'Repent, mere mortals, for today is Judgment Day!' was the phrase that popped into my head when I walked into class. I didn't go up to my usual haunt today because I couldn't care less about the people in the classroom, which was a bit more than usual.
I didn't think of the phrase as such because of my situation, but rather because of what was coming my way, but I was very sorry.
Damn, I should have studied something over the weekend!
And on top of that, I became incredibly nervous, this being my first time going into a round of exams without having studied at all. I thought I could maintain the carefree attitude I had until the night before, but now that I was in class about to start, I wouldn't be able to stay calm.
This weekend was my last chance to study, and as you can see, I completely wasted it. I thought it would be better to play Monster Hunter. I got a little hooked on Friday.
Hopefully, the half hour I studied history about five days ago will be of some use to me.
I'd rather spend that amount of luck on winning the lottery, which would be more likely!
Now I had something else burned into my mind: 'Fail'. I couldn't do anything about either subject; this isn't like math, where I can get lucky and do well. If the exam is easy, of course.
And if Otsuki has taught me things well.
But those excuses don't matter, this is still all my fault. Even if the exam is easy, I might still fail.
It wasn't long before the classroom was almost full. The only ones who were late were those who had no hope of passing, or those who, by some twist of fate, had overslept.
While the classroom was filling up, someone approached my seat. From her voice, she was quite relaxed, speaking in a low tone so as not to disturb the people who were reviewing. Not everyone was as considerate as she was.
"I don't think I need to ask how you are. Have you even slept? You have dark circles under your eyes..."
Otsuki deduced my fate from the look on my face. Being so nervous might have its advantages, since I didn't mind her interacting with me in the middle of class, though I think I've sorted that out halfway through since Friday.
"I want to go home and not take the exam."
I had accepted my fate, and I could feel my soul leaving my body. She probably felt sorry for me, but I brought this on myself. Wait, maybe it's her fault for telling me about her favorite game…
"Even if things aren't going well for you now, you can make up for it with the finals and the entrance exams for high school."
She's reminded me several times of this option, which is the one I'll have to take, and I'd partly already accepted it. The only thing about her that I hadn't accepted was having to fail.
I was even envious of how calm Otsuki was; she could afford to be that way since she came prepared, but even though nothing will change, I would like not to suffer so much.
For his part, he didn't have much more to say.
"I'm going back to my seat now, good luck."
"… I'm wondering the same."
I managed to say goodbye before she left, and I quickly fell back into my cycle of despair. Or so I would say if I hadn't tried to do something to stop myself from fainting.
Never mind, never mind, Otsuki's right. You'll make it all up later, don't worry about that, just calm down now. Calm down! You can't take the exam like this. Look like you studied! If you're going to die, die with pride!
Something began to course through my veins. The nerves gradually subsided, but the tremors in my body, especially in my leg, persisted. It was transforming into something.
In adrenaline.
I took my history book out of my bag, the one I'd brought just in case. There were still ten minutes before the teacher arrived. I could at least prepare a little, do my best… no, that wasn't enough.
Yes! I'm going to pass, I'm going to do it! I'm ready!
This would be a truly wonderful story of determination and overcoming impossible goals, but this high wasn't due to my motivation and hope; it was all thanks to the six energy drinks I downed last night. At least one person in the class will think I stayed up all night studying. How naive.
This exam covered two and a half topics, some of them quite long. The best thing I could do was read the most important points of the syllabus and make up what might have happened between the Tashiō Era and the beginning of the Shōwa, and pray that nothing from the next topic would be on the exam.
I erased that great 'suspense' of names, places, events, timelines, connecting everything as best I could. If I put something in, it'll be enough, it'll be enough. As long as I don't suspend it.
Those ten minutes I had before the exam flew by, and I was forced to put the book away as soon as the teacher came in. In those last five minutes while the exams were being handed out face down, I repeated what I could of what I had read.
The board showed the start and end times of the exam; there was nothing left to do. In a couple of minutes, the siren will sound. In a couple of minutes…
I gripped my pen tightly, waiting to turn the exam over. It was just as intimidating as the professor, and I hadn't even turned it over yet.
* Ringgg!*
The sound of dozens of exams being turned over simultaneously echoed through the classroom, and very few people weren't already writing their names. I did the same, then read each question on the exam one by one.
I stared at the sheet after reading all the questions, trying to decide which one to start with. I thought and thought and thought about which question would be the best, the one that would give me the most points, and soon I came to a conclusion.
What a problem…
The smile on my face was anything but happy.
I already messed up the history exam, so the Japanese one was even worse. I didn't even bother to review during the break they gave us, and as expected, that didn't help much. In my defense, it wouldn't have mattered.
I arrived home devastated, knowing I couldn't do anything to change the outcome of the upcoming exams. And I doubt I could have done anything about the depression I fell into.
I had to take the math and English exam on Tuesday.
As for the first one, I thought I wouldn't do too badly since I'd seen something with Otsuki before. She even stopped by my place, just like the day before.
"I hope what I've taught you is worth something," she said, with a contradictory lack of hope. The poor thing had to accept that she had wasted her time with me.
When they handed out the exam paper, I started praying for good luck, even though I didn't believe in God. This lack of faith may have been the cause of my downfall.
At least I knew what to do in all the exercises except for one, which I had no idea about. Even so, I couldn't come up with satisfactory solutions in any of the others. If they even gave me any solutions at all.
It's happening to me again… What did I do to fix it? Think… Think, Riku…
I just kept thinking until the bell rang and I had to hand in the exam. I didn't get anywhere.
I tried to forget all my mistakes so far, since the only subject I could perfectly pass was coming up soon: English.
I usually do well with minimal study, and I can easily consume English content at home. That's why it was the exam I was least worried about, and the only one I thought I could pass.
I don't know if it was because of my month-long absence or the subconscious pessimism I carried from previous exams, but I didn't do very well. Definitely better than any other exam, but I thought I'd be close to failing; maybe I even would.
There were words I didn't know, I had a little trouble understanding the text they provided, and I couldn't hear the audio they played for one of the exercises properly. It's usually the hardest part, but I was hoping my grammar would save me from the whole exam.
While others might consider this last exam a small success, for me it was anything but. I went from thinking I could pass to the opposite as soon as I got home, and that again left me feeling demotivated for the rest of the day.
Wednesday was the same massacre as Monday with science and geography, but luckily it was the last one. It's more of the same; for science, I didn't know what to do halfway through the exam, and for geography, I didn't know the material, so I just made it all up. If something's on the exam, it's on the exam.
This day stands out only because Otsuki didn't say anything to me before we started. I didn't pay attention to it other than finding it curious.
The good thing about having done them is that there was nothing else pending, exam week is over, and my body noticed it as soon as I got on the train.
I sat down in an empty seat next to an armrest. Not many people were using it today, which makes sense when you realize I left class early.
This good fortune of being alone together didn't last long, as apparently three boys got on shortly after I did, to sit at the other end of the seats, not far from me.
The uniform they were wearing made me realize they were from my same school, which didn't bother me much.
Leaving class, I had absolutely no desire to listen to music, and that remained the case for the entire journey. My ears were tuned to the people talking, accompanied by the sound of the moving train.
"But I'm telling you, the math teacher wants to make us all fail. He's a jerk." One of the kids sitting down seemed annoyed, probably talking about this week's exams. They were probably around my age, and I wouldn't rule out them being in my class too. Although I don't recognize them.
"You say that because it went terribly. Because you didn't study." The boy who remained standing adjusted his glasses with a finger, acting with a certain air of superiority.
"If by studying you mean what you do, I'd rather have a free and beautiful life. By the way, how about we go to karaoke now that we have some time?"
The seated boy criticized the one wearing glasses before changing the subject completely.
"I have to help my parents at the store." For his part, the boy sitting next to him rejected his proposal, in a more polite manner than the one with glasses.
"I don't like going. And even if I did, I'd have to tell my parents. I don't know how you can think it's a good idea to make plans like that out of nowhere."
"You two are so boring…" Disappointed, the boy rested his right elbow on the armrest, holding his chin with the palm of his hand.
"He calls my parents boring…" Unlike the one with glasses, the other seemed a little annoyed at not being able to go, an opportunity taken advantage of by the other boy.
"Then let's go on Friday. Come on, I know you want to. Tell your parents you really, really, really want to go."
The boy wrapped his arm around the other's neck, irritating him. Not enough to make him push him away.
"I'll see."
"Yay!"
The boy released his friend's arm, while the one with glasses watched the whole thing. They continued talking about girls in their class, but I wasn't paying attention because by then I'd realized what I was doing and stopped; I looked like a weirdo.
I still had to wait a while until my stop.
I've never been to a karaoke bar…