My fate is to wait for death.
Ever since three years ago, when the once-illustrious Shen family was annihilated for being implicated in the struggle for succession, and I alone was "rescued" from the towering inferno by the powerful, cold-blooded General of the North Pacification, Huo Linyuan, and sent into this imposing yet ice-cold General's mansion to become his most inconspicuous concubine, this thought has gnawed at my heart like a maggot feeding on bone. My name is Shen Wanmei; my former name was buried along with my family's glory. Now, I am merely a winter plum blossom in the Plum Blossom Courtyard, forcibly broken off and planted in a gilded cage. Even with a face bearing a seven-tenths resemblance to the bright moon in his heart, I am destined to wither away in endless loneliness and humiliation, awaiting the day of my demise.
The world calls me fortunate. To have latched onto the great tree that is the General of the North Pacification amidst the ruin of my family. They envy my residence in this magnificent General's mansion, even if it's just the remote and desolate Plum Blossom Courtyard, considering it a place to shelter and secure food and clothing. But how could they know that this overwhelming wealth and splendor is, for me, merely a more exquisite cage, a slower, more agonizing form of torture?
Huo Linyuan. This name was once a distant legend in my youth. He was the young general famed for his military achievements, the Emperor's most trusted pillar of the state, the ideal husband countless noble ladies in the capital dreamed of. His handsome face was unparalleled, his temperament cool and noble, like a deity carved from ice and snow, untainted by worldly dust. But beneath that perfect facade hid a heart colder than ice, deeper than the abyss.
He never truly looked at me. He took me into his mansion, rumor had it, because of this face, bearing a seven-tenths resemblance to the white moonlight in his heart, long deceased – Liu Ruyan, the daughter of the former Prime Minister. Or perhaps, it was merely because my humble, ruined background perfectly satisfied his lofty, condescending desire for control. He needed a quiet, obedient woman who wouldn't cause trouble to fill a vacancy in his rear court and silence the wagging tongues. And I, the daughter of a disgraced Shen family official, was undoubtedly the best candidate.
The Plum Blossom Courtyard, though elegantly named, was as desolate as a cold palace. My allowance was cut so drastically it was barely enough to survive on. Charcoal was often insufficient during the harsh winter months, leaving me shivering and sleepless. In summer, mosquitoes plagued me relentlessly, covering my body in bites, yet I couldn't even obtain a decent stick of repellent incense. The servants in the mansion were even more snobbish and opportunistic; seeing my fall from grace and lack of favor, they dared to treat me with cold indifference, skimp on my provisions, make things difficult, and even mock me to my face. Though nominally a mistress, I lived worse than the lowest-ranking rough maidservant. My only personal maid, Qiu Cao, was brought from the Shen family, struggling alongside me in this mire.
And Huo Linyuan, he was like the cold moon hanging high in the sky, shedding its light everywhere but吝啬 (stingy) in giving me even a sliver of warmth. Only occasionally, on a whim or after drinking, would he deign to step into this forgotten corner of mine. He never showed tenderness, nor did he converse with me. He merely silently, almost brutally, possessed my body, treating me as a soulless object for venting his desires. His eyes were always cold and distant, as if looking through me at another shadow, long gone. That gaze sent chills down my spine and made me acutely aware of my status as a substitute.
Every act of intimacy was like silent torture. His cold eyes, his heavy breathing, the unsparing force of his calloused fingers against my skin – all ground my remaining shred of self-respect into dust. He seemed particularly infatuated with this face, yet also repulsed by it. Sometimes he would gently stroke my brows and eyes, as if reminiscing about someone else through me; other times he would roughly grip my jaw, forcing me to look into the surging, nameless anger in his eyes. Afterwards, he never stayed the night, not even bothering with a superfluous word, leaving only a room in disarray, a body covered in bruises, and a heart long riddled with holes, numb. I often curled up in the darkness, silently licking the wounds on my body and soul, feeling life ebb away, bit by bit.
I hated him. Hated his cold ruthlessness, his utter disregard. Hated how he trapped me in this sunless cage, forcing me to endure daily humiliation, waiting for death. I hated the injustice of the world, hated the cruel twists of fate that had thrown me from the clouds into the mud. I even hated myself – why did I have to bear such a similar face? Why did I have to cling so wretchedly to life in this world?
But what could I do? I had no one to rely on, adrift like duckweed. All my relatives had perished in the fire, not even a memorial tablet left behind. In this strictly hierarchical, treacherous General's mansion, I could only cling to him, this cold, hard tree, like a weak dodder vine, barely surviving. My only solace was the loyal maid Qiu Cao by my side, dependent on each other for survival.
"Yo, sister looks quite well today. It seems the General favored you again last night?"
A sharp, sarcastic voice came from behind, like a viper's hiss, dripping with undisguised jealousy and malice. It was the most favored concubine in the mansion, Lady Liu. Originally from a pleasure house, she had gained some false favor from Huo Linyuan with her looks and coquettish tricks, and now acted tyrannically in the mansion, particularly enjoying tormenting me, this "out-of-favor" concubine. She probably thought that by eliminating me, this "counterfeit," she could get closer to the General's heart.
I lowered my eyes, hiding the surging hatred and humiliation within, my voice calm and flat, like stagnant water. "Sister Liu jests. The General is busy with official duties and did not visit the Plum Blossom Courtyard last night."
"Oh? Is that so?" Lady Liu feigned surprise, covering her lips, then sneered, her shrewd eyes scanning me up and down, lingering for a moment on my slightly swollen lips. "Then who is this radiant look for, sister? Could it be... you've been seeing someone outside, behind the General's back?"
Her words were like cold, poisonous needles, accurately piercing the most hidden pain in my heart. Last night, Huo Linyuan had indeed come, leaving behind a body full of marks and a heart full of wounds.
I clenched my fists hidden in my sleeves, nails digging deep into my palms, the sharp pain keeping me anchored to the last, precarious shred of clarity.
"Sister Liu, watch your words." I lifted my head, meeting her sharp, calculating gaze, my voice low but carrying an almost imperceptible chill. "Such slanderous words, if they were to reach the General's ears, I fear even sister wouldn't be able to bear the consequences."
Lady Liu was taken aback by the flash of cold light in my eyes, momentarily speechless. She probably hadn't expected me, usually submissive and enduring her bullying, to dare retort today. Then, shame turned into anger, and she raised her hand to strike me.
I didn't flinch, merely watched her coldly, as if observing a buffoon. I knew she wouldn't dare actually hit me. While Huo Linyuan didn't care if I lived or died, he detested the drama of women in the rear court fighting over favor and acting arrogantly. If Lady Liu truly struck me, it would only displease him and bring trouble upon herself.
As expected, Lady Liu's hand paused mid-air. Seeing no one else around, she finally lowered it resentfully.
"Hmph! Just a worthless slut nobody wants, daring to talk back to me!" She shot me a hateful glare, her eyes full of venom. "Sooner or later, I'll make you kneel at my feet and beg for mercy!"
With that, she swayed her snake-like waist and swept away with her flock of fawning maids and servants, leaving behind a courtyard filled with the scent of cosmetics and... nauseating hypocrisy.
I stood there, watching her retreating figure, my heart utterly cold, like the perennially unmelted snow in this Plum Blossom Courtyard.
Beg for mercy? Perhaps. But never to her.
My pride had long been incinerated in that fire. My dignity had been crushed into dust by Huo Linyuan's repeated trampling. But deep within my heart, a faint flame always flickered – the flame called "unwillingness." It sustained me, allowing me to breathe with difficulty in this boundless darkness and despair.
I could not just resign myself to fate. I could not just silently wait for death in this cold cage. Even if I had to die, I would drag down those who pushed me into the abyss with me! This wretched life of mine, before it burned out completely, must bloom with one last spark... the fire of revenge!