Blowing the steam from her cup, Ellen enjoyed the sensation of her fingertips tingling. Sorev had changed. In a handful of days, at that.
The seat in front of her stood empty. Sorev had long since excused himself, but she hadn't moved. Ellen wished to wait until she forgot that he had been there at all.
Though whatever love she had felt for him had disappeared even before their relationship entered its second year, his presence was something Ellen had grown accustomed to - her greed keeping him close.
Sorev was the kind of guy who happily followed most of her whims, like a puppy wagging its tail, but that was nowhere to be seen.
Wrinkled clothes, nonsensical words, strained smiles - smiles that pitied them both.
She was not to be pitied. Not her. Sorev could pity himself however much he wanted, but not her.
"Excuse me, miss," A hesitant voice murmured beside her. "We'll be closing soon."
At this time? Ah. Her gaze shifted to the scenery outside the window. The sun had already set. Of course.
Refocusing on the source of the voice, her gaze - no, her glare - asked to be left alone. But that wasn't possible. The girl hadn't approached her because she wanted to. Softening her gaze, a bitter smile forced itself onto Ellen's lips.
Time moved against her wishes.
Of course it would.
Putting three yellowed bills onto the table, Ellen moved towards the exit. No further words exchanged. Only a sigh escaped the worker's lips.
"Rude."
Ellen decided never to come back.
-------
Taking her seat, Ellen waited for class to start, her eyes moving aimlessly through the classroom.
Calith and Alen stood in the center, arms crossed stiff. They were having a discussion. What about?
No, they were always together - why even think about it?
Her head turned.
Usual groupings. Josh was scribbling something in his notebook, Azzar and Edward sitting beside him. Jorin and his lackeys were close by, laughing - Silas was with them?
Unique, but it was Silas; his usual was unusual.
Lysara was nowhere to be seen. Skipping class again? The wealthy and their eccentricities.
A tired breath escaped Ellen's lips.
In the corner of her eye, he appeared.
Bulky build, short hair, palm bigger than her head.
Sorev.
The sorrowful expression he had directed at her just yesterday was gone.
Was she enough of a burden to force such expressions onto his face, huh?
He was pacing his steps. Pacing? Was that not her exclusive right - to have him pace his steps to her rhythm?
Niva. Niva was with him.
Short, petite - one might compare her to a hamster and wouldn't be wrong. She was like a hamster stuffing her cheeks with whatever food was nearby.
Resting her head on the table, Ellen focused on their conversation.
"Calith did tell us to focus on Professor Hall this time, but how do you even get close to someone above you?" Sorev asked snappily, his body leaning against a table.
Following Calith's orders? What for?
Playing with her braids, locks of hair passing through her fingertips, Niva answered, "We could ask him to prepare us for the Certification Exam? He's chatty about that."
"Not like we'll ever reach the Mainland," Sorev corrected, laughter bitter.
Sorev's dream. Going to the Mainland and serving in the corps. He'll never reach it?
Wait - nobody mentioned graduation even once, throughout the morning? Wasn't that the hot topic until just days ago? No notebooks full of things to study for, either.
Why?
"Our task is to convince the Professor that we'll reach it, then. He'll forget all about it soon, anyway," Niva concluded, moving away.
Passing by Ellen, Niva's lips moved to create a warm but somewhat strained smile.
She knew.
Niva knew that Ellen had listened in on their conversation.
——————
Dawn.
Dawn was something she did not enjoy experiencing. Not anymore.
Several days of avoiding glances. Several days of walking into a room, only to feel like a ghost. Had it really begun after Sorev - or had she only then noticed?
Where to sit, when to talk, when to leave things unsaid - all were rules she'd never noticed before. Had it always been like this?
Had she always, unconsciously, thought and acted on these trivial, but somehow extremely important decisions?
She wished to stay in bed.
The morning lectures were voluntary. She could always sneak into the lecture hall during midday homeroom. Nobody attended it - given how close they were to graduation.
And so, her eyelids closed, separating her from the bitterly colored dawn sky.
——————
Though her family didn't own one of those expensive house clocks, Ellen's sister had learned how to gauge the time based on the Sun's position - proportional to the day of the Calendar.
That knowledge she had passed onto Ellen. So, she naturally knew when to leave.
With hands glued to her purse, Ellen measuredly walked towards the lecture hall.
Was there anyone inside? Calith just might be, given how much she cared about attendance.
Her eyebrows furrowed.
She asked - she lowered her head and asked if anything had really changed - and Calith was the one to laugh it off.
She had become overly sensitive after Sorev, Calith told her.
Even thought she was the one who paired Sorev with Niva - giving them a task Ellen could not inquire about?
What nonsense.
But Ellen was certain. There was more to it.
She had spent enough time with her family, enough time with her close friends - and they hadn't changed. Not one bit.
The ones who changed were her classmates.
Looking up, she realized - she had arrived. Five steps forward were enough for Ellen to get into the lecture hall.
"We waited enough, Calith," a voice echoed, forcing Ellen's legs into a pause.
"The drop-out aside, Silas and Lysara aren't worth waiting for - it's not like they'll bring anything worthwhile to the table."
A drop-out? Who?
"We told you not to use that phrase, Orion. It's distasteful," Calith interjected. "And we'll be waiting for Silas and Lysara."
She shouldn't move. This was perhaps that one chance. A chance to overhear something important.
She crouched down, back leaning against a wall. They were close to the entrance of the lecture hall, Ellen guessed.
"As if Lysara is gonna show up. And even if she does, she'll just sleep on the bench behind." Another voice added, snickering.
"I slept enough in the Professors' lounge, Jorin." Next to Ellen, three measly steps away - Lysara.
When? How? No footsteps - nothing.
"Also, Orion?" Lysara added, a malevolent smile - one not waiting for responses - stretched out. "The little drop-out you just mentioned is crouching right next to me."
That smile was now directed at her.
——————
Blue eyes - pale and hollow - fixated themselves on Ellen. They stung - those eyes - searching for something inside her - something that she didn't possess.
What? What were they searching for? It was something Ellen needed, something she might have - at some point - possessed; and that something is what separated them. What separated her classmates from her.
Her lips parted. Words - no, questions tried to crawl out.
Nothing came.
Her throat tightened, vocal cords abandoning their duty.
Two heads peeked from the lecture hall door.
No.
In Lysara's gaze laid the answer Ellen desperately wished to find. She knew it.
So, why?
The benevolent smile turned and twisted, forcing words out of Lysara's mouth, "A ghost wearing such an expression is sickening."
"If only I had found it before you became one."
Ellen stumbled back, legs on the floor. Her purse slipped from her hands.
She couldn't pick it up. Her bangs hid her eyes.
Still, she could sense it - more faces appeared. They were curious, entertained, pitying - as if she were an animal, trapped by their superiority - they watched.
"Just what - just what are you?" She could not swallow.
"You can't be the people I knew," Ellen stuttered. She couldn't look up, but still, "These gazes. They don't - you shouldn't be able to make them."
And so, Ellen cried.