Before leaving, my father spoke with me for a moment.
"… Riku, you know appy or relaxed, but I have a feeling you're going to end up worse than before. I'm not saying you can't come to the funeral, but don't feel obligated to come if you don't want to."
I know you don't mean it in a bad way. you don't have to come, right?"
"Dad, I told you before that—"
"Even if you told me, you've been looking really bad throughout the entire ceremony. I'm not saying it's a time for you to be hI know you mean it well. But that's not what makes me angry. What really makes me angry is...
"… S-so can I really go home?"
"Yeah, I won't blame you for that. I wouldn't feel good about myself if you felt bad about going. I already told you, you shouldn't force yourself to do more than you want if you don't need to."
"…Thanks…" I hid from what I had to do. I ended up leaving her alone until the end.
Despite everything, I don't completely regret this moment, because before my father left, I told him one last thing.
" When you get home, I want to tell you something."
"Have you got a girlfriend?"
"N-no! And this isn't the time to be saying things like that!" Even though he said that, his tone of voice still sounded heavy and tired. He just wanted to give me a little motivation.
"Sorry, sorry." My father didn't laugh at all, although he tried to maintain a more relaxed and cheerful expression, like the one he had when we were children.
Interrupting the conversation, a female voice called my name.
"So, are you going home, Riku?"
"…!?" I was slightly startled when Suzune appeared out of nowhere behind me.
"… Is she a friend of yours?"
My father returned to his normal self. I don't understand how he can change his temper so quickly. And to think he's someone so serious and formal at work…
"Hello, I'm Suzune Aitsuki. It's a pleasure." Leaning her upper body forward.
"I'm Kenzo :2!";_¨`*, ^[Ç+? and Riku's father. Are you a friend of theirs from high school?" My father introduced himself in the same way, using a formal, but friendly tone.
Both he and I know that ^[Ç+? had no friends in class. Although it worried us, especially my father, there was nothing we could do except support her.
Suzune hesitated for a moment when faced with this question. Once she had a clear answer, she answered the question.
"No, she doesn't-"
"Yes, she's her friend. She met her during the class change. I talked to her a little today." I decided to interrupt her. My father was a little surprised by my interruption, but upon hearing my answer, his expression softened, all formalities falling away.
"…Thank you so much for reaching out to her, even if it was only for a short time. We're so happy to hear it."
Suzune was also surprised by my interruption, and became a little agitated by my father's response, also adopting a more casual posture.
"It's no big deal. I didn't do anything, after all." Still, her voice sounded a little hurt, rejecting any kind of flattery.
"For us, it is. I'm sure she's very grateful to you, too."
Suzune still couldn't accept all my father's kind words. Cornered, she stared at me, waiting for me to say something.
"Whether you want to accept it or not, we both greatly appreciate what you've done. I've told you this before, haven't I? You've done nothing wrong."
"Whenever you want, you can come to our house sometime. I couldn't turn down someone like you."
"Wouldn't that be a nuisance?"
"No. We may not know each other well now, but in times like these, we need to be together so we don't end up worse."
"…We could…" Suzune spoke in a low tone, almost as if she were talking to herself.
"…Could you tell me about her?" A genuine request, with no ill intentions. A mixture of hope and regret permeated his voice.
"Of course. I'm usually very busy, so if I'm not around, you can ask Riku anything you want."
"Really?" Her face, which had been downcast a little, lit up slightly with a pinkish hue, the product of something more innocent than embarrassment.
As I asked, she turned her gaze to me again.
"Y-yes. You can come whenever you want."
Although, I don't know how I can tell him that I don't want to talk about it.
Changing the conversation, and after having looked towards the stairs, my father spoke to me.
"Riku, they're going to start leaving. What are you going to do?"
"I…" I still wasn't sure. Even though I'd said I was going to leave, I didn't know what I really wanted.
I just know there was something making me want to take the easy way out. "…I think I'll go home. I don't want-"
"You don't need to say it, I understand."
"...Thank you…"
"Suzune, are you coming?"
"I don't know yet… I won't be long in deciding, but you can go ahead."
"Okay. Well, be careful on the way home," my father said, looking me in the eyes.
"Yeah…"
"Bye bye."
"See you later."
"Bye bye."
As we said goodbye, he smiled slightly, turned around, and started walking down the stairs to the sanctuary, along with the rest of the people.
We were left alone, at the exit of the sanctuary.
" …You heard me, I'm going home. You can go ahead if you want. I'm going to stay here for a while."
"So what are you going to do here?"
"Nothing."
"Mh, nothing." She was silent for a moment before answering. "Then I'll do nothing with you."
"And when did I ever say I was going to do anything with anyone?"
"None, but since I'm older, shouldn't I stay with you?"
"I'm not a kid. I can be alone…"
"I guess…"
The atmosphere was very quiet. You could hear people talking in the distance, but other than that, everything was pretty peaceful.
"So, were you going to tell me something when you came?"
"Oh, no. I was just passing by, and I heard you say you were leaving. Aren't you going to the funeral?"
"No. If I'm honest, I can't."
"I can go with you. I was planning on going too, but… I'm scared."
That warm atmosphere that had been there before vanished in a flash. When you think of a funeral, you can't get the image of watching that coffin being buried out of your mind, especially knowing what's inside.
You go to a funeral to pay your respects to the deceased, to show everyone that you cared about that person.
And that's not the only problem; there's also the public, the people who will be at the funeral. I'm happy that so many people are coming, but I couldn't cry in front of everyone.
I don't want to show that weakness to the world, I don't want them to try to console me later. It would be just another nuisance. That's why I can't go.
Would she forgive me if I didn't go?
"It doesn't matter. Even if I were accompanied by someone, I couldn't bear it. I'd almost run out of the sanctuary during the ceremony."
"Then let me accompany you. Please."
"I can go perfectly alone, I already told you."
"I want to do it. If you tell me you'd rather go back alone, I won't bother you anymore. I feel like doing it. I know nothing will happen to you if you're alone, and yet…"
She held strong emotions behind her words, even if she didn't show them.
For my part, I wanted to go back alone. I needed to be, since I couldn't bear the tension of the moment any longer. But I didn't want to hurt her either. I hesitated.
"Suzune, thank you so much for offering, and for your concern, but I'd rather go back alone. You said it, I won't do anything. All in all, I'll be fine. If you want to go to the funeral, you can."
"No, I'm not going to do it. It's not that you're not going to go, I just think I feel pretty much the same way you said. Going to a funeral must be weird. I also don't know what I should do there, and it would be something I couldn't get out of my head. It gives me a bad feeling."
"I understand, don't worry."
The conversation came to nothing. We simply made it clear that we were going to leave. We realized we were too weak—and young—to go.
After finishing speaking, Suzune took her phone out of her pocket.
"Could you give me your number?"
"Yeah, I don't have it with me, so write the number down somewhere."
When I gave her my number, she immediately sent a message to the chat, even though I was right in front of her.
"When I get home, I'll check if I entered the wrong number or not."
"How wrong?"
"I think I said it right, but I'm not entirely sure."
I turned around, like my father did before, looking at the landscape.
The place was located on the slope of a hill, on which the forest is, and from here, you can see part of the city.
The sun hung high in the sky, directly above us all. Yet the shadow it cast across the entire space was dense, its darkness contrasting with the brightness of the light, yet blending with the suits we both wore.
The light rested on my skin, especially on my face, but I couldn't feel its warmth.
"Well, we'll talk another day."
"Yes. We'll talk."
"See you later, Suzune."
"See you tomorrow, Riku."
I took a deep breath, then sighed. My hands were calm, resting inside my suit pocket.
You'd think what was in front of you was worthy of a painting, a view you don't see every day.
That very day, everything looked that way. Full of hope, radiating an energy that sought to prevail, that encouraged you to live a prosperous future.
Everything looked alive.
On that day.