"It's quite alright," a voice replied, light, with a hint of a smile in it.
I looked towards the direction of the voice.
It was a girl. She was wearing our school uniform. The same navy blazer, same crest that was stitched over her heart, but with a skirt a notch above minimum length, her stance poised in an absent-minded fashion. Her black hair was tied back into a loose ponytail, held in place by a red ribbon that stood out like a flame in the soft light of the bakery. She was beautiful, like a dazzling ember that shines elegantly in the dark.
She gazed at me, her hand still clutching bun. "You can have it."
"No, it's fine," I replied quickly, taken aback by the words even as I said them. "You were there first, so you should have it."
A small laugh left her lips, not derisive, but like she'd just heard something unexpected and somewhat amusing. She picked up the bun, then proceeded to delicately put it into a paper bag and passed it to me without a word.
Still dazed, I grabbed another bun, a plain one and not as delicious. I stepped towards the counter.
The cashier, a middle-aged woman with a welcoming smile, greeted me. "Morning, Toya. Just that today?"
"Yeah," I said, still thinking about the girl. "By the way, why didn't you make more of those bunds today? You always make more."
She blinked. "Oh... I guess I didn't have the chance to prep them this morning. Maybe I forgot. Sorry about that."
I nodded, then hesitated for a moment. "Hey, uh... that girl who was just in here, do you know her? She goes to my school, I think. I just haven't seen her before."
The cashier tilted her head. "What girl?"
I furrowed my brow. "The one who was just ahead of me earlier in that section... ponytail, red bow? She handed this to me." I showed her the bag.
The woman genuinely seemed lost now. "You're my first customer today, Toya. And I didn't anyone else come in."
I moved toward the corner. Empty. No one was there. The small bell above the door hadn't rung either. I hadn't heard it open or close.
For an instant, the world felt quieter than it should've been.
"Am I going insane?" I muttered under my breath.
The cashier stared at me as if confused, but I just forced a smile, paid and then walked out through the exit.
Haruki was standing by the wall, scrolling through his phone. "Took ya' long enough."
"Yeah yeah. Whatever, let's go." I said to him, as we continued walking.
I let out a question. "Hey, do you believe in ghosts?"
"What sort of question is that? Of course not!" he teasingly said.
"I saw a girl in there," I said absent-mindedly as we continued walking. "We both grabbed the same bun. I let her have it, but then she offered it to me anyway."
Haruki shot me a sideways glance. "Okay... so what?"
"She was wearing our uniform. Had a ponytail that was tied up by a red ribbon."
"Alright..."
"She vanished. The cashier told me I was the only person who entered."
Haruki stopped. "You weren't just half-asleep?"
I didn't respond. The snow kept falling, every flake touching down silently. We continued walking.
"That's what I thought at first... but everything about that interaction just felt too real." I said, cluthing the paper bag tighter.
Whatever it was... I couldn't stop thinking about that red ribbon. She just seemed too familiar.
...
The path to school wound around along shore, then inland toward the cluster of old cedar trees along the town's edge. The snow clung to their limbs like frosted feathers, gently swaying as morning gusts blew in from the sea.
Haruki kicked up a small snow drift in front of him. "So... are you gonna tell me what she looked like?"
"Well. That's... hm."
"No, like actually. Was she at least cute?"
I didn't reply right away. The image of her in my head was still fresh... too fresh. The ribbon, the hair, the calmness and gentleness in her expression... to me, it wasn't just that she looked familiar. It felt like it was more than that. Like a dream I couldn't remember until I was already waking up. Like a distant fragment of a memory locked up inside my head.
"Yeah," I finally said. "She was... cute."
Haruki simply smirked and snickered. "Maybe it was your destiny and fate or something to meet her there. Even though she wasn't."
I gave him a sideways glance. "What, meeting a ghost in a bakery?"
"Well, I mean. If you're gonna have a ghost story, at least let it be a cute girl who gives you her food. That's kinda generous, don't you think so?"
I shook my head, but I couldn't help but release a small laugh that escaped my lips. The snowflakes were starting to descend even faster now, and they landed on Haruki's hair like a confetti. Though, he didn't actually seem to mind.
By the time we reached the school gates, the bell tower had already commenced its slow chime, which were low, melodic tones that rang across the clear morning air.
...
The courtyard was now gradually filling up. Students were whispering back and forth behind scarves and giggles, which were indistinct and muffled. I scanned the crowd involuntarily. I was half expecting her to appear again, maybe standing by the entrance and brushing snow from her sleeves.
We were heading up the stairs to go to our classroom just after rummaging through our lockers for homeroom session.
But alas, she was nowehre to be seen.
Haruki nudged on my shoulder. "You still thinking about her?"
I lightly slapped his arm. "Shut up... it's just that. I don't know. It's just so weird and she felt so real.
"Mhm, maybe you're just tired," he said. "Or hungry."
"I already ate the bun from earlier."
"Exactly," he affirmed, smiling. "Now you're starting to hallucinate less."
I gave him a small shove as we climbed the steps.
There was a whiff of old wood, paper, and cold winter air. Windows in the hallways were veiled and fogged with condensation, and the sound of shoes squeaking across the polished floors filled the space as students moved toward their classrooms.
As we approached our homeroom, I slowed once more, my eyes catching a glimpse through the window just up ahead.
There was a girl seated at the far back corner of the room. Hair tied in a ponytail. A red ribbon glinting under the light. She sat staring out of the window, one palm cupped under her chin.
I stopped.
"Haruki," I said softly.
He replied. "Yeah?"
"That's her."
He gazed through the doorway, then back at me again. "Who?
"The girl from the bakery. That's her. She's literally in our class." I answered.
Haruki furrowed his brow. "Toya... she's not in our class."
"What? What are you even talking about? She's right there." I said.
He looked again. "That's... an empty seat."
My heart skipped.
Looking again.
Twice.
The bell rang again.
And then I stood frozen at the entrance of the classroom, staring into an unoccupied seat which no one else seemed to see.