Today I had woken up late, even if I had gone to bed early.
I was in my room, wearing clothes from my closet. I had nothing better to do than turn on the computer, and neither my dad nor my mom were home. I guess he went out to drop my mom off. I don't know if he's going to work today; it would be nice to have this week off.
Before doing anything, I texted my dad about going to class tomorrow. I figured he'd support my idea if I really wanted to. He'd say the typical "Don't force yourself" line and not much else on the subject. One thing he did tell me was that he was going to set up the altar today.
I was planning on doing something on the computer, or transferring his phone data to my computer, but I don't feel like doing anything. I want to do something, but I deny anything I try to get involved in.
'Try this.' I don't feel like it. 'Read this other thing.' I don't feel like it. I'm constantly sabotaging myself.
Maybe the only truly interesting and unique thing in life is talking to others. I mean, what's so interesting about being locked up here?
If I had to agree with someone, I would agree with people whose philosophy of life is 'Live it like a TV show.'
They're not about becoming a detective or having a romantic comedy. Live life as if it were a series you'd like to watch. Do unusual things, but don't make a living out of them. That's why all isekai series begin with the protagonist going to another world, not with three consecutive episodes about their everyday life.
People turn to fiction to ignore how boring real life is. They want something out of the ordinary, something they know will never happen in their lives, but that looks much brighter than this.
Deceiving yourself to keep going. Entertaining yourself to live, instead of living to entertain yourself. That's what many people are condemned to, including me.
Enjoying everything except life—that's the logic society is slowly adopting. There will be fewer and fewer "normal" people, and this new ideology will become the contemporary norm.
Losing my mind in useless thoughts, I managed to distract myself for a while. By the time I came back from the clouds, classes should have already ended.
And I'm unable to even enjoy this 'free time' I have...
Since my father hadn't returned yet, I thought he'd be working. While I was wondering what to eat, whether I was really going to eat in the first place, my father answered me.
[We'll talk about it when I get home]
[Ok]
He'll be busy…
I went down to the kitchen to eat. I felt like eating something other than rice.
I guess I'll ask Am-
…
I ended up pulling the sandwich maker off the shelf to make myself a sandwich and not focus on food. If it's just for me, anything will do.
While I waited for the sandwich to heat up, I stared at Izumi's contacts. I still had the goal of having a decent conversation with her, but every time I tried to type something to start, I felt like turning off my phone.
It's not like I can come up with much of a conversation topic. If it's not something other than video games, anime, or manga, I'm screwed. I don't know if I avoid reality too much, or if I'm just really boring.
I gave up trying to start a conversation and turned off my phone. I'm sure I'll come up with something one day.
I ate my sandwich in his room, while sitting in his chair. I wanted to turn on my computer and look for more things he might have, as well as try to get a few photos of him.
I couldn't remember his phone password, and I doubt he had it written down anywhere. I hope he'll at least let me see what he's saved if I connect it to my computer.
While I was hesitating, my phone started ringing. I was tired of hearing it, and I didn't even bother to look who it was.
Ever since I ate, I kept hearing notifications, calls, and shouts coming from outside. They were the loudest when I was lying in his bed. I decided to ignore it while I returned my attention to the computer.
The reason I don't want to turn it on is because I'm worried about not being able to see what's on my phone.
I don't want to find myself unable to transfer files from my phone to my computer. I've already written off all the accounts that have email, so I don't want to lose any of the things I might have in my gallery either.
I only have one way to know what can happen…
I turned on my computer and monitor, and after waiting a while, I was greeted by the same background and the same folder. Nothing had changed.
First of all, I searched everywhere I could for any photos or memorable items inside. It would be odd if I had any photos of him on my computer, but I'd have nothing to lose by looking...
It didn't take me long to look at everything I could. I didn't find any photos of her, but I did find several of her works, and screenshots she'd taken of different moments of things she'd seen.
Game screenshots, video screenshots, manga drawings. Photos of the starry sky...
There were many more than I imagined. I knew she liked the stars, no matter how bad it was where we lived. She hadn't been able to see the sky the way she'd like, which is how it appears in these photos.
Some are drawings, others are photos, but they're all beautiful. It's worth noting that the vast majority of the drawings weren't his. He drew horribly, even for someone who isn't interested in drawing. I find his poor skill at it exaggerated.
I'm not exactly interested in drawing per se. I don't know how to do it, nor do I want to know how to do it, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy seeing well-done drawings.
I also wouldn't mind being able to draw things well. I'd love to be able to draw whatever I liked, however I wanted, but it's all about sacrifices.
Sacrificing some of my time so I can practice drawing. People who like to draw don't just do it for the results; they do it because they love the process. That's what differentiates one from another, and me from the rest.
You can also draw only for the end result. I just think it's much easier to give up on something if you only have one goal.
If you don't do a good job with your drawing, you might get discouraged. If it takes you too long, you might give up. If it's too complicated, you might not even try...
But being able to appreciate art is something completely different.
I would say that having an artistic sense is a natural part of being human. It may not make sense to say something like that, since you need to see art to know what is and isn't art, but a person can be more inclined to one style of art than another simply because of who they are.
Art belongs to everyone and is for everyone. Present in every form.
Both the works and the images are works of art, some created by her, others chosen by her. Objectivity and subjectivity at their finest.
You can judge a work by its composition, its content, and its accessories. But can you judge an image?
A bad photo can be seen as such for a variety of reasons, all of which many people agree on. Aren't all photos a representation of the world? No matter how blurry or poorly composed, they show the world in a way never seen before. Is that a bad thing?
If I ask you to do a project on Japanese history, and you do a piece of music for me, no one's going to say you've done what they asked. But if I take a photo with very dark tones, some will say it's depressing, while others will find it quite calming.
That's why, at the time, I saved both. The works were a display of objectivity, the photos and drawings from the internet were a display of subjectivity, and the photos and drawings she made were a display of desire. That's why I want to save them.
I saved all the computer files I wanted to keep in a folder, then emailed it to myself, so I could have it on my computer.
Now it was time to try that last thing. The one that was most important to me.
I'm not saying this because I don't have any photos of her. There are a few at home, mostly family photos, although there are some photos of us together as kids, doing all sorts of silly things.
But I don't want to let those moments go by when she chose to take a picture. Besides, she was the one who usually convinced my friends and I to take a picture together on the few occasions we went out.
I plugged a cable into my computer, and connected it to my phone…
I turned on my phone to see if it was sharing the data or not, but the computer itself gave me the answer.
An empty folder.
On my phone it said I could only charge it with the cable, it wouldn't let me do anything else.
"I can't get them back?" I thought.
It didn't take long for me to accept what was in front of me. I decided to turn off the computer, unplug my phone, and turn it back on.
It had, of course, a nighttime drawing as its background. It was a landscape in which an anime girl was gazing at a beautiful starry sky.
"I hope you have the password saved somewhere…"
That's when I went to the unlock screen.
It was a numerical password, exclusively numerical. From 0 to 9, 10 numbers. 10 numbers and 4 spaces. It was relatively short. It could easily have been someone's birthday. I don't know how many attempts it takes, but I have to try.
One, after another, after another, I tried every possible combination, until the phone locked up for 1 minute, then when I tried again, 5 minutes, then 15, then half an hour, 2 hours, and finally, 12 hours.
I'd spent the entire afternoon trying out passwords. While I waited, I did other things, like transferring photos from his computer to mine, or reading something. Of course, I couldn't concentrate, even though I tried.
It wasn't a problem for me that it was blocked. If I can't do it today, I can tomorrow, and if I can't do it tomorrow...
"This is going to take a long time..." I hadn't even considered how many attempts it would take to guess it correctly. At least I know it's not a birthday. So, if I don't have any other clues, I can only do it starting from 0. First it'll be 0000, then 0001, and so on.
I just hope I don't give up halfway through. What other solution is there? I can't get what's inside without getting the password first...
I have to believe. Believe that I can do it. Even if when I unlock it, there's nothing inside. But I'm sure there will be something inside, so I'm going to try.
Giving up on this is another argument against me.