I had gotten up much earlier than I should have, so I expected the school to be closed, or at least, there wouldn't be many people there.
I went to the station and got on the first train that came. They always passed by my school, so I didn't have to worry about which one.
When I went with my sister, we always had to take the same one. If she missed it, she'd be late for sure. That's why I can go earlier now. That's why I have to put on headphones and listen to music.
As I got off the train, I started to get nervous. Even though no one was going to be there, it felt weird to come without telling anyone. I should have at least told my friends, especially since I haven't spoken to them in six days.
The street was a bit empty, and the sun was shining the same way it had when I was home.
I was still wearing my summer uniform, as it was still a bit hot, although the cool breeze hitting me was soothing.
There was no one at the entrance. The gate was open, so I decided to go in. After changing my shoes, I wandered around the hallways for a while.
I was taking a long route to class, just an excuse to try to calm down. There weren't any kids in the halls, but halfway there...
":2!";_¨`* ?" I ran into the principal, and he called me by my last name. He had a folder with him, instead of his leather bag, and was a little surprised to see me.
"Oh, yeah… sorry for not letting you know I was coming today."
"No, you don't have to apologize for that. But I'm surprised to see you so soon." It's not like I have any kind of relationship with him, but I suppose being the director, and faced with such a problem, he has to address me in a polite tone and appear concerned.
"Yes, me too…"
"Anyway, it's nice to see you back. We're all with you."
'We're all with you,' then they know what happened...
After that, he started asking me various questions, of course without forcing me to answer, and they were relatively normal things.
It was nothing more than a simple show of concern, whether fake or genuine. I have to admit that if it were fake, it would be a perfect performance.
The only thing I wasn't comfortable with during the conversation was not being able to look him in the face while he was talking. He asked me if I had spoken to &$%"!, =@º\' and _¨*^?¿· about the matter, also expressed his regret about what had happened, and said a few other things.
When he ran out of things to ask, we wrapped up the conversation, and he continued down the hall. I did the same.
I feel like I didn't talk much, but it's not something I should be ashamed of.
After walking for a while, I reached my classroom. I stood for a moment staring at the door, debating whether to open it. There wouldn't be anyone inside, but even so, I was trembling. I knew that, having come so far, I couldn't go home, so I opened the classroom door, just enough to get through, but not too far open.
There was someone inside.
It was Aritomi, a classmate with whom I had no relationship. She's, to put it mildly, the class prodigy, although just based on her grades, she's a social disaster. As far as I know, she's not in any clubs or on the school council, and I don't think she has any friends. I don't pay enough attention in class to know that either.
Just study, get good grades. Whenever he's in class, he's either writing or studying.
Hearing the sound of the door opening, he stopped paying attention to what he was doing to look at who had entered.
"…"
"…"
We both looked at each other for a moment, in silence, until she decided to break the ice.
"I see you've decided to come back. I'm so sorry about what happened." Despite offering an apology, he said it in a neutral, even monotone. So I can't tell if he means it or not.
"Y-Yes, thank you." I decided to look away and walk straight back to my seat. She looked like she was going to say something else, but decided to stay quiet and lowered her gaze to the.
As I sat down, I could already tell I was getting agitated from just talking to someone, but I thought about what had happened.
He just spoke to me, he didn't do anything else. He greeted me, showed respect, and that's it. Everyone knows what happened; people saying things like that to me isn't unusual.
There's nothing to worry about…
Little by little, I regulated my breathing to calm myself. And when I managed to calm down, I looked straight ahead.
My seat was quite far from the blackboard, just one spot in front of the left corner, that legendary spot in anime. I hope the life of whoever sits there is interesting.
In front of me is the &$%" site!. He's the one I'm going to have to see first. No, I'll always be watching him.
While I waited for class to start, I decided to look out the window. There was nothing interesting outside. I just wanted to avoid seeing the people coming in.
Shortly after, I could hear a group of girls in the hallway, who opened the classroom door.
I don't know what they were talking about as they came, but when I opened the door, they all fell silent. I continued staring at the window, although, under the table, I was clenching my fist. I began to control my breathing again.
"...Hey, isn't that...?" A voice said.
"Y-Yes…" The second voice said.
"We better leave him alone..." A third voice said, in a pathetic attempt to whisper that comment.
After those brief comments, they sat talking at one of the girls' seats. I could feel my heartbeat in every part of my body.
Are n't they going to come and tell me something? They have no reason to come and tell me anything, but still, wouldn't that be disrespectful? I don't care, but it still seems strange to me...
I thought they'd be afraid to ask because of the reaction I might get. Maybe they wanted to avoid me so as not to upset me. Assuming I wouldn't be okay, they decided not to ask anything, or at least that's what I'm going to believe.
The rest of the people who entered followed a similar pattern. Not many people commented on my presence, but whenever someone entered the classroom, it didn't take long for them to realize I was there.
More people were arriving, but neither &$%"! nor _¨*^?¿· were in class yet. He wasn't expecting =@º\' because of his expulsion; he still had a week left.
At some point, I decided to stop looking out the window and look at the class. No one was looking at me. Everyone was doing their own thing, talking like any other day. I was the only one tense.
The groups of boys and girls were the same as always, each talking about normal things. 'Did you see the video I showed yesterday?' 'How are things going with that guy? I bet you're dating.' 'If I'm stupid, then you're... uh... even stupider!' A normal classroom atmosphere.
As I looked around the class, not looking over my shoulder, someone else walked in. I turned my gaze to the entrance and saw who it was. _¨*^?¿· walked into class.
I thought about getting up from my seat and greeting him, but as soon as he laid eyes on me and realized I was in class, he looked away and went to sit down. He seemed more nervous than I was.
I understand that he doesn't want to get close to me. It would be best to wait until he calms down before approaching him. I'll talk to him during recess.
After that, the bell rang, and shortly after, a teacher arrived. Even after all this time, &$%"! wasn't in class.
" I guess he'll be absent too…" I thought. It wouldn't be surprising if he wanted a few days off too. I doubt he'd be in any condition to come to class.
Shortly after, the teacher began taking attendance. Everyone said "present" when their name was called, while the occasional group of people whispered.
I couldn't hear what they were saying, but since no one was looking at me, and I didn't feel watched, I didn't give it much thought.
What I was worried about was the moment when he said my name.
He didn't bother to say =@º\'s name. I can understand why he does that. In fact, he probably doesn't say the mi-
" Riku :2!";_¨`*."
"Present."
I could tell almost instantly how the entire class fell silent. It was as if they'd been reminded I was there. Had I done something wrong? It was just the awkwardness of the moment, I guess.
No one turned around to look at me, but a few people did glance at me. That alone made me nervous enough that I couldn't calm down again, and my leg started to shake, its usual twitch.
Aside from that, the only thing notable about that moment was that, within the whispering crowd, there was a voice that sounded shaky, masked in a poor attempt to hide it, as if it were afraid of something.
The first three classes flew by. I didn't pay attention to what we were teaching, though I don't think I would have understood it anyway.
I was up in the clouds, not only distracting myself with whatever came to mind, trying to lose myself enough to stop shaking, but also staring into the void in front of me.
At no point did it attract attention; my nervous twitch wasn't very noticeable, much less audible. But even if it wasn't noticeable, it was there, just like that pressure in my chest.
The class itself wasn't tense, it never was in the first place, I'm the only tense one here. I don't have to worry about anything.
Everyone is giving me space alone so I can calm down. They don't want to talk to me for fear of hurting me. Even though they're not my friends, even though they're just classmates, they can understand what it must be like for me to go through this.
That's why they're not talking to me.
But at the same time, they feel worried. They don't want to see someone like that. They all feel empathy toward me; they want to help, but they don't know how.
Yes, that's it, that's all it is.
I dedicated the third class exclusively to calming down. I spent the entire time focusing on my breathing, which had been irregular for some time.
If I wanted to talk to _¨*^?¿·, I had to do it calmly. I can't get all worked up like this. If I close my eyes, I can calm down…
No, I'm going to calm down. When I calm down, I'll talk to him.
Once I had managed to relax, letting go of all tension, I waited for the bell to ring, as there was little time left in class.
The wait seemed endless. Even if I wasn't nervous, I could get bored or tired of waiting. Fortunately, it didn't take that long to pass.
At the right moment, a melody echoed throughout the building, and people began to rise from their seats. I, for one, rose from mine to join _¨*^?¿·.
Before I could even go with him, he had already gotten up and was leaving the classroom. I didn't want to call him in class. I decided to follow him.
"_¨*^?¿· !" I called out, hoping he would turn around, but he ignored me.
Can't you hear me? There aren't many people in the halls, but maybe...
I followed him until, during recess, I ran into a crush of people. The hallway wasn't packed with people, so I could get through fairly easily, but I started to lose sight of him.
When I went outside, where I thought I had gone, I found an almost deserted courtyard, since people were just leaving, without any trace of _¨*^?¿·. I had lost him.
I was disappointed that I wasn't able to talk to him, but it's not something I can change. He may still be hesitant about whether to talk to me or not. Based on how I might react, I understand why he's afraid to say anything.
I just... I'd like to know if that's really the case, you can just say 'I'm sorry, we'll talk later' and I can rest easy.
I guess it's hard to think about those things while you're so worried about a specific solution.