Friends in high places
The Monday after homecoming, I felt like I had become closer to Lilly. After the attendance was taken for public speaking, our teacher, Mr. Hermosillo, stood at the center stage in the theater to make an announcement.
"I have a special surprise. We are going to start using the classroom upstairs for the rest of the semester. It'll be more comfortable. We'll meet here for roll call, then head on up."
He then led the class up a staircase that was on the side of the stairs.
"There's a classroom upstairs? I thought that was just for the bell tower." I asked.
"Duh. You didn't know?" Lilly giggled as she stood up from the theater seat.
In a single file line, students followed up stairs. I was getting ready to join the line until Lilly pulled my sleeve.
"Hang on a second. Wait till the end." She whispered.
I nodded and waited.
She kicked the back of my heel to get me going when the time was right.
I didn't know what her idea was; I was just going with it.
Once we reached the top of the stairs, there was a utility door, a ladder to the bell tower, and a hallway that led to the classroom. Lilly pushed the Utility door open and went through.
"Lilly!" I whispered out, but she didn't hear me. Probably ignored me. I looked around nervously to make sure nobody was watching and followed through.
The morning sky was blinding the moment I walked through that door, and I found myself on a utility balcony that was right by the bell tower.
"Lilly!" I called out. "Where the hell'd you go?"
"Up here, goofball." She giggled.
I found her bag on the ground and laid mine down by it. I climbed up and balanced on the air duct and hauled myself up over the ledge, praying I wouldn't fall flat on my ass.
"Whoa!" I was surprised to see the old mission-style archways that accented the bell tower from the courtyard.
Lilly was sitting in one of the arches and had a cigarette in her lips and a lighter in her hand.
"Geez. Are you crazy?" I asked as I got closer.
My hands were shaking. I'd never skipped a class before.
What am I doing? God, this is insane.
"What? I wanted a smoke. You're not going to tattle, are you?" Lilly asked bluntly.
I shook my head quickly and sat by her. The heights from there were frightening at first, but the view of the courtyard from that point was majestic.
"What....where...who? How the hell did you know about this place?" I asked frantically.
Lilly lit her cigarette. "Some of my friends come out here all the time." She giggled and put away her lighter. "A little secret among us."
"Figured." I chuckled as I reached into my Hoodie pocket for my cigarettes.
Lilly just stared at me with her jaw dropped once a cigarette was resting on my lips. "Since when the hell did you smoke?"
"Personally or second hand?" I joked as I fiddled to get my matches to see that I only had one left.
Lilly shrugged. "Personally?"
"Umm, probably the 7th grade when I officially sparked my own." I pulled out my book of matches only to see one left. "As for second hand, most of my life. My mom's a huge chain smoker, so I've been exposed to it for as long as I can remember."
"Fuck! That was my last match." The match I had started extinguished prematurely before getting my cigarette lit.
Lilly giggled. "Here." She leaned in and had the tip of her cigarette touch mine to ignite.
"Hmm?" I was impressed by this little trick. "I can't say I had a cigarette lit like that before."
I took a few drags to get it going. "What about you? When did you start?"
Lilly tilted her head back, trying to recall. "In the 6th grade. You remember how my friends were back then?"
"How can I forget? They were pretty wild." I chuckled as plumes of smoke exhaled. "Judy was such a bitch to me."
"Mhmm," Lilly smirked, having a feeling of nostalgia. "Well, they were the best bad influence I had."
We both laughed.
"Shit! Teacher!" Lilly caught sight of a teacher walking across the courtyard.
We both laid down quickly to avoid being seen.
Would I have ever done anything like this on my own?
Never.
We continued to lie there and watch the patches of clouds drifting across the blue skies while we smoked and talked.
Lilly crossed her legs to lounge around. "So why haven't you come out to smoke with us at lunch?"
"Eh." I shrugged. "I usually keep that to myself and smoke while I'm walking home."
I patted the pocket where I had my cigarettes. "Besides, I need to make my cigs last because I steal them from mom."
Lilly laughed. "Oooooh." She pointed and shamed me. "You're bad for stealing from your mom."
"What?" I threw my arms up in the air. "She smokes too much! She probably didn't even notice I took a few here and there."
Lilly chuckled and rested her hands on her stomach. "I don't even think my parents know I smoke."
I found myself lying down the same way as if we were both in a therapist session.
"Speaking of parents, I never apologized for the awkwardness at the restaurant."
"Yeah, what the hell was up with that?"
"I don't know. Dad's been very weird since Mom and he divorced." I started to get emotional. There was pressure in my chest that built up the more I thought about it. One day in particular stung the most.
"Remember that one day when I got pulled out of class by one of the principals?" I muttered lowly.
"Yeah." Lilly frowned as she recalled that moment. "You came back all teary-eyed and pissed off."
My voice cracked, and I felt like there was a bubble in my throat. "That's because he wanted my sister and me for a paternity test to see if we were really his."
"What!?" Lilly quickly snapped up. "That's fucked. Did you do it?"
"Hell no! Probably the only time I actually told him to fuck off." I sniffled and wiped away any tears before they became noticeable.
"Next thing you know, he's trying to be in every part of our lives like he didn't just try to deny we were his and run out on us," I growled and took a very aggressive hit of my cigarette. "Fuckin' asshole."
Lilly laid back down and stared up silently. Something I had said triggered a buried emotion of hers as well. She took a deep hit before saying anything. "Sounds like my dad."
I looked over at her, puzzled. "He seemed alright when I met him."
She shook her head, "That's...not my real dad. That's my stepdad."
"Oh." I sat up and crossed my legs. "I take it you had a rough past?"
"Not really. My stepdad is actually the only dad I've ever known. It wasn't bad." Lilly rolled over onto her side to face me.
"My actual dad decided to walk out on my mom while she was pregnant with me. I never got to meet him, and I hope I never do. He didn't want anything to do with us, and I feel the same way about him. Fuck him."
"Hell yeah." I clapped in support. "Fuck that guy. You're better without him."
Lilly smiled and nodded. She sat up quickly in agreement. "Damn right."
I snuffed my cigarette out after noticing the time. "We'd better get rolling. Bells are about to ring."
Lilly laughed, "Yeah. I don't want to be caught locked out on the balcony like in that episode of Friends."
I cocked my head to the side. "You know, I've never watched any of it."
"What?" She exclaimed wildly. "Dude, you're missing out."
"How so?"
"I'll tell you what's going on. So there's this guy, Ross...."
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As we made our way back into the halls casually, like we didn't skip class, Lilly was explaining all about the characters and memorable moments of the show.
I became interested, and she said she would call me the next time it was on.
Sure enough, she did exactly that.
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**Phone rings**
"Hello?" I answered, knowing it was Lilly from the caller ID
Lilly: "Goofball. It's Thursday. Friends is on!"
Every week, it had become our own little ritual watch party. Always the same greeting from Lilly.
I'd scramble around to find the right channel. And we would just have our own commentary and watch party.
Lilly:(laughing)"Phoebe is such a ditz. I love her."
Alfie: "Yeah. I do like her. My real question is, what the hell does Rachel see in Ross? Dude's such a tool."
Lilly: "I KNOW, RIGHT! She's too good for him."
After the show, we would just talk about whatever.
What had really interested me about Lilly was that she had a very broad knowledge of music.
She would have me listen to some songs over the phone and ask my opinions.
Alfie: "Just how many CDs do you have?"
Lilly: "A few binders full. And more to come. I just picked up the new Incubus album."
Alfie: "Is that the one that has The Drive song?"
Lilly: "Yup."
Alfie: "Aww. Can I borrow it? I love that song."
Lilly: "I'll burn it for you."
Alfie:(confused) "Wait! Why are you going to burn it? Didn't you just get it?
Lilly:(burst out laughing) "Oh my God, Alfie. Seriously? It means I'm going to copy a CD, not set it on fire."
Alfie: "What? You can do that now?"
Lilly: "Uhhh, yeah. Where have you been? Don't you have a computer?"
Alfie: "No. The most high-tech thing I have is a PlayStation."
Lilly: "God. No wonder you're behind. "
Alfie: "Bite me!"
Lilly: "Hahahaha."
Alfie: "So you are telling me you can now make copies on a CD instead of spending time making cassettes like I have been for God knows how long?"
Lilly: "Wow. You really are a caveman."
Alfie: "Hey!"
Lilly: "I tell you what, I'll make you a few mixes. You sound like someone who could appreciate some down-tempo, moody music."
Alfie: "Hmmm. Good idea. Preserve before all the computers crap out. You know, with the Y2K bug and all."
Lilly: "Pfft. Goofball. You don't seriously believe that, do you?"
Alfie: "Anyways, I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna attempt to do the homework I'm always avoiding. Goodnight. See you in the morning."
Lilly: "Goodnight, Alfie."
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Did Lilly and I ever go back up to the archways?
Many times.
The archways became a regular meeting place whenever we felt like being rebellious, to vent, or to smoke.
This was a secret hiding place among Lilly and her group of misfit friends, and I was honored to receive such a secret.
The best part of all is that we were never caught.
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The day she brought me those CDs while at the arches, I became more curious about her personal life.
"Did you ever date anyone?" I casually asked.
She let out a plume of smoke before answering. "Ooh boy. Yeah. I've had a few boyfriends. You date anyone?"
I shook my head and took a drag of the cigarette. "None. Just some crushes. I'm too damn shy to ask."
"Did you ever ask any of them out?"
My face tilted, "Just one— and that was probably the last time I ever attempted. She said EWW."
Lilly choked on her cigarette, laughing. "DAMN! That was harsh."
"Yeah. That bitch." I laughed and took another drag."That definitely made me withdraw like no other."
"Ouch," Lilly muttered.
I clapped my hands together and pressed them firmly like I was praying. "That's why I say I'm probably going to become a monk and be chanting in some faraway temple."
Lilly snorted. "Mhmm, sure. And here you are hanging out with someone unholy and blasphemous."
We giggled, and she flicked her cigarette butt out toward the courtyard.
I made a whistling sound like a bomb being dropped with a boom when it hit the ground.
"We should probably go back before we get caught."
Lilly climbed down first and retrieved her backpack while waiting for me to finish the descent.
When I made it down in the most ungraceful way possible, she passed me a few CDs in a paper sleeve.
"What's this?"
"I brought you a few CDs to take. It's got a lot of Trip Hop."
"Trip hop?" This genre sounded very odd to me. "Any big names I might know?"
"Probably not." She shrugged her shoulders. "Sneaker Pimps?"
I raised my eyebrows and smirked. "I like that name. I can't wait until lunch. I'm definitely going to be blasting this."
"Yeah, yeah. Go have fun playing magic with your nerd group." Lilly shook her head. "I'll call you later."
"I'll let you know what I think."
We parted ways by giving each other a one-finger salute using the middle finger. It became our little signature goodbye wave.
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Things felt easy then between us.
Just two misfits trading stories and smoke rings.
But secrets have a way of piling up, and ours were no exception.
I never told her about the crush I had on her, and I don't know if I ever will.
But as it's said—Nothing stays hidden forever.