Edmund's POV
My heart dropped knowing what her silence meant. Even though I was prepared to hear the undesired answer, it still hurts. How obnoxious was I to believe I could brace the ache thrown at me when I daringly and stupidly asked for my heart to be broken? In that instant, I had to distance myself from her before I crumbled into pieces. At least not right now.
The time was almost near and I had zero clues at hand. What I thought were the possible reasons for her memory loss turned out to be wrong and useless. I need to find the cause but no matter how many times I read her book, there was no indication that could explain why. I tried to recollect my memories - of her behaviour before each of the incidents happening, but I could not find anything amiss despite being glued to each other.
My conclusion was either she was excellent in masking her emotion or I was simply too ignorant and dumb to even recognise the slightest change in her behaviour. Regardless, the blame was mine to carry.
As I stepped out of the house, I did not realise she was trailing behind me all the way to the lounge until I saw a glimpse of her reflection from the mirrored door. I stopped in my tracks, causing her to bump against me.
"Ed?" Her soft surprised voice pricked my soul.
There could only be one reason why she followed me and I was not courageous enough to face it at the moment. But I know delaying it would only brew the matter even more. So I took one shaky breath and made a silent prayer with my eyes closed before facing my fear. The fear of what would come next when she opened her mouth. The fear of what she would insist on discussing.
"Yes?" I asked, pretending to be oblivious and quite badly at it too.
"Can't you just let me go?" She pleaded. Her head drooped and her shoulder slumped.
It was as though she knew her exact pose was a secret weapon she always wielded to control me. In my pathetic defence, I shield my view by pretending to rub my face with my palms. What I did not take into account was her tugging on the hem of my tee shirt so adorably that my heart began to race. The pouty lips that were delectably kissable, the puppy-eyed gaze that made me fall for her again and again and the sweet delicious voice when she begged 'please'. Unfortunately it was not the scenario I hoped for.
"I can't. I really can't," I whimpered, on the verge of losing my mind. I hoped she would stop pushing the matter.
"But why?"
"Because I could not risk losing you again."
I thought that was the end of our conversation when silence greeted us once again. Even as I entered the comfortably warm lounge away from the autumn air, separating us two by the opened door, I never thought she would go as far as harbouring such thoughts.
"There's no point keeping someone who wants to be out of the relationship -," she only whispered but the wind that carried her voice was loud and clear.
"Yes but in this case, you -" I interrupted only for her to do the same to me.
"It's like you're holding a captive." Her voice went louder, trying to drown mine.
"You forget that you're my wife -"
"A wife who asked for a divorce. Or are you saying I, as your wife, should submit to you? Be the submissive obedient wife to the mighty husband?" The sinister in her tone cut me deep. She was in no mood to listen to what I have to say and only wanted to hear the answer she had in mind. It was then I realised I was handling this wrong. She needed a harsh reality check of the cruel world.
"If I comply with your wishes, where would you go?" I asked while taking a seat by the bar, hoping she would step into the warm lounge away from the cool air in her minimal clothings.
Thankfully I managed to capture her attention as the door has now been closed behind her.
"That's not your problem to worry about."
"Then what about food, are you going to trash dive into the bin for food? Or are you planning to beg on the street?"
"I'll get a job -"
"And what happens when you're suffering yet another memory loss? How would you pay the hospital bills?"
"I'm sure there's a leniency for the circumstances," her voice wavered and I knew she was not believing her words either.
"That might be true," I agreed with her, not wanting for her to break her spirit with all the negative possibilities I listed.
Her smile of triumph breathed air of confidence. I knew she was capable of dealing with everything herself but I also needed her to be aware of what she was trying to sign up for.
"That is, if you met good people and called an ambulance for you. But what if you encountered the least likely outcome? How exactly are you going to protect yourself from predators that might take advantage of you and maybe ravage you?"
"Well… what if none of that happened?" Even she knew that was such a dangerous assumption to make.
"Since I married you, you have suffered three unexpected memory loss and in all of them, at some point, you would wake up searching for your mum only to fall in despair."
"Okay, then what do you propose?"
"Not until you could prove to me you're capable of dealing everything yourself by the next memory loss." As soon as those words left my mouth, my eyes were wide in shock. I could not take back what I said and explaining my point of view would only spell trouble.
"Next memory loss? What do you mean?"
And so, the clashing of lightning and the roaring of thunder drummed in a rhythmic fashion was the perfect analogy to describe how crappy I felt at the moment.