Edmund's POV
"I'm sorry," I said. I scooted closer to her but not too close, torn between wanting to console her and wanting to keep my distance in case she disliked my presence. She, too, remained still and did not flinch at my small movement. I took it as a good sign but did not wish to push her boundary. All I could offer was my company like I did the night she cried her heart out in the car. The night when she met her mother.
Silently we both sat. She, in her post-crying state, probably thinking how messy her life had become while I? I sat in reflection, thinking of all the 'where's' that I had done wrong and how to proceed with the mess I had created.
It was hard to admit but I did not even realise I made the same mistake repeatedly. All this time I thought keeping her in the dark would protect her and while I know first hand it was a huge lesson I had to pay, I made the same mistake again. What a moron I am!
Clearly my method did not work and I need to put it in my thick skull that the methods of my need to protect her does not necessarily mean a good thing. I need to also remember that she is an adult, a person of her own. She may be my wife, but she is also my equal and what I have done has been nothing but disrespecting her as an individual. To think I have grown wiser the older I get, turns out I was nothing more but a teenaged man with an aging shell.
While my resolution was firm, it was a lonesome battle. I had that mindset stuck in my head making it harder to break the mold. I fought with my inner self as her frail back facing me. My head shook as the word 'frail' echoed in my head. Even my choice of words to describe her was rather delicate and fragile. It was almost impossible trying to change my perspective as my sight was clouded by emotions.
How could I not want to shield her and protect her when she had gone through so much? I only wanted her to walk on a flowery path without any thorns and obstacles that caused even the slightest discomfort. If I could, I would glue myself to her side and be her sworn knight like those medieval times. But the sudden awareness showed that my selfish desire only caused her more distress.
I carried her in my arms as soon as her body slumped to the floor. Her breathing noticeably steadied and her chest movement turned rhythmic. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing her sleeping self would be a good break from all the overthinking.
There was a fresh tear that came out of the corner of her eyes, clinging desperately as though it wanted to show me her sadness had not yet faded. I wiped it gently as soon as I put her down on the lounge sofa before taking a seat across from her.
My hand stretched against the leathery armchair and my eyes shut, trying to take a short rest from the intense argument earlier on and the non stop nagging currently in my head. The soft sounds of the ocean's waves crashing the shore from the TV's speaker soothed a tiny portion of my wrecking nerves. I was slowly sucked into the comfortable snooze as my mind gradually cleared itself from reality.
My consciousness ebbed away little by little, like the froth of the calm waves. In between the states of the conscious and unconscious mind, my transporting limbo self found a treasure chest in the middle of the beach and as soon as I managed to pry it open, all sorts of chaos flew out, attacking me left and right!
I knew I had to get out of this bizarre dream. But I could not! I was forced to witness each of the flying chaos unfolding, showing me images of Maisie's loving gaze turned into a pained betrayed look. Her sobbing that indicated her breaking point and the tough front she desperately tried to show, all of them haunts me. It was obvious yet my eyes had been blinded by this stupid thinking of wanting to be the shining knight in armour saving the damsel in distress.
As soon as I acknowledged the thought, I broke free from the nightmare. My eyes quickly landed on my wife sleeping peacefully with her hands tucked under her cheek. Yet, there was a glint of light reflecting from her face and my heart ached. Sleeping peacefully was what I thought she had but the tears that fell from the corner of her eyes told me otherwise.
I knew I should not delay the conversation so while she was asleep, I took the opportunity to sort my thoughts and mentally prepared myself to handle the possibilities of any triggering moments that might cause another memory loss. There was no use for me to moan and whine when time is limited. I need to race with time and in doing so, I need to let the important player participate in the game. Only she has the answer.
Papers strewn across the dining table of the lounge as my hand busily ran the pen. The onset dates of her memory losses, the long winded details that I believed might have triggered her, why I threatened her mum's butler, every single information that is related to her was listed. No stones were left unturned. All I had to do was for her to wake up and pray that this would be a successful and productive conversation. And maybe, she would no longer suffer from another memory loss and the chain that bound her will forever perish.